Life in the Devil's Nest

Chapter two. Yay!

Read disclaimer in 1st chapter, 'cause I'm not doing it again.


Chapter Two: Supermarket Chaos

"GREED!" Kimblee called, "we're outta coffee again."

Greed was flipping through the channels of the T.V. when that damned State Alchemist called out the dreaded warning- no coffee. Kimblee without coffee was like Biddo without… whatever he had that made him so hyper all day. The Ultimate Shield sighed.

"Well, maybe if you didn't drink twenty cups of the stuff a day, we wouldn't be out again," he called back into the kitchen, continuing the flipping.

"Hey, I liked that show!" Dorochet whined.

"Got bad reviews," Greed simply answered.

"Why do we only have twelve channels? Can't we, like, get more?" asked Marta.

"Then, dear friend, I'd have to pay for it. And I really don't feel like paying for this hunk of techno crap," the homunculus told her, "nor do I feel like paying for the coffee. Kimblee," he called back to the kitchen, "if you want coffee, head to the supermarket and get some more."

"Can't. They won't let me back in there after what happened to the clerk I "debated" with."

When the hell did that happen? Marta thought.

"Fine. Dorochet, you go."

The dog chimera's head snapped over to the boss, who decided that the T.V. not showing any good shows just to piss him off and turned it off, meaning to go to bed. "Why the hell do I have to go?"

"Because you're fast. You'd be in and out of there. While you're at it, get another ball for that damned pool table. Use your own money and bring someone else along, if it'll make you feel better. Get going."

Dorochet could've interrupted at any time during that speech, but as he was still in shock by the fact that it would be his first time leaving the Nest since he had arrived here, he didn't. When he finally did regain his composure, however, the boss had already retreated to his dorm. Dorochet stamped his foot.

"Man, now what am I gonna do?" he asked to no one in particular.

"Just bring someone with you," suggested Marta.

"Like who?"

"How about Law?"

"He's busy training right now."

"OK. What about Biddo?"

"Too creepy to be around."

"Tucker?"

"Have you actually seen Tucker around at all in the past week?"

Marta sighed. There was only one obvious choice left.

"Fine. I'll go with you."

Dorochet looked at her like a puppy who had just found a new owner that treated it to ice cream every night. He grinned gleefully.

"Thanks Marta! I'll go get my money," and he was off in a flash.

This is gonna be pure hell.

8888888

Marta reached out and examined the milk.

"Hey Dorochet, do we need more milk?" she called out to her comrade.

"Uh… yeah, maybe. I dunno," the swordsman called back, looking at the rare steaks that were on sale. Marta followed his gaze.

"Huh-uh. No way. Not after what happened last time," she said, memories of the dinner party they had had the first night at the Nest and the tenderloin Greed had gotten for them. The disaster involved Dorochet, the meat, Greed's jacket, red stains that were permanently fixed to the dining room, and a very large crap-pile in the corner.

"I'll go outside this time, I promise," he whined.

"No."

"But Martaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"NO!"

"M'am, sir, please!" the man at the counter insisted. Both chimeras walked away, the dog whimpering as though he had just been kicked.

They went about the store, picking up this and that. It amazed Marta that, as she went, she realized just how many things the chimeras really needed. She grabbed things she didn't even know existed but looked good for her cooking. She grabbed thirty bags of coffee. This should keep that stupid alchemist happy for another month. Unless he decided to set a record for most coffee drunk in a month.

Not her problem, in any case.

She went up to the counter and placed all of her items onto the stand.

"134.98."

Marta's jaw dropped. That much for… then she realized just how much stuff she had bought. Fuming and muttering to herself, she reached into her pocket and took out the credit card Greed had stolen from some old lady a few days back and put in on the counter.

Oh well, she thought, it couldn't get much worse.

"Sir, what are you…?"

"AIEEE!"

"FIRE!"

Aw. Crap.

"Dorochet!" The pissed off snake chimera yelled. Dorochet came three seconds later, looking scared, an extremely angry mob behind him. He grabbed his comrade's arm.

"We're done. Let's go," he panted.

"I gotta bag the food."

Dorochet took a look at the five bags that were filled to the brim and the rest still waiting to be bagged. His eyes went wide.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU BUY ALL THIS FOOD?" he shouted, "I THOUGHT ALL WE WERE GETTING WAS COFFEE!"

"YEAH, THEN I REALIZED ALL THE OTHER STUFF WE NEEDED AS WELL!" she yelled back.

"CRAP!"

Sirens were getting louder. Dorochet began grabbing the food and throwing it into a cart, with Marta protesting loudly. Cops and fireman and- to both of their horror- soldiers burst in, hoses and guns ready.

"Oh, give-me-a-freaking-BREAK!" Dorochet yelled, grabbing Marta and throwing her into the cart too. Then he gave it a running start and jumped in too.

The cart did 85 mph into the crowd. Bullets, water, and some blood from unconscious civilians went everywhere as the cart raced off and vanished.

888888888

BAM!

The door to the Devil's Nest was kicked open, revealing eleven bags of groceries and an extremely pissed off snake chimera, pushing the cart in. Law and Biddo looked hungrily at all the food she had gotten. Greed, an arm around a woman each, looked nonchalantly at her.

"What happened to you?" he asked. Looking at her messed up state.

She walked right up to his face and glared. If Greed weren't immortal, he would've pissed himself right then.

"Never… again!" she said sternly, before turning and marching up the stairs to her room. There was a loud BANG as the door slammed shut behind her.

Kimblee dug through and grinned at all the coffee she had gotten. Biddo started putting items in the cupboards and fridge, cackling as he went. Law got out the meat when he suddenly noticed the problem.

"Wait… where's Dorochet?"

A painful moan came from the door. All four heads turned to behold Dorochet, with a black eye and something small and round lodged in his mouth. Law walked over and yanked it out, causing his friend to collapse.

"What is it?" Biddo asked.

"It's… a new 4 ball," Law looked at it quizzingly, then at Dorochet, who was getting up off the floor. "What happened?"

The dog chimera flopped down into his chair with a sigh. "Well…"

Flashback

Dorochet had finally torn his gaze away from those beautiful steaks and was puzzling over a mini-oven. On it were fried eggs and next to it was a cookbook.

Was someone giving a demonstration? was what went through the chimera's mind. Seeing no one around, he poked the grill a few times, then shrugged and decided to give it a try.

He snuck over and grabbed one of the steaks from the rack. He placed it on the grill and turned it on. Occasionally, he flipped it over so all of it was a good brownish-black. The way he liked it.

"Sir, what are you doing?"

The manager. Dorochet jumped up and accidentally knocked the cookbook into the fire.

What happened next was confusing at best. The cookbook caught fire and burnt the steak badly. Dorochet tried to blow out the flames, but for some bizarre reason completely oblivious to him, the flames leapt onto the table. In a desperate attempt to put it out, he grabbed a jar of what he thought was water and began dumping it onto the fire. By this time, a large crowd had gathered around. The manager looked worried.

"Sir, what are you…?"

WHOOSH! The flames burst even larger, spreading through the entire area. People were screaming.

"AIEEE!"

"FIRE!"

Dorochet looked puzzled and examined the bottle:

Inflammable Gasoline.

"Aw, man," he sighed, the crowd gathering around him angrily.

"Dorochet!" he heard Marta's angry voice calling him.

Better late than never, he thought, running off, the crowd right behind him.

After the hell of getting Marta and himself out of there with the food all in one piece, they stopped at a mini-store long enough for Dorochet to pick up a new ball for the pool table. He walked back out and pushed the cart again. It was only a mile and a half to the Devil's Nest from here. It was then he noticed that his friend looked very angry.

"Um… what's up?"

WHACK!

Marta grabbed the ball and shoved it down his mouth, then punched him in the eye. She continued to wheel the cart as Dorochet, only half conscious, dragged after her.

end flashback

Biddo roared with laughter as Greed and Law snickered. Dorochet pushed an ice pack onto his head, fuming.

"It's not funny. I swear to God, Kimblee, you'd better make that coffee last a while, 'cause there is no way in hell I'm going back out there," he said.

"Yeah, yeah," the Crimson Alchemist looked through the bags, frowned, and asked:

"Hey, where's the milk?"


I've actually had that story happen to me.

…. Marta's half. Not Dorochet's.

I'm starting to like this fic, even if these guys are kinda out of character. But I wanted to do a Greed-fic because I rarely see Biddo or Tucker in any of them, it's like they never existed. And I… just wanted to.

Also, for those who don't know, Biddo's that little gecko guy that was hanging out with Kimblee at the end of "Assault on Southern Headquarters" and other episodes. For some reason, they never used his name in the anime.

Review please.