Chapter 2 – On Your Shore

I dig my heels into the dirt
'Cause this one's gonna hurt
Won't let the waves wash me away
Is what I always pray

In my heart I know you couldn't see
In the dark or find your way through me
Now I'm alone, my hands are numb
How do I carry on?

At the turn of the tide
I feel this part of me die
Am I washed on your shore barely alive?

- Charlotte Martin, "On Your Shore"


The Doctor throws open the door of the TARDIS as quickly as he can.

This is it. This has to be it.

It has been almost four months since the Master took Rose. He thought the Master would come after him. He would have bet on it. He did in fact. His inability to predict the Master's actions had cost him Rose. And he doesn't even want to think about what price she may be paying for it. He remembers running back to the TARDIS, thinking the Master was far enough behind him that he could run in and shut the door before he caught up. But when he arrived back where they had left the TARDIS, it wasn't there. He didn't think she would actually leave without him. It hadn't even been the 20 minutes he told her to wait yet. That's when he saw it. A steel pipe with blood and a few stray blonde hairs on it. The Master had taken Rose.

While he was trying to think up his next move, he heard the TARDIS rematerialize behind him. He rushed through the door hoping that Rose somehow managed to get away and was still on board. But as soon as he opened the door, he saw her key lying in the middle of the floor. It never left her neck. He raced over to the console and tried to check the history of where the Master had taken the TARDIS. But it had been completely wiped. There was, however, a set of coordinates programmed into the navigation system. It was his best, or rather only, lead, so he pulled the lever and went to where the Master wanted to send him.

While he was there, trying to find any signs of Rose or the Master, he stumbled across the words "Bad Wolf" scribbled on a wall. There was a number beneath the words. He memorized the number and anything else surrounding the sign, hoping eventually they would come in handy. After a few days in that location, he finally found a clue that had been placed there by the Master and led him to another location. Again, he found the words "Bad Wolf" and a number. He had to look for these numbers at every planet he ended up on. Once he had all the numbers, he then had to unscramble them to determine the location of where the master was (hopefully) holding Rose. This is his third attempt in determining the correct coordinates. It has taken a lot longer than he was hoping. Not to mention how there was always some major complication he encountered on each planet he stopped at that he couldn't ignore. He had gone through some major changes during that time.

When he steps out of the TARDIS he finds himself in a dark hallway with many identical doors running along each side. He calls Rose's name, but there is no response. That can't be a good sign. If she were here, she should have heard the TARDIS and would have done something to get his attention. He uses the sonic screwdriver to scan for any human life. He finds a signal coming from a room on the left at the very end of the hall.

He runs to the door, unlocks it, and throws it open, calling out Rose's name again. It's pitch black in the room, so he uses the screwdriver to turn on the lights. What he sees causes him to stop in his tracks and stare.

He sees a figure on a cot that he thinks may be Rose. But it looks nothing like how he remembers her. The girl he sees there is so skinny. When was the last time she had anything to eat? Her blonde hair is longer and completely matted. And bloodstained? She is wearing the same clothes she had been the last time he saw her. But they are a lot more worn. Torn in numerous places. Dirty and soiled.

He cautiously walks over to the girl. He can see her breathing. If he couldn't, he would think she were dead. He kneels down next to her head and brushes her hair out of her face. She has a black eye. It looks like her cheekbone has been shattered, and her nose is broken as well, which is hindering her ability to breathe. But it is definitely Rose.

"Rose?" he whispers as he continues to stroke her hair. "Rose? Can you hear me? It's the Doctor." He isn't sure she recognizes him. He sees her eyelids flutter as she struggles to keep them open.

He looks into her eyes expecting to see what he has always seen in them. Strength, fire, and compassion. But instead, there is a stranger behind those brown eyes. They are dull. Dark. Empty.

"No." she responds groggily and looks away. He has trouble understanding what she is trying to say, but thinks he makes out most of it correctly. "You're not real. You're never real. I want it to stop. Make it stop. "

The Doctor's worst fears are confirmed. She has lost her faith in him. She doesn't believe he is here, coming back for her.

His eyes drift up to the ropes tying her wrists above her head. A quick examination tells him that they are sonicked into place. And they are tight. He uses his own screwdriver to sever the ropes. Then he slowly starts to peel them away from her wrists. Rose grimaces and sucks in a breath.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," the Doctor keeps repeating as he finishes removing the ropes. Her wrists are raw and red. Every layer of her skin had been rubbed away. She had to have been struggling and pulling against them. Fighting until the very end.

When her wrists are free, he helps her sit up. She is too weak to stay up by herself, so he sits behind her and leans her body against his own. He wraps one arm around her shoulders and the other around her tiny waist. He holds her loosely, despite his urges to wrap his arms tight and never let go. She just seems so fragile. He is afraid she will snap in half if he holds her with too much force.

"Doctor?" she finally says shakily, as if she may possibly believe it now, leaning her head back against him.

"I'm right here, Rose. I have you. Do you think you can walk?"

She shakes her head and glances down towards where her feet are. He gently lays her back down so he can examine them. When he removes the sheet that is covering her legs, he sees that her ankles are also bound. So tightly her feet have turned purple. She cries out in obvious pain as he removes the embedded ropes that have cut down to her bones.

When she is completely free from her bindings, he returns to her head and resumes his position holding her. He gently rocks her back and forth whispering "I'm sorry" and "It's going to be okay now" over and over again.

Rose drifts in and out of consciousness. He needs to get her out of here. He swings her arms around his neck, and wraps one of his arms around her waist and the other under her knees. He easily lifts her dead weight up and carries her back to the TARDIS.

The Doctor is so concentrated on getting Rose to safety that the TARDIS door opens as he approaches, without him even reaching for his key. Once inside, he gently lays Rose on a bench near the console. His first priority is to get them far away from here. Although he didn't see the Master anywhere, he could still be nearby. He sets the TARDIS coordinates for a planet on the edge of his favorite galaxy. He sets the date for a time before the planet became inhabited by any humanoid life forms. Technically this is against the rules of time travel, but he doesn't care. Right now he needs to focus on helping Rose, and the best place to do that is where nothing and no one else can disturb or distract them. It takes him slightly longer to take off than it would normally because he wants to make sure the trip is a gentle one.

Once everything is set and they are about to appear in their new location, he walks back over to Rose and squats in front of her. She is awake. Her eyes are open, but she isn't seeing anything. She just stares at nothing. He tries to catch her gaze as he talks to her, but it doesn't work.

"It's okay, Rose. It's gonna be okay. You're on the TARDIS now. You're safe. I'm going to take care of you." He brushes his hand across her forehead. She is burning up. Probably from fighting off an infection forming in the wounds on her ankles. Those are his next priority.

He lifts her again and carries her to the sick bay. He places her on the bed there, gets some supplies, and starts cleaning where the ropes had been binding her. He can tell she is sore. She flinches every time the antiseptic touches the raw marks on her wrists. He examines her ankles and feet again, but her feet have not lost their purple coloring at all. He isn't sure how long it will be before she will be able to walk again. If she will be able to walk again. He can't bear to see her in this much pain.

He does a thing he probably shouldn't. Something he would not do if it had been anyone but her. If it had been under any other circumstances.

He takes both his hands and gently holds them around her ankle. He uses some of his regeneration energy to heal her. He watches as the purple fades and the normal pink color of her skin returns. The corners of his mouth turn up ever so slightly as her toes wiggle. When he removes his hands, he cannot even see a faint scar of where the ropes had been. He does the same thing to her other foot, and both her wrists. He may just have lost one of his regenerations, but that doesn't matter to him. At least now she won't have any physical scars as reminders of whatever it was she had to suffer through. He is more concerned about how too much of his regeneration energy could end up having a negative effect on Rose, but it is a risk he is willing to take if it means she will be able to walk again. He thinks about it for a second, does some calculations in his head, and decides she can still handle enough energy for him to heal the damage done to her face.

"There. That's better," he says to her. He places his hand against her forehead again. She is still warm, but not nearly as hot as she felt earlier. She still doesn't look at him. "How about we get you cleaned off and into some new clothes?" He hopes maybe if he gets her clean, she will start to feel more like herself again and she will come back to him. He fears it may be too late. That she is too far gone to return to the person he remembers and cares about so deeply. That she will remain this ghost of herself. But he will do everything he possibly can to pull her back to him.

He carries her into the bathroom, takes off her dirty, soiled clothing and fills the tub with warm water. When he removes her shirt, he sees the bruises on her stomach and torso. There are a lot of them at all different stages of healing. Some of her ribs look broken as well. He knows that at this point, giving her anymore of his regeneration energy would do more harm than good, so he decides that he will just wrap them later and make sure she rests until they fully heal the long way.

Rose still isn't fully in control of all her muscles and cannot (or maybe will not) sit up on her own, so the Doctor strips down to his boxer briefs and climbs into the tub with her, sitting behind her and leaning her against his chest once again. He had pictured and dreamed of a moment like this so many times before. Never did he think it would play out like this, with Rose within inches of the end of her life.

He does his best to wash her hair, but the amount of knots in it makes it difficult. He doesn't want to hurt her. He scrubs the thick layer of dirt and dead skin off of her body, careful to be as gentle as he can over her bruises. This is when he fully takes in just how emaciated she has become. He can see all of her ribs very clearly. Her hipbones protrude so much compared to the rest of her body. There does not seem to be any fat left anywhere. It disgusts and angers him that someone would let this happen to another person. That someone could watch this happen and not do anything about it.

When he's gotten her as clean as he can, he takes her out of the tub and wraps her in a large, fluffy towel before putting his own clothes back on. He dries her off the rest of the way and dresses her in her favorite pajamas. He does his best to comb through her hair, but it proves to be impossible. He ends up cutting her hair short, above where the majority of the larger knots are, and brushing through the rest.

He carries her once more, into her bedroom, where he lays her on the bed and pulls the covers over her. He wants to get some nutrition into her, so he quickly grabs a glass of apple juice and slowly tilts the glass against her lips. She manages to swallow some of it.

He leans down to her and strokes her still damp hair. "You should get some rest. You've been through a lot. I'll be right here the entire time you're asleep. Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere. I won't let anything happen to you." And he sits down in a chair next to her bed. He holds her hand in both of his. She doesn't hold his back. She continues to stare off into space, but it doesn't take long for her to drift off to sleep.

The Doctor does as he promises and does not leave her side. He watches her and tries his best to convince himself everything will be okay. But his mind keeps coming back to blame himself for everything that has happened to her and how if she's not okay, he will never be able to forgive himself, and he starts pacing around her room, ending up in a chair up against the wall.

After a few hours, Rose starts to whimper and stir. Before long she is thrashing around, as much as her weak muscles will allow. The Doctor hurries back over to her side and grabs her hand again. He tries to shush and calm her. It does not help. Completely on instinct, he climbs onto her bed and wraps his arms around her, whispering in her ear that he is right there, it is only a nightmare, and everything will be okay. Surprisingly, she calms. She curls into him and slips back into her deep sleep.