"I'm sorry, Darling..What did you say?" Jonathan dropped the martini shaker

"I said I'm Pregnant" She repeated not believing her own words

"One more time," He closed his eyes and shook his head

"I'm pregnant as in with child, expecting, enceinte, "She tried to think of other verbs but her mind was still suck on "Pregnant"

"Are you sure?" Jonathan stood frozen behind the bar

"I took a pregnancy test and it said positive," She didn't want to move past her position behind the couch, if she could, she'll will her legs to march back up the stairs, pee on another pregnancy test and hope it comes out negative

There was an uncomfortable silence for several minutes while she silently meltdown and he stood there in just awe

"Darling, that's amazing! I'm so happy!" He ran from behind the bar and grabbed her in a hug but she went limp in his arms, "What's wrong? Aren't you excited … a baby!"

"I don't know what I am, numb mostly" She didn't want to admit that she didn't want this baby but she needed to be honest with him

"Sweetheart, It'll be great, we'll take him to football games, he'll go to a great school and we'll show him the world, we'll give this baby a childhood like no other, I'm so happy!" Jonathan had tears streaming down his face now excited at the prospect of this new creature drifting into their lives

"Stop!" She couldn't it take anymore, his excitement was adorable but she didn't want him to go overboard if she hadn't made a decision

"What's wrong?" He looked deep into her eyes and saw nothing but fear and panic, "Darling, what's going on?"

"I haven't decided if I want this baby or not, I need time to think," She felt awful when his face fell

"What's to think about, this is amazing We're having a baby!"

"No, I'm having a baby, you're just going along for the ride," She didn't want to come off harsh but the reality was, she'd be carrying this baby and she'd have to deal with the changes to her body and lose what made her beautiful and youthful looking

"But we can experience this together," Jonathan was so confused, he thought she would be thrilled to be expecting their baby, he'd always wanted a baby but seeing at how she was comfortable in their lifestyle he'd never pushed it and he also figured if they hadn't reproduced at this point, maybe they weren't meant to be parents

"Fine, I'll carry the baby and you can gain weight and have something the size of a bowling ball plow through your vagina!" She was so tired and so over thinking this whole thing, she wanted to wake up to tomorrow and realize this whole thing was a bad dream

"Darling, you don't have to get angry," He searched her eyes and realized that it wasn't he she was fighting with it was something inside her and it was the baby, "Look, Let's call Doctor Kendall, make an appointment to confirm that your pregnant and we'll go from there .."

"Fine" Jennifer nodded and asked quietly," If I choose not to have this baby, are you still going to love me?"

He studied her face, "Darling I'll always love you and I know it's your decision, which I respect, and you know that but I think we should at least discuss it,"

She wrapped her arms around his neck, inhaling his sweet cologne which she had bought for him for Christmas and nodded, knowing that this was her decision and her decision alone …

The next few days, she was unusually quiet, wondering what it would be like to have a baby, the pressure and how they would be responsible for this little life, every decision they would make would affect this little life and what if this baby was born, and she still resisted? Could she handle knowing that on some level she was responsible for that? And what if she did go through with the abortion…would Jonathan still love her? Could she really termite her own child? How would she feel afterwards..could she ever enjoy making love again?

Because that was one of the best parts of her marriage, just the feeling that they fit perfectly together and how he looked at her with such passion and lust and she felt the same and more then often when they were finished together, she felt like she was on some high that she never wanted to come down off of.

She had so many decisions to think about and it was so overwhelming by the fact that her husband was being nothing but his supportive self, she wanted him to get angry, tell her that she had obligation to keep their baby or demand she get the abortion, something to make it easier but he was so sweet and wonderful and promised that his love for her wouldn't change.

The appointment at the doctor's office wasn't any easier, Dr. Kendall was so excited when the test came back positive and she was sure Jennifer would be as well, she immediately started scheduling all the of the tests that Jennifer would need to make sure that the baby was healthy, and she estimated that the baby was around six weeks and growing rapidly.. it was too early to determine the sex of the baby but soon they could see, Dr. Kendall did put a little gizmo to Jennifer's belly and they heard a faint heartbeat

Hearing that only made things so much harder, now she wasn't sure what she wanted

When they returned home from the Doctor's office, Jennifer needed some air so she put Freeway's leash and started to walk down the street but just before she left, Jonathan called her back

"Are you alright, Darling?" He was so concerned for her, she had dark circles from not sleeping and her beautiful manicured nails were unconsciously bitten down and he couldn't remember the last time she had washed her hair

This whole pregnancy thing was messing with every aspect of her life and she needed to take some serious control before she completely lost what made her Jennifer Edwards Hart

"I'm fine," She smiled, kissed his soft rose shaped lips and left with the dog

He couldn't help but wonder if she would try to do something while she was gone, like throw herself in front of a car or something to induce a miscarriage …he knew she wouldn't purposely hurt herself but in this state of mind

Anything was possible

Jennifer walked Freeway without really paying attention, she just was so lost in thought, she never thought that at this point in her life she'd have to worry about being pregnant when most of her friends were sending their kids off to high school and college, she try to imagine going to ball games, playing catch or even just racing cars across the kitchen floor but that image was so hazy and unreal to her

She found herself walking in a park, surprised because she never had gone this far on a walk with Freeway but this park was beautiful, filled with all sorts of equipment from swings to monkey bars and a beautiful pond just beyond the edge but there was something else about this park

It was filled with babies, either this was a sign or she was seriously losing her mind

She sat on top of a picnic table with Freeway at her feet, just watching the kids play, she noticed twin one dark haired little girl and the other a blonde boy, they were fraternal but they looked a little alike and they were fighting over a doll

"Give it Back Richard!" the little girl yanked and jerked her brother forward

"No Diana! It's mine!" He jerked her back, they went on for awhile until an older woman, with thick yellow curls intervened and told them that they needed to stop or neither of them would get the doll

The kids ran off toward the sandbox but not before the little girl shoved her brother and caused him to trip, he didn't cry but stood up and instead pushed her back

Jennifer watched in amusement and also in wonder, how could a mother can handle one child let alone two? How can you make sure one child is happy while another waits or vice versa, how can you divide your attention?

The whole thing was complicated

Freeway jumped into her lap , and started licking her nose, jerking her back into reality

"Oh Freeway, tell me what to do …I'm so lost," She bent down and stuck her face into his fur, tears beginning to pour out of her eyes

She stayed there for hours, alternating between crying and watching kids play, a few of the little ones came up to her and asked if she was alright, she supposed that she did look a bit crazy, a grown woman clutching a dog like an overgrown Annie

She took control of herself and started to walk back to the House, it was now dusk and the streetlamps were on.

Poor Freeway was exhausted and dying of thirst but he stuck with her through the streets onto theirs up the driveway, past the pond and the Large Statue and into the house where as soon she took off his leash, Freeway made a mad dash for his water bowl and drank like his life was going to end at that moment

She looked for Jonathan in the backyard figuring he would be sitting there like he did every day with a glass of wine, just going over what had happened earlier that day and debating with her on the upcoming weekend plans

Jennifer came back in from the porch and heard Jonathan upstairs on the phone, she started up the stairs and took a deep breath

He hung up the phone as soon as she walked into the office, before she could speak, he walked out from behind the desk and took her in his arms kissing her with all the love in the world

"I've made a decision" She whispered