It was a beautiful sunny day ..... a rare thing in Forks. I was in the meadow with Edward laughing and staring at his perfect sparkling body. Clouds rolled in covering the sun, the colors in the meadow leached away to match the ominous sky above.
Edward who had been standing not two feet from me smiling was now halfway across our meadow with an expressionless face. I reached out to him but in vain for he took two lightning quick steps back, never changing his expression, never giving me his crooked smile.
I tried to call to him but I couldn't find my voice. My hands flew to my throat clawing at it trying to coax any sound to come out. I reached out my hands to him motioning him to come to me, he just stared.
My feet wouldn't move they were bolted to the meadow floor by some unseen shackles, my voice was useless.
Why didn't Alice see this, why was she letting him do this. "Help Alice Please."I saw something rustle in the bushes, Alice came to stand beside Edward. She did not dance toward me and she did not smile.
They turned their backs to me and vanished."DON'T " I found my voice to late "WAIT FOR ME. DON'T LEAVE ..... EDWARD ALICE PLEASE .... PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME."
I woke up gasping for air. I couldn't breathe. I ran to the window and let the cool mist wash over my face. I still couldn't catch a full breath. Charlie's loud footsteps alerted me to the fact that my screaming woke him up as well.
"Bella, Bells what's wrong are you okay." Charlie was shaking me.I jerked out of Charlies hands, hanging my head while walking to sit in the biggest reminder of him . I didn't even look at Charlie while he stared at me and eventually he left me to myself. I willed the tears away for the moment.
"It will be as if I never existed."Yet here I sat in the chair that I told him that I loved him in, staring out a window he would climb through to be with me. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around me. I could no longer contain the tears and they fell down in sync with the beginning rain outside. In the distance a dog howled echoing my pain.
The sky began to lighten as I still sat in the chair in the same position, the tears had dried up long ago.I heard Charlie get up and tell me through the door that he needed to go in to work for a bit and would be back soon.
I didn't answer, scenario after scenario played itself out in my had. What ifs and how comes. The more obvious ones making their way to the surface.
What if I didn't tell him I wanted to be a vampire would he have been so scared for my soul. If I hadn't inherited my clumsiness from whoever would he not have tired of protecting me and stayed.
I clutched my chest and my cheeks were wet again. If I had just graciously accepted the fact that Alice- I chocked on a sob thinking of my best friend , my almost sister- wanted to throw me a party and if I didn't act so annoyed would I have opened my present more carefully and avoided the, end of the world as I knew it, papercut. That tiny drop of blood, that in any other circumstance would have been insignificant. That stupid drop of red caused my world to come crashing down around me in a deafening roar.
"My fault, my fault. No my parents fault, if they haven't given me the perfect mixture of blood HE would still be here."I rocked myself back and forth, back and forth. My fault, my parents fault, Jasper's fault. Not Jasper's he didn't meant it. He would never hurt me in good conscious.
I was back to my fault again.I seen Charlie's truck arrive back home from my window. I still had not moved. He had left me alone, I am glad that he did. I had no desire for him to see me like this. Being reduced to no more than a hollow shell, no need for him to endure my pain.
I heard footsteps outside my door and a knock. It sounded as if it was only a ghost of a sound. Poor Charlie what I must be doing to him. He already went through it once when mom left, now here I am making him relive his pain through my own.
"Bella you have a phone call.
""And"
"Do you want to get it. It's Jessica."
"No"
"Okay" I heard him walk back down the stairs.
"It will be as if I never existed"Did he actually believe that. There were too many reminders he couldn't take. He left his chair he sat in, my bed, if he wanted to leave me he should have just let James drain me. I noticed the darkening sky, it was Twilight now another day over. The saddest time for a vampire. I wonder if he was looking at the same sky I was.
His memory came flooding back to me, this time it was prom another instance that I had overreacted and then pushed his limits on my mortality. Stupid stupid stupid. My fault.
I layed my head back for a brief moment and found myself alone in the woods. I heard the faint sound of music off somewhere in the distance. I instantly recognized it, my lullaby.
I ran in the direction I thought it was coming from slipping falling scraping my hands knees and any other part that wasn't covered. I didn't care it was my lullaby and I knew the composer. The sweet sound engulfed me. This song that was written just for me out of love. I tried desperately to get my bearings and to follow the trail of musical bread crumbs.
I hit something that felt like concrete. When I got up I seen that it was Alice."Alice, Oh Alice" I threw my arms around her unmoving little body.
"Alice what's wrong. Where is Edward."
She removed my arms from around her neck "He's gone"
"my lullaby Alice I hear it I know he is there somewhere playing it."
"It's a farewell gift, one last time."She turned from me and started to walk away.
"Don't go Alice stay with me."Her back still turned to me, she started shaking.
"I have to Bella. I'm tired of pretending to be human when I am not."
The scene began to change, I was in the woods behind my house. Alice's spiky black hair started to turn bronze slowly at first then very quickly when she turned around to face me it was no longer Alice but Edward. He had an unfriendly face and crimson eyes. I screamed and fell to the ground.
Just like the night before I woke up gasping for air. I sensed Charlie standing on the outside of my door this time, listening I could finally hear over my pounding heart I caught the last of his mumbled words
"If I could find him I'd kill him"
