Synopsis: Legally Blonde is McKinley's Spring Musical, starring Kitty Wilde and Ryder Lynn. Quinn is visiting New York for the week to help Rachel readjust to NYADA. The New Yorkers send their insight to the McKinley seniors who are nervously wondering what their new directions will be after graduation.
Guest Starring:
Becca Tobin as Kitty Wilde & Elle Woods
Blake Jenner as Ryder Lynn & Emmett Forrest
Melissa Benoist as Marley Rose & Paulette Bonafonte
Jacob Artist as Jake Puckerman & Warner Huntington III
Alex Newell as Unique Adams & Vivienne Kensington
Laura Dreyfuss as Madison McCarthy & Brooke Wyndham
Erinn Westbrook as Bree & Serena
Billy Lewis Jr. as Mason McCarthy & Kyle B. O'Boyle
Samantha Ware as Jane Hayward & Enid Hoopes
Marshall Williams as Spencer Porter & Kiki
Noah Guthrie as Roderick Meeks & Ensemble
Dianna Agron as Quinn Fabray
Iqbal Theba as Principal Figgins
Special Guest Starring:
Jonathan Groff as Jesse St. James
Katey Sagal as Nancy Abrams
Co-Starring:
Pamela Chan as Dottie Kazatori & Kate/Chutney Wyndham
Absent: Amber Riley
INT. THE LIMA BEAN – MON MAR 2, 2015
"One iced latte," Figgins mumbled from the counter.
Kitty went up and got her drink, carefully feeling the plastic cup. "Not too cold! You know me so well, Figgins."
Kitty took a seat across from Jake and Ryder.
"So, boys, thank you for a successful chemistry read today," Kitty said. "Jake, when you're my Warner, you need to be a little more douchey. And Ryder, perfect sense of longing for me to stay when I'm planning to quit law school. You should totally become a professional actor."
Ryder smiled.
Kitty heard her phone ringing. "Oh! It's Rachel!"
Rachel and Quinn appeared on the Facetime screen.
"There's our star!" Quinn exclaimed. "I am SO jealous you guys are doing Legally Blonde the Musical. Being Elle Woods would've been my high school dream role, but I think I would've gone for Serena instead because Elle is such an insanely high belting role."
"Truth," Rachel agreed. "Laura Bell Bundy is a goddess. I mean, I can belt that high too and sustain it, but those songs take some lungs! I hope you're holding up."
"I am," Kitty said. "Mr. Schue is a fantastic director."
"It just sucks that we have Sue choreographing," Jake moaned.
"Why is that?" Quinn asked.
"Well, since Sue is out of work now, Mr. Schue felt like he would be a good friend and offer her the choreographer job," Ryder said.
"I mean, she does do a fantastic job with the jump rope routine, but the lady knows next to nothing about Irish river dancing," Jake said.
"Yeah, poor Mason," Ryder muttered. "He's basically been looking up YouTube videos to get his moves down."
"And it's not like Spencer isn't still recovering from Sectionals," Rachel sighed.
"He's definitely proving himself this time around," Kitty said. "But this is such a stressful time. College decisions are coming out and I have no clue what I want to do."
"Well, NYADA auditions are coming up," Rachel said. "I could pull some strings and see if we can book you an audition! You should try out too, Jake!"
Kitty and Jake laughed together and both chuckled a silent "No."
"Well, think it through carefully," Quinn said. "All three of you have such huge talents. I'd hate to see it go to waste."
"Well, we have to go meet Artie now," Rachel said. "Good luck!"
INT. KITTY'S ROOM – LATER THAT NIGHT
Kitty had a dream that she was auditioning for NYADA.
Song: "What You Want Part 2"
INT. NYADA AUDITORIUM
{Carmen reviews applications with Kurt and Jesse, who are working as admission office assistants.}
Carmen: And so, gentlemen, NYADA grants admission
To Adam Cohen and Sundeep Padamanan
Kurt: Oh, outstanding!
And now, Miss Kitty Wilde…
Who was kind enough to send in a head shot
Kurt: We should admit her for reasons of—
Jesse: Multi-culturalism!
Carmen: Oh, gentlemen, please, get a hold of yourselves
Oh, look at that, oh, what a shame
She didn't bother sending in a personal essay
{The Cheerios flood the stage.}
Quinn: How's this for a personal essay?
(Cheerios) Kurt: (What you want?) Goodness me
(What you want?) Carmen: Security!
(What you want? Is right in)
Who are you?
{Kitty runs through a NYADA banner}
Kitty: I'm what you want
NYADA, I'm the girl for you
(And to prove it's true) we all flew here on Jet Blue
Artie: (Thank you) thank you!
(This is what Elle Woods inspires
Everyone admires her
And NYADA should too)
Carmen: This is not a personal essay
(No, an essay's so boring and so much does not fit
So, we're appearing live right here
Making clear you must admit that Elle Woods should join
The chosen few, NYADA what you want is right in front of)
Quinn: And now some legal jargon!
Kitty: Exhibit A… Time for my cross… I object! May I approach?
(Aha, oh yeah, go Elle)
Carmen: Now see here, Miss Wilde
You can't just can't barge in here with singing and dancing
And ethnic movement, this is a very flashy presentation
But I still don't see one reason to admit you
Kitty: How about love? {A banner of Kitty and Artie surrounded by a heart appears}
You ever been in love?
'Cause if you have, you'll know
That love never accepts a defeat
No challenge it can't meet, no place it cannot go
Don't say no to a woman in love, don't laugh when I say love
Don't think that I'm naive because even a person who's smart
Can listen to their heart, can listen and believe
So, believe in what love can achieve
(Kitty) Jesse: (Do you believe?) I do!
Kurt: (Do you believe?) Me too!
All: Yes, we believe in love, how 'bout you?
Carmen: Welcome to NYADA
All: What you want? Now, we're set
What you want? Let's go get
What you want? Is right in front of you
Front of you
What you want? Now we're done!
What you want? With step one!
What you want? Is right in front of you
Front of you
What you want? What you want?
What you want? What you want?
Kitty jolted upright.
"Damn… So THIS is the vivid musical dream the original kids keep talking about!"
INT. HALLWAY – TUE MAR 3 – MORNING
Kitty walked to her locker with Marley.
"And the dream was like, totally vivid," Kitty explained. "But it was weird because Artie was the pilot who flew the Cheerios over to New York on JetBlue, but he wasn't in a wheelchair. And then apparently the reason I even wanted to go to NYADA was because I love Artie and was trying to win him back. Bizarre. We've been over and done with for so long now."
"Gosh, I can't believe we open this week!" Marley exclaimed. "I'm so happy for you, Kitty. I know how much you wanted a bigger role in a musical since those Grease days, and now you're the lead!"
"And I'm just happy that even though I'm the star this time around, you were cast as my main sidekick and I help you with your romantic problems," Kitty said. "Just like old times, right?"
Marley giggled. "To think I didn't miss you while I was gone!"
Kitty rolled her eyes and the girls hugged tightly, before Kitty broke apart to go chase Jake.
"So, I've made up my mind: I'm applying for NYADA!" Kitty exclaimed. "And you should too!"
"Already done," Jake said.
"What?" Kitty asked.
"Kitty, I've been training in dance for several years now," Jake said. "I take my craft seriously. I applied to Julliard, Mike hooked me up with an auditions for Joffrey in Chicago and Alvin Ailey, and now that Rachel made us an offer to hook us up with auditions for NYADA, I say let's go for it!"
Kitty smiled. "Sounds like a plan. Maybe we'll get to study in New York together!"
Marley smiled at their interaction and went to talk to Ryder. "Hey, Emmett Forrest! How are your college applications going along?"
Ryder shrugged. "Probably just staying here."
Marley raised an eyebrow. "I thought you wanted to be an actor."
Ryder shrugged again. "Probably not."
INT. AUDITORIUM
Madison just finished leading the "Whipped Into Shape" number, where several Cheerios were cast to play jump-roping prisoners.
"PITIFUL!" Sue exclaimed.
"Sue, you can't talk to them like that!" Will exclaimed.
"Oh, William, if you truly want this show to sell out and impress Superintendent Harris, people are going to want to see REAL jump-ropers!" Sue exclaimed. "Didn't this generation grow up watching that jump-roping Disney movie with the black kids, including Keke Palmer who became the first black Cinderella on Broadway?"
"Racist," Bree coughed.
"Hand me the ropes, creepy incest twin," Sue demanded.
Madison rolled her eyes and took a seat next to Will to watch the performance.
Song: "Whipped Into Shape"
Sue: Hi, I'm Brooke Windham and welcome back
To the, 'Windham Workout Disk 2 Challenge'
And our daily commitment to being the best that we can be
So, grab your, 'Cardio Whip 5000'
'Cause if you want to get ripped, you've gotta get whipped
Do you want an easy miracle?
Do you want to lose a pound or two?
Then you can turn this off right now
My workout's not for you
I'm talking to the woman who wants it all
Gotta pay for what you get
'Cause size 2 clothes don't come to those
Too lazy to sweat
I want you whipped into shape
When I say jump, say "How high?"
You'll know you're doing it right
When you start to cry
If you don't look like you should
You've got to whip it, whip it, whip it good
I'm sorry, ladies, no escape
Till you're whipped into shape
Come on, Sabrina, you heifer, work it out! (Bree: I hate you, Brooke! But I love you for it!)
Whipped into sh—
Jane: Hey, why'd you pause it?
Sheldon: We have a lot to cover
Meet our brand new client, Brooke
You can laugh, but she's made tons
Off her DVDs and book, "Whip Your Way to Tighter Buns"
Happily married, so she swears
To her sixty year old stud
Till stepdaughter came downstairs
And found Brooke all covered in his blood
If Brooke took a plea
I'd have her out in 3 to 4
But she claims she did not kill him
Jake: Did she?
Sheldon: Let's watch some more
Sue: But it's more than just a workout
It's a defensive weapon too
Simply wrap it round your assailant's neck
And pull till he turns blue
You can also use the patented handle grip
To shatter your attacker's spine
And all for three small payments of
$19.99
You'll have him whipped into shape
When you get grief from a guy
Just work him over with this
Till he starts to cry
If he don't act like he should
You've got to whip it, whip it, whip it good
It gets you out of any sway
It gets you whipped into shape
Come on, people
Whipped into shape
What does not kill us makes us hotter
Sheldon: Hands? Who thinks she's guilty?
Okay, now here is where you kids come in
Brooke has trouble trusting me
I'm her only chance to win
But I don't speak MTV
Though Brooke won't help her own defense
She may listen to her peers
Go and place a little sense
In the space between her ears
Kitty: I'm a Delta Nu—
Sheldon: Not now
I want her whipped into shape
If there's a brain in that hair
Tell it that I am the key
It's a plea or the chair
See when I talk to her I
Get neither plea nor plan nor alibi
To quote from our defendant's tape
I want her whipped into shape
To the jail!
Sue: Ladies, just because we're at Boston Women's Correctional Facility
Does not mean we can't become the best that we can be
Here we go
Circle, circle, under, over through, around again (2x)
All right, ladies, we can't break out of here
But we sure can break a sweat
Left, right, left, right, good (2x)
Work it out
I want you whipped into shape
When I say jump, say "How high?"
You know you're doing it right
When you start to cry
If you don't look like you should
You've got to whip it, whip it, whip it good
Like prison, ladies, no escape
Till you're whipped into shape
Whip it, whip it
Whipped into shape
Whip it, whip it
Swipe it, swipe it, swipe it through, check it out, double jump (All repeat)
That's right, you've got it
Whip it, whip it, whip it
Get whipped into shape
INT. HAIR SALON – NIGHT
"Ugh, WHY did Sue have to be the choreographer?" Unique asked as she was getting a facial with Bree, Kitty, Marley, Jane, and Dottie at Nancy Abrams' salon.
"Guys, do you think Mason likes me?" Jane asked.
"Oh, trust me, he does," Spencer said.
"Can I just say how amazing it is to have a best gay, getting beautified with us girls, AND he's not a stereotypical feminine gay?" Kitty asked. "Thank you so much for the hookup at your salon, Mrs. Abrams."
"My pleasure, kids," Nancy said.
"I don't know, Jane," Unique said. "I mean, I know I'm newly returned and all, but I swear I saw the boy checking out a mighty fine basketball player the other day."
"What?" Jane and Spencer gasped together.
"I KNEW Mason was pulling that Jane crush stunt just to get closer to my kind of people," Spencer growled.
"Well, here he comes now," Bree said. "Ladies, I think it's time for another bit of method acting."
Song: "Bend and Snap"
Bree: Look at my ass, look at my thighs
I'm catnip to the guys
They chase my tail, they drool and pant
Wanna touch this but they can't
No, all the boys want to come and play
Snap my fingers and they obey
Why do they follow me 'round all day?
Watch me while I walk away
(All: I bend and snap) feel how hot it's gettin'
(Bend and snap) then when you got 'em sweatin'
(Spring the trap, they cheer and clap)
No tight end can defend 'gainst the (bend and snap!)
Jane: Oh, that's easy for you to say!
Unique: And you!
Girl, if you wanna make the team make some self-esteem
Marley: The more you jump around and scream then the sexier as you seem
Jane: Please, sorry girl, that ain't how I play this wouldn't work if I tried all day
I gotta go get my asthma spray, watch me while I walk away
Unique: No wait before you walk away
(Just bend and snap)
Jane: Ow!
Unique: Look how good you're gettin'
Marley: (Bend and snap) I'm bettin' right now you sweatin'
(Spring the trap, they cheer and clap
So depend on your friend, c'mon an' bend and)
Kitty: It's not the time to overthink
Just try it once he'll buy you a drink
Dottie: Excuse me, would you teach me that?
I'm tired of living alone with my cat
Kitty: Sure!
Nancy: Nowadays I do dye jobs and curls
But here is how we did it in the Laker girls
Unique: Doesn't this look fun?
Spencer: Works every time!
Bree: Look, do it and we'll go away
Jane: Okay, okay, okay, okay
Bend and snap!
Four McKinley Basketball Players: Damn!
Jane: Hey, wait a second when I beckoned
Look how the guys came runnin'
Like I'm chicken finger lickin'
Like I'm friggin' wicked stunning
Will you pay for stuff I buy?
(Yes!)
And bake me cake and pie?
(Yes!)
And hold me when I cry?
(Yes!)
Yes, and I will tell you why
(Why?)
Jane: I'm too rockin' to lock away
All the boys come and gawk away
Droppin' jaws from a block away
Watchin' how I walk away
Basketball Boys: We love to watch her walk away
(I bend and snap)
Jane: Now, look how hot it's gettin'
(Bend and snap)
Jane: I bet right know you're sweatin'
(Spring the trap, they cheer and clap)
I depend on my friend
(Go Paulette, go Paulette)
I depend on my friend
(Go, go, go Paulette)
I depend on my friend for the bend and snap
(Bend and snap! (7x))
I'm gonna get me some Mason
Mason: Jane, did I leave my stylus?
Kitty: Do it!
(Bend and snap)
{Jane bends down to pick up Mason's pen, attempts a bend and snap, but her big hair catches his face on the way up, causing him to fall over.}
Jane: Oh, crap!
INT. KITTY'S ROOM
"My mom texted me your photos, you ladies look HOT!" Artie exclaimed on the phone.
"I cannot believe the bend-and-snap didn't work," Quinn laughed.
"Kitty, thanks to you, I know what I'm performing for my voice recital on Thursday," Rachel said. "Even though I'm not blonde, it's a very belting-heavy song, which I'm sure you're going to nail if you take my advice about relaxing your larynx more on the high notes."
INT. CAFETERIA – WED MAR 4 – LUNCHTIME
"I'm telling you guys, Mason is gay," Kitty said.
"He is not!" Madison and Roderick exclaimed together.
"Just LOOK at him!" Kitty exclaimed, pointing at Mason hanging out with a couple of androgynous male Cheerios.
"El-oh-el!" Mason giggled. "Hashtag #wcw!"
"See, he's straight," Roderick said.
"Only a closeted gay person would talk like that," Bree said.
Song: "There! Right There!"
Kitty: There! Right There!
Look at that tan, well-tended skin.
Look at the killer shape he's in.
Look at that slightly stubbly chin.
Oh please he's gay, totally gay.
Roderick: I'm not about to celebrate.
Every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate.
This guy's not gay, I say not gay.
All: That is the elephant in the room.
Well is it relevant to assume
that a man who wears perfume
is automatically radically fey?
Ryder: But look at his coiffed and crispy locks.
Kitty: Look at his silk translucent socks.
Roderick: There's the eternal paradox.
Look what we're seeing.
Madison: What are we seeing?
Roderick: Is he gay?
Kitty: Of course he's gay!
Roderick: Or European?
All: Oh…
Gay or European?
It's hard to guarantee
Is he gay or European?
Jake: Well, hey don't look at me.
Madison: You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports.
They play peculiar sports.
All: In shiny shirts and tiny shorts.
Gay or foreign fella?
The answer could take weeks.
They will say things like "ciao bella"
While they kiss you on both cheeks.
Kitty: Oh please, gay!
All: Or European?
So many shades of gray.
Jake: Depending on the time of day, the French go either way.
All: Is he gay or European?
or—
Unique: There! Right There!
Look at that condescending smirk.
Seen it on every guy at work.
That is a metro hetero jerk.
That guy's not gay, I say no way.
All: That is the elephant in the room.
Well is it relevant to presume
That a hottie in that costume
Kitty: Is automatically-radically
Roderick: Ironically chronically
Madison: Certainly pertin'tly
Jake: Genetically medically
All: GAY!
OFFICIALLY GAY!
SWISHILY GAY GAY GAY GAY
{Mason double-taps an Instagram picture of Kim Kardashian in a bikini.}
All: DAMNIT!
Gay or European?
Roderick: So stylish and relaxed.
All: Is he gay or European?
Roderick: I think his chest is waxed.
Madison: But they bring their boys up different there.
It's culturally diverse.
It's not a fashion curse.
All: If he wears a kilt or bears a purse.
Gay or just exotic?
I still can't crack the code.
Marley: Yet his accent is hypnotic
but his shoes are pointy toed.
All: Huh.
Gay or European?
So many shades of gray.
Jane: But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday.
All: Is he gay or European?
Gay or European?
Gay or Euro-
Ryder: Wait a minute!
Give me a chance to crack this guy.
I have an idea I'd like to try.
Roderick: The floor is yours.
Ryder: So Mr. Argitacos...
This alleged affair with Ms. Windam has been going on for...?
Mason: 2 years.
Ryder: And your first name again is...?
Mason: Nikos.
Ryder: And your boyfriend's name is...?
Mason: Carlos.
I'm sorry! I misunderstand. You say boyfriend.
I thought you say best friend. Carlos is my best friend.
{Blaine suddenly pops out.}
Blaine: You bastard!
You lying bastard!
That's it.
I no cover for you, no more!
Peoples.
I have a big announcement.
This man is Gay and European!
And neither is disgrace
You've got to stop your being
A completely closet case.
It's me, not her, he's seeing
No matter what he say.
I swear he never ever ever swing the other way.
You are so gay.
You big parfait!
You flaming boy band cabaret.
Mason: I'm straight!
Blaine: You were not yesterday.
So if I may, I'm proud to say,
He's gay!
All: And European!
Blaine: He's gay!
All: And European!
Blaine: He's gay!
All: And European and Gay!
Mason: Fine okay I'm gay!
All: Hooray!
Mason and Blaine: Fine. Okay. We're gay!
Kitty snapped awake from her daydream.
"Okay, this role is seriously going to my head," she muttered.
INT. AUDITORIUM
The sounds of drills and hammers echoed through the auditorium as Will, Sam, Sheldon, and Figgins constructed sets for the show.
"You folks need a hand?" Bob asked.
"Definitely!" Will exclaimed.
"Welcome aboard, Superintendent Harris!" Sam exclaimed.
"I had to see what's got Myron so excited," Bob said. "He's really thrilled to be stage managing for this show."
"Well, what can I say, the kid's got a real knack for barking out orders," Will laughed.
"Dude, seriously, that's an understatement," Sam laughed.
"That kid really is a firecracker. I mean, coming from a Physical Education teacher standpoint, I teach all these drained out high school kids who just want to get out of PE, but with Myron, the kid is so full of energy, it's like teaching a class full of three-month-old billy goats. Nothing but playful banter," Sheldon said.
"Well, it's doing him a lot of good," Bob said. "I've never seen him so excited!"
"Done!" Figgins exclaimed, admiring his paint job on the Delta Nu house. "But mark my words, Schue. I never want to see such a pink set in this school every again."
Will chuckled. "Sure thing, Figgins. We'll do The Addams Family next year. All black!"
"Oh god, no, not a goth cast!" Figgins moaned.
INT. NYADA CLASSROOM – THU MAR 5
Rachel took the stage at the front of the room for her Spring Vocal Critique. Kurt, Blaine, Quinn, and Artie sat in the audience.
"Hi, everyone, I'm Rachel Berry… Um…" Rachel glanced nervously around the room to the judgmental faces staring back at her, all the people who judged her as a Broadway and Hollywood failure. "I'll just do what I do best: sing for you!"
"What will you be singing today, Ms. Berry?" Carmen asked.
Rachel smiled. "A song that represents the happy emotions I felt when I got my acceptance to NYADA, and my reacceptance. My accompanist is my friend, Jesse St. James, who you could say was my Warner back in high school."
Song: "So Much Better"
Rachel: All of this time I planned I'd be patient and
You would love me again
You'd come to respect my mind and at last you'd find
You could love me again
And I have turned my whole world upside down
Trying not to let you go
Watching you walk away is like a fatal blow
Whoa! Is that my name up on that list?
Does someone know that I exist?
Is this a mistake? Am I even awake?
Pinch me now to make sure
Ow! Yes, that's my name in black and white
Maybe I'm doing something right
Wow! I feel so much better than before
Warner, sorry I've been a pest
But I guess my best was not working with you
But looks like I've found a cure
And I so look forward to working with you
Jesse: What? Working with who?
Hey, remember when we spent spring break
In the hot tub every night (Friends: Every night?)
We said nothing else could ever feel so right
Well, this might!
Seeing my name up on that list
That beats the first time that we kissed
You thought I was dumb
But I think that somebody's judgment was poor
Seeing my name in black and white
It's like making love with you all night
No wait, it feel so much better, hello, much better
It's oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, much better
'Cause I am so much better than before
Yes, she's so much better than before
Yes, she's so much better than before
Maybe she's what you prefer
But hey, last year I was her
Maybe you will change your mind
But you might look up to find
I've gone on to better things
Better jobs or bigger rings
I don't have the time to cry
I'm too busy loving my name up on that list
Kind of a cool, ironic twist
Who else can I tell? Oh! Wait, where's my cell?
Mom will fall on the floor
All: Hey mom!
Rachel w/ All: Look at my name in black and white
Your daughter's doing something right
I feel so much better
I'll be there on Monday, 9 o'clock
And we will see who walks the walk
No, no, I can't wait, I will be there at 8
When they unlock the door
Oh, oh! I'll even dress in black and white
See, I have not begun to fight
And you'll go, oh, much better and oh, much better
And soon all y'all gotta know much better
I am so much better
I am so much better
I am so much better than before!
The class applauded enthusiastically.
Carmen smiled. "Well done."
INT. BACKSTAGE
Kitty was putting on her makeup.
"Alright, tonight is the night," she said. "You are Patty Simcox no more. You are Elle-freaking-Woods! This is your show. Prove to the world, or at least Allen County, who Kitty Wilde is, and what she is worth, and what she could become."
"Show circle, everybody!" Will exclaimed. The cast assembled around him. "I am SO unbelievably excited that opening night is finally upon us. This is my first actual show that I'm directing at McKinley, since Rocky Horror didn't go over so well back in Fall 2010. Now, in Spring 2015, so much has changed. McKinley is in a transitional state. Our arts programs are finally starting to prove their worth, and the theater arts are something that McKinley has always boasted in terms of fancy costumes, unbelievable sets, and immense local Lima teenaged talent. You've all worked so hard, and you've all sacrificed so much, but most notably, you've all fought through so much to get to where you are. So, go out there, break legs, and show Lima what it means to persevere!"
INT. AUDITORIUM
Sam sat in the audience enjoying the performance. At this point in Act 2, Elle Woods was at her lowest: packing up her things, quitting law school, and moving back to LA.
Song: "Legally Blonde"
Kitty: Take back the books and pack up the clothes
Clear out the room and drop off the key
Leave with what's left of my dignity
Get in the car, and just go.
Chalk it all up to experience,
They said I'd fail but I disagreed
Who could say then where my path would lead?
Well now I know
Back to the sun, back to the shore
Back to what I was before
Back where I'm known
Back in my own very small pond
Laugh with my friends when I arrive
We'll drop the top and just drive.
That's fine with me, just let me be
Legally blonde.
{Ryder, as Emmett Forrest, walks in to try and talk Elle out of it.}
Kitty: Thanks for your help and for all you've done,
Thank you for treating me decently.
Ryder: What's wrong?
Kitty: Maybe someday you can visit me
Give me a call, say hello
Ryder: Wait, where are you going?
Kitty: I'm sorry I'm letting down everyone.
Ryder: What brought on this?
Kitty: You did your best with a hopeless case.
Ryder: That's ludicrous
Both: You are the best thing about this place.
Ryder: Now you should know -
Kitty: -Callahan hit on me
Ryder: He what?
Kitty: He kissed me, he fired me, there's no reason for me to stay
Ryder: What about love?
I never mentioned love
The timings bad I know
But perhaps if I'd made it more clear
That you belong right here
You wouldn't have to go
Cause you know that I'm so much in love.
Please don't go.
Please open the door
We both know we're worth so much more.
Kitty: (sung at same time as last 3 lines)
Back to the sun, back to the shore.
Back to who I was before.
Lay on the beach, dream within reach
Don't stray beyond
Some girls fight hard, some face the trial, some girls were just meant to smile
Ryder: If you can hear, can I just say, how much I want you to stay?
Kitty: It's not up to me
Just let me be
Legally blonde.
Ryder: I need you to stay.
Kitty: It's not up to me
Just let me be
Legally blonde.
After the applause, Ryder rushed off stage for the next scene.
"Amazing facial expressions, dude!" Jake whispered. "I almost thought the tears were real."
Ryder smiled, nodding at the compliment. He was truly having the time of his life.
Back on stage, the big showstopper number was just beginning.
"It turns out I'm just one big blonde joke, and that's all anyone's ever going to see," Kitty's Elle sighed to Marley's Paulette.
"That's not what I see," Unique said, emerging from under a hairdresser as Vivienne.
Song: "Legally Blonde Remix"
Unique: Maybe, Warner saw a blonde
Who was sleeping her way to the top
But I see a woman who doesn't have to
I used to pray for the day you'd leave
Swore up and down, you did not belong
But when I'm wrong then I say I'm wrong
And I was wrong about you, so listen up
I see no end to what you'll achieve
That's only if you don't turn and run
You've proved it to me now show everyone
What you can do
Unique & Jane: And you look great in dark blue
Unique: Get back in the game, back on the case
Take a good look at my face
I'm not a fool and as a rule
I do not bond (never known her to bond)
But I see a star, you're my new muse
You've got the best frickin' shoes
And you lit a fuse, so go show 'em
Who's legally blonde
Yes, you lit a fuse, so go show 'em
Who's legally—
Kitty: Sorry Vivian, I'm never wearing that again
Marley: Honey, you're in the supply closet
Kitty: I know, I said, I'm never wearing that again
I'm wearing this
Back in the game (yes)
Back to the trial (yes)
But I'm going back in my style
(Back in her style)
Girls it's a fact (yes)
When you're attacked (yes)
You've got to respond
(Gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta respond)
Hand me my dog (dog)
Hand me my bag (bag)
And that American Flag
(Proud to be American)
'Cause nobody screws (no!)
Somebody who's (who?)
Legally blonde
All: Get on your feet 'cause she's legally blonde
Take to the street 'cause she's legally blonde
There's no retreat when you're legally blonde, yeah
Don't be afraid to be legally blonde
Join the parade 'cos she's
Sue: Honey look, she's leading a parade
Kitty: Mom and dad?
Sue: Get a picture!
Will: Just one more piece 'cos she's (legally blonde)
Everyone say cheese
Sue: No, say, legally blonde!
(Legally blonde)
All: 'Cos she's legally blonde
'Cos she's legally blonde
'Cos she's legally blonde
Bree & Cheerios: Oh my God, Elle
Kitty: Thanks, Greek Chorus, but I don't need voices in my head today
Bree & Cheerios: Honey, it's us, the girls of Delta Nu
We came to see our president be legally blonde
All: She's gonna be 'cos she's legally blonde
You gotta fight to be legally blonde
You gotta fight to be legally blonde, yeah
Mason: Paulette, I've got another package
Marley: Thanks, Kyle B. O'Boyle
Hey, what does the 'B' stand for?
Mason: Brendan
All: Back in the game
Back in the fray
Jane: Back the hell out of her
Madison: Mister, you're fired
Sheldon: What?
Madison: Guess who I hired? (Who?)
To represent me, you gotta be
All: Yeah, you gotta be
Yeah, you gotta be indubitably
Unique & All: Legally blonde, legally blonde, legally blonde, oh yeah!
Sam led the audience to a standing ovation. Everyone screamed with joy at Unique's high note, Marley and Mason's impeccable Irish dancing, the energetic Delta Nu girls, and the whole talented ensemble. In no time, the show was over, and the cast was taking their bows. First came the ensemble, then Jane as Enid, Mason as Kyle, Dewey, and Grandmaster Chad, and Dottie Kazatori as Kate and Chutney, then Bree and two Cheerios as Serena, Margot, and Pilar, then Madison as Brooke, Unique as Vivienne, Jake as Warner, and Sheldon as Callahan, followed by Marley as Paulette. The whole audience was on their feet by the time Ryder took his bow as Emmett, and the screams rose to a deafening boom as Kitty emerged on stage for her bow as Elle Woods.
Half-an-hour later, the cast were meeting and greeting the audience in the auditorium.
"Ryder, dude, you were on point tonight!" Sam exclaimed. "Like, seriously, if I thought your Danny Zuko was good, your Emmett was amazing, especially since he's so unlike you because Emmett actually gets good grades and stuff—"
"I think what Sam means is that you have a gift, dude," Roderick laughed, patting Ryder on the back.
"I must say, Will, this musical is a hit," Bob said. "I just spoke with your ticket workers and they said you're already sold out for tomorrow! I think you'll find that money is going to be pouring into the arts budget for next year, Will. You lucked out with this cast."
"Hell yeah, he did," Kitty laughed in passing, running to hug Ryder and Jake.
"Thank you," Ryder said.
"For what?" Kitty asked.
"For helping me realize what I need to do next year," Ryder said. "So, maybe I'm not smart enough to get into college, but I have this huge drive in me to keep going with this acting thing. I mean, not musical acting, but I just love stepping into any kind of role, be it a hunky player like Danny Zuko or an academic hero like Emmett Forrest, and owning it and putting forth a stellar performance."
Kitty smiled. "I'm glad you finally came to your senses."
"I hope you've come to YOUR senses too," Ryder laughed.
Kitty nodded. "I have. First and foremost, being Elle Woods is a heck of a lot of work. My vocal cords have never felt this tired and I've never had to memorize so many lines and lyrics in my life, and I never want to have to change my clothes ever again because of the MANY costumes in this show. But, what I HAVE realized, through this, and Glee Club, is that I REALLY love dancing, and I've come to the decision that I will audition for any and all dance schools until I get to New York and become the best dancer I can be!"
Jake led the cast and crew in applause for the dynamic duo.
"I'm with you, Kitty," Jake said. "What I've learned from being shunted out of McKinley last year is that education is, who would've guessed, highly valuable. And I don't want to just sit here in Lima after I graduate, cleaning pools or whatever. I want to be honing in on my craft in a city full of opportunities."
"I'm not gonna cry, I'm not gonna cry," Mason whimpered.
"Us seniors are all headed on our big new directions in a few months," Marley said. "Let's make the rest of this run count."
"And the rest of the whole damn school year!" Unique laughed.
"All hands in!" Roderick exclaimed.
"AH-MAZING!" the cast shouted.
"Yes, yes, yes, amazing job you all," Figgins said, coming through with janitorial supplies. "Can you all do me a favor and pick up all of your props and set pieces before you leave?"
"Sure," Bree laughed, leading the cast to cleanup duty. "THIS STAGE BETTER BE SPOTLESS!"
Bob smiled as the kids went to work. "These kids are going far, Will. You should be proud."
