I was about to begin the next letter when I heard Casey come home. I waited to see if she stayed downstairs to talk with Nora or went straight to her room. When she went to her room, which usually meant she was too tired to do anything else, I decided it was safe to continue reading.
You,
Yeah the heading changed, but I got tired of writing "Dear fill in the blank here" considering I know who these letters would be for. Then again anyone who read them would know who they were for.
I don't understand you. How is it you can make me feel so many emotions at one time, and it only seems like a game to you. Have you noticed how our fights have changed? They are still as meaningless as ever of course. But have you noticed the extra passion, the spark? I've started noticing it. And maybe it's always been there and I've just never noticed it before. I blame Paul and myself for listening to him. Maybe what he said just got in my head and I imagined it all. I like that explanation better than Emily's. Not that I've talked about this with Emily, but she has made a comment or two about some things that I don't like to think about… but I do. Late at night when I can't sleep. I think. I think of mostly you, and you know what that sounds like? It sounds like I have a sad pathetic school girl crush on you. That I'm just pining away just down the hall from you. It isn't true, but the fact that I think of you at night makes it sound like it, right?
You're really the one to blame for my sleepless nights though. The things you do, and say, they keep me up. Why I have no idea. I know what Paul would say, and I know what Emily would say. But those aren't things I want to think about right now. Right now I can't stand you. I had to wear your shirt today because you stole all my clothes. Who knows if it was even clean. Another thought I shudder to think about. Here is something I will never admit, except for here. And I don't even really want to but I will, I kind of liked wearing your clothes. I think there is something wrong with me. I know tonight will be another sleepless night. It will be your fault again, indirectly of course, but your fault nonetheless.
Always,
Me.
"Casey, why do you have to be so damn confusing." I say frustrated. I don't know what she's saying and it's not like I can go ask her. Deciding to try not to think about it too much I move on to the next letter.
You,
Ugh! Confusion, anger, pain, frustration, and other feelings I can't explain. How do you do it? How can you make me feel electrified? Do you know I live for our little arguments now? It's sad but it's true. I've lost interest in guys lately. And not because I'm a lesbian, because I could so see you saying that. I really don't know what it is, but no one really captures my interest anymore. Oh yeah, back to the arguments. That spark that I mentioned in my last letter makes me feel alive. I don't think I'm explaining that right. But it doesn't matter, I'm the only one who will ever see this. I guess it just makes my day a little more interesting. Always has. One thing can be said about you, it is never boring being in your presence, that is for sure.
You were gone today, hockey practice and then you went to Sam's. There was no arguing today. It was nice, but at the same time I missed it. But that isn't to say I missed you. I don't think I could ever miss you. I'm not even fooling myself anymore. I did miss you. Sad isn't it, that I missed you? Although it was just because I was bored. I bet you haven't noticed that I haven't even been on a date in weeks. Why would you? You don't care, and you don't notice anything. Although, I kind of hoped you would. Wishful thinking. Why do I care if you notice? I have no idea. But I noticed all the dates you went on in the past few weeks. Twelve. But they all ended differently. You came in with out George telling you to. From the sound of it, you don't even kiss good night anymore. So I'm guessing you met someone. And she rejected you… smart girl. I wonder who it is though. Who it is that have made your dates distractions. I can sense another sleepless night ahead of me as I ponder who you have a true interest in.
Always,
Me.
She thinks I don't notice things? Well of course she does, 'cause I act like I don't. But I notice things. I noticed how she bites her lip when she's thinking, and how she plays with her hair when she's nervous, and how her eyes flare up when I dare challenge her. And I definitely noticed that she stopped going on dates. I pick up the next letter.
I give up on formal introductions. But hey guess what, I figured it out. I figured out why I have no interest in anyone else. I figured out why I live for arguments I figured out everything. That is all I have to say for now.
As always,
Just me.
I reached for the next letter when there was a banging on my door and a familiar "Der-ek" quickly shoving everything into one of my pillow cases I threw open the door.
"What do you want Casey?" she pushed her way in and sat at my desk.
"Derek, we need to talk." I was startled but of course I didn't miss a beat.
"About what sister dearest?"
