So, this is the second part.
No warning for this, just angst. And, it's even shorter than the first chapter.
Btw, now we're switching to Ichi's POV, but that's pretty clear.
As always Hopelesslover23 has been my amazing beta.
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I wasn't asleap, I know that you think that I was, but as with everything else, you were wrong. I woke nearly an hour before you did, and I had been watching you all the while since then, I even tread my fingers through your hair, cursing myself all the while. I closed my eyes when I felt you waking up, the shifting in the sheets when you sat up. I heard every word you mumbled. How you moved around in the wreched place, avoiding looking towards me. And I saw you walk out the door. It took all the power I had to just lay there.
When I think of the situation, of what you really did, I have a hard time beliving it. You had always apeard as the kind of person that would do anything to make your friends happy, I guess you slipped in the end.
Why don't I hate you? I should fucking kill you for what you did, for what state you put me into. Why do I miss you instead? Why do I want your arms around me? My heart hurts and with every fucking heartbeat it just gets worse.
I don't want to be here, I don't want to be near anything that reminds me of you.
I slamm my fist into the floor, hearing it crack under me and I sit up, trying to lokate my clothes. Your place seems so dead without you here, even with a big hole in the ceiling it's just... fake. It makes me feel so uneasy, it makes me want to run away from this place even more.
So I stand up on wobbly legs, and ignoring the pain in my back and that I still don't have full controll over my body I pull my clothes on and bolt out the door.
It's first when I'm outside that I realise that I don't know where to go. And even if I did, I had next to no chance on finding it. So I breath out, trying to relax, my mind shuts down and I head to the right.
It's hours later, when the sun is making it's way down again, that I find myself up on the Soukyoku hill. My stomach grumbling and my feet heavy. There's this constant beat that I'm hearing that I can't really explain. Maybe it's the background music to the movie that I'm in? The soundtrack of my life? Just a constant beat. Fits me, nothing more than the necessary.
And I look up, or rather, I focus my eyes again, taking in my suroundings, the blue sky, the green grass. And there you are again. Standing on the edge of the hill, gazing out over Soul Society, your back facing me.
And it feels like my brain is starting up again for the first time since I left your place. And the thoughts that invades my head; I'm growing pissed off. The fact that you actually sort of raped me dosn't bother me, but you left me there. That you say that you- you say that you want me, and then you leave me?
But that dosn't really bother me either. I don't really care that you hurt me. It's just that you hurt somebody that's your friend, even if it's only in combat. I had such an image of you, thought that I had you all figured out. I thought you and I were alike, that I understood you. That you understood me.
"I guess my asumptions of you were wrong." I can hear myself grumble out before I know it. Your shoulders tense slightly but you don't turn around. You won't face me.
"Yeah, I don't apear as a rapist, do I?" you say after a while clear and steady. It's like you're a compleatly different person and for a while I hope that you are. That it's not you, it's not Renji, that stands there - it's just a look alike, I've made a mistake, it's just your biggest fan, a cosplyer...not you.
"That is not what I meant." I grunt. Who even cares about the rape?! Who cares of the fact that it was my first orgasm since I became a shinigami?! Who cares 'bout the fact that I probably never felt so good, and now, probably never will again? "You don't appear as the person who would walk out on someone." I can feel my heart clench and I see your fists do the same.
"I couln't stay I- I would have done it all over again. And I don't want to do that, I don't want to be that person." And you turn half way, looking at me over your shoulder. "I'm sorry Ichigo, I wont expose you to something like that ever again."
And moments pass where I can just stare at you. Stare at the person infront of me, the person that looks so much like you.
"In fact, we wont see each other anymore. I'll get myself signed over to some other area, don't come here again. Live your life while you can." Your words hurt more than they should and the moment I blink you dissapear.
And this time, who am I supposed to fight against to bring you back?
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