TITLE: Bus Rides
AUTHOR: ponderer
SUMMARY: It all started on a bus.
DISCLAIMER: I want for nothing.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Whoo! This is a longer part. Thanks for the fabulous reviews thus far. You guys are pretty sweet; especially for giving me the Reese Cup; Easter egg style.
So, for you, I give you Part Deux. Enjoy!
Bus Rides – Part Deux
It all started on a bus.
The rest of the summer went something like this:
Casey would send all of her work to Derek via email when the assignment was due. He would never respond to it, but she knew he read everything because she had found out through her mother that he did (whom he called once a week to check in, per Nora's request).
Her class was fun, but she missed the classroom, full of live dialogue. She longed for the smell of the library and the feel of a pen between her fingers and the feeling of accomplishment after a good grade. Plus, it was always nice to not have to take a class while her younger siblings outside of her door, bugging her at every other hour.
This was the biggest reason why she missed Derek, because he could have entertained them while she worked. (Or, so she told herself.)
Also, she had no one to talk to late at night. She tried keeping Lizzie up at one point, but she barely made it past midnight, having volunteer work early in the morning.
So, she took to going out on the back porch with her laptop, writing under the stars.
Miles away, in the courtyard, Derek sat outside, looking at the same sky, smoking a cigarette, laptop in his lap. He would check his email; glancing at all of them he had saved over the past three weeks (a few from his dad, one from Marti about Daphne, and the rest from Casey). He read through all of her work at least three times, trying to critique them in some way. They were open and too honest and some of them hurt to read. But, he read them anyway.
He would sit there for an hour each night, reading, and then would spend another thirty minutes staring at an empty email, to one Casey McDonald, subject: unknown.
It was Casey that picked Derek up at the bus stop when he returned from camp because George had to take Edwin to a doctor's appointment and her mom had a work thing. She leaned against the back of the car with a leg propped up and her arms crossed, sunglasses on top of her head. It was much the same as when he left three weeks ago and when he stepped off the bus and saw her like that, he caught déjà vu.
"Hey," he said, standing before her.
"Hey," she replied. Stuffing his things into the back of the car, they climbed in and took off.
A late lunch was waiting them when they got home. Nora had pulled out all the stops, planning this dinner for the past few days to please the returning Derek, who would be tired, for sure. "This looks awesome, Nora," he grinned, plopping his bag right at the bottom of the stairs so Casey tripped over it.
She groaned his name, and he thought nothing more than Welcome Home.
"Fancy meeting you here," he says softly, seeing that she is sitting on the back porch. He was always the first one out, in time to smoke if he had one handy (and this being a night that he did have one) and is surprised to see her there, hunched over her computer screen. "What are you writing?"
She looks up at him over the rim of her glasses, surprised. "Oh!" She slams the cover of her laptop down, pulling her glasses off her face. "I think I forgot that you were home."
"That's nice to hear," he chuckles. She rolls her eyes.
"It's just, I got used to being out here without you. This is when I'd work, because it was quiet."
"Don't let me stop you. I just wanted to smoke."
"Still do that, huh?" she asks, slightly disappointed. He shrugs, lighting it.
"Yeah well, the guys gave me a pack on the last stop. Might as well use them."
"That's a dumb reason," she scoffs, but she doesn't want to fight.
"It is what it is, Case." With a wave of his hand, he blew the smoke from his lips. She inhales the scent, realizing at once that she had missed the smell of it while he was gone.
"Ready to go back?" she asks.
"To school?" At her nod, he shrugs. "I guess. It'll be nice to be out of the freshman dorms and into the house with the guys."
"Won't you miss the privacy?" she asks.
"Nah, I've got my own room. Shouldn't be too bad."
She nods, looking out across the back yard. "I'm glad to be staying in the dorms again. It's closer to everything."
"There's all the restrictions though. Don't you want that extra freedom?"
"You mean having boys staying over and drinking all night?" she quips, bumping his shoulder. He laughs and shakes his head.
"Yeah, I guess that isn't you."
She frowns. "No, I guess not."
This is what their first real, post high school fight is like:
"I'm beyond frustrated with this class!" she groans, throwing herself into her dorm. Her new roommate, Kate, looks up with a grin.
"It's only the second week, Casey. It can't be that bad."
"No, it's not bad. It's horrible. I swear the professor has it out for me."
"It's a major's course. It's supposed to be horrible," Kate replies, flipping a page in her magazine.
"Yeah, I guess," Casey frowns. There's a knock on the door and Kate stands to answer it. It's Derek.
"Is Casey here?"
"Derek?" she asks, groaning from her bed. He walks in and smiles down at her. "Why are you smiling like that?"
"I've got news."
At his extended pause, she becomes flustered because he's still smiling like an idiot. "Out with it, then!"
"I've switched my major."
Casey's eyes widen. "But you loved Sports Management." Derek shakes his head and sits at her desk.
"No, I just thought I did. But, I've been taking this other class, for photography. For just a general course."
"You mean, a blow off class?" she says, quirking an eyebrow. He nods, smirking.
"Well, yeah, but only at first. But, I really like it. And the professor seems to take a liking to me." He looks so proud that Casey can't say anything.
"Okay, well, did you talk to George about it?"
"I figured I'd tell him when we went home the next time. I'm not that worried about it. I mean, he changed his major like five times."
"It's still a big deal, Derek." He frowns.
"I thought…" he begins.
"What? That it would be a great idea to change your major over one course that's only just started?"
"Look, I didn't always know what I wanted to be, okay? I had to explore my strengths."
"Yes, but this is completely different from what you came here to do! It's like a complete waste of your first year!" They both don't notice when Kate slips out the door, shutting it quietly. Derek's standing up from the desk chair, breathing heavily, face red. Casey didn't look much better, except she's still sitting.
"I didn't come here for you to start a fight! I was excited and I guess… I wanted to talk about it and I was wrong to think that you'd care!" He makes a move to the door and he's about to leave when she stops him.
"Derek, I care! I care too much, probably. But, did you think this over, at all? This is a huge deal, a life altering event that you can't exactly take back."
"You just don't get it, do you?" he says quietly in wonder, shaking his head at her. She's thoroughly confused and upset but can't reply because he's out the door, slamming the door.
No, she didn't get it. Not at all.
She doesn't see him for the next two weeks until it's their usual date time to meet at the bus stop to go home for the weekend. She's packed his favorite snack, cheese and pepperoni, hoping to soften their last talk. She shows up early, hoping that he will too.
He comes, barely in enough time for the bus. "I'm staying here this weekend. I've got a thing," he says, his hands in his front pockets.
"But… we always go home the same weekends. Mom and George are expecting you…" Derek shakes his head.
"No, I already called them last night."
"Why didn't you tell me about it, then?" He doesn't meet her eyes as the bus pulls to a stop in front of her.
"Have a good weekend, Case. Tell Marti I said hey," he says, ignoring her question.
"Derek, come on…" she begins, but he's already walking away with his head down.
She climbs on the bus and settles into their usual seat. She looks at the snack and throws it onto the empty seat beside her.
Saturday night, or morning, Casey finds herself out on the back porch rolling a cigarette in her palm. Her laptop is sitting to the side, the only light besides the stars above. She can hear the neighbor's pool pump humming along with the other night sounds and she shivers when the fall breeze hits her bare knees.
She takes her glasses from the floor of the porch and settles them on her face, reaching for her laptop. She opens her school email to send in her latest assignment. She has a new message from Derek, with an attachment. She opens it to find it empty, except for the subject line; write me.
She beings writing a short story, flash as her professor calls it, and it ends up being about their past fight, except it has a different ending. She hits reply to his message and types in sorry for the subject and attaches the story.
In the morning, she checks it again before heading back to the bus station. It's empty besides a new homework assignment from her math professor and with sadness (and something else she can't seem to place) she shuts down her computer and leaves the house.
Her mother packs her some grapes and she kisses her cheek. Along the bus ride, she rests her head against the cool window, her eyes closed. She can hear another passenger's music blaring through their headphones and if she pretends, it's almost like he's there.
She steps off the bus, not really paying attention, and he is there, sitting on the bench. She just stands there looking at him and it takes him a minute to do anything, but he motions her closer and she slowly steps towards him. When she's only a few feet away, he stands, resting his hands in his pockets. It's déjà vu, but this is its resolution.
"I like that you think the way you do," he begins and she's unsure of his thought process but he continues anyway. "That's why I came to you, because of the way you think. I needed to hear you say those things so that I could see if it was worth it to fight for what I want."
She understood. "So, is it?"
He smiles a small smile. "Yeah, I really think so." She nods.
"Well, if you're going to read my stuff, then you need to share too. Art I can understand, but it's this sports stuff that's always kept me away from your studies. But now, I'll be in the way. You won't like it."
He laughs, picking up her bag and they begin to walk to her dorm. "Yeah, that's what I figured."
This is how Derek would normally react if Casey had a date:
He would pick fights with her over nothing; her hair, her keener ways, or even her eating habits. He would know to hit her past dating experiences, to make her fear her phobias of relationships come forward until she would fail.
It's not that he wouldn't want her to be happy; no, that's not it. He would want to believe it was because none of the guys weren't good enough for her; that they wouldn't be able to withstand all of the crazy that Casey is.
But, if he thought about it, really sat there and thought of nothing else, he would probably find that he didn't believe any guy would ever be enough for her; except for… well…
But, it would be a crazy notion.
"Are you coming to the game this weekend?" he asks as they ride on the bus back to school. She's thoughtfully chewing on a cracker, a small crumb on her lip, until her pink tongue reaches out to capture it before she answers.
"I can't."
"What, big exam coming up or something?" She shakes her head briefly. "A volunteer thing?" Again, he receives a shake of her head. "Plans with Kate?" He's getting antsy and he doesn't like it.
"I um, I have a date actually." She has the knowledge to look anxious, but it doesn't make him feel any better about it. He tries to hide his emotion, pulling his blank face out.
"Oh."
"Yeah, it's not big, not really."
"Where did you meet him?"
"At the library." He tenses. He hadn't ever really thought of that.
"I thought you weren't ready to date again."
She shrugs. "Maybe. But, I figured I have to try. He's nice, polite. We have writing in common, so we'll have things to talk about. Safe."
"Safe." He repeats the phrase. He hates safe.
"Yeah." She's looking down at her lap, but he's stoic and looking forward at the back of the seat in front of him. The man sitting there is bald, and he takes to counting the freckles he has on his neck.
"Where are you two going? I mean, the game's early, you could still stop by," he tries but she shakes her head, looking terrible, like she's kicked a puppy.
"We're doing an all day thing. There's the concert in the park, and the art work. We're going to walk around for the afternoon."
"So, it's an afternoon thing?" This makes him feel oddly lighter than before. She nods.
"Mostly. Depends on how it goes, if it goes any further than that."
He hoped it wouldn't.
They lose the game and he's angry that she isn't there and she's on some stupid date (an afternoon date during his game that he lost) and he's angrier because maybe she has become his good luck charm and he's even angrier because he cares too damn much.
The team is crestfallen and somber as he slams his things into his locker. His closest friend on the team, Jeff, claps him on the shoulder. "Hey, it's just a game." Derek doesn't lose his tense stance.
Hey, it's just a date.
He decides to not go out for pizza with the guys because he's going to snap otherwise, so he takes a walk to the nearest convenient store and buys a pack of cigarettes; his first self bought pack. He heads to her dorm absentmindedly and sits on the bench facing it, watching as students pile out for dinner. He puffs on a cigarette slowly, exhaling out and breathing in. He's looking out as the smoke leaves his lips and blows in the wind and he's oddly fascinated and takes out his camera from his book bag to snap a quick photo.
"What are you doing here?" Casey asks, coming from behind him. He's still too tense and turns around and blows out air when he sees that's she alone.
He motions to his camera. "Snapping shots." Her eyes narrow when she sees the almost full pack sitting on the bench by his bag.
"I thought you only smoked what was offered."
"Yeah, well, tough day. Felt I deserved more than one." He shrugs, taking a picture of a couple walking away, hands clasped together between them. He feels sick.
"How was the game?" she finds the nerve to ask.
"Lost. How was the date?" he shoots back and she looks alarmed, frazzled even. She blushes and looks down. "Great," he murmurs.
"What's that supposed to mean?" she says and he just huffs and turns to gather his things. "Derek, seriously, what's going on?"
"Absolutely nothing, I guess." He pulls his book bag onto his shoulder and saunters away, leaving a stunned Casey behind him.
She finds him a few days later in the union, sipping a coffee with a rumbled newspaper on his lap. Sighing, she makes her way to where he's sitting and takes the empty seat across from him. He doesn't say anything, just looks at her. She's a bit miffed, but she doesn't really know what to say to him besides, "It was just a date."
"Huh."
She shrugs, looking down at her fingers. "He was kind of boring actually. He's not even a writing major, so that was a disappointment."
"So, it didn't work out because he wasn't a writing major?"
She shrugs again. "No, it's just, he wasn't what he appeared to be. I don't like false pretenses."
She looks to honest and he's going to be haunted by that look. She doesn't fear this, it appears, because she's still looking at him too openly. "I'm sorry it didn't work out then."
She nods and tries not to smile, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. It's a sad smile and he knows he put it there.
"Yeah well, I guess I wasn't ready for the whole dating thing after all. My own fault, I guess."
"Yeah, maybe," he replies softly. He doesn't believe her, not really. It's him that's still not ready for it and she knows it. "Hey, I was going to hit the library for some inspiration. Care to show me where the building is?"
She laughs, and it's a small laugh, but it's real. "Sure, D. Goof."
He dodges her small punch and takes off through the packed union, her hot at his heals, squealing his name.
This is the sound of the foundation building:
"Casey, I heard you had a date," her mother grins. Casey looks over at Derek across the table and swallows.
"Yeah, it was nice."
"Just nice?" Edwin joins, and Lizzie snickers.
"Yeah, just nice," Casey replies nonchalantly.
"Are you two seeing each other again?" Nora asks and Casey blushes. Derek tries to meet her eyes.
"We don't keep a set schedule, but he has my number, so…" she answers, taking another cut piece of chicken into her mouth. Derek's looking down at his plate, tense. She can see that, but she can't do anything about it.
"Ooh, is he cute?" Lizzie asks, eyes large with excitement.
Casey shrugs. "Yeah, I suppose so."
"What did you do on your first date?" Marti quips.
"Just hung out, really. Talked about school." Derek still won't look up and the whole table ignores it, except for Casey. "He's kind of shy about his feelings, but I think he's into me."
Lizzie, Marti, and Nora squeal and even Casey can't hide her grin now. "Are you into him?" Lizzie asks.
Casey nods, poking at her food. "Yeah."
Derek swallows, heart falling deep into his stomach.
"I just wish he'd say something about it. Instead of just… being angry." He looks up, surprised, but she's kind of winking at him in a weird, Casey way.
"Angry?" George asks, confused.
"Maybe not angry. No, that's not the right word. I think he feels as if he's being pulled into two directions. I think he feels that I'm scared, and he's waiting for me to be ready. I would tell him that I was, though, if he wasn't so tense."
"He's not tense, just you know…" Derek starts and clears his throat, because everyone's looking at him closely. "He's probably a wuss."
"No, not a wuss." Casey replies softly. He doesn't look at her in the eye, but he's smiling at his plate.
She finds him out on the back porch in pajama bottoms and a hoodie. He's smoking. She wraps her blanket around her shoulders tightly, sitting down beside him, close enough to feel his arm brush against hers every so often.
"I'm not a wuss," he says softly.
"No, you're not," she replies, resting her head on his shoulder. He exhales, flicking the bud away from him. He doesn't move more than that, unsure still.
"I need to hear you say it first."
She doesn't move her head. "I'm not ready to date anyone, okay? But this, whatever it is, is what I want."
He nods. "Okay."
She lifts her head and kisses the corner of his mouth. She stays close, whispering, "I like this."
"I like this too," he whispers back.
He leans just enough to kiss her forehead, lingering. "I like you," she says, and it ghosts across his neck and collar and he shivers in the best of ways. She kisses there too, softly, innocently, perfectly in the way that only Casey could.
He hums and arches his neck as her kisses reach available skin. "I like you," he repeats.
She stops, smiling like an idiot, but he is too, and that's okay.
On the bus ride back to school, they clasp hands and hide silly grins. He steals glances when he thinks she's not looking, feeling like a teenager again, and not that cool calm collected twenty year old that he is.
She doesn't look much better, but her eyes are even bluer and he can finally count the freckles on her nose that he always knew were there.
"You like me," she whispers, poking his chest with her index finger.
"So? You like me," he says back. Their cuteness makes him sick, but he can't remember the last time he's felt so content. He fears how it will crumble. She notices his face fall.
"It'll be okay. We'll find a way," she says and she sounds so confident that he has to believe her.
Because he couldn't handle it if she was wrong.
