*Diclaimer: (Sing to "Mary Had A Little Lamb").

If I did own RuroKen,

RuroKen, RuroKen-!

If I did own RuroKen,

Tomoe would've lived! :)**However, I do own Paul & Narrarator, though I am not satisfied at all with that. 0_o'*

"Holiday Jollies":

Narrarator: Last time, on Hol-oh, goddami-

Author: Haven't you gotten over it by now?!

Narrarator: Of course not! Not only is the title bad, but l-lo-look-

*splutters and points at Disclaimer*

Narrarator: WHAT KIND OF DISCLAIMER GOES TO A NURSERY TUNE?!

Author: (T_T') I thought it was cute...

Narrarator: And...*lip wobbles* you said....that you weren't satisfied...with us!

Author: (-_-') Is that what you're sad about?!

*Narrarator nods poutingly*

Author: Fine, come on, crybaby. I'll give you a yam.

*drags Narrarator away*

Narrarator: YAMS! Yay! Yay! I love yams! Me happy!

Author: (-_-') You're reminding me of someone...anyway, last time on Holiday...(o_0') That is hard to say...ergh...last chapter, Kenshin was dragged away by short balding Paul!

Paul: I AM NOT BALD!

Author: What will Kenshin be forced to do? Read and find out! *Bows and runs away*

~~~~NOW BACK TO THE REAL STORY~~~~

Kenshin: Paul-dono, where are you taking me?

Paul: What the heck did you just call me??

Kenshin: Paul-dono do dono dodo dodono!

........

Kenshin: I did not say that, de gozaru!

*Author cackles*

~~~~~OKAY, NOW, BACK TO THE REALLY REAL STORY~~~~~

Audience: Really?

Author: No. I'm sorry, can't resist...

~~~~~~~NOW, WE ARE GONNA GO BACK TO THE REALLY REALLY REAL STORY~~~~

...

.......

..

...

~*~

Kaoru: Kenshin....

Sanosuke: Don't worry Jou-chan. Kenshin can take whatever that guy throws at him.

Kaoru: But...I don't want Kenshin to be fat!

Sanosuke: *thinking* Now that is a disturbing mental picture...AH! PICTURES! NOW MY SOUL WILL BE SUCKED OUT!!!!!

*Sanosuke starts to scream and run around and promptly crashes into a wall and faints*

Megumi: ....Why do you think Ken-san will become fat?

Kaoru: LOOKIT LOOKIT LOOKIT LOOKIT!!!! *cries and holds up pamphlet* If...*sniff*...that man, Paul...*sniff*...says we are to replace the Holiday characters...just look at Santa Clause!!

*Yahiko and Megumi peer at the picture. What they see is an old, white bearded fat man, with rosy cheeks. They all begin to picture Kenshin with big cheeks, a white beard, and....gosh.*

Megumi: EEEeeeEEEEEiiiiIIII!!!!!!!

Yahiko: AAaaaaaaAArrrRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!

Kaoru: AAAAaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAHhhHHH!!!

And their screams rang long and hard....

~*~

THE FIRST HOLIDAY: NEW YEARS:

Kenshin: Paul-dono, where are you taking me?

Paul: .....

Kenshin: Paul-dono?

Paul: ....*twitch*....Will...you...quit that?!

Kenshin: Why, Paul-dono? OROOORO-!!!

*Paul "dono" proceeds to strangle Kenshin*

Paul: DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME "DONO" AGAIN!!!

Kenshin: Okie dokie.

~*~

*They walk onwards, or rather, Paul dragging Kenshin by his wrist. Soon they come to a room that resemles a factory. While they rush through, Kenshin sees a leprachaun, a panda, a giant chocolate heart, and...*

Kenshin: Horsies!!

Paul: Those are reindeer. And look at the sign!

Sign: Look, but do not touch! Reindeers have feelings too!

Paul: You won't be needing those until later. Come on.

*The dragging continues until they come to an enclosed spot where lots of workers are testing out fireworks...*

Paul: There isn't really a person for New Years...but...*shrug* We'll do it anyway.

Paul shoves Kenshin forward to a group of people.

Paul: DYE HIM!

Kenshin: DIE ME??

Paul: No, DYE!

Kenshin: I don't want to die, de gozaru!

Paul: DYE!! Oh forget it, dye him already!

Kenshin: I do not wish to-OROOOROOO!!!!

*The factory workers proceed to paint him...with which colors? Red! White! And Blue! Kenshin is heard yelling in the bustle. When they step back to reveal the Rurouni...*

Kenshin: MY HAIR!! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!!!

*The painters really are out of whack. Instead of leaving his hair and gi red, they dyed them white. Torso blue, and fingernails.....*

Kenshin: My fingers! They're bleeding!

*He yelps and runs around wildly*

Paul: No doofus, it's only paint-

Kenshin: AH! AH! Ah!

Paul: Oh well. The paint will dry quicker.

~+~10 MINUTES LATER~+~

Kenshin: AH! Ah! AH!

Paul: I guess it should be dry now...

Kenshin: AH! AH! AH!

*Paul takes a firework and whaps him on the head*

Kenshin: Ororoo...

Paul: Strap him to the Banger!

~+~5 MINUTES LATER~+~

Kenshin: Why am I tied to a firework?

Paul: So you will explode into patriotic colors for us all to see.

Kenshin: Oh...now?

Paul: Yup.

*He lights the fuse*

Kenshin: ....Oro.

BAM!!!!!!!!

And the firework is off....

~+~2 SECONDS LATER~+~

Kenshin: AAAAAAAAAAAaaaAaaAAAAAAAAiiiiiIIIIeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

~+~3 SECONDS LATER~+~

Kenshin: AAAAaaaaaaaAAAIIIIIiiiiiiiIIIEeeEEEEEE!!!!!!!

~+~1 SECOND LATER~+~

BOOOOOOOM!!!!

And the firework bursts in all of it's glory....

Woman: Dear, is that a man I see?

Man: Where?

Woman: The one screaming wildly and falling from the sky.

Man: Tsh. My dear, that is a woman.

Kenshin: I HEARD THATTTTTTttttttttt............. *and he fades into the distance...*

~~~~~~~~~~~

THE SECOND HOLIDAY: GROUNDHOG DAY

Kenshin: I won't do it! I will not-

*is muffled*

Paul: Oh, come on, it's not that bad, is it?

Kenshin: Have you ever been forced to dress up as a groundhog?!

Girls: Ooooh, he's so cute! *giggle giggle*

Paul: (-_-') Okay, it's pretty bad, but that's alright. And also, technically, that's a beaver. Our groundhog costumes ran out.

Kenshin: ....That explains the weird tail, that it does.

Paul: Aye.

~+~

Paul: *coaxingly* Come on, all you have to do is go down the hole, then pop out again to see whether or not there is a shadow!

Kenshin: I do not wish to lower myself to that- OOF!

*Paul kicks Kenshin into the hole*

Paul: And stay there! The reporters will be coming soon!

Kenshin: Reporters?! What-

Paul: HIDE!

*Paul runs away, leaving Kenshin to his furry, dank, holey fate*

Kenshin: ....Paul-dono?

*Kenshin hears reporter vans screech up and the long high heels of...!*

Ashley Kinkerboo: Hello, everyone!! *giggles and flutters eyelashes*

Kenshin: *thinking* Aiieeee!!!

Ashley: Today, we are here to witness the legendary groundhog pop out of his snuggly little hole! *giggles*

Kenshin: *thinking* EEEEEEeeeEEE-!!!

Ashley: *to hole* Come out, widdle smugger bums!

Kenshin: ........

Ashley: Widdle gwondhoggy! Gwondhoggy fufu!

.....You know. There is only so much a man can take. Kenshin has almost experienced it all. Being hit by crazy anime girls, fighting and getting mortally wounded, getting burnt and bitten by a mummy-freak with a face only his mother-and, er, Yumi could love, killing many people and carrying that guilt, being mistaken for a female...but never, NEVER has Kenshin been baby-talked too. And that was the last straw.

.....

~

Kaoru: Who is that talking?

Author: (^_^) Me! Don't I make such a nice narrarator?

*The K-gumi and the Author are watching a small television. On screen is Kenshin, dressed as a groundhog, or uh, a beaver, and his temple is throbbing dangerously. So is Kaoru's once she sees the giggly reporter baby-talking to him.*

Yahiko: Who's videotaping him?

Author: Paul, and a mini camcorder on Kenshin's beaver.

Sanosuke: What?

Author: His tail.

Sanosuke: Oh.

Yahiko: You're all weird.

Author: Ah! Ah-AH- LOOK! He's gonna blow!!

~

Ashley: I hear movement! Is widdle gwondhoggy finally coming out??

*Get away, Ashley. Get away while you still can...but no. Stupid Ashley peers into the hole*

Kenshin: AaaaaaaaaaaAAARRRRGHHHH!!!!!!

Ashley: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKK!!!!

*And thus, captured by the newscamera men and Paul, Ashley is mauled by a crazy giant groundhog-man-beaver.*

Kenshin: WHERE IS MY SWORD?!! I WANT MY SWORD!!!

Ashley: Oh!! Cutie widdle gwondhoggy can speak Engwish???

Author: Damn, she's too annoying. Kenshin! Catch!

*Sakabatou is tossed, and Kenshin stares*

Kenshin: Must...not...break...non-killing...!!!!

Ashley: Widdle gwondhoggy?

Kenshin/Battousai: DIE!!!

*And, captured by the newscamera men and Paul once again, Ashley is mauled and chopped quite severely by a giant groundhog-man-beaver*

Newscamera Man: Or is that a lady?

Author: Don't even start.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE THIRD HOLIDAY: VALENTINE'S DAY

Author: Oh, what dreary fates! For now that Kenshin has been humiliated dressing as a furry critter and been baby-talked too, now he must be a baby!

Kenshin: Wistful Eyes-dono, if you love me at all, end this right now!!

Author: Oh my, what a difficult choice to make. (;_;)

Kenshin: *desperately* Sessha will take you out to dinner and buy you ice cream if you accept, de gozaru!!

Author: Ice cream! And Kenshin?! Put together?! I'm in!

Kenshin: *sighs in relief*

Author: *whispering* But you know...this is just a break. You will see Kenshin in a Santa suit soon. Just do the magic thing...press the button! Wait! No, not that button with the "x"! The review one! No, hey, don't close this page hey-!!!

~And insanity is rested for now....~

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Author's Notes:

Don't worry. Valentines will continue in the next chapter. However...I do feel guilty. Kenshin wearing a toga with little wings and a bow and arrow might just be too much! -_-' Even I think that is a bit far...well...I'll see you next time!