Oh, hey. Let me just say that I am more than a little ashamed that this took me so long. I don't really have any excuses; school was an absolute bitch this semester. I know you probably thought I had given up, but not the case, just really slow.
But school is over for now! Maybe I will have enough time to actually write this!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I wish.
Kyle had no idea what the fuck he was supposed to do. If he told his parents, his mother would probably have him committed to a mental institution, not that most of the town didn't deserve it themselves. However, she knew his mother. She had him committed over the whole Mr. Hankey thing, and that was something that he definitely didn't imagine. No, unfortunately for now he had to pretend that nothing wrong because if he was put away, he might never figure out how to fix this.
He wished he could talk to Stan. Or Bebe. Being alone in this is probably the worst part.
He grudgingly went to his closet and pulled out clothes to put on. What was strange was the fact that he found his old green ushanka at the bottom of it. He picked it up and felt extremely nostalgic; he looked at his reflection in the mirror and jammed the hat on his head, ashamed of how he looked.
Damn, he was just finally getting comfortable with himself, too.
His mother came and yelled at him one final time before he bounded down the steps so they could go to school. At least he had Ike; he didn't know what he would do without him right now, even if he had no idea what was happening to his brother.
Kyle took a deep breath as his mother turned into the parking lot. He was not prepared for this.
"Now Kyle, you have basketball practice after school, but you have to take your driving test, so I think that you are going to have to miss it today." Shelia stated as he almost hopped out of the car. Ike snuck out behind him.
Kyle's whole demeanor lit up. At least he had that, "Okay mom! That's fine. I'll see you after school!"
Ike almost hightailed it out of the parking lot before Kyle could catch up with him. Shelia yelled that she loved them before she drove away. Ike was red in the face.
"Dude, what's wrong?" Kyle asked, concerned.
"I just hate it when she embarrasses us like that. Doesn't she know we're in public?"
Ike's words were filled with spite. It occurred to Kyle that he should probably feel the same way, but he had long since grown out of being embarrassed by his parents. He was so glad he was out of that faze…or he was.
"Oh yeah…it sucks when she does that."
Ike was keeping a fast pace as he looked over at a girl and blushed some more. Kyle was going to say something, or at least make fun of him, but he figured that Ike had suffered enough in the last two minutes.
The bell rang and something donned on him: he had no idea what his school schedule was.
Fuck.
"Uh, Ike…do you know where…we…are going?"
Ike stopped in his tracks, "Dude, are you serious? You always have chemistry first. Did you hit your head or something? Or are you high?"
Kyle chuckled a bit, "Definitely the latter."
"Well let me tell you something Kyle, drugs are bad, mmmkay?"
They laughed together and Kyle was happy that the jokes at their old school counselor were still throughout the younger generations.
He just hoped to God that chemistry was still in the same classroom.
It was a good sign that someone was excited to see Kyle before he even was able to figure out where to sit down. A boy was signaling for him to sit down next to him.
Kyle gratefully sat down next to him as the other boy spoke up, "Dude, were you able to figure out the last problem on the homework? I couldn't figure it out."
Kyle looked at him confused and then deciphered that he should probably answer him, "Uh, yeah, let me just…"
He got out his binder and thanked his lucky stars that he seemed to be organized. He opened up to the chemistry tab and even found the homework that he had presumably done. Lord, he was still a nerd.
"Oh, thanks so much man." Said the boy as he grabbed the other boy's work. Kyle figured that they were friends, and this guy wasn't just a mooch because he had done all the other problems on the assignment. He just wished he knew his name.
Kyle luckily found the rest of his class schedule in his binder behind all of his other papers. Next he had honors English. No surprise, he had all honor's classes. Nerd.
He realized that returning to high school would at least not be too difficult for him as he walked to English. Again there was someone waving at him when he walked in. He was more popular than he thought. It was a girl this time; he sat down next to her.
"Hey Kyle, how was your weekend?" The girl asked him, leaning closer.
"Oh, you know, the usual." Kyle understated. He only wished he could truthfully get into that question.
"Oh, well that's exciting. It was my sister's birthday this weekend and we had to all the way out to Fort Collins to celebrate with the rest of my family."
Kyle was only half listening as he got out his school supplies, "Oh, that's cool."
"Yeah, I unfortunately didn't have a lot else going on."
"That sucks." He stated as he looked for a pen in front of his backpack.
"I thought about how awesome it would be if I had something else to do, or at least had someone else to spend it with."
It took Kyle a couple seconds to register what she said. It gave him pause and he looked over at her. She seemed familiar for some reason, and if he wasn't hallucinating, he swore that she was trying to flirt with him.
"Oh, uh..." he had no idea how to respond, "anyone in particular?"
She looked him up and down and bit her lip, "Yeah, I had someone in mind."
Lord, she must have been in heat or something. He was ecstatic that the teacher decided to start the class before he could respond to such an awkward notion.
"Alright, class. We were just going over the rest of The Catcher and the Rye." Said the teacher as the rest of the class pulled out their books.
He sighed loudly; he couldn't get away from this book. He always wondered why Mr. Garrison thought it was necessary that his fourth grade read it. Or anyone for that matter. He laughed a bit as he remembered Scrotie McBoogerballs.
"Do you not have your book today, Kyle? You can share with me." The girl said next to him. He looked to her and sort of smiled in thanks.
The rest of the class period was filled with an awkward presence as he scooted towards the girl and she leaned into him and his personal space. Could she be any more obvious? It looked like she was trying to chew on her pen seductively.
He missed Bebe.
At the end of class, Ike was waiting for him to get out. He stood up a little straighter as Kyle exited the classroom.
"Hey Ike, ready for Spanish?" Kyle asked as he was grateful to have one class with his brother. Ike had texted him earlier and told him that he forgot to do his homework for next period, asking Kyle if he had done his. Why did everyone assume that he had? Oh right, the whole nerd thing.
Ike wasn't paying attention to him and looked passed him. Kyle followed his line of vision to the girl that was sitting next to him. Uh oh.
"Oh, hey Flora." Ike said urgently as he was trying to look nonchalant.
He remembered why she was so familiar. She was the girl that Ike was blushing at before school started. Great.
She looked at him and smiled quickly and then back to Kyle, "So, Kyle, you want to study for the next test?"
Kyle raised his eyebrows, "Not much to study really. Just read the book and answer the questions."
"Oh, right. Well, we could still review together."
Kyle was about to shoot her down again, but Ike jabbed him, "Oh, yeah, whatever."
"Cool, I'll call you later then. Bye Ike, bye Kyle." She emphasized his name.
"Bye." They said in unison, Ike of course with a little bit more enthusiasm.
Kyle shook his head at his little brother and headed to class.
As they were supposed to be asking each other about their weekends in Spanish, Kyle brought up Flora.
"Fui a las películas." Ike stated as he stared into his textbook.
"You have it bad for Flora, don't you?" Kyle asked bluntly.
Ike appeared to be accosted as he glanced at his brother and then back down at his book, "No."
"Come on. You were practically at her feet earlier."
"Was not."
"Dude, you're a terrible liar."
Ike sighed and leaned back in his desk, covering his face in his hands "Is it really that obvious?"
Kyle almost laughed, "Yes."
Ike put his face to his book, "Fuck, what am I supposed to do? I feel like she doesn't even notice me."
Kyle in no way had the heart to admit to him that she obviously had the hots for him and not Ike.
"Well, have you tried asking her out?"
Ike scoffed, "No, are you crazy?"
"Well, I don't know then. Try talking to her at least. Get to know her better."
"You're terrible at giving advice."
Kyle felt so guilty.
He hated high school. He hated it. It was bad enough the first time, but to have his little brother's crush like him was officially like the universe was trying to torture him in the cruelest of ways. She showed up at lunch before Kyle was excited at the prospect of not having to hear Cartman's bitching for once.
She was completely ignoring Ike as all he was trying to do was get Kyle's attention. He did his best to try and ignore her, but she was so damn persistent, asking about stupid Holden Caulfield. He was thankful that Ike was seemingly oblivious to the whole thing.
He was so ready for the day to be over by the time the final bell rang and he was released from honor's calculus.
His driving test shouldn't be too difficult, considering how long he had been doing it for at this point. Shelia made him drive to the DMV.
"Bubie, you are following these cars much too close!" Even in adulthood, she never stopped backseat driving.
"Well they're going too slow."
"You can't just tailgate them like this! Please practice defensive driving Kyle; you're about to take your driver's license test for God's sake."
He sighed and eased off the accelerator. They weren't even that close to the other cars in his opinion.
As he sat waiting for his instructor, he thought back on his test before. The guy administering the test was really cool and laid back, not even caring that Kyle nearly cut another guy off. They laughed together, and he told Kyle how much he hated his job.
He just hoped that he didn't get her.
It was the fat lady that everyone dreaded. Both Stan and Kenny had her, and they both barely passed. Stan would still complain about her if the subject was ever brought up.
He heard a knock on the window, breaking him from his stupor. Kyle looked over in dread at the fat lady practically as large as his mom's minivan. Fuck.
She cleared her throat. Kyle took that as a sign to lower his window.
"Hello ma'am. My name is—"
"Please press down your break." She stated as she walked around to the back.
He did what he was told and showed her his turn signals, both on the car and manually. She came up to the side and opened the passenger door. When she sat down, he swore the car sagged in her direction. Dear Lord, it was Cartman's biological mother.
"Please turn on your car and turn left out of the parking lot."
The rest of the test wasn't too terrible, luckily Kyle felt confident despite the obese woman's reprimands.
"You didn't look over your shoulder as you came into this pocket lane." She said almost angrily as she scribbled on her pad.
"Sorry." He said as he thought about how many people actually did that.
"Don't apologize."
They came up to a residential street.
"Pull up to the curb now please."
Her pleases were more like hostile demands, "Now reverse."
He reversed with ease against the curb without hitting it.
"Now pull forward."
The car came forward on the curb.
"Now reverse again."
"I thought you only had to do this once."
"Don't argue with me young man."
He tried to smile and was unfortunately reminded of his mother. She had him do it three times before she was satisfied. They pulled back into the DMV soon after and he parked into the nearest spot. She was silent for a couple of minutes before she cleared mucus from her throat again.
"Now, Mr. Brof…" She stumbled over his surname just like everybody else did.
"Broflovski."
She glared at him, "You've completed driver's training, is that correct Mr. Brofloski?"
She still pronounced it wrong, "Yes…"
Well, he wouldn't have been able to take his test without it, right?
"In my opinion, you need more practice, but by the state of Colorado, you passed."
For some reason, even though he had already been through this, he was extremely excited.
"Really?!"
"Don't be too excited. You barely passed."
With that, she gave him his paperwork and was barely able to exit the vehicle without another word. Kyle didn't care what a bitch she was; he still passed. He raised his arms in the air in victory.
"Yes!"
His mother was soon at his window. She opened the door for him, "Judging by your reaction, I am guessing you passed."
"Hell yeah I did."
"Language, young man."
"Sorry Ma."
"Now you can drive me home, but don't think that this is complete freedom."
Oh, he knew that all too well. After he got his license the first time, she called him practically every day to make sure that he wasn't driving anyone illegally, even though he usually was. This was when he had a class with Bebe, and he drove her home all the time, partly because he was a sucker, and because he hoped everyday that she would invite him inside.
All he knew was that he could never could give Stan shit over Wendy again.
Oh prefect, it had only been about five minutes since he last thought about how much his life sucked.
At basketball practice the next day, it was the only time Kyle truly felt like could unwind. Even though he did not know almost all of the guys on the team, he really missed the camaraderie that came with being on a sports team. It was his only haven in this hell of his.
He hadn't even had time to think about solving what had happened to him between doing homework, being assaulted by Flora, and trying to keep it from Ike. High school sucked balls, no secret about that.
There was this certainty that Kyle had that everyone in his classes thought he was a know it all or something, especially chemistry. He had learned that the name of his partner was Billy Harris. He was a small, pale looking boy. Kyle kind of felt bad for him; he kind of got picked on quite a bit from his peers. He wished he could tell the guy that he knew that Billy was going to be the one who succeeded in life instead of those guys. They could go fuck themselves. Not that he looked any better at the moment since he was a whiz at chemistry. Well, it was his major at a master's level.
"Alright team, gather up," the coach told the team as everyone collaborated around him, "since preseason is over and the actual season is about to start, we need to vote for a new caption. You need to think of candidates to vote for."
Kyle looked around at the team. The only people he knew were his brother and Fillmore. He didn't think he could vote for anybody else considering he didn't know their merit. Then a stunning idea hit him.
Kyle's hand shot right in the air, "I nominate Ike!"
Everyone shot their heads around to Kyle, and Ike looked especially horrified.
"Well, I don't think that is such a bad choice. Anyone else?" stated the coach.
A couple other people spoke up, and this kid who Kyle could tell was a royal douche bag nominated himself. His name was Justin or something douchey. In the brief time that he had known him, Kyle could see that no one but Cartman was more full of himself.
He hoped to God that Ike would get it. His thought process was for Ike to win captain, and maybe that would impress Flora enough for her to notice him. It would be prefect; what girl could resist that?
"Okay, so the top candidates are Ike and Justin. I'll have ballots for you soon. Now, let's get back to working on our three pointers. Middle Park seems to be more promising this season, so we can't get too cocky!"
A couple of guys chortled at 'cocky.'
Their coach really knew how to work them. Two hours of drills followed by endless laps. Kyle was all about to take a wonderful shower and collapse into his bed before he could bring himself to do his homework.
He and Ike ran into Ben in the parking lot. He must have just gotten done with his practice as well in the other gymnasium. It was nice to see another familiar face.
"Hey Ben." Kyle greeted lazily.
"Hey guys, how was practice?" He asked while he took out his earphones.
He and Ike looked at each other and laughed tiredly.
"That good?"
"Yeah, Jarvis really knows how to ride us." Ike said almost resentfully.
Ben snorted, "Well that is what you get for being on varsity."
"And it's only Monday." Kyle grieved.
Ben and Ike laughed with him in misery, "Hey, do you guys want to come over on Friday? My mom is leaving for the weekend, so Bebe has to make sure I don't burn the house down or some shit. She told me she is having all her stupid friends from college over."
Kyle opened his eyes widely and was rendered speechless for a few moments.
Ike spoke up first, "Dude, does that mean that Wendy chick will be there? She is so hot."
Kyle was about to punch him and tell him that was his best friend's girlfriend, but then realized that might have sounded a bit strange, so he settled for, "Like you would ever have a chance."
Ike glared at him, "I know that, especially considering she is practically married to that Stan guy or whatever."
"And she is in college."
"Yeah, we'll definitely be there." Ike said as he ignored Kyle.
A car turned into the parking lot to presumably pick up the only other remaining person besides him and Ike. For a few fleeting moments Kyle maybe thought it was Bebe coming to pick up Ben, so he could at least lay eyes on her like a total creeper, but it turned out to just be Mrs. Stevens. He tried to not make his disappointment obvious.
"Alright, see you guys later." Ben said as he slipped into the car.
They both said goodbye as Kyle turned on his happy façade.
Their own mother soon came by, not before Ike complained about it, stating he wished that Kyle could just drive them. He had to remind Ike that it was against the law, and he did not have a car. Kyle recalled saving up the money to buy a car his first year of college. He certainly hoped that he wouldn't have to do that again.
As they entered their mom's minivan, Ike spoke up to Kyle, "I didn't want to say this around Ben, but Bebe is freaking hot too, don't you think?"
Again, Kyle felt the need to punch his little brother. He just kind of agreed and went off into his own world.
He got to thinking. He could see his best friends again. Sure, they may not recognize him and think he is a total high school dweeb, but at least he would be in the same vicinity as them. Maybe he could impress them, or just hang out with them…somehow.
Maybe he could get his old life back.
I know this was short for my standards, but this is where I wanted to divide up the chapters.
I want to thank those of you who added me and to Silver-Ninja-RAWR and AshleeAgony for reviewing. Your reviews really mean a lot to me.
Thank you so much for reading! Please stick with me!
