KILL LA KILL
FROZEN HEART
Anna walks into class before first period even begins. Her full intention is to stand out as little as possible, knowing the Japanese custom of having to stand before the class and introducing herself. Wanting to avoid that she picks an easier path, meeting the teacher first all alone and later just standing up at her desk and introducing herself that way.
Yeah she will have to suffer all the glances and whispers of her fellow student given that she's a foreigner coming to school in the middle of the Junior season but... it's the path of least resistance. Normally she wouldn't be afraid or shy about this sort of thing. But truth be told, after her mother's passing... everything just sort of changed around her life.
Her sister became a delinquent. Her father buried himself in work. Pulling the family away from the states into a completely different country. All to get away from the past memories. She use to have a few friends that would be happy to hear her out. Someone she could confide in. But... now... She has nobody. No one to help her emotionally. No one to listen or offer a shoulder to cry on. Locking away everything deep inside her mind, and... her heart.
At times it even feels like she has an iron lock around her chest where she just keeps on adding more and more into it. And somehow she has forgotten where the key is to just let it all out.
All the horrible things, her life. Her father, a changed sister. The mother she loved, was struck down with a rare virus. If she could just... make all of this... go away.
"Hello sensei. Pardon my poor Japanese, I'm working hard to get better with my... speaking. But... My name is Anna, and... I will be in your care at school from here on out."
She gives a soft bow closing her eyes. Showing respect to her teacher. A middle aged woman with blond hair that looks simply dashing and elegant. A thought did cross Anna's mind that this woman looks more like Bayonetta rather than a teacher. But she couldn't allow herself to make any comment on her sensei's looks. Common sense that saying such things is simply unbecoming of a student.
"Oh yes, I have been expecting you. Your Japanese is actually pretty good. A little rusty but given a little while of communicating with your fellow classmates I imagine you will be fluent in it. But why are you here so early? Class doesn't start for at least another twenty minutes."
Anna flinches a bit and swallows her emotions thinking of the best answer. But quickly figures that the truth and honesty really is the best path in such a situation.
"Well... that is... you see I... I'm not too good with people at this time. And when it all comes down to it... I sort of stick out. I'm going through some personal things and... I wouldn't want to say anything strange to anyone and give off the wrong atmosphere."
The sensei smiles a little and her eyes narrow on Anna. To her... this was just an open invitation. Hearing the tremble and pauses in her voice, the soft nature of Anna. Like a wounded animal trying to keep itself up after a terrible ordeal.
A strong urge to support this child from a mothers perspective becomes prevalent. Being a teacher, she has access to student and family records. She knows that Anna lost her mother in some form or fashion given the fact that her father is single. This is common knowledge to teachers and higher class individuals in the business industry. Given the fact that her dad is starting a new business in Japan. A chain of publishing companies and financial loan offices. Doing his best to boost the economy of Japan.
But... all that aside, as a woman, she takes note that Anna... is in some sort of pain. Given the fact that they are all alone, she has the opportunity to be just a bit more personal and open to this girl... this... child.
"Anna. Just what sort of atmosphere are you referring to? Nobody here is going to pick on you."
Anna closes her eyes and shrugs her shoulders a bit in disappointment. As if wishing that the teacher would have been more direct with her questions. Not realizing that... Older women... they work in different ways when searching for answers.
"No I... I... I don't think anyone here is going to do that."
The sensei stands up and Anna realizes just how tall she is. Standing at six foot eight, she sort of is towering over Anna.
"So this isn't a mental disturbance?"
Being a bit more forceful now with her words. Psychologically, sensei knows exactly what she's doing. She's breaking down a mental wall, with a sledgehammer.
Anna lowers her head and blinks two or three times slowly. For some reason... not knowing why but she finds herself fighting back tears. And at the same time, being thankful that she doesn't use makeup.
"N... Na... No."
Sensei gently places her index and pointing finger under Anna's chin and tilts it up to look into her eyes. She hates herself for what she's about to say, but in her mind it must be done. To first heal someone and rebuild them back up. You have to let them break down completely.
"You're mad because you're an outsider and not one of us?" After that sentence she giggles a little softly, really letting those words sink in. Making Anna feel completely alone. All she really had is a sister that neglects her. And a father that ignores them both.
And now... this sensei... is picking on her... why? What did she ever do to her?
"...N... No... na... not really no."
Anna manages to force through all the pain she is beginning to feel. That cast iron lock on her chest she was thinking about earlier, it feels as if it can't take much more of this. Not when it's coming like this one blow after another.
She gulps and swallows her sadness as she blinks and holds her eyes shut for a moment. And her sensei looks upon her knowing that this girl here, she needs her. Anna needs this even if it hurts right here and now.
"If it's about money Anna, just write on your forehead, slap me, you'll make pretty good money since you are a foreigner."
That right there. That really hurt. Anna looks down with an expressionless face and a frown upon her lips. Unable to say anything except letting a soft sigh and sniffling a little bit. Her mind is blank as memories begin to flash through her past.
"You know Anna, it's honestly ok to cry."
Her voice soft and gentle now. Anna slowly looks up at her sensei. Just a moment ago she looked cold and heartless. Saying all those mean things... what was that all about? Was it on purpose? Was that even ok for a teacher to do?
"Cry?"
Anna's voice trembles with that one word. That one single question. In one single word, so many questions and emotions are being telegraphed. Asking if it's really ok to cry in front of her. If it's really ok to let it all out. All those years of being alone. All this time of keeping it all in. Is it really ok to do, in front of a woman she doesn't even know.
But somehow... she feels as if... she was guided into this.
"Yes, to let go of what's hurting you."
Anna gulps and takes Sensei's hand ever so carefully and gently. Almost as if she's asking permission to do so while seeking comfort of some sort. And Sensei, can see that Anna needs her right now. Right here, just the two of them.
"I... don't know if you want to hear about what's inside."
She says hesitantly... thinking that perhaps... she's imagining things. Just like her older sister has been treating her all this time. Any time she would bring up mother and father, or anything from the past, Elsa would always block the conversation and crush it. Telling her that Anna is living in the past. Living backwards and creating something out of nothing.
Or... perhaps Elsa... is running away from the problem... While Anna... is trying desperately to at long last... let it all out... and let it go.
"Inside where Anna?"
Sensei holds her hand a little tighter and pulls Anna a bit closer to her. Allowing her to close the distance between them. Looking down at her eye's with a soft loving gentle smile. Her smile... It reminds Anna about mother. How she would always welcome her with all her love. No matter what Anna had to say, no matter what she was worried about or what troubled her. She was always there for her.
And now this woman here in front of her... does it really matter that she feels like she was somewhat manipulated into this? This opportunity to finally open up that lock protecting her heart and let it all go?
"In here." Anna points to her heart and looks away with a sad expressions. Thinking that sensei just might misunderstand this. And hopes that she doesn't.
"Tell me about what's inside Anna. What does it feel like, every day you wake up. Any time you look at yourself. Or remember things. Does it depress you? Are you angry?"
Anna's expression and tone finally change. Her lock... feels like it just broke... and a tsunami of emotions begin to flow out.
"Angry?"
Her voice strong and yet... so sad. Tears are starting to build up... and Sensei... as much as it hurts her... knows exactly what question to ask.
"Are you mad because your mother left you?"
Tears begin to flow from Anna's eyes right down her cheeks and hit the floor. With no hesitation she corrects her sensei... but with the most sadness she has ever had in her voice throughout her whole life. A sadness only those who have lost the one person they love most.
"She didn't leave us, SHE DIED!"
Sensei is shocked at what she hears. When she saw how much pain this girl was carrying on her shoulders, she didn't actually expect... this. She doesn't want to leave this child in this sort of situation without help. A death in the family is no joke...
But to be carrying it for over five years... is not normal... that only means that this girl... hasn't had the chance to let all of this out. To cry... to talk about it and put to rest all these emotions. Hatred, sadness and hurt. She has felt all of these feelings... but... the most important one. Acceptance, who in her life has been keeping this dear child from experiencing the most important emotion within the grieving process?
"Ok Anna, it's ok, it's ok to let it all out. I'm here. I have you, you're safe. Let it all out. Let it go."
She hugs this girl in front of her with open arms. Embracing her and allowing herself to become Anna's rock. The shoulder that she has needed for so long throughout her life. A close person. This woman... this stranger. Who took one look at her and somehow... was able to read her like a book.
And yet... call it manipulation. Or just a thankful accidental series of events... Anna can at long last... let it all go.
"You know somet- ... it feels like my heart has frozen over. Like nobody in my family actually cares. It's so hard to take a breath sometimes. To even look at myself in the mirror and not want to just stop living. If I could just stay in my bed all day and lock myself in my room. Nobody cares that mom died! MY DAD JUST WORKS ALL DAY AND MY SISTER DOESN'T EVEN CARE THAT I WAN'T TO TALK A LITTLE ABOUT MOM! I FEEL LIKE I GOT THIS... FROZEN HEART INSIDE ME! I DON'T HAVE ANYONE!"
Sensei grabs Anna and pulls her close to her body into a warm embrace, allowing this child to hold her and feel the love she so desperately needs. Her worries of having nobody, of no one who can care for her, to love her and be there for her. It's wrong.
And Anna, pauses as she feels this love... penetrating her with this... unconditional love... what she has been wishing for all this time... is... is this the person she has been looking for?
"It's ok Anna. Please. It's ok."
Anna looks up at Sensei with a new perspective. This moment between them. It doesn't matter anymore if it was destined or manipulation. That lock on her heart... it feels gone. The cold feeling in her body... that she lived with for all these years... feels like... this cold winter in her life... has turned to spring.
And the eyes of Sensei... those purple eyes, and this moment... it's all that matters.
"Is it?... Ok? I just never knew it was going to be this hard. It wasn't supposed to be this hard Sensei."
Sensei leans down and kisses Anna's forehead and rests the childs head upon her shoulder. Comforting her as a mother would. Doing exactly the same thing her mother use to do when she was troubled in her youth. With the same words.
"I'm here for you. Always Anna."
The warning bell notifying all students that it's ten minutes before class starts begins to ring. And in but a few moments, students will begin to enter through that door coming to class. The two of them share a glance between them.
And Anna feels as if she has found a new mother. Her feelings begin to thaw and change as she wipes her tears and Sensei leans down, kissing her cheek. Kissing the cheek of her child.
"Sensei... would it be ok if... I come by every now and then after school and you help me with my studies?"
Sensei smiles softly and wipes the tears from Anna's cheeks.
"Sure thing Anna."
