Welcome to my second installment of my parody plays. This one is a complete original. Act I starts off kind of slow, but it really is necessary to set up the story. I also attempted to keep the OC to a minimum (In act 1, scene I at least), so... just read it, and I guarantee, Act II is loads better. Enjoy! And please, review.

(Also note): This story is another version of how Bella comes to learn about Edward's erm... vampirism. It takes place two weeks after Bella has arrived in Forks. It is a lot different from the opening in Twilight. Edward never left for Alaska (was it Alaska?) when he smelled how enticing Bella was, and there is still some animosity between the two, as they have not gotten fully acquainted yet. Now. On with the show!

Disclaimer: In no way do I own Twilight or any of it's characters. They, the characters, are merely vehicles in which I use to divulge my inner sexual desires, perverted-ness, and any other array of emotions or actions I wish to bestow upon them. I also do not own superman, or any other character I happen to mention in any of my chronicles.

Rated T for explicit (I love that word) content.


AN ALIEN SIGHTING.

By Luminiferous.

Act I (An Alien Sighting)

Scene I

(setting: Bella's bedroom, and lower level of the Swan Residence)

(Bella enters from stage right, and sits on bed. She addresses the audience (as is customary in the opening to all my parody plays )

Bella: "It was my decision to move to Forks to live with my father, Charlie. I truly needed a change. A change of scenery, a change of life, really. In this bedewed, vibrant rainforest like domain called Forks, a change could actually happen. Here, I can live a normal life. Boring, yet normal, with nothing out of the ordinary, and no unperceived disturbances to interrupt my ways of living. And here- I don't need to deal with the stresses spawned by Moms new marriage with Phil. Sure I like him, I really do, it's just-..."(she trails off when she hears the telephone ring downstairs.)

Bella: "I'll get it Cha- Dad! It's probably Jessica or Angela!" (answers phone)

Bella: "Hello? Swan residence." (A deep, placid, and ancient sounding voice responds)

Anonymous caller: "Hello Bella."

(Bella pauses and looks at the phone, clearly freaked out, and begins biting her fingernails)

Bella: "I don't know who this is, pervert, but you leave me-"(she's cut short by caller)

Anonymous caller: "Wait Bella! It's me, Billy Black! You probably don't remember me, but I'm your fathers old fishing buddy! (he laughs an amiable, robust laugh). And I am no pervert. May I speak to Charlie?" (Bella blushes)

Bella: "Omigod, Billy, I'm so sorry! I thought- I mean, I haven't heard your voice in so long! Hold on, I'll get Charlie."

(Charlie comes and takes the phone. Bella leaves room to begin preparing dinner. Ten minutes later, Charlie hangs up the phone, laughing)

Charlie: "Bells! Are you okay? Billy Black! A pervert?!"

(Bella's blush deepens)

Charlie: "Well, anyway, no damage done. But you might want to add another box of spaghetti noddles to the pan. Billy and his son Jacob are coming over for dinner, and they can eat up a storm! (Laugh)"

Bella: "(Biting lip) Oh... alright. How old is Jacob? I don't remember him..."

Charlie: "Eh, around your age, maybe a couple years younger."

Bella: "Oh... (blushes)."

(About a half an hour later, the blacks arrive and take their respectable places at the small, and now cramped, dining room table. The begin to eat and converse among each other. )

Jacob: "So, Isabella-"

Bella: "Bella, please."

Jacob: "Uh... right. Bella. ... (awkward pause) So, how's Forks High?"

Bella: "Uhm. (takes a mouth full of spaghetti) It's alright I suppose. The classes are easy enough, it's just, I think this one guy in my Bio class despises me." (she laughs an uneasy laugh and mentally scolds herself "why did I let that slip??")

(The others look up with interest)

Charlie: "Bells, you didn't tell me this before! Who?"

Bella: "Eh... uhm, one of the Cullens, its nothing really ... really Charlie..."

(Billy's face tenses for a moment, then returns to normal. Jacob breaks the silence, and Billy and Charlie begin talking once more)

Jacob: "Oh, well, that's okay- I guess. Say Bella, since your new here, why don't I take you sight seeing around Forks? You can't have gotten out much, since you just got here like, what, like two weeks ago?"

Bella: "Sure Jake. That'd be really nice."

(The Blacks get up to leave, and Jacob tells Bella he'll come over the next day around ten. They leave, and Bella cleans up the dishes, then heads to bed.)


Act II

( Bella and Jake are driving to ... somewhere. The conversation is light and easy. Jake pulls onto a dirt road and parks next to several other cars.)

Bella: "I still say you shouldn't be driving yet Jake, hey, wait, where are we?! Oh God... I don't like the looks of this."

Jake: "Relax, Bella, we're just going to go hiking ... no harm can come of that right?"

(Bella moans and opens the door to the truck, and falls out)

Bella: "Jake, there's something you don't know about me, I'm incredibly clumsy. Really. In fact, incredibly, is an understatement. I'm implausabily clumsy."

(Bella gets up shakily and wipes the dirt from her jeans. Jake scoffs)

Jake: "Oh really Bella, you can't be that bad."

(forty-five minutes later)

Jake: "... (sigh) alright bella, you're really, really bad."

(Bella is stuck in a thorn bush, which she accidently tripped into from, amazingly, ten feet away, on level ground. She has several cuts on her face, three rips in her jeans and her right knee is bleeding. Her hair is matted and she is panting. Jake stands beside her and is shaking his head and laughing, trying to pull Bella from the bush)

Bella: "Oh shut up Jake. I told you I was horrible when it comes to walking on my own two feet."

(After being untangled from the bush, Bella and Jake begin to walk again, with Jake securely holding onto Bella's shoulder in an attempt from letting her fall again. He laughs.)

Jake: "Don't worry, Bella, we're almost there anyway. There's something I really want you to see."

(Several minutes later, they stop. It is a beautiful, open... Oh screw it. Basically, it's the same field Edward brought Bella to in the book )

Bella: "Oh Jake! It's beautiful! I can't believe-" (She stops speaking and squints. With a sharp intake of breathe she grabs Jake's wrist and points at a very shiny, sparkly object with bronze hair sitting stock still in the middle of the field. ) "Omigawd, Jake! What is... what is that!"

(Jake looks over in the general direction where Bella is pointing and goes pale)

Jake: "I ... I don't know ... it's an ALIEN!!"

(Jake takes a step forward and steps on a twig, a minuscule snap is heard. Suddenly the UFO jumps up and looks in their direction. They both gasp and scream. They simultaneously hold up two fingers to symbolize peace. In a blink of the eye, the UFO is gone. It had run away at, obviously, super human speed.)

Jake: "What the cock sucking fucking muffin mix was that?!?!" (Sorry... I think that was a bit out of character... D . Yup. for now on... really really OOOOOC)

Bella: "... I ... don't... Omigawd! Jake! It was Clark Kent! Omigawd! He is real! SUPERMAN LIVES! (She gets down on her knees and begins bowing down to the heavens)."

Jake: "Who... is Clark Kent of which you speak?!"

Bella: "Oh really Jake, who can be THAT sheltered?! Don't you watch TV?! The Movies?! Haven't you seen a Superman Movie? Or Goddamn, that show Smallville?!?! c'monnnnn! Your killing me here! Superman IS GOD! YOU KNOW WHO GOD IS JAKE?? HUH?? Huh??"

Jake: "God?..."

Bella: "...?!"

Jake: "Care to enlighten me?"

Bella: "Fine. (she begins to mutter) Stupidcocksuckingmofonievebastardwhodoesn'tknowwhosupermaniswhodoeshethinkhe!"

(it is now very dark out. (Even though just 5 minutes ago it was 12 o'clock in the afternoon) A camp fire that has appeared out of no where is crackling merrily next to them. They settle down in front of it, facing each other. Bella is wearing Indian war paint she found in an Indian burial mound they passed a couple miles back, and has a flashlight, that she seemingly pulled out of her derriere :) she begins telling a story in a intensely spooky voice.)

"Once upon a time a farm couple couldn't have kids-"

Jake: "WHAT THE FUCK!?"

Bella: "SHUT UP JAKE! I'm telling a story! (Ahem) As I was saying, once upon a time, a farm couple in Smallville, Kansas couldn't have kids. (she gives death glare to Jake) can I continue? Okay, So. One night, there was this meteor shower and they saw the BIIIGGG space ship thing come down in their field, so they went all out and stuff and found this scaly alien baby thing. Sooo they shrugged and said HEY THIS OUR KID NOW! Five years later, they found out the kid had super powers, like running super-de-dooper fast and laser eyes and x-ray vison. Not to mention super strength. And... after having several love affairs and having suffering from bi-polar ness due to red krytonite, (Jacob gasps and exclaims: "SCANDAL!") he grew up to save the world! He formed the justice league, and wore a red cape and tight speedo like underwear on the outside of the suit, which enhanced his manhood. THE END! (bella emits weird ghost wails) oooooooohhhhhhh!!!!! Scary... !"

Jake : "Bella, that wasn't scary..."

Bella: "... SHUT UP JAKE!"

(It is the afternoon again, and the campfire, flashlight and war paint are gone)

Jake: "So, you really think it was superman, Bella?! (his eyes are Sparkling with delight)

Bella: "DUH! Who else could it be?! A vampire that happens to sparkle in daylight! AS IF LOSER!"

(Jake Laughs ... and then begins to scream)

(Bella turns around a begins to scream too, for there are now two sparkling "CLARK KENTS" standing right behind them waving their long sparkling hands and uttering weird WHOOTWHOOT sounds...)

(X-files music is heard and the curtains close)

(end of the first installment of ALIEN SIGHTING!)


yay! That is the first chapter of my new fanfic Alien Sighting. Second chapter up soon! And did you like the play format? Review, review (makes futile, silly threats) Or I won't update:)

Luminiferous