I Believe My Own Lies p2

(apologies for any mistakes I was really tired when I wrote this! But I had to write it and post it before I could sleep or I would never have gotten to sleep! I HOPE YO ENJOY THIS CHAPTER AND REMEMBER TO REVIEW!)

I Believe My Own Lies

Chapter Two

For a while Chase and House lived in their own little rehab-facilitated bubble. Cameron was even more moody and bitchy but kept it from both House and Chase because she didn't want them to figure out how she felt about their relationship, Foreman was as professional and cold as he had been before Wilson had accidentally outed both his best friend and Chase. Wilson was… he visited House who was still bitter over the 'betrayal' but he soon got angry (on Chase's behalf mostly) and visited less. Cuddy visited once.

Chase barely left the rehabilitation centre, except when he was chucked out because of Group or when he literally had to go and help with a case. House never got bored of Chase's company although when his detoxing got too rough he would feel like Chase's care was suffocating. He would yell obscenities and claw at Chase's back while Chase held the sobbing wrecked man.

Soon, sooner than Cuddy and the rehab employees would have liked, House was discharged and back on the pills. This was when the real problems started.

Their first case as a team again was Stevie Lipa, a sixteen year old who's parents' lifestyle was getting in the way of treating Stevie and upsetting the girlfriend deeply. Not more than three hours after they began the case Cameron told House she wanted a transfer. She didn't know if it would be temporary or permanent but she was demanding an immediate transfer. House being House refused, which set Cameron off to Cuddy who refused because the only reason Cameron had was that the knowledge of Chase and House's relationship was distracting her and made her uncomfortable. So of course Cuddy found her way to House to tell him this, or rather tell him off for this, and warn him that he'd be under close scrutiny. Consequently House became distant towards Chase who asked Wilson about it who went to House and Cameron separately. A circle of suspicions and unrequited love. But Chase was confident he could – and would – survive this. As long as he had House by his side, nothing could get to him.

Unfortunately House was a bad bet.

It was Cameron, having just come fro a long discussion with Wilson about excepting House and Chase for who they were and had always been, who broke down the first wall; Chase's outer defences.

She was curious and worried about Chase. Having observed them in an almost creepy way these past few weeks Cameron had noticed that Chase cared deeper for House than House did for Chase. Either that or House was just REALLY good at hiding it. And he hadn't even attempted to hide his attempts to get back Stacy. An event which had happened during the course of Chase and House relationship. House had CHEETED on Chase with his EX and Chase was STILL with him? Cameron felt a sudden strong need to protect her cub (Chase) from the dangerous, angry, bitter lion (House).

She confronted the blond doctor while they were both at work getting coffee. He had politely offered her one and she had taken advantage of the moment.

"Where is House?" Cameron asked, well aware of Foreman's whereabouts.

Chase shrugged and drank his drink, but she let the silence fester and he eventually fested up. "He's with a patient. An 'interesting' patient. The musical savant. He's obsessing over the man's ability to play a piano."

Cameron nodded. This basically meant she could have Chase all alone for hours or minutes. So she had to get down to 'business'. "Do you love him?" She asked, and could have laughed at Chase choking on his hot coffee but instead she waited for his coughing fit to subside and for him to answer the question.

"Why?" Chase challenged her. "You aren't still interested in him, are you? Because you aren't his type."

"That's not what he thought not so long ago." Cameron countered easily, watching the flush spread over his cheeks.

"The date? The one that you bribed him into, or the monster trusk thing that he was determined not to go to alone? He only asked you because Wilson was busy and I hate monster trucks." Chase bit back.

Cameron shook her head, trying to keep calm. She was doing this for Chase's sake. She needed to make sure he was ok, it was the only way she would ever be ok with this. "No. The one I said no to. The one he asked me out on shortly after his leg was fixed. Did you even know about that?" She added when he averted his gaze. Eventually he shook his head, and Cameron's heart sank. It was worse than she'd ever imagined. Her anger with House grew as she reached out to clasp Chase's hand.

"Do you love him?" She asked gently, quietly.

"Yes." Chase admitted, sounding very young.

"Why do you let him treat you like this? He chased after Stacy in such an obvious way, allowed me to chase after him, and he's always flirting with Cuddy and he treats you horribly. It's wrong Chase."

"I know… but… he's different… when we're alone together and he… he acts like he gives a crap." Chase stumbled over his words, attempting to articulate his relationship with House.

"Aw… how touching!" House drawled from the door. He hadn't heard what they were talking about but the sight of their hands clasped together was enough to bring out the bitch in him.

Immediately Chase jumped up and withdrew his hand from Cameron's and went to stand well away from her.

"Any developments on the case?" he asked casually.

House nodded and proceeded to fill them in on what he had Foreman doing at the moment. He sent Chase off with a few harsh words and told Cameron to go talk to the patient's father. Chase left quickly but Cameron followed the limping Doctor into his office and closed the door.

"God, how do you do it?" Cameron asked.

House looked blankly at her. "I'm talking about how you convinced him that it's okay that you treats him like crap. I mean, a three year relationship and you honestly don't seem to give a damn about him one way or the other. Are you just that good an actor, or just that much of a bastard?" Cameron finished, crossing her arms over her chest.

"It's really none of your business." House told her.

"That's where you are wrong. Chase is my college and a good friend. He actually thinks you give a damn but you don't do you?" she 'realised', looking into House's cold blue eyes, his pupils slightly dilated from the vicodin.

"No, I don't. So get out and go do your job."

Shaking her head in disgust she left, but went to Chase not to go do her job, which was technically House's job anyway.

"Chase I know you don't want to hear this but I'm your friend and I need you to know this because I think you are trying to believe in something that isn't there. House doesn't care about you. He's just using you for sex or power-play or whatever. Look I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear this from but you need to see the truth before it's too late. He punched you the other day, for no other reason than you were trying to tell him he was wrong, you were trying to save a life. He didn't even bother telling you your dad was dying when he knew for months before hand. He demeans you in public, berates you in privet, he cheats and he lies and he uses your feelings for him against you!"

Chase hadn't once tried to interrupt her during her little tirade. He had taken it 'like a man' and now he was failing as he felt anger swell up inside him and wetness on his cheeks. Brushing away the tears he bit back at Cameron. "Damn it Cameron! I know all of this. I've lived it for over three years now. And fuck it, I love him and I just wanted to believe my own lies, wanted to believe that he gave a crap about me and the fact that I loved him actually mean something to him. But you're right, better to be completely disillusioned and alone that to lie to yourself and be happy."

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That night Chase was over at House's still not fully recovered from his encounter with Cameron. But he knew it wasn't House's fault that he had managed to lie to himself all these years so he was determined not to take it out on House. One home cooked meal (courtesy of Chase) and three orgasms later they lay in bed, relaxed and contented. And Chase knew that even though the best he could hope for in response would be silence and a kiss, he said it anyway. "I love you." He muttered it into House's collar bone, hoping that House would hear it but verbally ignore it. Truthfully it was probably more important for Chase to say it out loud than for house to hear it. But of course as all things with House, something unexpected came up.

"I know." House said in response to Chase's declaration. And it would have been fine left like that. Only this was House we are talking about. "Or at least that's what you tell yourself to justify sleeping with me in order to keep yourself from being fired. After all I've had plenty of opportunity. Vogler… the screw up with that patient when your dad died… and other things too trivial for me to remember. The point is, your love is mostly likely fabricated to help you sleep better at night." House informed his young lover callously.

"That's not true!" Chase drew back in shock. He wished now he could take the words back, and soon he'd be wishing he could take the last three years back. "I love you."

House shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not. Either way I don't need you to."

"Love isn't about need, House, it's about want and desire and something you can't explain…"

"Fine then. I don't want your love." House amended the statement, cutting into Chase's bruised heart like an autopsy scalpel making a 'y' incision in a corpse. Except Chase's heart was still beating, still bleeding.

"Do you know my parent's names?" Chase asked suddenly, perched on the edge of House's rumpled bed as he pulled on his clothes.

"Your father's name is Rowan Chase." House said. "I even met him."

"And my mother? Do you know her name?" Chase persisted, fully dressed now. This didn't look good from House's point of view.

"Why, did you forget?" when Chase just stood there House sighed and continued, "I don't know her name. Is there a point to all –"

"Your mother's name is Blythe House your father is John House. Your father was a marine and consequently you spent most of your time growing up on military bases including in Egypt. You have an aunt called Sarah who your family visit every Christmas, all except you. You can't lie to your mother and you hate your father. He used to discipline you harshly, ice baths and sleeping outside. Despite this you never let him break your spirit. You hate the way he acts about your leg but you love your mother very much. You don't even know my mother's name nut I know way more about you and your background than you ever realised. Cameron was right, you really don't give a crap and I was deluding myself thinking otherwise."

"You're right. So get out." House said, frozen.

With one last final look Chase stormed out of the apartment slamming the door loudly behind him. House reached for his vicodin and popped three pills before lying back down in a futile attempt to sleep.

Futile because not two hour later Wilson was banging on his door and using the key to enter.

"What the hell, House!" Wilson declared angrily ignoring his friend's partial nudity in order to rant.

"I take it the Wombat has gone running to mommy." House said, wincing when Wilson turned on the lights.

"You treat him like crap for years and even when he sticks by you, you tell him to get lost. Like you got bored of him the way a child loses interest in a toy after a while. He's not a toy, House! He has feelings. You can't treat him like that!"

"I can and I have." House declared, like the child Wilson had just accused him of being.

"Why?" Wilson asked, tired and drained from looking after a distraught Chase for the past hour and a half.

"He said he loved me." House 'explained'.

"And? That's a good thing. Most people in a relationship-"

"It wasn't a relationship!" House said, sounding like he'd said it a million times before. "We were not in a relationship and I don't love him."

"So? Lie to him!" Wilson yelled back. "It's not like you have any ethical morals to struggle with on that issue."

House shook his head. "He deserves better."

Wilson registered the oddly selfless comment but was too angry to analyse it. "Yes he does. He deserves you to actually love him, but since you don't a lie would have been a kindness. You could have at least said that you cared about him. In fact pretty much anything other than what you did would have been better. And you do know his mom's name!" Wilson finished.

"I know I do, but he doesn't." House finished cryptically.

Wilson was exhausted. He shook his head at House and made his way back to his own apartment. By the time he got there Chase had left. There was a note on the counter that read;

Thanks for all your help, James, but I needed to escape. I'll see you in a few days.

Thank you,

Robert Chase, x

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