Author's Note: I'm a bit behind on this fic. Expect another update soon.

Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece, the Skillet song "Comatose", Pizza Hut (which supports the rebellion), the Rihanna song "S&M", the Adventure Time theme song, Hetalia, Dragonball Z, Portlandia, counterfeit Gucci handbags, counterfeit Marc Jacobs handbags, Rick-Rolling, Keyboard Cat, Starbucks, or McDonald's.


It was the night before Christmas, and all throught the Thousand Sunny, the Straw Hats were waiting for the rest of the cast of this oneshot to arrive so they could go to a Christmas village.

"Nami, when are Ace and Sabo getting here?" Luffy asked his crew for the millionth time.

"When we hear carolers outside, we'll know it's Ace and Sabo!" Nami, Zoro, Usopp, Sanji, Chopper, Robin, Franky, Brook, and Jinbei yelled.

"I hate feeling like this
I'm so tired of trying to fight this
I'm asleep and all I dream of
Is waking to you

Tell me that you will listen
Your touch is what I'm missing
And the more I hide I realize
I'm slowly losing you

Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you
I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe
'Less I feel you next to me
You take the pain I feel
(Waking up to you never felt so real)
I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
(Waking up to you never felt so real)," Ace and Sabo sang from outside.

"Sugoi! They're here!" Luffy said as he ran out to greet Ace and Sabo.

"Hey, Luffy, look what we brought!" Ace said as he motioned to a huge box with a rubber duck print wrapper.

"Sugoi! Is it meat?" Luffy asked his brothers.

"Nope! Come on out!" Sabo said. Then, the Capricorns, the Supernovas, the CP9, Crocodile, and Mihawk exited the box.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me!" The Capricorns, the Supernovas, the CP9, Crocodile, and Mihawk. The Straw Hats sweatdropped.

"That's nice to know... Not," Nami said.

"OMG, that's so 1997!" Ace said.

"Not!" Sabo interjected. Everyone who was born in the One Piece equivalent of the 1990's began laughing.

"Oh, Nami, is Vivi-chawn coming?" Sanji asked Nami.

"Duh! Cobra made this village!" Nami pointed out.

"Cobra's a mayor? Cool!" Luffy said.

"He thinks being a mayor is being cooler than a king? Okay, what is wrong with Luffy?" Zoro thought to himself. A few minutes later, this dysfunctional group was walking to Vivi and Cobra's Christmas village while singing Christmas carols.

"Adventure Time!
C'mon, grab your friends
We'll go to very distant lands
With Jake the dog and Finn the human,
The fun will never end
It's Adventure Time!" The pirates sang, because, technically, it was Adventure Time for them.

"*Sigh*... All that's missing now is Lumpy Space Princess," Hana said with a sigh.

"Is Lumpy Space Princess a guy or a girl?" Usopp asked everyone.

"What about Poland from Hetalia?" Apoo added.

"Who?" Usopp asked. All the Poland and Canada fangirls facepalmed.

"It's Poland, not Canadia!" The fangirls screamed. They then beat up Usopp and left him for dead at Marineford. Just kidding. They left him alone.

"*Sigh*... Can't we all just watch Dragonball Z?" Usopp asked everyone.

"No! Dragonball Z is too mainstream! Let's watch Portlandia!" Law suggested. Everyone else but Yuki-Rin threw peanuts at him. "Well, fine! I see how it is!"

A few minutes later, the pirates arrived at Grandpa Garp's Bauhaus Christmas Village. Everyone shuddered.

"Luffy, I thought Vivi and Cobra were running this and not your grandpa," Nami said.

"Well, uhh..." Luffy said.

"This must be the tax write-off Gramps was talking about," Ace said.

"Either that, or Cobra FINALLY filed for bankruptcy," Kidd commented. A rimshot was heard in the background.

"Fail," Nami commented as they continued on into the Christmas village.

"Hmm... Nobody knows these shops! Miss Bonney, we're shopping here because these stores are obscure!" Law said.

"Cool! They have a McDonald's here!" Luffy said as he pointed to a McDonald's up ahead. Law facepalmed.

"McDonald's is too mainstream!" Law yelled as he threw his McCafé coffee drink on the ground.

"Trafalgar, come Monday, we're putting you and your girlfriend in hipster rehab," Kidd said, shaking his head. A few minutes later, they arrived at a Victorian-styled mansion.

"Finally! Something vintage, retro, indie, or hipster!" Law said as he threw his hands up in the air.

"Hey, look, this place has a Pizza Hut," Sabo said as he pointed to a Pizza Hut next to the mansion. Law grabbed him by his coat.

"Will you just go back to a non-hipster place already?" Law asked Sabo.

"Too late," Nami said as everyone but the Capricorns, Nami, Sanji, Robin, Crocodile, Mihawk, Bonney, Law, Ace, and Sabo entered the mansion. The doors of the mansion locked shut.

"Okay, when that happens, not-nice things happen," Kaoru told everyone else. They facepalmed.

"We know that, Kaoru!" Everyone else said. Inside the mansion...

"Oi, this isn't the rec center," Zoro commented.

"What do you need to go to a rec center for?" Kalifa asked Zoro.

"Free eggnog for their eggnog night that raises money for victims of the Tenryuubito," Zoro explained as he drank from a huge carton of eggnog.

"Hey, you're getting that all over my throw rug!" Spandam yelled.

"Oi, Seto Kaiba, this isn't your house," Zoro said as he threw the empty carton into Spandam's face and walked over to the door. Unfortunately, when he tried to open it, it was locked. "Oi, where did I put my keys?"

Outside, the other half of the group was exploring the village.

"Nami-swan, do you want a counterfeit Gucci purse or a counterfeit Marc Jacobs handbag?" Sanji asked Nami as they entered a store filled with counterfeit and bootlegged goods.

"Sweet! They have Portlandia season one here!" Yuki-Rin said.

"Bitchin'! Let's watch it!" Bonney said. Law put the season one DVD of Portlandia into a not-bootlegged, not-counterfeit DVD player. Instead of playing Portlandia, the DVD was a DVD of the Keyboard Cat video.

"...The fuck is this?" Law asked everyone who didn't wear purple and black underwear on days ending in "day".

"This is worse than getting Rick-Rolled!" Bonney cried. Kartik sneezed.

"At least this place is - OMG, Sabo-ya, put that credenza down!" Law snapped as he pointed to Sabo, who was trying to pick up a fake credenza.

"Make me!" Sabo said as he stook out his tongue. The credenza then broke in his hands. "Ow! Splinters!"

Law sighed.

"I want to eat at a coffee shop that isn't Seattle's Best, Peet's Coffee and Tea, Corner Bakery Café, The Coffee Bean, and DEFINTELY NOT Starbucks," Law stated. A few minutes later, everyone was seated in Starbucks.

"This place is too mainstream," Law complained in a hipster manner.

"Shut up!" The Capricorns yelled.

"Law, please stop acting like a hipster! Your hipster Christmas special comes later!" Nami pointed out, breaking the fourth wall.

"Can I invite Miss Bonney and Holden-ya?" Law asked.

"Knock yourself out. I'm not the hipster here," Nami stated. Holden and Law high-fived.

"Law, we're gonna have a great Christmas special! We can blast non-Christmas music like The Ramones, Sum 41, Panic! At the Disco, The Sex Pistols, Green Day, Flogging Molly, and Dead Kennedys and nobody would question us, we could watch non-Christmas movies like Inception, Phantom of the Opera, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Evita, and The Help, and we can eat Swedish food," Holden explained. Law smiled.

"Sounds like an obscure plan you don't know about! Let's go film it!" Law said before he, Holden, Soren, Heathcliffe, and Bonney left the Starbucks.

"Come back! We never got free baclava and steel wool mittens!" Enlai called out. Back at the mansion...

"They're not coming for us, are they?" Zoro asked everyone. The room grew silent.

"I'm gonna leave. I don't have time for this," Spandam said as he got his coat and left.

"Drive safely!" Kaku called out to Spandam.


Ending Note: Review if you want to see crack like the CP9 making a gingerbread house, Sanji and Robin in a parody of "The Nutcracker", and the Straw Hats and Capricorns Christmas shopping.