Disclaimer: Much to my own dismay, I do not own Criminal Minds if I did I seriously have words with the scripts... yes I mean scripts not writers...


Penelope found she couldn't bring herself to approach Derek and discuss the topic of their relationship, whatever status it was, she just couldn't. Now 2 months on she had reframed from getting back in his bed and to be honest he had seemingly lost his attention span for her.

It was like they didn't exist outside the work place, like they were just colleagues when they knew they were so much more than that.

Little did they know that while they suffered as individuals they were both suffering as a partnership, they were only hurting one another with their avoidance.

Derek had knew his in apartment drinking was just getting worse, but it was his way of deflecting his every last thought of Penelope. Of how they had become, how she had become, how ruined they were. He couldn't now go to her apartment and waltz in and profess his undying love for her, life didn't work like that, life wasn't so simple.

Penelope had never felt herself shake so violently before; this type of shaking was not like after Battle. It was different, that was pure terror shakes, and this was nerves. As she looked down at the white stick in her hand she sobbed, it was positive.

She hit the wall next to her with frustration, she really needed to get on the right side of Derek now, he needed to know, she had tell him that she was pregnant with his child. Or did she? Could she put herself through an abortion? She knew she couldn't keep it, she couldn't financially look after it, she didn't have the strength to do so and she knew adoption was no option. She couldn't give birth and then hand the baby off to some stranger.

She broke at the thought, she had so much lose if it went wrong but then she had so much to gain if it went right. She collected herself together, it was the weekend, she still had time to rule up the pro's and con's of this all.

By the end of it she found that to make up the money, she could work longer shifts, save it up, she could sell things she didn't need on eBay, there were things she could cut out of her weekly shopping that she didn't really need and replace with baby stuff. Whatever happened she didn't think she could give up the baby in any way, shape or form.

Come Monday morning though and all her drive and self power disappeared the moment she entered the building, she hadn't even seen him, it was just the thought of standing in front of this statuesque male that got her, that made her feel nauseous. She'd spent half the moment in the bathroom with morning sickness; she couldn't spend the other half in the same way. She just snuck off to her office and hid, like the coward that she'd freely admit she was.

Derek had watched her walk towards her, she didn't give any acknowledgement to the life that bustled about in the bull pen, she looked distant and something was different about her. He was about to go to her when JJ called in a case, he ran a hand over his head, the job was forever going to spill problems when important chats were needed.

'I'll get Garcia.' Derek said allowed and received a couple of nods, he headed out and tapped on the door, it opened. 'Hey baby girl.' Derek said with a smile. 'Sorry to dampen your day, but we have a case.'

'Okay.' Penelope said tiredly, she turned and grabbed her laptop, pad and a pen before turning back to him.

'You okay P?'

'Yeah, why wouldn't I be?'

'It's just you look a little distracted, a little tired.' He watched her shrug. 'We need to talk goddess.'

'I guess we do.' She said and headed out of the room, it was foot in the door she supposed. Derek followed her into the bullpen and up into the conference room, he saw the others look at her as she sat down quietly and opened her laptop. The problem was they didn't have time to sit around and ask questions, they had a job to do.

She watched them leave and felt a wall drop, she didn't need to keep a charade in front of them and especially in front of Derek, she could just be her and right at that moment, the her she felt weak and in the perfect mood for self wallowing. She knew she'd have to snap out of whatever funk she was in but for now it was comforting to just let it go for once, not be so in control of every emotion.

Derek couldn't help but feel like Penelope's mood and behaviour was something to do with him, deflecting the blame elsewhere seemed to come up empty and he felt wrong to find other pin points, they were her problem, she was her problem, he was her problems, and it was all vice versa with him too. Come the following Friday he was glad to be going home, he'd felt the need to speak to someone long awaited, he needed to get things off his chest.

Penelope felt a new mood wash over her, she was in control again, she was seeing the positives of everything, she even had enough confidence to confide in Derek at last, this time as she entered the building the control didn't slip, as she got closer to the bullpen, it didn't slip either and even as she approached the conference room, seeing Derek and Reid in there talking it didn't slip, she was ready for it and she was certainly ready for its consequences.

'I just don't want kids.' Was all she heard as she went to knock, it was Derek's voice that she had heard, it was his declaration, it was his pause after, his sigh that followed, now her control disappeared and she just slowly retracted completely broken, she then left hastily, her stomach and heart had both just bottomed on her. The wind taken from her lungs, now she knew she'd lost.

Reid looked at Derek as he looked thoughtfully at the wall in front of him; he then looked back at Reid with a smile. 'Unless it's with Penelope.'