Separation Makes the Heart Grow Stronger (GoldenQueen)
I have always found the relationship between Regina and Rumple fascinating. It is a travesty that there are not more fics written to explore the complex relationship and history of GoldenQueen – whether it be mentor/student, father/daughter, lovers, etc. So here we go! I don't know if I made the details of my canon divergence concept clear enough, so don't hesitate to comment or question.
SETTING: Season 6 has been rewired. The Evil Queen was defeated when Regina merged once again with her alter ego and was able to fully move past the darkness and any lingering hate she harbored regarding the deaths of Daniel and Robin. The Storybrooke gang defeated Hyde and returned him to his native land.
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Then the monster – the Dark One in all his glory – emerged. His amber slits of eyes absorbed his surroundings with sinister glee. By the light of a single bulb that swung on a string, his reptilian scales shimmered and sparkled. His gnarled claws of hands flexed, as the predator sought out his prey.
Seek and ye shall find. The immortal Rumpelstiltskin's eyes locked onto his counterpart he had only moments ago separated from. There stood the weak little excuse of a man. Of course, the Dark One had been housed in the mortal body of Mr. Gold for close to three decades, but even then, the superhuman vessel of evil had lurked just beyond the surface.
Regina waited with baited breath. Would one of them make a move or not?
Rumpelstiltskin started stalking forward. One inch at a time he crept. Once in front of his alter, he stilled for a moment, surveying his human dimension, frailties and all.
Walking stick in hand, Mr. Gold stood unmoving. Though he appeared to be the vulnerable one –the one stripped of the great magical power – he, too, was poised to strike. Eyes hardened, like granite orbs, he focused on the figure in front of him. He calculated and speculated and conjured to his mind all that was the Darkness that fed the mind of Rumpelstiltskin. He could not afford to forget anything. He could not lose. And he would not leave Regina alone to fend off this unbridled, inhuman monster – the thing he formerly was.
"I had hoped it would never come to this…"
Gold threw the Bakklia Net over Rumpelstiltskin. He had been saving the relic for a rainy day, and apparently this was the one. The enchanted net from ancient Mysnambia Kwal was endowed with the incapacitating power of a magic freezer. It solidified magic within the magic user so that the network of magic veins within the individual could not effectively or conductively flow.
Gold then reached his hand through one of the large holes in the net. He plunged his hand into his counterpart's chest and withdrew a heart. An oozing black heart. His heart.
"Do you know what you're doing?!" Rumpelstiltskin hissed.
"Exactly. We are one, as you know."
Indeed, Gold knew that by taking out the Dark One's heart, he would be rendering it useless.
Gold drew his own murky red heart (swirling with greyish plumes). He welded the Dark Heart and his human red one together. The effort caused bits of excess chunks to fall to the floor, allowing the cancerous black organ to fit to its twin.
"You are done for, Dark One," Gold told his former other half. "You know that I am now complete without you. Goodbye."
Regina did the honors. With the boundless trust of her former teacher, she wielded his dagger in final kill stroke and stabbed the imp's empty heart chamber.
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And so, the Dark One was no more. The Darkness had been separated from the Dark properties –Rumpelstiltskin's heart, the core of his essence, being stripped from his magical form – rendering them impotent within the limited form of the human Mr. Gold. Rumple was no longer tempted by the Dark, at least not by The Madness. He no longer possessed the power of the Seer. He could no longer spin gold. Last but not least, he was no longer immortal.
Regina was proud of how well her old, power-hungry mentor had taken the abrupt change. She had never known him when he had not used magic and manipulation to aid his nefarious agendas. He seemed to be a different man.
Was it too late? They were fugitives. Outlaws. Murderers. Thiefs. Before Regina and Rumple had righted their wrongs and ended the rampages of their psychotic counterparts, Rumpelstiltskin had killed Snow White. A vengeful David and Emma Swan could not see that it had not been Gold, who had been solely focused on waking Belle. The two unCharmings led the town in a manhunt, thirsty for blood. Regina, in quite a sympathetic mood and annoyed that once again the heroes were dreaming in black-and-white, hid away with Gold. She remembered how it had been when the Curse had just been broken; the townspeople had refused to see her current intentions and how much she had changed during the years under the Curse. So Regina cautiously believed that Rumple wanted to get rid of his Darkness once in for all. What speaks louder than the voluntary relinquishment of the Dark Dagger?
So they had fled through the last portal out of Storybrooke. To the land of Untold Stories. Hyde's house and laboratory had been available, but it was grotesque. And too obvious – should the Heroes come looking for them across realms. Being the ingenious villains that they were trained to be, Regina and Gold coveted not luxury but survival and longevity. They discretely scoured the town and came upon a forgotten area. A young man had been selling his hovel of a dirt house for mere pennies because his ailing mother needed medicine. This woman was actually a blind witch. Not ailing but in need of resources. Regina and Gold bargained with her for the use of her back room in exchange for 50 bars of gold. The blind witch readily agreed. The back room had since been empty, but the underground space beneath it had not. With the help of Gold's elvish books and Regina's stolen architecture and engineering volumes, they magically created a subterranean cavern. They would live there undetected for the foreseeable future. When they needed they could venture into town, in magical disguise as the blind witch, to buy any food or supplies. Never had life been so simple.
Granted, their time together had certainly not been smooth sailing. Most of their hardships could be blamed on Rumple's dissociation from the Darkness.
Magic was a drug of sorts. Suddenly being snatched away from a daily regimen of spell-casting and telepathy and other activity of that level of power held almost lethal consequences. Having been the most powerful magic-user in all the realms, Rumple was taking quite a fall from grace. Forced to spend every waking hour with this man, Regina could testify to the fact that giving up part of one's self literally was the magical equivalent of detox – taking oneself away from one's addiction cold turkey. One symptom of this 'rehabilitation' was the physical manifestations that afflicted Rumple. Cold chills that cause him to shake for hours at a time. Numbness of the legs, which forced bed-rest upon him. Tremors in his hands. Hallucinations of the people he had murdered in his Dark One times. Dreams of torment and agony and horror. Sharp changes in feeling, making him go from being emotionless to being inundated by feelings he didn't know he had. It was quite an experience. An awful one.
Regina felt horrible for Rumple. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to not access one's magic. Perhaps like that blasted cuff (of the Greg and Tamara debacle) only a million times worse and accompanied by a million side effects. Out of character, Regina also wished that Rumple's sacrifice for the town and for himself, in an effort to become a better man, could be rewarded by a painless adjustment to his new life.
As for herself, she had had a terrible time the first couple of days. She had undergone the worst of the detox in the same time Rumple had, so they had both been lying helplessly in their own pools of vomit unable to help each other. On the fifth day, Regina rose while Rumple was still quaking and groaning. In silence and without complaint, she had stepped into the role of caretaker and had seen to all of Rumple's needs. She considered it a repayment for all the times he had seen to her healing and soothing post-Leopold. (That's what she called those times the imp had secretly visited her to fix the damage Leopold wrought upon her in her bedchamber.) His pain and his worries and his fears became hers. Her mind was taken off her own troubles – the Queen that had been merged back with Regina, the Mayor. She felt useful and good, for once.
In the cellar, there were no villains to fight. Miss Swan wasn't there to be a thorn in her side. Snow wasn't there to give her an unsolicited hope speech. Though she missed him, Henry wasn't there to take care of and worry about. All she had to do was take care of herself. And she preoccupied herself by taking care of Rumple.
Her life was easy now. Not much could tempt her back to the Darkness. She had uninterrupted minutes to reflect on herself and contemplate the future. She could berate herself about her past crimes, truly repent with full, private emotion, and determine that she would move on. No one was there to influence her or guilt her or press her. She was confident and free. But most of all, Rumple needed her.
Regina's eyes fluttered open slowly. Her vision was bleary from sleep, and her bones creaked from the strain of the position in which she currently found herself. Sprawled on the floor on a thick quilt, the petite brunette lay on her side entangled with warmth. Rumple.
She smiled. Despite the protestations of her taxed body and her need for more sleep, she was happy in that moment. It reminded her of days long gone. Some of the only memories in her past where she had found comfort had been with him. Her father Henry had only provided brief flickers of respite from Cora. Daniel had been the love and the hope in her life, but his limited power and the secrecy of their relationship had provided Regina no real security. Yet when the student had sought out safety in her master's arms, she found strength and safety – away from the scary outside world, away from her abusive husband. Rumple was the one that had taught her to steel herself to the pain of Leo's slaps and unwanted night visits. Rumple's presence had taken away the ache from the isolation and loneliness she endured in the White Castle. He had equipped her with magical outlets in which she could armor herself against the permanent wounds she bore at the hands of her mother. He was her safe haven – even when he honed her darkness, even when he pushed her to the breaking point of sanity. Rumple did that.
The fuzzy nostalgic feelings that had risen inside of Regina made her feel lightheaded and giddy. She felt excited and anticipatory for the unknown future. She felt tranquil and content with the beautiful moment of silence in which she found herself. Her past, present, and future – she knew – had and always would center on this man, in whose arms she now lay.
Regina twisted and placed her hand gently on Rumple's shoulders. With feline ease, she slinked upward so that her head rested on his chest. Her chin sat atop his chiseled pectorals; her face shone with adoration, as she gazed upon his face.
Surprised to see his companion now awake, Rumple roused from his own mindful wanderings and extended a look as equally caring and awe-filled as the one being directed at him. His right hand rose from the ground and encircled Regina's torso, resting on her lower back and thumbing soft circles there.
My Rumple, she thought with a sigh. The internal declaration alarmed her. Not the meaning! She had ruefully admitted and accepted that fact of mutual belonging between the two of them decades ago. No, Regina was alarmed by the words she had whispered within herself. Rumple? Mine?!
'Rumple' was who he had been to her – HAD and BEEN being the key words. No one else had dared to utter a shortened version of the Dark One's name. No one else had even come close to the level of familiarity she had shared with him. She alone had resided in the eerie halls of the Dark Castle and had called his presence to her side. That was… until Belle. Belle had softened her Dark One. The mousy bookworm had monopolized his time. No longer did Rumple spend whole afternoons exploring new spells, experimenting with potions, or traveling the realms with Regina. He had given away a large part of himself to Belle; he became Belle's 'Rumple'. With that transference of the title, he had given away Regina's safe haven. So Regina definitely would NOT view him as 'Rumple' any longer.
'Rumpelstiltskin' was also quickly dismissed. That was the name everyone loathed and feared. The moniker given to him by the Darkness.
'Gold' was equally as unacceptable. Gold was the product of the ill-fated Curse he had maneuvered her into casting. Gold was the Storybrooke manipulator, who had taunted her for twenty-eight years. Gold was the evidence of one man's twisted mind and unending ruthlessness all for the sake of finding a son he had long ago tossed aside. Most importantly, Gold was a creature that had left no room in his life for her – Regina, the woman who had always been connected to him in mind and soul, if not heart.
She deemed proper that she must ask the source of her unease. Forcing herself out of her thoughts, the inquisitive queen gave the man of many masks and monikers an appraising glance.
Regina bit her lip, reluctant to request that he divulge his secrets. She did want to know, but if he answered, they would be crossing another bridge of trust. She didn't know if she was ready to discard more of her trusty walls she had built over the years, and the Darkness only knows what the man holding her would think!
Ignoring the churning in her stomach, Regina plunged forward with paper-thin composure and tried desperately to appear indifferent to her very personal, very important question. "What's your name?"
"What an odd question! You have known me for years, more than either of us care to recall. Though I'm loathe to admit it, you very well might know me better than any other person or being alive." He hummed and nodded slowly, ruminating over the heavy implication of that reality.
"You know exactly what I'm asking! Don't you dare try to avoid answering!" The fiery brunette smacked her companion lightly on the arm.
Remembering what led her to ask Rumple about his name in the first place, her verve receded. Ducking her head and picking at his thin linen tunic, she sighed and continued softly, "What's your name? I only know you as the Dark One and the pawn shop owner we created…and Belle's husband."
"That's not true, my dear. You limit me to titles and positions. You limit us to mere acquaintances and co-conspirators. Maybe that is another talk we need to have in the near future." Slowing the soothing motions of his right hand, he squeezed her tightly to himself.
When he stalled his already vague answer, Regina allowed herself a fleeting glance at Rumple. The intensity of his gaze cut through her reservations and distracting thoughts. His attention seared her soul. She didn't know the state of his mind, but she knew he would not hurt her. She knew that it was safe to maintain eye contact. He was safe, just as he had always been.
"I am your mentor. Your teacher. Your demon. Your ally. Your friend. We are so much more, as well. I do know that is not the answer you're looking for. You wish to know the name I received at birth, correct?"
Breathing in with great deliberation, three defining words were uttered. "Ezra Robert Tyler."
"Ezra, hmm?" Regina murmured.
"No. You will not ever call me that name. It was my father's name."
"Pan?" The boy of her nightmares. Perhaps he not always been as cruel as he was in their latest encounter, but Regina almost cried at the thought of Rumple having him as a father.
"Before he became Pan. The man was the hailing hero in the Bronze Ogre War. The brave and honorable lieutenant, who singlehandedly fought the enemy hellions when the rest of his division had gone down. The last man standing. He was the talk of the village. The supposed pride and joy of the family." Disdain rolled over his face like a thundercloud. "In the public eye, he was perfect. At home, he was a monster. His best friend was clover wine, and he was never without. Suffice it to say, my mother was brutalized and humiliated until she went to an early grave. I will never honor that man, even if I am his namesake."
"We've both suffered at the hands of people who should never have been parents," whispered Regina. She quickly put any thought of Cora out of her head, for she wanted to be available for Rumple. Ready to be what he needed in that moment in which she knew he was enduring long-festering injuries – the likes of which only a parent could inflict upon a child. She shuddered to think of the infamous clover wine, an alcohol infused with faerie-grown clover. This plant had been known to chemically change a person's personality – to the utter core of his or her being.
Turning inwardly as if speaking to himself, Rumple rambled, "When I was young, all I knew was the strong, proud soldier. I was so happy that my name was his. I wore it like a badge of honor. Then as I grew up and realized his cruelty, I vowed to be nothing like him. The hatred of war burned in me, as I blamed it for making the monster. I wanted to be a good man that loved his family. I failed. Running from fighting, I became a coward. I let down my wife and let down my son. I didn't abuse those I loved physically or jeer at them until they were crumbling, but I became a different kind of monster. I was worse than him. I clung onto magic. It was power that didn't involve my direct hand in the bloodshed. I could be removed from the horror. I could feel clean. But it was all a lie. I hurt so many."
He tenderly cupped his beautiful queen's cheek. "I hurt you," he whispered.
Close to tears, Regina burrowed her head in his neck. Her heart ached for the injustice that Fate had wrought upon his life.
They lay there in silence. The burden of their most recent conversation, as well as the current predicament of hiding, weighed down the air around them. And yet, there was something so serene and untroubled about the way their bodies touched. They gave each other warmth and shelter from the storm. There was no queen, no imp, no Dark One, no sorceress. No one was in the room but two people.
The man clutched the woman impossibly close to him. His hand carded through her dark tresses, scattering the black silk over her small shoulders. The woman purred contentedly with her head rested atop his heart. The beat of that pulsing organ in his chest resounded through her head, giving her a melody with which to sleep. It was an intimacy – an uninterrupted, mutual protection – they had always craved but had only now found. She could pretend for night that this was normal and that it did not cross any lines. She could pretend that he wanted her and cared for her and loved her like a lover would. She could pretend that this feeling of safety – both physical and emotional – would never go away.
Before she lost focus and cognizance, she could distinctly hear what sounded to be an almost unintentional instruction.
"Call me Robert."
"I never much indulged in the luxury of time required to sit down to watch television." Robert scratched his head, thinking.
"I suppose not. You had so many people to manipulate, devious schemes to enact, and power to grab." Though the remark itself was negative, Regina and Robert shared a smile at a truth that could only be endearing to former baddies with common goals.
"I did happen upon the occasional episode of… 'Real Housewives something', was it? The show was quite horrendous, but I found it somewhat tolerable. Belle made me watch it with her."
"Don't lie to me, Robert. You could never ignore a psychotic woman with a mean streak. You love it!"
Then she began laughing.
Robert could not stop staring. It was a sound he had not realized he had so missed. HE was enamored with the sound.
Like a light switch, his thoughts turned. Robert lost himself momentarily to memories of his Beauty. She had always brought life, love, and sweetness to his dark life. That made it all the more endearing when she let her mostly hidden boldness come out whenever she desired his company for watching reality television.
But she was gone. She was asleep. She did not want him anymore. She could not accept his evil.
But Regina always accepted him. She knew him. She knew his brand of evil and found it amusing.
"I concede. I'm always one for a crafty brunette."
Regina smiled, but the corners of her lips curled into a bit of a saucy smirk. I certainly couldn't categorized Belle as crafty…
"You're obsession for the Mills women is no secret. Cora, me, and… well, not Zelena. She is a flaming redhead!"
"Who said I was speaking of you or your mother?"
"Were you referring solely to those plastic TV women? I think not. But on another subject, it is quite creepy how taken you are with every woman in my family!"
Nailing him with an icy stare, Regina broke down into a fit of giggles.
It's been years since I heard her giggle. Such a little girl at times. Where did her innocence go? Rumple refused to think of how he had played a role in taking it away. It was more Cora and Leopold's fault at any rate. Her beauty is incomparable when she laughs.
"Enough! I loved your mother many, many years ago – when she still had her heart. Then came you, my star pupil. Anyway, your mother created such a perfect daughter. But even so, you are not at all like her, even the young her that had a heart. It is a wonder that you are related."
He avoided revealing ANYTHING interesting, didn't he? He loved my mother, but what does he think of me? At least my mother was long ago. She was powerful. She was beautiful. Belle is untouched by magic. By comparison to the Mills, she is but a simple flower. What does he see in her? And if he loves her and treasure her above all else, what could he like in the antithesis of her that is me?
"Really, Regina. I know you are thinking of the past. You never can hide the truth that swirls in your dark, lovely eyes. Your mother? Do not think upon her. Save your pain for another day."
"I can't believe you, of all people, were the one to end Snow! I tried for so many years and failed – no thanks to you!" Regina exclaimed with a huff.
"I know for a fact that you never truly tried to end dear Snow White. As to my part in her demise… you're welcome, I suppose." Robert's former impish nature shone through with a devilish gleam, but the man's face slowly transformed into a genuinely warm gaze at his former student.
"Nowhere in my words did I utter a 'thank you' to you! Snow and I had finally made our amends, and we were starting to form a real relationship. Also, Henry loved Snow, so her loss pains me for him, if not for myself."
Regina's impassioned little speech was halted by a pointed look from Robert. The queen's usual dramatic gusto flourished, but the former Dark One knew the woman inside and out. He did not buy what she was trying to sell.
"Okay. Fine! Who am I kidding? I am ashamed, but I am relieved that Snow is gone. I cried for Daniel, and all of them excused Snow because she was a child at the time! She had Charming while she ran from my Black Guards, but I had no one when I suffered by the hands of my mother and Leopold."
Robert coughed.
Regina couldn't figure out if he was slowly giving into the mannerisms of the villagers or the people on the television, but the silliness and witticisms were pouring out of her companion with increasing quantity by the day.
"Yes, yes. I guess you were there."
Robert grunted.
"Fine. You were my savior, oh worshipfulness."
"That's much better. I was beginning to think your old age was getting the better of you. Old faulty memory and all of that…" Robert waved his hand in a dismissive gesture.
"I'm not old, you ancient one!" Regina playfully swatted him.
"Older than me, by comparison. I figure that the Dark powers will sustain me for a life span of 150 years even while dormant. You, on the other hand, are simply mortal."
"But the name Regina the Evil Queen is one of a kind that will live on. You are just another Dark One." The precocious glint in her eye teased Robert to his delight.
"Long live the last Dark One! Long live Rumpelstiltskin!" Regina mocked bowed, playing along with his declaration.
"In all truth, people will probably remember the name Rumpelstiltskin, as the Darkness will hopefully go to the grave with my human form. Thanks to you, my dear." The soft spot in Robert's heart had been tapped by some unseen wave of gratitude. Taking her hand, he added, "I truly thank you for helping me end my Darkness. I do not know that I would have had the will to follow through with my plan had it not been your steady and firm intentions and wielding of my dagger. I hope that Rumpelstiltskin is a name that lives on as a cautionary tale, but I hope that the name Robert is preserved only by the ones that truly know me."
Looking into his eyes, and with the gift on many shared years, Regina knew that he meant the her Rumple. Her Robert. The private version of himself that was here in the cellar. It was there once before as well. That day in the East Pavilion. (The fairytale stories had gotten it slightly mixed up when they had said the East Wing.)
"You mean the you in the East Pavilion?" She was surprised at herself that she asked. It was quite a risky move to revive that portion of their past.
His eyes burned life hot coals. As volatile as he was, his eyes smoldered of a fire barely contained, heated by a memory. As ever, she felt safe even on the brink of his danger.
"That is part of it."
"Do you wish for me not to speak of it? To pretend it never happened?"
"No. We can never forget our past. That is what makes us. The better parts we can relive. Through effort to recapture it in the present or by the simple act of dreaming and remembering. It is part of us."
Regina always wondered what that day had meant to him. It had been a spring day. Robert had been nowhere to be found. He had whisked her away from the Palace and to the safe haven of his fortress. As soon as he had tended to her wounds, he had disappeared. She had searched and searched the many rooms and halls and nooks. Finally, she went outside to the one place he had forbidden her to enter. The East Pavilion. Long story short, he had been upset. It was his mother's birthday. He had shared that one fact and then turned away. She had been sure she had spotted the remnants of tears. She sought to comfort him, but he did not want pity. It ended with her experiencing what lovemaking truly should be. Maybe it was just sex to him – or manipulation, or greed, or distraction. But she would always be thankful to him for that one day when she could have hope that love was not pain and that Leopold was not her permanent scar.
"I suppose I have you to thank for that, too," Robert said. His statement confused her, but she was still entranced by her sensual memories.
"For what?" Regina choked out.
"I spoke to no one of my parents. Until now, I suppose. At that time, I could only give you a little, but you listened. You took. You did not fight me or leave me."
"Of course not. Two so dark and evil such as us have to stick together," Regina replied plastically. Did he not know how much she had desperately clung to him during those times? He had equal parts saved her and harmed her. Corrupted and constructed. But he had been her lifeline. She also wondered if that day had mattered anything to him beyond the consolation. No matter.
"Then why did you leave me?"
"What?" What kind of a question is that? "Where is this coming from, Robert?"
"Storybrooke. We were ever at cross-purposes there. Until just recently."
"Ahhh." Now she understood. Those years had not been kind to Regina. She had been confused and changing and in a new world. "I did join Team Hero for a bit, and it was nice not having to feel the overwhelming guilt of my sins. I was redeeming myself. I wasn't hated by all. You were still the Dark One, therefore evil, and I had to distance myself from that and you. I guess initially, it was just my feelings of disillusionment at the results of the Curse. But later, when I tried to be 'good', I had a whole team of support – at least that's what I thought. Here we are, having come full circle. We always support each other. I will never make that mistake again."
"Let us drink to that." Robert stood up from the sofa and reached for the decanter of her cider, a bit different than her usual but a decent substitute. (The apples of this realm really could not hold a candle to that of her childhood apple tree.)
"To supporting each other," he began.
"To new direction and learning from mistakes!" Regina really hoped he would, in time, believe in her loyalty.
"To the East Pavilion."
What did he say?! She almost choked.
"I remember all of the things that I thought I wanted to be
So desperate to find a way out of my world and finally breathe
Right before my eyes I saw my heart it came to life
This ain't easy it's not meant to be…"
She felt his gaze bearing down upon her back. When she turned, she found she had been right. His stare plumbed the depths of her soul. She felt so exposed, like his gaze scratched her raw and stripped away her masks and walls and whatever else she used for protection.
"I'm sorry. I'll stop singing now."
She remembered how much he hated her singing. In her days at the his fortress, he had placed a mute spell over her the first time she had sung in his presence. After that, he had sent her into seclusion in the dungeon to decipher his elvish books. Never again!
"No, Regina," he responded with a soft tone. "You have a beautiful voice."
"But I thought you hated it."
"I have always loved your voice. I will let you in on a secret, my dear. When you were my student, I shut you up. I stopped your expression and your creativity. I repurposed your passion for desperation and a need for more magic. I used you. Not letting you sing was a way to try to keep you needy, weak, and dependent upon me. It was a crime. I see that now and care, and I would never do that to you again."
Regina blinked. Was this truly Rumpelstiltskin standing before her? Maybe not. She still had to become accustomed to her Robert.
"Tell me more," she commanded softly. "I still do not understand how singing would have impeded upon my magic practice."
"I wanted to control of everything about you. You were a wild card – a bright-eyed, naïve, untrained young woman who had the greatest amount of magic and power and untapped potential that I had ever witnessed or aimed to harness as an apprentice. I had teach you but keep you under my thumb. So I made sure you knew that you were only capable because of me and beside me. I belittled your efforts at magic and your singing so that you never knew how talented you already were. Even now, you are nowhere near discovering the extent of your powers."
"How could there be more than this?" With wide eyes, she looked to him for answers. His quest for control over her had been easy to see. She had known it. But his truthful words had startled her.
"Do you trust me?"
"Yes," Regina insisted with firm faith.
It was Robert's turn to be shocked.
She could read his hesitance. "You have always been more knowledgeable, more powerful, and been in authority over me in some way. Yet you have never destroyed me or killed me when you had the chance. I trust you."
Without warning, Robert pulled out her heart. He waved a hand over it. Twisted rust-colored pulped appeared wrapped around the organ, as if aiming to crush it. Robert twisted his free hand in an intricate, dancing pattern and then thrust his arm up in a slicing manner. The pulp fell to the ground.
"What was that?" Regina had never seen anything of the sort. That pulp could only mean something bad. How long had it been on her heart.
It was as if he read her mind. (Or knew her heart.)
"I am ashamed to say that I colluded with Cora to place this magical shackle on your heart. It tamed you and channeled your anger. It tempered your magic to be inferior to hers or mine when encountering our magic. I should have taken it off years ago, at least as soon as we reached Storybrooke."
"You have done it now. I am grateful. I still cannot believe the levels to which my mother went to keep me down. To enforce her will on my life."
Regina shook her head.
"Neither can I. I was so clouded by Darkness. Her Darkness fed mine. And to an extent, I was still hoping that I could work with her and reunite with her."
"Do you still wish that? I think if you would not have tampered with Cora's heart in Storybrooke and it had been returned to her, she would have taken you back eventually." Perhaps. Her mother always had been a fickle one, and her heart could not have quashed the Cora-only ironclad mercurial nature.
"No. I do not wish for Cora. She is dead anyway. Even by the time we reached Storybrooke, I had long given up on her. I had experience the trueness of loving someone like Belle, so why would I reach for a twisted love such as the one I had possessed with Cora?"
It made sense to Regina. Belle was so much more giving and honest than Cora. But did he still love Belle? Probably, but it pained her to think on it.
"How do we always end up speaking of my past lovers?" He snickered, glancing at Regina in that secretive, mischievous childlike way of his.
"I do not know. I would rather not anymore."
"Agreed. Will you dance with me?"
"I thought that was yours and Belle's thing."
When Robert questioned her through his single upset tilt of the head, Regina simply said, "The day of the frost."
Robert was astonished. How does she know of that?
It had been one day a few months after Belle had arrived. She had insisted going outside to view the snow-covered property – against his and Regina's warnings. Regina had gone after her but had gotten sick traversing the rough terrain in freezing temperatures for hours. Belle had been saved by the magically weatherproof coat he had given her. Regina had been laid up for week. (Why had he given so much attention to the needs of Belle and never the welfare of Regina?) Regina had magically signaled Rumple right before she collapsed in weakness. He had arrived just in time. After hastily sending Regina off to bed, Rumple had gone back out to fetch Belle. He remembered it like yesterday. If you had asked him before these months with Regina, he would have called 'The Day of the Frost' one of his favorite memories. He had carried Belle in his arms over the threshold and into the ballroom. Then, he magicked her into a voluminous red gown of silk and taffeta. Upon her transformation, he had danced with her for hours and hours until she surprised him with a first kiss. Apparently, Regina knew. How did she know?
Regina interrupted his thoughts: "My room was right over the ballroom. Remember? When Belle came, you moved me from the room beside yours, overlooking the library, to the one connecting to the ballroom."
Robert winced at this. How could he have been so callous? Yes, he had been immediately taken with the foreign quietness and softness of Belle's personality. But hadn't Regina once been bright and happy and young, too? He had cared for Regina so much. Why did he stop when Belle had arrived?
Because it was Regina, his innermost thoughts cried. Belle was sweet, but Regina was brightness and fire. She was explosive and dangerous. You ran scared.
So he did. But he would correct that now. If there was any value to this monotonous solitude he now shared with Regina, it was the chance to correct his sins of the past.
"Belle and I did dance," Rumple remarked. And more, Regina thought, thinking back to that blistering kiss she had witnessed that night years ago, remembering her bitterness and pain (and heartache, her traitorous heart said).
"We danced that night. However, if I remember correctly, you and I danced long before that. Remember?"
"Oh, that." Regina waved her hands dismissively. "You danced with me when I was young at the request of mother. At one of her balls, no less."
"No, Regina. I danced with you at my request because you were such a smart, feisty little girl that I wanted to meet."
"Truly? Mother did not force you?"
"Truly. Now would you dance with me. I would love to dance with you." Like a gentleman – it almost reminded Regina of Robin in Camelot – Robert offered her his arm.
She slid her hand daintily into his, as his other wrapped around her waist. She nervously caressed his shoulder without even noticing it.
"But there is not music."
"Sing, my dear."
And they danced the night away. Regina could almost forget the hurtful memory of that Day of the Frost, in which Robert had given Belle a kiss always meant for Regina.
The bond between them crackled and sparked like a live wire. Even after all this time. The sparring nature of their relationship back in their teacher-student days, joined with their magical connection, had burned with an unfed fire. When Belle had appeared, everything had grown abysmal. The mutual longing had been discarded and forgotten. But here it was, back again. Stronger than ever.
One minute, they had been eating supper. Pleasant and light and normal. In the next, Robert had asked her to dance. Again? But he was insistent. Apparently he wanted to make the dance-and-sing a nightly tradition. It was so unlike him. But he coaxed her, and she stood to welcome his embrace. Unlike their lighthearted dinner conversation and the lively night before, this time the dancing had been silent. She could feel that pull. Somehow, they had grown closer and closer, with his arms wrapped around her waist, caressing her back. Hers draped over his shoulders.
She did not even know how they had begun kissing. It was electric and terrifying. They fought for dominance and wrestled for sanity, but in the end, it was pure. As she lightly bit his lipped and he cupped her cheek and his tongue found hers, they released every strain and past hurt and gave into easy love. It shouldn't have been so easy, after all of their combined years of resistance, but it was. Their need was simple. They hated, they lusted, and they loved. Through all their emotions and broken hearts and other lovers, they always came back for each other.
"You are the Sun. For so long my life has orbited around you. Like the story of Icharus and Daedalus… It has always spoken to me. When I was trapped with my mother, I heard your name and wondered. Then I found myself in another gilded cage – this time of Leopold's making. You were the Sun. I hoped for escape; it was a long shot, but I had to try. The problem was I was too enthralled with your enablement. You were all I could see. You blinded me. My world revolved around you, and you melted my wings and made my escape further and further beyond the realm of possibilities. I don't fully blame you, Robert. I must hold myself accountable for what I did as the Evil Queen and who I truly am with my darker tendencies – even if I am partially a creature of your making. But don't you see how damaging we are together?! We hurt each other! Deeply. Time and time again. You peel away at me until there is nothing left of ME! I would only hazard a guess at my effect; I allow you to use me, and that only furthers your darkness. Can't you see?! We are no good. We've never worked, and that will not change now!"
"You are wrong. I am not the Sun. If you are Icharus, then I am Daedalus." Robert declared vehemently, pounding his fist on the table. "We both have been imprisoned by our parents, our pasts, and our darkness. We both wanted escape and tried to do that with magic. You may have been pained more than I, because I used you and tormented you. But I was never the Sun. We hurt each other, but we also help each other survive. I concede the point that in the past, we have wounded each other greatly. We haven't always been good for each other."
"Never. We have never been good for each other. We are poisonous together, Robert!" The queen admitted sadly, batting away a stray tear.
"Never… in the past, perhaps. But we are living in a different time and place. Different circumstances. Back then, I was twisting you to do my bidding. In my own way, I cared about you, but you were not the priority. I justified hurting you and causing you to do evil by focusing only on Bae. You were still grieving over Daniel. You clawed at the confines of your life and were so stifled you could not see straight. We both overlooked what was right. We overlooked what was best for our own ourselves as well as in relation to each other. But this is not then. You must see that, my dear."
Regina sprung out of her defeated position and prowled like a cornered panther. She hissed, "Why is it so different? Why makes now so different?"
"We are equals. We are humans. We are the best versions of ourselves. You have been stripped of the Evil Queen, and I have been stripped of the Dark One. I am no longer the ruthless manipulator doing anything and everything to get back to my lost son. You are no longer the woman spurred on by grief and revenge. I made peace with Bae's death. You have long since moved on from Daniel, as well as having come to a peaceable understanding with Snow White. We are away from the world that expects nothing good from us and always tries to attack us. There is no world to conquer or power to grab within these walls. No other people can be used as pawns or need to be saved. There is no heroic quest to go on, nor is there a fierce new villain or rapid creature to battle. We are trapped in our own little world with just each other. There is nothing to fear but each other. I hope you no long fear me. It is a simple life here, Regina. We could be happy. Finally. Isn't that enough?"
"Oh, Robert!" Regina sighed. She halted her pacing. Bowing her head and using her arms almost as a shield for her vulnerability, she whimpered. "I hear everything you say. It is so convincing that I could almost shut down the voices and just be. Almost, but I do not think I can."
Now dropping her arms to cross across her chest, she cleared her throat and tried to continue with a steady voice. "I do not fear you, Robert. I don't know that I ever have. Even when you punished me or foiled my plans, I never feared you. If anything, your darkness only challenged me. After all, we drove each other forward on the path to destruction. You were always my greatest supporter and cheerleader. No, I fear this." She gestured between the two of them. "You and I. We are not anything." When he shot her a look rife with skepticism, she shrugged. "We aren't! At least, not anything meant to be! Fate has played with us – against us! Villains were never meant for happy endings! We have lived so long miring in misery, without love, and disappointed. It never works out for us! Daniel, Robin, Milah, Belle… How could we possibly be so arrogant – so foolish – as to think that we could be happy together after all this time?!"
Robert stepped forward with a determined expression. He cradled one of Regina's hands in his, against his heart. "Listen-"
But she cut him off. "I'm such an idiot! BELLE! What about her?"
"What exactly are you asking?" Robert growled. His grasp on her delicate hand became imperceptibly tighter, mirroring the unsettled sensations he felt internally. The anger threatened to bubble over, as he knew Regina was angling to destroy any delicate balance they had formed over the duration of their time in hiding together. Regina was about to open a can of worms that, if mishandled, could erode any tentative future they might have together.
"You, dear Rumple, are still married to her!" Regina shouted in accusation. She yanked her hand out of his and glared at him. "Your precious Belle, the love of your life, is still alive. She is at home waiting for you, and you are here. With me. Planning a future. Asking for a future with me. What were you thinking?! Or were you not thinking at all? We may be here in this place together with only each other for company. Maybe it is possible that we could find some form of deranged happiness, if only for a little while. Because make no mistake, Rumple! This will not last forever! One of these days, we will get out of here, and Belle will embrace you with open arms. You will have your wife, your soul mate, your ONE TRUE LOVE, and I will have no one! I have to protect my heart. Because I cannot be hurt again! It will kill me!"
"Regina-"
Robert's attempted interjection was completely ignored. Regina was oblivious to everything but her fury. Like a vulture, her wrath fed upon the rotting corpses of Fear and Insecurity. Like a cobra, her dark eyes zoned in on the target. Her insides coiled tightly, as her fangs made ready to bite.
She steamrolled onward with a new level of voracity. "But you punished me for Belle. She never left your mind during the Curse, did she? Maybe you haven't forgotten her at all? Is this a game to you?! Are you so callous as to lure me in and use me AGAIN?! Maybe it would be easy for us to fall in to bed with each other. We already depend on each other to survive! I know a man has needs. I do, too! But what I need more than that is to be safe! Even if you did truly want me – ME and not by body – and I could forget about Belle, I do not know if I can trust you. Belle is supposed to be your true love, and you still chose the Darkness and power over her time and time again. I know that the Dark One is gone now, but those were still your choices! How could I ever trust you to protect my heart and be gentle with it? If we left this place, you would only seek out power again. If we stay here, you will expect the upper hand over me. I cannot be a prisoner again! Not another day in my life!"
Finally, Regina was done. She looked as crazed as she felt. Her clothing was wrinkled with her shirt askew. Her chest heaved with the effort she had expelled in her rage. Exposed skin with the sheen of sweat. Dark curls haphazardly spilled from her bun with stray strands sticking to her damp forehead. Her world had shifted on its axis when she had run away from Storybrooke with Rumple. Now, though, it was completely flying out of orbit and into a new and unknown galactic territory. Her heart pounded and pulse raced – a physiological sign that all the sudden changes in her life were causing her an unbearable amount of emotional upheaval that she didn't know what to do with.
She was a mess.
But she is my beautiful, dark, and insane mess, Robert thought fondly, even as he still burned with betrayal and frustration.
"Do you really think all that?" Robert searched her eyes – her guarded expression – for the truth. All he saw were marked fragments of a wounded heart that said, Please don't hurt me. From experience, he knew that every hurtful thing she had said – every insulting question she had shouted – was only her defense mechanism. She lashed out because she was desperate to survive. He knew that Regina knew that she could hide nothing from her mentor – the man with which she had spent over four decades. Her manic tantrum was a smoke screen meant to distract and disarm him. But he was smarter. He was not put off balance by this charade.
"Come here," Robert ordered.
When Regina made no sound or any attempt to move, he went to her. Using one arm, he hauled her body to his, crushing her against him. He stilled her struggling by wrapping that arm around her waist with a vice grip. Using his other hand, he lifted her chin so that she was forced to meet his gaze – forced to see the truth in what he was about to say.
"What must I do to ease your mind?"
"Promise me today. Promise me today is for us."
"I will not grant you that. Today is not enough. We deserve more."
"What do you have in mind?"
"I promise you, Regina Maria Mills, my dearest one, tomorrow. For us, I give you my present and my near future. You may not accept my devotion on this day. Although I am sure, I would not be such a fool as to predict all that is to come. But I will always be able to give you my tomorrow."
