Pinocchio was shaken awake by the bartender and Jiminy. "Wha? Huh?" he asked, vision still blurry. "You gotta go home now, kid. You been laying on that floor for eight hours now and you're under foot and bad for business." Pinocchio was stunned. "Eight hours!"
"I told you." Jiminy said, disgusted at the person he'd been assigned to as a conscience.

The two were kicked out of the bar, and left to walk the streets. Just then, Honest John and Gideon appeared. "Hey kid!" Honest John yelled. Pinoc didn't hear him. "Kid!" Honest John tried again. Nothing. "Yo dill weed! Ears made o' wood or somethin'?" Then our heroes heard them. Pinoc went over to reply. Gideon saw that the boy they were addressing was in fact a magical stringless puppet, said "Holy crap, boss, his ears really are made o' wood."
"Yes, all of me is made of wood." Pinoc said, getting impatient. "Can I help you two?"
"I just couldn't help but notice how sick and weary you look, my dear boy!" Honest John lied. "Yeah…sick!" Gideon echoed. "We think you should get some treatment and help." He continued, and Gideon once followed up with "Yeah…treatment!"
"Maybe you're right… I did just have an awful big drink. Know which way the hospital is?" Pinoc asked. "Hospital?" Honest John asked, "Pffff! Those doctors just wanna get you high and drugs and low on money! I'm talking therapy!"
"Yeah…thera—" Gideon was interrupted by Honest John who was frankly sick of him doing that. "Anyway… You don't want no hospital with all the waiting rooms and janitors who unplug your life support to plug in their vacuum cleaner. You want something…holistic! I say Pleasure Island! Where you can please yourself all the way back to health! It's the only place I trust when I get sick. And look at me!"
"Which was is Pleasure Island, mister?" Pinocchio asked, getting excited. "All you gotta do to get there is—" and suddenly a giant spaceship came down from the sky and it's low-hanging airlock crushed Honest John and Gideon both. "NOOOOO!" The little puppet screamed in horror at witnessing their deaths. "Now I'll never get to Pleasure Island!" From the airlock emerged a tall, thin man in a dark blue jumpsuit with red and green trim. His hair was cut short and he looked slightly like one of the members of Kraftwerk. "Greetings, young puppet and anthropomorphic cricket, we have come to take you aboard our ship. Please come now."
"Why should I get on board your spaceship?" Pinocchio asked, suspiciously. "We have Newports." The man replied. "I'm sold." Pinoc said.

They stepped aboard the ship and it took off. The interior was all metal. They walked down a long, sterile-looking hallway. The Kraftwerk-looking man walked in perfect form. They then reached a large round control room. There were seats and knobs and screens and panels everywhere. There were all kinds of men dressed like members of Kraftwerk operating the ship. At the center was a large chair, which rotated to face them. In it sat a large man who was dressed like a cross between Jack Sparrow, Optimus Prime, Homer Simpson and Austin Powers. "Eighty-Two," the seated man said, "who have you brought me?"
"I'm—" Pinoc began, but Jiminy shut him and whispered "I'll do the talking!" He then spoke to the leader. "This is Pinocchio the puppet, and my name is Jiminy Cricket. I am Pinocchio's conscience."
"I see. You have done well, Eighty-Two. You are dismissed."
"Thank you, Commander." Eighty-Two (the man who lead Pinoc and Jiminy aboard) said, saluted the commander, and left.

"Welcome aboard, Pinocchio and Jiminy Cricket. I am Commander Forthwith, and we are the Starcrushers."
"The Starcrushers?" Pinoc and Jiminy asked in unison.
"Yes. We earned our name due to our causing the structural collapse of more than a few celestial entities. We thought it sounded cool and menacing, so we named our organization Starcrushers Inc. Nine Inch Nails even did a song about us, but they changed the word 'crushers' to 'fuckers' to sound more hardcore. Anyway, we are on a quest to find the greatest guitar solo in the entire universe. We have searched thousands of worlds in thousands of galaxies for the past five years."
"Are you gonna take me to Pleasure Island?" Pinoc asked eagerly.
"No." Commander Forthwith said. "We committed genocide of Pleasure Island as well as killing all the inhabitants. You will be under our care now."

"Everyone take a seat! We're about to enter hyper speed!" one of the Kraftwerk look-a-likes yelled. Commander Forthwith told Pinocchio and Jiminy "Take a seat over there," pointing to a seat in the corner of the room, "and buckle yourselves in. This craft travels very fast." He then rotated his seat around to face the gigantic windshield on the other side of the round control room. Pinoc walked over to the seat and sat down. But after about four seconds he got bored and started walking down a corridor. "Pinoc, what are you doing?" Jiminy asked.
"Exploring." The puppet said nonchalantly. "But didn't the Commander order us to strap in?" Jiminy reminded him.
"Screw the Commander!" Pinocchio said defiantly. "This is a big ship, anyway. How fast can it possibly go?

Then suddenly over the intercom came what they assumed was a countdown:
"Hamar…bederatzi…zortzi…zazpi…sei…bost…lau…hiru…bi…bat… hon hizkuntza erabil naiz Euskara da eta gu euli azkar!