Debated for a LONG time whether or not to put this chapter up, as I don't want to tease you! I SO appreciate the reviews & messages I've received for this, and I've had this part and a later chapter written since the beginning, but my muse is awol for the moment. I'm not saying this story is abandoned, I'm just saying that I can't promise an update. Once Cher's new album is released in September I'm hoping my muse will return. I 'BELIEVE'!
"Sean, I don't know anything about babies, I'm nobody's mother and that's the way it should stay!"
"So you're saying you want to abort."
"Ye-no, I don't, I…I…"
"Shhh, okay, okay," Sean couldn't take it any longer and wrapped her in his arms, rocking her gently as she buried her face in his shoulder.
"This baby doesn't deserve a fuck-up like me for a mother. God, I'm forty years old, I own a burlesque club and there's not a single damn day I'm here when I don't have at least one drink."
"You have three options. And no matter what you decide to do, at the end of the day I will still love you."
Tess took a deep breath, standing up once more to pace back and forth as she spoke. "I could have an abortion, I could give it up for adoption or I could have the baby." She sat down abruptly with her head in her hands. "Damn, damn, damn…"
After another long moment, she sat up and her face was tearstained. Sean was silent, knowing Tess had to say it loud to make it real for her.
"I couldn't give the baby up for adoption if I went through with the pregnancy…" she started to speak, her voice low as she stared blankly ahead. "And God forgive me… I don't think I could get rid of this baby and not hate myself every day for the rest of my life."
"Well then," Sean said quietly. "It looks like we're going to have a baby."
"Yeah," Tess muttered, choking back a laugh that was part sob. "We're gonna have a baby."
Sean opened his arms once more and Tess walked into them gratefully, wishing she could stay there for the next nine months.
"Are you still gonna love me when I'm all big and swollen and bitchy?"
"Sure, it'll be like the second week of every month I've known you so far," he teased before pressing a kiss to her cheek. "I'm here, Tess. And I'm not going anywhere."
"You expect me to believe that you, Queen of the one night stand, are willing to settle down – effectively ending your social life – with a wife and child?"
"Tess…there's a reason I only have one night stands."
"No, no, no, there's no way…"
"You can quote as many songs from Dream Girls as you want, baby. It doesn't change the fact that I can't even begin to imagine my life without you as the centre of it."
"But…you're gay."
"True."
"And…you care for me…."
"Also true."
"In that way."
"Yes. Tess, darling, it was never something I ever planned on acting on. I can tell you that I love you, and I've told you that countless times before. The only thing that has changed is that you're now aware there is also a level of sexual attraction on my part. I was happy with being a gay bachelor and having you as a best friend. I'd never do anything to jeopardize that."
"Except knock me up."
"Well, there is that."
"Oh God, Sean, how many times have I said that if you weren't gay I would marry you."
"Many, but the figurative sense is a far cry from the reality."
"And we all know how well I deal with reality."
Sean was silent for a long moment, letting Tess' head rest on his shoulder as he ran his fingers absentmindedly through her hair.
From where she was lying, Tess turned her face up to look into clear, brown eyes she could see herself in. And it was then she realized that it had always been in Sean's eyes that she really saw herself.
Bringing their hands down to cover her flat stomach, Tess laced their fingers together before reaching her other arm back to bring Sean's head down to meet her lips.
If you are still out there, let me know!
Until next time, TLH
