I jumped when my phone rang, Jeff. I set my stuff down and picked up my phone. I sighed, "Yeah, Jeff?"
"Warbler party tonight!" I could practically hear Jeff's grin.
"Yeah, sure. Want me to invite Kurt and Blaine?" I asked softly.
"Nah. We got it. Hey, you okay?" Jeff asked with concern.
"Yeah! Why?" I asked biting my lip.
"You sound off…" Jeff replied.
"I'm fine. See ya tonight." I hung up and threw my phone on my bed as Kurt barged in. I gasped and stuffed what I was… Doing… Under my sheets. I pulled my blankets over my legs.
"Hey, Kurt! Could you hand me those sweatpants?" I exclaimed pointing. He handed me the sweatpants and I slipped them on under the blanket.
"There is no "hey"! There is getting ready for the party. Get your makeup and stuff out while I pick out an outfit." Kurt started murmuring to himself about how it was cold so I would need pants.
I went into the bathroom and grabbed my makeup bag. I brought it to Kurt who directed me to go change and bring him some bobby pins. I sighed and took the clothes. I walked into the bathroom and locked the door. I stripped off my sweats and looked at my legs. There were deep red cuts lining them and felt tears run down my face. How did it get like this? I guess it started with my parents and I just spiraled downhill as people made fun of my accent and the bright colored skirts and jeans I wore. I sighed as I wiped the access blood off my legs. I was very careful about how deep I cut. I just wanted small cuts. But they still helped. They released pain. It's funny how, I cut myself but I worry about blood getting on my sheets. I guess I'm a bit OCD and I don't want anyone to know. I pulled the white skinny jeans on and then the black halter top with light blue flowers on it. I wiped away tears and flushed the bloodied toilet paper down the toilet. I grabbed some bobby pins and met Kurt in my room.
He began brushing my hair, "Do you like it here?"
"I do." I was lying. I HATED it in Ohio. Most people were mean to me.
"Liar," Kurt said softly, "You miss Greece."
"Yeah…" I replied looking at my legs shamefully.
"Don't move your head. People are mean to you, right?"
"Yeah."
"Don't sweat it, okay? Blaine and I will always be here for you."
"You're two people."
"Maybe it will help to list the people out loud."
"Nick, Jeff… You, Blaine… Finn… Mike… Tina… Quinn…"
"Not Rachel….?"
"She just makes me feel like crap."
"I'm sorry. She's just a bit… I don't know how to describe it. You just have to get to know her better."
Kurt put my hair in a side braid when he started doing my makeup; foundation, blush, light blue eyeshadow, modest eyeliner, mascara, peach lipgloss. I hugged him, "Thank you."
"Of course," Kurt replied softly, "Now lets go get Blaine."
I raised the bottle to my lips and felt the liquid slam against my closed lips. Every part of my body was telling me to out the bottle down but my mind was telling me that it will wash away every feeling I had that day. I opened my lips and let the beer slide down my throat. Before I knew it I had drunken the entire bottle. I had another in my hand. I didn't want to feel anymore. I felt someone touch my waist making me drop the bottle and turn around. Jeff was standing there looking at me.
"Are you alright? Don't lie to me." Jeff's brown eyes were clouded with worry; I had once told him I would never drink.
I looked at him desperately, "Jeff…"
"Come on. We'll go back to my dorm…" Jeff pulled me all the way back to his room and locked the door.
"Andromeda. What's going on?" Jeff asked pulling me against his chest.
I was in no position to lie to him. He would never trust me if I lied to him. I couldn't tell him about the cutting and the depression and the… everything. I could show him.
"Jeff… Do you, uh, have a pair of shorts?" He pulled away and nodded grabbing a pair of shorts from his dresser. I disappeared into the bathroom and stripped off my jeans. I pulled the shorts on.
I took a deep breath and exited the bathroom. I led Jeff over to his bed and sat down. He sat next to me as I pulled the shorts up to by my bikini line so my thigh was visible. The red cuts made his eyes bulge out. I started crying at the sight of what I was doing to myself.
"Andromeda," Jeff began, "Why?"
He reached for my hand and I gave it to him, "I-I… It just… Everything..."
I was in hysterics. I couldn't breathe I was crying so hard. I couldn't talk, I couldn't do anything except sit there and cry. He wouldn't understand. He wouldn't. Why did I do that? I should have told him some bull about peer pressure. Jeff stood up and pulled his shirt off. He pulled me up and took my hand, "Look." He ran his hand over his abs where you could see faint scars.
"I know how you feel. Just calm down for a minute, Andromeda. Calm down and talk to me. No one is here except you and I. Just calm down." Jeff pulled me into a hug rubbing my back.
He rubbed circles into my back and my sobs slowed. I buried my face in his neck as I spoke, "My parents died and then everyone here… They all make fun of me…"
"And it all went downhill?" Jeff asked softly.
I nodded and let him hold me. The touch was comforting and something I had never felt before. I had never felt intimate touch with someone. Jeff's body was warm. I welcomed the touch and him. I felt his hand under my chin and I felt butterflies in my stomach as he brought his lips to mine. The kiss was short but sweet and everything I could have wanted. His lips moved from mine as he spoke, "That was probably uncalled for and you can punch me now…"
"No… It was just what I needed. I needed that. I needed to feel like someone cares…" I smiled lightly.
"That beer is not vegan-friendly," Jeff teased trying to lighten the mood.
"Ugh. No wonder my stomach hurts." I had found that when I go from eating strictly fruits and vegetables that it made me sick when I had anything that wasn't. I drank water and Sprite. The beer was making my stomach churn.
I heard knocks at Jeff's door. I disappeared into the bathroom and put my jeans back on. When I came out, Jeff was wearing his shirt and Blaine was standing in the room. I realized my makeup was probably running.
"You okay, Andi?" Blaine asked me softly.
"Yeah. I was washing my face when you came in and decided to screw it," I lied.
"Alright. Ready to go home? Kurt is too drunk to do anything so he is staying with Trent… I have a song to prepare tomorrow and didn't drink so I was gonna go home… He told me to take you home," Blaine explained.
"Alright. Bye, Jeff!" I smiled as Blaine dragged me out of the room.
