AN: Bigger chapter this time. Woohoo! Anyway, thanks for the reviews. Nice to know people want you to continue. One last thing before I shut up, for those waiting for Jimmy's appearance, that begins next chapter. I'm still loosely following the S1 story line and Jimmy's reaction to Ben in Sanctuary is needed for my plans. Well, I've held you up long enough, hope you enjoy
Chapter 2
"Hey, um..."
"Hi, bye." Biting his lip, Ben let his eyes drop miserably to the floor as his third connected brother brushed right past him, not even sparing him a glance. He hadn't seen any of them since they'd all been released from the clinic a few days ago and it had left him sad and lonely. They'd never been very far apart and even when he couldn't feel them anymore, he'd still gained some comfort from having them all in close proximity to him. Now however, just finding one of them was a challenge and none of them seemed to want anything to do with him. Or each other, but he'd seen them at least exchanging a few pleasantries between them when they did run into each other, so why did he get nothing but attitude and an ignored existence?
There's still my sister. Maybe she'll be better. Taking a deep breath, he rubbed at his eyes and took off for the cafeteria. It was getting on lunch time, which meant food would be ready. Meal time was one thing Ben was always keen for and from what he'd seen, his sib...group shared that particular desire. None of them could remember eating much at all since they were harnessed and since they were removed, all five of them were really hungry all the time. That was a bit of a problem considering the regiment only had so much food, but Tom always gave half of his to a grateful Ben at breakfast and dinner.
I wonder how the others dealt with their hunger? He mused as he turned a corner and brought the cafeteria doors into sight. However, his eyes lit up and the thought was forgotten as he noticed a very familiar, short girl with her hair tied up in her usual messy bun.
"Hey." He called, not noticing her flinch as he jogged up to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I haven't seen you in over a day sis-"
"Don't call me that!" She hissed harshly with a glare, making him jump as she shrugged his hand off.
"Sorry, but that's what I've always called you." He muttered unsurely. The poor boy looked like a kicked puppy and felt like one too. "We never used human names, so I never learnt yours."
"And you're not learning it now either!" She snapped harshly, shattering any hope Ben had. "It's hard enough getting people to accept me around here without the rest of you hanging around and making them more suspicious, especially you. So leave me alone. I want to get back a semi-normal life." With that, she gave him one last piercing glare and stomped off through the doors, leaving a thoroughly miserable Ben behind.
...
The lunch rush was long over, but Ben had yet to even touch his food. He'd grabbed all the food the cooks would let him at the same time everyone else did, but rather than eat it, he'd found himself an empty table and just stared down at his bowel of rice forlornly. His appetite was completely gone.
What's so bad about me? The thought had been running through his mind for over an hour and he just couldn't find an answer for it. He'd done nothing to anyone and said little to nothing, usually just offering shy smiles as he walked down the hallways, yet he was always on the receiving end of scowls, glares and a lot of cruel words he wasn't supposed to hear. 'Those Razorbacks will get us all killed' was probably the most frequent line to come his way, but there were many, more painful comments and suggestions made in 'private' conversations. It hurt that he didn't even have to do anything to be despised by more than half the regiment.
His family seemed to be ok with him. When he did wake up, Tom had grown ecstatic when Ben confirmed that his memories had returned, though Ben hid the fact that they didn't seem to fit quite right with his head. Matt forever asked him questions and snuck into his cot at night, something that Ben was secretly very happy about. He was used to sleeping pressed up to his siblings so Matt snuggling into his chest made sleep a whole lot easier and pleasant. Hal was...Hal, but they didn't fight anymore and he got an occasional Joke out of him, so it was an improvement from what he remembered. So why was everyone else so against him? Even his siblings...group...whatever! Why were they so against someone going through the same thing they were? Shouldn't they being dealing with it together, like they always had? Why was now so different? What made ME so different?
"Hey Ben, do you mind if I sit down?" Shaking his head, Ben had to go over the question just to make sure he heard it right. The voice had been feminine, meaning it wasn't Tom or his brothers, but it was light, kind, not a single sign of dislike. Looking up, he stared amazedly at a smiling Hispanic girl. Lourdes was her name, she'd checked over his spikes before he'd left the clinic. He remembered that she was nice and gentle, apologising profusely when he watch got caught on and tugged the top spike in his neck a little too hard.
"Yeah, of course. If you want to."Ben nodded quickly with a nervous smile, afraid that she'd come to her senses and walk away. The fear proved unnecessary however, as her smile only grew brighter as she sat in front of him, setting a tray down before her.
"And why would I want to eat alone when I can share a meal with pleasant company?" She asked, giving him another grin before bringing her hands together in a way Ben remembered religious Christians doing when they wanted to pray and closing her eyes. "Dear Lord, may we be ever thankful for the bounty you have offered us and the safety you have provided here. We thank you for allowing us to bring our missing children home and for the hope of bringing them all back to our arms that you have blessed us with. Amen."
"You...um." Flustered, Ben wasn't sure what to say. He wanted to ask so many questions lately, but he didn't know if he was allowed or how to word them. He remembered his dad telling him that you sometimes had to be careful how you word queries, but with the Skitters, all confusion or curiosity was sated without questions being asked. Plus, Tom never said he could ask questions. Was it ok?
"Is there something you want to know?" Lourdes asked as she grabbed her spoon, earning a shy nod from Ben. "Then feel free to ask." Taking that as close enough as an ok from Tom, Ben gave his question one more examination before he spoke, hoping that he didn't offend her.
"You still have faith in God?" His tone was simply curious, he decided, quite happy with how it came out. He almost sighed in relief as he watched Lourdes' face and was pleased that she had taken it how he'd intended it, without any sign of anger. In fact, if he wasn't mistaken, she looked a little understanding.
"Yes, I do. I believe that there is still a lot we can be thankful for, that God still watches over us. You're family got you back after all. I know they're very thankful for that." She said warmly before digging into her food. Strange, suddenly he didn't feel as bad. Actually, he felt pretty good. Lourdes didn't only seem ok with him and ask to sit with him, she honestly believed that his coming here was a good thing. Something to be thankful for. It felt...really nice to have someone outside his genetic line feel that way about him.
He blushed a moment later as his grumbling belly made itself known, to the point where Lourdes stopped eating to chuckle. Apparently his appetite was back.
"Looks like your stomach's demanding attention again." She commented lightly, pointing to his tray.
"Yeah, Can't believe how hungry I am lately." He grinned embarrassedly, grabbing his own utensils and shovelling rice down his throat. The food had log turned cold and didn't taste too good, but with his hunger back with a vengeance he didn't care in the slightest.
"Which is why I'm confused by you eating lunch so late." Lourdes admitted between mouthfuls. "And why you were staring at your food so sadly. Is everything ok?" Concern was etched all over her face, her eyes never leaving him as she consumed another mouthful.
Sighing, Ben put his bowel down, his fingers tapping randomly on his spoon as his previous thoughts crashed over him again. He didn't really want to think about it again, but he knew it was going to show up again sooner or later and he needed answers. Besides, what harm could come from telling Lourdes?
"Well...is there something different between me and my sib...group?" He asked, catching himself at the last second. It was something he did a lot. The kids he'd shared a master with had been siblings the whole time they were together, but that wasn't how it worked here. here, they were just a group put together and his siblings were genetic, born from his Mom and Dad, like him. It was still beyond confusing though, because for all the memories and knowledge he had on what made you siblings, the other kids did still feel just as much like his brothers and sister as Hal and Matt did. "I tried talking to all of them today, but...they were hostile to me." He finished sadly, his eyes beginning to sting as each encounter crossed his mind. "And so many people here want me to go away that I..."
"Don't listen to them." Lourdes responded firmly, placing her hand comfortingly over his and encouraging him to look her in the eyes. "They're just scared of the unknown and aren't thinking straight. Plenty of us are very happy that we can save harnessed kids."
"Save?" Ben blinked, a little thrown off by that one. "Why do you use save? We aren't in danger in the Skitters' care. They actually take really good care of us, love us. Like...family."
Clearly he had said something wrong. The look on Lourdes' face was a little too stunned, too worried. As her eyes shifted from one side of the room to the next, Ben bit his lip and placed his hands firmly on the table, scared of what she intended to do and ready to run. He was scared as hell and completely lost for what he'd done wrong. Maybe he shouldn't be asking questions.
"Ben, be careful with what you say in public areas like this." She whispered, leaning over the table. Ok, that was a very different reaction to what he was expecting. "The reason your group is avoiding each other is because the people who are mean to you are people who believe that you're sleeper agents, or beacons for the Skitters. They're trying to prove that they're normal and that their time with the Skitters was horrible. Talking like you're fine with them will only cause the suspicions and accusations to increase and they may hurt you, especially since your spikes aren't going anywhere like the others' did."
A series of emotions hit hard as he took in what she said. She was only worrying about his safety and acceptance, that made him feel more relieved and appreciative than he could say, but the rest of it was unbelievable. His siblings thought their time connected was horrible? Why? It felt great, he missed the feeling of his mind touching everyone else's badly. It was one of the sensations that he wished he still had. And a sleeper agent? He didn't want to hurt anyone! Yeah, he had no problem with the Skitters, but he didn't want the Skitters coming here and killing these people either. To be honest, he was neutral in this war, could sit comfortably with both sides. In his mind, they were just two different kinds of people, they loved, they cared, they fought. But wait, his siblings' spikes had gone too?
Frowning, he reached back and felt the spikes on the back of his neck. His were still the same. He could feel anything that touched them like before and they were just as big and firm. Then again, the others couldn't even have his weakened connection either, which he probably shouldn't talk about. Why was he so different?
"Sorry." He muttered, deciding to deal with it all later as Lourdes looked worriedly into his eyes. "I guess I just..."
"Caught between two worlds. I know." She said softly, letting out a soft breath and smiling softly again. "I understand. And know that you can talk to me about it anytime you want, but it's just best that it's done in private until the heat of all this dies down."
"Ok. Thank you?" He added hesitantly, not quite sure that it was required in this situation, as he picked up his food again. Lourdes just smiled and nodded in response as the two got back to eating.
It seemed that an unspoken rule had been put into play as they went on to ignore all Skitter related topics as they continued their conversation. Lourdes told Ben all about her work with Dr Glass and how happy she was to be able to help and learn more, something that Ben found very intriguing. Only having been free again for a few days, Ben's topics were mostly based around the 'recovery' area, his face bright and joyful as he told her about rediscovering and experimenting with his body. Though when it seemed to Lourdes like he was getting close to mentioning the harness, he always changed topics and talked about the books he'd been reading.
"I was lost on what I was supposed to do yesterday." He admitted hesitantly, not sure if it was acceptable around here. "I waited M-Dad to tell me to do something, but he just said have a good day. So I stopped him before he left the room and asked him what I should be doing and he told me to find the library and read. There's a lot of books in there to get through."
"Wait, you didn't try to read every book in there did you?" Lourdes asked, frowning in disbelief.
"Yeah, of course." Ben's responded with innocent eyes, staring at her as if he couldn't see the problem. "Well, as many as I could in one day. M-Dad told me to, so I did."
"I'm pretty sure it was just a suggestion made on what you always like doing before, not an order." Lourdes stated, frowning thoughtfully at that little detail before another one popped up. "And why do always say M-Dad?"
"Oh um." Stuttering, Ben dropped his gaze to his now empty tray. Lourdes couldn't tell if he was unsure or embarrassed. Maybe somewhere in between? "I just...I'm used to thinking master. My guardian was never referred to as mother or father."
"Wait a minute." Something just fell into place as her mind ran through it. Something that didn't sound right. "You consider your father your master?"
"Yeah." Ben nodded, thoroughly confused by the sheer disbelief in her voice. "It's one thing everything in my head agrees on. I was supposed to do everything my mom or dad told me to and I was supposed to do everything my guardian told me to. Different names, but both my dad and my Skitter have been my masters."
"You're still confused." Lourdes sighed, rubbing her head as she gave him a sympathetic look. "A parent and a master are two different things, though they are similar so I can understand your confusion. But for example, when Tom says you can go read, it's a suggestion, not a demand. You can do something else if you want. A master is meant to control you while a parent is only supposed to guide you into being a mature, competent, independent person. Not every decision has to be followed to the letter."
"So if he says he wants me to read, I don't have to read all day?" Ben asked, frowning hard as Lourdes nodded. It sounded right, but then another part of him rebelled against it, saying that if he was told to read then he had to read until he was told to stop. It was becoming a constant battle in his head and he was tempted to pull his hair out at the confusion and irritation of it all. "Aww, this is too confusing."
"Easy now." Lourdes said soothingly, getting up from her seat and taking the one right next to him. wrapping an arm around his shoulders, she pulled his head onto her shoulder and moved her other arm around him into a hug, careful not to jostle his spikes. "I don't expect you to get it all right now. You don't have to. You're doing fine Ben, you'll get the rest of it. Just give it time. And remember, you can always talk to me or Dr Glass or Tom. You just have to tell us what you're feeling, ask us questions if something's confusing. I promise everything will make sense to you soon."
The internal battle continued on as she talked, but Ben could still feel the effect she'd hoped to cause. Even if it was a problem now, he'd get over it, figure everything out. Her words reassured him. Then, she did the very thing he needed most. He sighed in complete bliss as her hand moved up his back and ruffled his hair. The motion never failed to sooth him and left him sinking comfortably and happily into her shoulder with a soft, pleased moan, eliciting giggles from Lourdes.
She's like my siblings were. He decided, enjoying the position. She'd been nothing but kind, concerned and reassuring toward him. And she had a gift for calming him and making him happy that only Matt had managed to pull off since his harness was removed. He wanted her around. He wanted to learn from her, hang out with her, be happy and make her happy, the way he did with his group.
And who says I can't? He realised, smiling slightly at the thought. His old group, the people he'd known and cared for as his siblings had disowned each other, but he'd already become part of a new circle, what remained of his original circle. He still had siblings and even if the official title was missing, who said that Lourdes couldn't be one too? She cared a lot about him and his brothers and they cared about her. So he decided right there. Lourdes was part of his group. His siblings.
"Thank you. Sis."
If Lourdes was shocked by the title, she didn't show it. She just smiled and rubbed her head against his.
"You're welcome, little brother."
