a/n: first of all, thank you a lot for your nice feedback! a lot of you like the idea, of which I wasn't sure about. your reviews and even the favourites and follows mean a lot to me and it showed me that I definitely have to continue working on this story! thanks! c:

now, to make a few things clear: it can be that Eric might be a bit out of character. like he's 25 in my story, 5 years older than Tris. Four is also a bit older than Tris, but younger than Eric (I'm not sure about his age yet, maybe around 23 or 24). yet I don't want any of them to be too out of character and I'll try my best to keep it that way. Eric is still a ruthless mofo, like in the books/movies for example.

as for Will and Christina, it's not like they have an important role in this story but I like them. So Will is still alive, since there is no War anyway. I don't know if I should include Al. I can't decide whether he should be alive or dead. What do you guys think? I'll let you decide.

one last information: I also want to focus on other relationships of Tris, like with Christina. The chapters won't be endlessly filled up with Eric/Tris but I promise you that there will be Eric/Tris at least once in every chapter!

Enough of this, you've been waiting far too long and I apologize! Now read and enjoy! c:


BONDINGS | 1ST CHAPTER

. . . .

I lean with my back against the wall as I watch the new initiates — my initiates. Two Erudite-transfers get ready for a fight in the arena, the rest of them are circled around it. I look down on my shoes when I hear Eric giving them a sign to start.

He didn't change through the years. He is still as ruthless and feared as he was during my own initiation. When I look up I see Uri, one of the transfers in the arena, laying on the ground. Blood is dripping down her lips, leaving red trails on the spot her head rested on for a little while. I slowly move toward Eric, standing next to him now as she gets up again.

"She's tough." I say loud enough for him to hear me. He crosses his arms and shakes his head, keeping his eyes on Uri. I still think that it's anything but wise to let them fight until they end up in the hospital. There is no sense in creating this mindless brutality. Yet I don't dare speaking against Eric. Not now. I look up at him, waiting for him to say something.

"Stop!" he shouts, moving half a step forward. "You're waisting my time. If you're not able to —"

"You need to fight back, Uri." Before he even speaks out the last words, I dare to interrupt him. He turns around and looks at me, anything but pleased but I ignore it. I try to spare her from Eric's harsh words because I know what they can do to people like her. "You chose Dauntless and that means that hurting people shouldn't be bothering or scaring you. Concentrate and fight back next time."

She nods and both of the initiates leave the arena. Eric turns around and we're standing face to face. I withstand the cold look of his eyes as long as I can and I notice the corners of his lips moving up a little. I am anything but scared but still I feel goose bumps raising on my skin.

"Next time." he repeats my words, followed by a quiet laughter. "That's interesting."

I cross my arms, still looking at him. I wonder why I am still surprised about how he is able to make me feel different from one second to the other, literally controlling my center of emotions. I feel some kind of dissatisfaction when he's gone. I feel an unpleasant heat when he is near and get goose bumps on my skin when he is even closer. I want him to stay away from me while I'm begging him not to go — I'm trying hard to put some sense into my thoughts.

"Aren't you busy with other stuff? As far as I remember you're not an instructor, which means it is not your job to be here all the time." I walk past him, trying to cover the unpleasant heat that rushes through my body as my arm slightly touches his. The night we've spent together two weeks ago, the way he touched me and talked to me — he doesn't know how difficult it is to work with him now.

I dismiss the initiates for lunch and wait for all of them to be out before I start preparing the room for the next exercises.

"As the leader I better keep my eyes everywhere. I just want to make sure you're doing a good job." he says. For one second I turn around, looking at him before I continue with what I did before, putting a few things from one spot to the other. I catch myself playing busy as long as he is here.

"Really? I thought you'd be here for the transfers. You're supposed to keep your eyes on them instead of me."

"I always had my eyes on you." His words make my body freeze and I don't dare to turn around and look at him. My eyes wander down to my hands and I feel the heat rushing trough my limbs once again. I know that it's not true. If he always had his eyes on me, why am I with Tobias and not with him then — I need to stop this thinking. I feel guilty. Not only for cheating on Tobias, but also for betraying him everytime when I think about Eric.

I turn around with a faint smile on my face, which fades once my eyes meet his. Once again I notice how much of a man he is. He is tall, muscular and very attractive. He had a few women in his bedroom but that's no surprise, nor is it a secret. I wonder what he is thinking about when he looks at me like that.

"You shouldn't be saying such things. It won't work a second time." I lie. If he'd offer me to follow him up into his apartment, making love just like we did the other day — it would be hard to stay strong and reject him. In fact I wouldn't even hesitate if there wasn't my relationship with Tobias.

"I'm not even trying." he shrugs as he starts moving toward the door, my eyes still following him. "Anyhow, you better be careful. Do not dare to interrupt me again. I won't be nice next time."


His words are still ringing in my head when I enter the pit after the training — I always had my eyes on you. That's what he said and I'm naive enough to believe him eventually. I lean with my back against the cold wall.

Things could be different. I used to want Eric, and I still do. I always wanted him to look at me the way he did when I was at his apartment. Back then I wasn't with the ruthless leader, who is feared by most of the people. It was someone else. A stranger with a familiar face. And he wanted me, too.

Right from the start I realized, that it wasn't Tobias standing like a wall between Eric and me. It's not like it would be easy to leave him, but I also know that I could quickly get used to living with him as a friend. The massive and high wall between Eric and me is myself — my courtesy, my fear of hurting the ones I love, my guilty conscience. All these things add up into traits I grew to dislike because they had always kept me from the things I wanted.

"Tris, there you are. You're so unreliable these days." I hear a high voice, followed by footsteps coming closer. Judging by the tone and choosing of words, I know it can only be a Candor-born female. Christina looks at me, anything but pleased. "You know, we wanted to meet at the tattoo parlor."

"I'm sorry, Chris. I didn't mean to let you wait." She starts moving toward the hallway and I quickly follow her. It's the second time I forgot about her this week but I'm certainly not doing it on purpose.

"You can count yourself lucky that I like you so much. Otherwise I wouldn't be forgiving you that easy." she smiles at me. "But what's wrong, Tris? Even Will noticed that you've been pretty much absense last week. Did anything happen?"

"No, no. Nothing happened." I shake my head, covering my lie with a smile. Just like me, Christina gets more and more Dauntless with the years, but it doesn't mean that she lost her ability to tell when people are lying. Not yet, but I'm still trying. "There are just a few things keeping my head busy. That's all. Nothing important."

"Maybe it will get better if you talk about it."

"I doubt it." I know she can keep a secret. For a few weeks at least. But still I am not sure if I can tell her about the thing that happened between Eric and me. She won't understand. She'll probably call me crazy, not for cheating on Four, but for spending time with Eric. He is definitely in her bad books.

Christina shrugs. She is not the type for being too curious and she can't imagine how grateful I am for that. Because it is not a problem I can't take care of. It's not like I would need someone to help me, showing me which of the many ways is the most reasonable one. Eric isn't a problem for me. It just bothers me that I can't stop thinking about him.


I feel Tobias' arm across my body when I wake up. It must be around two or three in the morning, and the sickness I felt a few days ago is coming up again. I take a deep breath, hoping it will disappear once I have enough air in my lungs. It doesn't help much.

I stand up, covering my mouth with a hand, as if I would want to hold back what I feel is already on its way. It would be wiser to stay here but instead of doing that, I quickly slip into my clothes and leave the apartment. A walk and some fresh air is probably what I need right now.


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