Chapter Two

The World Spins Madly On

I let the day go by

I always say goodbye

I watch the stars from my windowsill

The whole world is moving and I'm standing still

BPOV

I had just stepped out of Rose's car in the school parking lot when I heard a familiar small voice a few feet away.

"Bella?" By the way she whined my name, I knew she wanted something from me. I rolled my eyes and faced my little sister. Her hair was a dark brown, almost black, and wavy. I envied its shape when mine hung thick and straight. The only thing about her hair that I didn't envy was its length. My hair was long, past the middle of my back, while hers only came just a few inches past her shoulders. We always fought about whose hair was nicer. She argued that I never had to straighten mine. I argued that my hair didn't take shape to any curl or wave. The argument remained at a stalemate, even though she had beach hair every day without the salty treatment of the ocean in her locks.

"What do you want, Jane?" Her dark brown eyes, also darker than mine, begged mischievously. Rose stopped to wait for me, but I nudged my head toward the school for her to go on without me. She didn't hesitate, and left.

I didn't even bother rolling or narrowing my eyes at Jane. I was used to being somewhat of an authority figure to her. I'd had to when mom started getting sick. I remembered the morning of the first day of the wake when Jane had been feeling nauseous.

"Bella, I can't go. I feel like I'm gonna throw up," she'd whimpered, her hands mingling with the hem of her black skirt. Her hair was straightened and tucked under a pink headband, the only color she sported other than black. A few tears splashed onto the backs of her hands. I sat down next to her and began to brush her hair like Mom used to.

"I know how you feel," I sighed. I continued to brush her hair in silence for a while.

"I really don't feel good," she repeated, bringing her hands up to her stomach.

I turned her around and just hugged her. She held on tight, probably pretending

I was Mom, but I could never be Mom. I suddenly felt panic bubble in my stomach, reaching its way to my chest.

"Here," I rummaged through my bag and handed her a few aspirin. "Take these and I'll meet you downstairs." She nodded and wiped at her tears. Pressure started to build up in my chest. I started breathing heavily. Just then, I got a text from Rose.

Hey, how are you?

My fingers shook as I typed an honest response to my best friend.

Not good. Jane doesn't feel well. I don't want to take care of her. I can't be

Mom.

I let a few tears slip past the blockade I was preparing for today. My phone buzzed.

So, don't. Be Bella. See you soon.

I nodded at the phone, wiped away any moisture from my face, and applied more eyeliner and cover up before heading downstairs to join Jane.

Now, she looked up at me needing something that she couldn't get from Mom. I just sighed heavily, feigning annoyance when all I wanted to do was cry. I'd only been a freshman, a year younger than Jane was now, when Mom first started getting sick.

"Did Dad leave you money for lunch?" By the time she asked, a group of her friends had gathered behind her. I only recognized a few: Lauren, Demetri, and Tanya. My little sister was a popular girl. People who hadn't known her in her first year of high school sure knew her after Mom's passing had been announced to the school that March. I'd been home with my family when it happened, but from what I'd heard, the entire school went silent for the rest of the day. Some of the teachers had stopped teaching, and let some of my more emotional acquaintances cry. Rosalie, Jasper, and Jake were in the guidance counselor's office the whole day. Rose had told me that. I didn't ask her about it. She got upset when she thought about that day.

"Yea, he left some with Mom," I chuckled, noticing confused expressions among the teens behind her. Jane rolled her eyes, and flashed me a weak smile.

"You are so morbid." I gave her fifteen dollars, probably too much, and left five for myself. She jammed it into her back pocket with her iPhone and gave me a quick hug.

"I miss her," she breathed, barely audible, as her arms circled around me briefly. I nodded and she ran off. I leaned on Rosalie's car for a moment to keep myself together.

It wasn't cloudy yet, as Dad had predicted on his radio show that it would be later in the day. He'd had that radio show since I was about fourteen... A few weeks after Mom first came back from her doctor's appointment with the news. He'd been a general practitioner at a local health facility, but as soon as our finances had started dwindling, he went hunting for a second job. He talked his way into a position on a radio show as a health and nutrition specialist, giving the people in the Seattle area and beyond their daily nutritional and healthful information. He still did house calls in Forks. He'd tried so hard to give Mom everything she'd needed. It wasn't enough. No amount of money in the world could fix her.

I took one more calming breath before pushing myself off the car and heading toward school. As I reached the door, I felt a familiar buzz from my pocket. I had a new text from Edward Cullen.

Hello?

I looked back at the parking lot, expecting to see him lurking around, creeping me from a distance. Seniors littered the benches on the lawn, a bunch of juniors were circled around their cars, and a few sophomores sat on the steps to the door. No freshmen loitered anywhere. No Edward Cullen creeping me. I was sure that he didn't know it was my number. Hey, are you okay? I'd read those words on my screen and heard them so many times in the past few months that I'd grown familiar with them. They were tattooed in my eardrum, and I'm fine tattooed on my tongue. If I heard them from someone's mouth, I'd look up, expecting them for me. These particular ones weren't for me, but they felt that way anyway. He didn't know it was Isabella Swan reading his concern. I decided to text him back, craving the anonymity.

You may have the wrong number. But no, I'm not okay.

It felt good to finally be honest with someone. I hadn't told anyone that I wasn't okay since that day with Jane back before the wake. I walked to my locker, my cell phone a brick in my pocket. Nervousness trickled into my stomach, emitting unsettling, eerie warmth. He might've known it was my number. He was a friend of Jasper's. Jasper could've given him my number if he wanted it. I didn't see why, but a lot of people I normally didn't talk to contacted me after my mother died. They'd tried to comfort me with words. I accepted their words graciously, wholeheartedly. It amazed me how caring and lovely people could be, people who hadn't even been friend with me. Their words had made me feel special, but had done little to console me. The only words that could console me would come from my mother.

The halls were filled with people hugging each other after three long months of not giving a shit about each other. I laughed to myself. I'd stayed in touch with the only people I wanted to. I didn't need to put up a front about whom I liked and whom I didn't. I stayed in touch with the people I wanted to. I allowed for no pretenses in that regard. I took all of notebooks out of my bag except my Honors Calculus and AP English books. I also left my mom's camera for my photography elective. My phone buzzed again.

Hmm… This isn't Alice? Who is this? What's wrong?

He couldn't mean Alice Brandon. He and Alice were always together. I thought they went out at one point, too. That's what I'd heard at least. And they always showed up at parties together. I couldn't see how he wouldn't have her number, unless she got a new one.

I felt a trill up my spine at my own anonymity. I felt like I could say anything. I didn't have to say the F word this time. He didn't know who I was. I could maybe be me for a little while. I was getting an iPhone soon. I'd have a new number in a few weeks. I was supposed to have an iPhone now, but I'd given my phone update to Jane for her birthday last month. I contemplated what to reply. I typed and retyped the message a bunch of times.

Not Alice.

He responded right away.

Well, Not Alice, what's wrong?

I was leaning against my locker when the first warning bell rang. I started toward Honors Calculus, alternating my eyes from the screen to my route.

I'm sad.

Again, he fired back with an immediate response. I stood outside my classroom, waiting for the second warning bell.

Me too. Are you going to tell me your name?

Me too, he'd replied. I suddenly felt horrible. I had my anonymity, but he only had the pretense of his. I knew who he was. He didn't know that I knew.

No. You don't want to know me.

I replied, turning the phone on silent and stepping into the classroom. I grinned at Jake and went to stand next to him in the back of the classroom to wait for seating assignments.

"Hey, where were you this morning? We were all in the cafeteria waiting for you," he gave me a light kiss on my top lip. I smiled into his lips and closed me eyes, breathing in his smell. He always smelled like drift wood and… peppermint. He always smelled oddly like peppermint. "Well, someone's happy to see me, he breathed, breaking away from my smile. I chuckled.

"I was dealing with Jane," I waved my hand, pushing away my words with a conjured breeze. "She didn't have lunch money." Jake squinted his eyes.

"Please tell me you didn't give her all your money," he brought a hand to my face, and I turned into his tanned-skin hand. He always felt strong, with broad shoulders and tough skin that tingled my fragile skin when he touched me.

"No, I kept some," I answered, knowing that five dollars really couldn't get me a lot. I was never hungry anyway, only for breakfast.

"Good. You need to eat more," he pointed out, grabbing my wrist and wrapping his long fingers fully around my limb. I rolled my eyes, crossed my arms, and took my face out of his hand. We didn't have many tender moments like that, and he ruined it. He always managed to ruin it.

"I'll eat what I want to eat, Jake," I seethed in a whisper, and took a step away from him.

"Couldn't you just listen to me for once?" he grumbled, crossing his own arms. I didn't answer him.

Mr. Banner came in and went straight to assigning seats, no bullshit. Jake got called second and took a seat in the front of the classroom. I got called second to last and got seated in the back of the classroom next to Angela Webber. Angela Webber was one of my closest friends. She'd been to my mom's wake both days, all day, and came to the funeral mass. She'd simply texted me I love you when she found out about my mom. I'd invited her to the crematory chapel for last goodbyes.

"I'm so nervous for this class," she told me when she sat down next to me. "Everyone says that Calculus is a bitch and a half." I laughed, and pointed to me temple.

"I got this," I boasted. Then she laughed, and I joined. Angela could always make me laugh. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and noticed a new message. It was from Edward.

Don't you wanna know who I am?

I glanced at Banner who was handing out course syllabuses for the first person in each row to pass back. I typed in a response that I may or may not regret.

No.

A/N: I think she does. :P What would you buy if you had the last five dollars in the world?