YEAR 5

"Mommy?" David asked, turning from the window to look at the top of Eva's head in the stationwagon's rear-view mirror.

"Yes?" Eva answered without a thought. It still amazed her how quickly she got used to being called that. It was so much different than just changing her name or slipping into a new role for a job– after all, she'd never played a part for five years straight.

David swung his legs back and forth as he simply, innocently asked, "Why isn't Daddy with us?"

It took a lot of Eva's willpower and self-control not to accidentally floor it. Her grip on the steering wheel tightened and she pursed her lips– she'd told the boys the bare minimum about John: he was their father, he was a soldier, he was alive, and he wasn't here. She'd considered lying, telling them he was dead, but they would have lived a life defined by lies if she hadn't taken them. She was supposed to be better than that.

For a time, the bare minimum had been enough. She should have known it wouldn't have been enough forever. She'd just thought she'd have a few more years, at least. She glanced at James in the rearview mirror; the blond twin was staring out the window still, but she could catch him looking over every now and again, waiting for her to answer.

She took a deep breath in before she replied in a careful, measured voice, "Your father is fighting against the bad people we're running from. It would be even more dangerous for us to be with him, so we're on our own."

It wasn't a lie. That was the kindest thing she could say about it.

"Is he gonna come live with us when he beats the bad guys?" James asked, finally turning to look at Eva with that light in his eyes he always got when she told them about John. Her throat ached– so young and already enchanted by the idea of his father. Just like everyone else. Why did everyone keep falling for him?

Her hands shook on the steering wheel.

"John please, you have to help me!"

"Tell me why the Hell I have to help you– you're just as guilty as Zero!"

"They're your sons!"

"Don't you dare call those things my sons!"

She couldn't lie to them. She was better than that. She needed to be better than that.

"Maybe," she sighed, her voice almost a whisper, "I don't know just yet."

James took after her; a part of her would stay enchanted with John until the day she died. The three of them drove on in silence.


"Mommy?" James asked as he kicked his legs back and forth on the edge of the motel bed.

"Yes?" Eva answered, not missing a beat as she touched up her mascara.

James paused for a second, glanced at his brother sleeping beside him, looked down at his little feet in thought, then looked back up and wondered, "Am I your favorite twin?"

Eva immediately closed her compact, brows drawing together in a concerned frown as she turned to him; "What brought this on?"

James' mouth drew into a tight line and he shrugged; genetic coincidence allowed him to take after her in many ways, but he didn't have her gift for lying. She only had to frown just that bit harder to get him to slump his shoulders and give up the act.

"There were some other kids here earlier," James admitted, "David didn't wanna talk to them but I did." That didn't surpise Eva at all– David was quiet, preferring the company of her and James to anyone else who tried to talk to them. James was too friendly for his own good.

"The one girl talked about how her dad likes her brother more because he's more like him," James continued, "I dunno… I thought you might like me more because I've got yellow hair like you?"

Eva shook her head, crossing the distance between the two beds to sit next to James; "Well, I'm not like that girl's dad, James. I love you and David the same." James deflated a little bit, and Eva couldn't help sighing.

"Now James, look at me," she said, doing her best to sound stern but not so much that it'd scare her son, "You love David, right?"

James nodded.

"And you'd feel pretty bad if I loved you less than I love David, right?"

James nodded again.

"So why would you want David to feel bad?"

James looked down at his feet again; "I'unno…" This time, Eva believed him, even though she could guess why. He and David were twins– better yet, they were twins who had barely been apart for their entire lives. She saw everything that was unique about them, even beyond the simple things like hair and eye color. But little James was probably feeling lost, feeling like he wanted something to make him feel special and different than David.

She didn't know if she could help with that. But she knew one thing– they'd been designed as opposites, to be pitted against each other in experiments and in nature. And she was going to be better than that.

"Listen to me James, this is important," Eva said, turning to sit crosslegged and face James completely, "You and David are twins. Do you know what that means?"

James looked up at her, brows furrowed; "We've gotta share our birthday?"

Eva couldn't help a snicker; "Well, yeah. But more important than that is that you got something special. Everyone in the world has a special partner, someone who's there for them through everything. For some people, that's someone they marry. For others it's a best friend. You were born with yours– David's your special partner. You have to stick together and support each other. Promise me you can do that."

James cocked his head to the side with a little frown; "Yeah I promise… Why do I gotta promise?"

"Because I promised you I'd always protect you, but…" she tried to push down the lump in her throat that always rose up when she came too close to that possibility, "I might not always be able to. You and David have to keep each other safe and be there for each other if something happens to me."

James vaulted forward and wrapped his little arms around her as far as they could go; "Nuh-uh! We'll keep you safe too! Nothing's gonna happen to you. I promise."

She smiled through the tears pricking at her eyes and held James tight; "That's right. We're family. And family sticks together. So no more talk about playing favorites, okay?" James nodded and she squeezed him tighter.

It wasn't long before James was fast asleep too. When he was, Eva softly walked back over to her own bed and picked up her discarded compact. She opened it and looked hard at the mirror.

Blonde hair. Green eyes. Same as James.

She frowned; had she been favoring him because he took after her? Because she saw more of herself in him than John? She remembered seeing them put in little tubs like specimens, with labels that read "recessive" and "dominant", "superior" and "inferior".

"I'm going to be better," she whispered. "I have to be better."

Otherwise all of this would be for nothing.


They had to check out that next morning– they'd been in this town too long and she'd made arrangements to stay in an actual safehouse in the next one over (one of the few that would still let her stay now that she was an enemy of the most powerful people in the country). Eva couldn't help but smile at the idea; maybe they could stay longer than a couple weeks. Maybe she could finally start homeschooling the boys. Maybe she could use all this extra time to finally arrange a way out of the country and find them somewhere stable.

Her teachers at charm school always did chastise her for daydreaming. But it gave her something to hope for.

David and James were sluggish in the morning like any five year old boys woken up at seven would be, but managed to help her pack well enough. They were adjusting, and so was she. This wasn't a mad dash out in the middle of the night, so they had time in the morning to stop at a diner nearby for breakfast. She got bacon and eggs, the boys shared a stack of chocolate chip pancakes. David complained a little bit about having to share again but James just quietly drew in crayon all over his paper napkins. Eva gently reminded David that when he could eat a whole burger by himself without getting too full he wouldn't have to share with James anymore. David pouted but stopped complaining.

The twins ignored the actual activities on the kids menu and used the crayons to draw whatever they wanted on the napkins. She smirked into her coffee– all this running was teaching them how to be rebels. David drew lots and lots of dogs. James drew himself and David fighting a very simple stick figure with an angry face just labeled "Bad Guy".

Eva beamed with a kind of pride she couldn't quite describe as she carefully placed the drawings in the glove compartment with all the rest.