Izzy was running to Magnus' loft to check on her brother. They had been in the middle of tracking Clary's location, again, when Jace collapsed in pain, and his hand rushed to his parabatai rune.

"Alec!" he had cried out.

"Jace!" she'd said. "What's wrong? What happened to Alec?" Jace shook his head.

"H-he… I don't know. He's in so much pain. I've felt something wrong since the middle of the night but I just thought it was from his injury," he'd said quickly. It was probably hurting him to talk.

"But when Magnus called he said that Alec was healed, and would be fine," her mother had said worriedly.

"I don't know what's wrong. It's not like a physical pain, it's like… I don't know I can't explain it, but he needs help. I have to go help him," he'd gasped out in between breaths.

"What about Clary?" Simon had asked. Jace had looked conflicted. Isabelle couldn't imagine trying to choose between helping his parabatai or finding the girl he loved. She'd decided not to make him choose.

"You track Clary. I'll go to Magnus' loft," she'd said before grabbing her jacket and running to go help her brother.

Now she was right outside the door of the loft. "Magnus! Alec! Someone let me in!" she shouted as she knocked hard on the door. No one answered, and she couldn't hear anything through the door. Pressing her ear up on the door, she heard muttering coming from inside. She couldn't tell who it was or what they were saying, but it didn't sound good.

Without thinking, she kicked open the door of the loft and froze at the sight before her. Nothing about the loft looked out of place. Everything was exactly how it was the last time she had been there, except for the fact that her big brother was curled up on himself, whimpering as tears fell down his face. She immediately rushed to him, pulling him to sit up, though he fought against her. He was still mumbling something, but she couldn't tell what it was. He had his eyes open, but it didn't look like he could see her.

"Alec," she said worriedly. She began checking his body. The wound on his chest looked like it had been mostly healed, and his arm seemed back to its normal position. "Alec, tell me what's wrong. Where's Magnus?"

As soon as she said the warlocks name Alec's eyes widened and he leaped to his feet. He began pacing the floor and breathing heavily. His muttering got louder, but he was talking so quickly that she couldn't understand what he was saying.

"Magnus… find him. Edom…. Asmodeus…. Magnus," he muttered.

"Alec, tell me what happened. What's wrong?" He kept pacing the floor of the loft. Izzy marched up to him and stopped his movements "Alec! Snap out of it and tell me what's wrong." Alec jumped slightly, and his eyes finally focused on her.

"Izzy?" he said like he just now noticed her presence.

"Yes, I'm here. Please big brother, tell me what happened," she said as soothingly as she could. Alec's face fell somehow farther, and a fresh wave of tears came to his hazel eyes.

"Magnus," he croaked. He shook his head like he could get the words out.

"Magnus," Izzy repeated, nodding her head encouragingly. "Where is Magnus?"

"Edom," he said. Izzy shook her head. Her brother must be confused.

"No big brother. Magnus came back from Edom, remember? He saved Jace," she told him, but he just shook his head at her.

"No," he said. He shook her off and stepped back. He ran his hands through his hair and after a few seconds he straightened his posture. He looked a lot more like the Alec she often saw, but there was something far different. He looked far more closed off than he normally did, almost like how he was before he had even met Magnus. He just looked, empty. "Magnus went back to Edom. He gave himself up to his father in exchange for Jace's freedom."

Izzy gasped. "When is he coming back?"

"He's not," Alec said shortly.

"What?" She didn't know what else to say. Magnus couldn't be gone. He was supposed to come back. He wasn't supposed to away forever. Her brother wouldn't let him. "We have to get him back."

"We can't," Alec said. "Not without making another deal with Asmodeus, and even if he'd want to make one, the price would be just as bad, if not worse."

"So you're just going to leave him in Edom!" she shouted. "Leave him at the mercy of his father!" This was not her big brother. Her brother fought with everything he had to keep the people he loved safe.

"You think I wanted this!?" he shouted back. "I begged him not to go. I tried everything. I said I'd pay the price, I even said that I would go to Edom with him, but he said no to everything. This is what he wanted."

"So, that's just it? You're never going to see him again?" she asked him.

"I don't know." His voice shook as he spoke. Before he shook his head and straightened again. "What's the situation with Clary?"

"Alec let us worry about that. You still need to heal, and not just from your physical injury," she told him softly.

"That won't ever heal." Izzy's heart broke by how sure he sounded. "I'm still the Head of the Institute. I still have a job to do and right now we need to find Clary." Izzy sighed in defeat at her stubborn brother. She told him everything that had happened since he'd been gone.

"How many times have you tried tracking her?" he asked as they began walking to the Institute.

"We've lost count. Every time we've tried nothing has come up. We think she's either by water or something else is blocking her signal."

They walked the rest of the way in silence. Izzy glanced at her brother multiple times, and each time his face stayed the same. He looked completely closed off and he kept his eyes cold and focused in front of him. Izzy sighed as they kept walking.

When they entered the Institute, their mother was the first one to rush to them. She grabbed Alec, holding him close to her and Alec immediately held her tight as well. "Don't you scare me like that again. I thought I'd lost you." She kissed him on the cheek before reluctantly letting him go.

Jace was next. He walked up to Alec and before Jace could say anything Alec held up a hand to stop him. "It wasn't you Jace." Jace gave him a tight smile as he hugged him. Alec hugged him back, but something about it worried Izzy farther. It didn't seem like how it usually did. They pulled back and Alec looked at Simon and Luke respectively, giving them each a nod showing he was happy they were okay as well.

"Are you okay?" Jace asked. "I felt something happen, I still feel something is wrong." Alec didn't answer, and Izzy felt the need to warn them not to say anything else. Not yet at least.

"Where's Magnus?" Maryse asked before she could. Alec tensed, and Izzy went to go comfort him, but he shook her off. Alec stayed silent for a few moments, probably debating if he wanted to answer the question or not.

"He's uh… Magnus is in Edom," he finally said. Everyone looked at him with a mixture of shock and confusion. Izzy saw Jace grab his parabatai rune.

"I thought Magnus came back from Edom," Simon said.

"He went back," Alec said shortly.

"Why?" Jace asked. Izzy desperately wanted to beg them to stop, but Alec would have to tell them eventually. They were all Magnus' friends too.

"Do you want me to tell them?" she whispered to her brother. It was loud enough that everyone else could hear too and everyone's faces looked even more worried. Alec looked close to breaking down again, but he shook his head at her. He tried to straighten up and put his mask back on, but Izzy could see all the cracks in it easier now.

"Magnus made a deal with Asmodeus. He agreed to rule Edom beside his father." His voice wouldn't stop shaking as he spoke. "Forever."

"Why would he make a deal like that?" Luke asked. Everyone looked horrified by what Alec had said.

Alec looked everywhere but Jace as he spoke. "Asmodeus was the only way we could find to break Jace from Lilith's hold. His price was Magnus."

"Alec I'm-" Alec raised his hand to stop Jace from speaking. He took a deep breath and changed into his position as Head of the Institute.

"What's our next step in finding Clary?" he asked, voice empty.

"Alec…" their mother said.

"Has tracking still lead to nothing?" he ignored her.

"You can't just bottle this up," Luke told him.

"I'm fine," Alec snapped.

"You can't possibly be fine Alec," Jace said.

"I said I'm fine!" Alec shouted. "What's done is done and I am still the Head of the Institute. Our priority is finding Clary and either we do that, or I'll work on it myself." Everyone stared at Alec with pitying eyes that Izzy could tell he hated. After a few seconds they all nodded.

"Tracking has still gotten us nowhere. Something must be blocking the signal," Jace said.

"That or she's-"

"She is not dead Simon!" Jace cut him off. "Get that thought out of your head."

"Why don't you try parabatai tracking," Luke suggested. "It's far stronger than doing it normally." Jace looked to Alec and he nodded.

"Let's give it a try." Izzy watched as Jace grabbed Clary's paintbrush and walked to Alec. She had a feeling this wouldn't work, and it had nothing to do with if Clary was alive or not. Jace activated the rune and they grabbed hands, staring at each other intently.

After a few seconds Jace shook his head. "Are you up for this?" he asked his brother who glared at him.

"I'm good," he snapped back. They tried again, and again after a few seconds Jace shook his head and broke the connection.

"It's not working," he said.

"Why not?" Luke asked worriedly. Jace looked at Alec for a few hard seconds before looking away.

"I don't know," he said.

"Okay, since tracking is not working why don't we try something else?" Izzy asked, trying to clear some of the tension in the room.

"Like what?" Simon asked. "Neither me or Luke can pick her up through her scent. What else can we do?"

"Why don't we just try to figure out how she could have gotten out of the building?" Everyone nodded and tried to think of ways. Jace said a portal rune, and Simon brought up the subject of Jonathan. Izzy could tell that Alec wanted to be in the conversation, but he couldn't really focus. Eventually he excused himself and walked to his office. No one questioned him and let him go, everyone watching him closely as he left the room.

XXX

Alec walked into his office and flopped into his chair. He rubbed his hands down his face and let out a deep sigh. How was he going to do this? How was he supposed to go on and be okay without the man he loved?

He stared at the paperwork on his desk and decided to do that for a while to try and distract himself. Minutes or maybe hours later, Alec heard a knock at his door. He didn't want to talk to anyone, but figured that it could be important, so he told them to enter. He was surprised that of all people it turned out to be Luke.

"Hey," the older man said.

"Did you find something about Clary?"

"No," he said. "They're trying to think of different ways, but at this point, its most likely that Lilith brought Jonathan back to life. Somehow he got them both out."

Alec didn't like it, but he was probably right. That just made it all so much worse that after everything they had done, Lilith still got what she wanted. "Is there something else you needed then?"

"I wanted to talk to you about, well, everything."

"I'm fine," Alec insisted.

"Alec, everyone knows that's a lie. There is no way you could be alright with everything that happened today. And even if you want to deny it, it's also affecting you parabatai bond." Alec's head snapped up to the wolf.

"If you're talking about the tracking, whatever is blocking Clary must be stron-"

"Don't give me that," Luke interrupted. "The block might be strong but you and I both know that's not what the main issue was. You might not want to say it but deep down you are angry at Jace. You're angry at him because he's the reason that the man you love is gone."

Alec stood from behind his desk and glared at the man in front of him. "Jace is my parabatai. My brother. I don't blame him for what happened. He didn't want this to happen"

"That doesn't matter, and I know that because when I lost Jocelyn I hated you." Alec flinched back. He hated thinking about what happened with Jocelyn. It made all the guilt come back at once. "I'm sorry Alec," Luke said, "but it was the truth. It was irrational, and unjust but I had to be angry at something. I had to blame something and when the pain was still fresh you were the easiest thing. I'm not mad now, because I know you weren't responsible, but the only way I was able to understand that was by letting all that pain out. That's the only way it gets better. You can't hide away from it and you can't pretend that it didn't happen. I don't want to think about what could happen to you or the bond if you do."

Alec wanted to cry. He wanted to scream and destroy everything in front of him, but he didn't. He sat back down at his desk and looked back up at the Alpha. "How can this get any easier? In what way could this get any better?"

Luke gave him a sad look. "It never goes away. The pain is always there, but you learn to live with it. You learn to move on."

"But I don't want to move on! It's different! Magnus is still alive. He's still alive, but I can't be there for him. How can I move on when I know that he's still out there? How can I move on when I don't want to?" he finished weakly.

"You know, moving on doesn't always mean being with someone else," Luke told him. "Sometimes it's just, getting up every day and being with the other people that you love. Letting other people in and accepting what happened."

"Is that what you do?" Alec asked him. Luke had to take a few seconds to answer, like he didn't know himself.

"It was," he said eventually. "That's what I thought I was going to do at least. I'm not so sure anymore, and I'm scared of that. I don't want to betray Jocelyn, but I also know that she would want me to be happy, because that's the type of person that she was. And I know that Magnus is that person too. He would want you to be happy Alec, no matter what."

"I can't be happy without him," Alec muttered.

"That's what I thought." Luke gave him a sad smile. "But then I learned that I have other people in my life too. I remembered I had to be there for Clary, I had to be there for my pack. That's what got me through it and that's how you will too. You have your siblings, your mother, and the whole Institute. You have to be there for them Alec. You have to remember that there are other people that you love too."

Alec nodded at the man, contemplating his words while Luke walked to the door. "Luke," Alec said, stopping the man before he could leave. "Whatever you decide to do, don't hurt my mom."

Luke smiled at Alec, not even bothering to try and deny it. "That's the last thing I'd want to do," he said before walking out.

Alec sat in his office, thinking through the werewolf's words. He didn't know what he should do. On the one hand, he couldn't give up on Magnus. That was the love of his life and the only person he could ever see himself loving. But on the other hand, who knew what it would take to get him back, if it was even possible. Did he move on from the man he loved, or would he risk everything to have a chance at getting him back?

He surprised and frightened himself with how easy the answer came to him.

The door to his office slammed open and Izzy walked in, not even bothering with any sort of manners. "Alright big brother, I know it'll be hard, and I know there's a lot going on right now but there is no way that we are leaving your boyfriend in Edom. None of us care what it takes because we are going to bring him back."

Alec smiled at his sister. His first smile since Magnus left. He stood up from his desk, feeling better than he had all day. "You're right Izzy. I'm bringing him back."

Because there was no way he could ever let go of Magnus Bane.

Alec has made his decision! Who could ever let Magnus Bane go anyway? Izzy's just like me and would never let the Malec ship sink. We'd both go down with it. Let me know what you think. Next chapter we'll see how Magnus is doing.

#SaveShadowhunters. Don't give up on this fight! We can do it! My last chapter has information about how you can get involved.