Chapter 2: Escape to nowhere
He smiled to himself, not believing that despite everything going on his feet had brought him to the one person he needed to see. The only person he could turn to. He kept walking, only this time with sure determination. He walked up the steps of her house and hesitation, not sure what to do, whether he should risk ringing the doorbell or not. It was only 6 in the morning and just because Betty could wake up early, unlike him, didn't mean she particularly wanted to. He shook off his uncertainty and rang the bell, praying no one but Betty would open the door. No reply came from the silent house. He tried again and this time it opened, it was Betty. He sighed in relief and almost forgot how to speak at the sight of her. Her hair down and messy, eyes sleepy and still dressed in her short pajamas shorts and shirt. He didn't say anything but she smiled up at him,
"Hey Jug, you're up early." She said sleepily and yawned. It must have shown on his face how badly he wanted to curl up in her arms and cry because her face turned worrisome.
"Hey Jug, you okay? What's wrong?"
He didn't need to answer because she'd already stepped out of her house, closed the door behind her and pulled him close as his eyes started filling with tears. She wrapped her arms around him as he collapsed into her, his head falling into her shoulder and he let himself cry. Betty didn't ask questions or try to comfort him, she simply hugged him tighter. He wrapped his arms around her and held on just as tight as she did him. They stood there, the two of them, just Betty and Jughead, holding each other for what felt to them like a glorious eternity. They just held on to each other, freezing on Betty's porch.
After Jughead shoulders had stopped shaking and he'd stopped crying they still held each other and didn't let go for another few minutes.
"I'm sorry," Jughead said, wiping his eyes. Betty shook her head, wiping away the rest of his tears.
"Hey, it's okay. I get it. Whatever you need." She whispered and kissed him softly, accepting all his broken parts. He took her face in his hands and kissed her back, not realizing until now how much he'd needed this. They pulled away smiling, Betty shivered.
"Sorry," Jughead said again, only this time he was smiling, "You're probably freezing," he said, warming her hands in his.
"Like you aren't." Betty shot back, snorting, feeling bad for not getting him something warmer. Although she secretly thought he looked really good in nothing but his undershirt. She crossed her legs in an attempt to keep warm.
"I need it too sometimes," she admitted, embarrassed. "Someone to hold me, to take me into their arms, I need you to hold me too sometimes and you always have." She looked down, not sure what he'd say.
"Thank you," Jughead said, lifting her chin.
"What is it Jughead?" Betty said softly, looking into those endless green eyes. "What's wrong?"
She waited, knowing it would always take him a while to open up but that, in the end, he always did.
"Remember," he started, then choked on his words, he tried again, "Remember when I told you I just wanted to get out. Out of Riverdale, away from everything, from everyone, I need that now. I need to just drive, with no idea of where I'm going, no idea how far and no idea when I'll come back. Will you come with me?"
He looked at her hopefully and she smiled, cupping his face with her hands,
"Yes, Jughead." Their smiles grew, "Of course I'll come, just let me get my stuff and we'll get out of here. I'll be a few minutes though."
He looked at her in relief, eyes full of love for her, still looking at her as she entered her house and closed the door behind her. His eyes lingered on her door for a few seconds before he turned away, smiling. She was the sun breaking through the storm clouds and he would do all he could so he could be her sun too. It suddenly dawned on him how not-a-plan his escape plan was. But he guessed that was kind of the point. Even so, he still needed to be a little prepared.
He stared at Archie's house, trying to make up his mind. Before he could convince himself otherwise and realise that this was a terrible idea he crossed the short distance between the two houses and rung the Andrew's doorbell. Just like at Betty's the door only opened after the second ring. Only this time, Mr. Andrews opened the door and unlike Betty, he was wide awake. Kind off. He clearly hadn't gotten any sleep and was staying awake on coffee.
"Hey, sorry to bother you," Jughead said awkwardly, "I'm here for Archie."
Fred yawned loudly before answering.
"Yeah of course you are. I'll get him for you." He said in slurred words.
"Hey, are you okay?" Jughead asked concerned, worried he might have to catch the big man where he to fall asleep where he stood.
"Yeah, fine." Mr. Andrews said, shaking his head. "I was just writing my speech for the election."
"I think you'd be better of getting some sleep Mr. Andrews" Jughead advised.
"Yeah maybe," Fred said when Archie's voice came from behind him.
"Jughead? Dad? What's going on?"
Archie asked as he walked towards the front door in nothing but a pair of boxer shorts. Jughead greeted Archie with an awkward nod.
"Hey Archie, I just came to talk to you about something."
Archie instantly snapped out of his sleepy trance.
"Yeah, yeah absolutely," he said hurriedly. "Come in."
Jughead shook his head, glancing to Betty's house to make sure she hadn't returned yet.
"No, it's okay." He said, "I'm in a bit of a hurry."
Mr. Andrews, while tired, wasn't dumb and noticed the tension between them. He left the scene and made his way to the staircase, on his way to a few hours of well-deserved sleep.
"Oh…Ok," Archie said, slightly disappointed, and stepped closer to Jughead so they were standing just two feet apart for the first time in a very long time. Jughead stood perfectly still, making no move to enter the house or God forbid it, give Archie a hug.
"Hey man, I know we've been through a lot."
"I know it's probably bad timing but can I borrow your car."
They both said at the same time then looked down embarrassed. Neither having expected what the other would say. Jughead broke the awkward silence.
"Look, Archie, I get the water's rough between us and we've been avoiding talking about it but I need to borrow your car today and I swear that we will talk."
Jughead pleaded, knowing it was a promise he couldn't guaranty he would keep, Archie knew it too. He hated using Archie like this but it would make up for all the times Archie had used Jughead.
Archie nodded thoughtfully,
"Yeah okay," Archie said calmly before he gave in to his frustration. "Man I hate this, what happened to us Jughead?" He asked frustrated, looking to his old friend for answers he didn't have.
Jughead had asked himself the same question for days on end for a long time. Jughead thought back to when they were kids, life had never been as easy for him as it had been for Archie but neither of their lives had ever been this messy before. He'd always been the kid from the wrong side of the tracks, playing with the other kids just like him, and every day they were reminded of it, even at the age of 7. Parents pulled their curious kids away from them and gave them nasty looks. But one day a little ginger had let go of his mother's hand and walked over to the lonely boy playing in the sandbox, building a sandcastle.
"Hey, Can I play? I'm Archie." Archie had introduced himself, sitting down next to Jughead. Jughead had looked up at him in surprise and nodded, he'd seen the ginger before but they'd never come close to meeting.
"I'm Jughead," He'd said shyly, wiping his hair away from his eyes. Archie had laughed and Jughead's head had dropped in embarrassment and he'd almost started crying when Archie spoke.
"I wish I had a cool name like that." Archie had said, making little Jughead smile widely. And ever since that day, the two seven year olds had become great friends, growing up together despite the distance between them. Both physical and not. And Jughead got to meet Archie's best friend, Betty. Jughead had told her she was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen to which she'd laughed and said he couldn't say things like that because she was going to marry Archie. But that was a long time ago. And then high school happened and everything began falling apart, Betty was still head over heels for Archie, Archie left Jughead for football and all that came with that, Jughead was homeless and half of his family had packed their bags and left. But then like a flick of a switch everything had changed, the three of them were friends again, he'd started dating Betty and was solving mysteries with her, his dad was set free from prison and quit drinking, Jughead had been the happiest he'd ever been, until it started falling apart again.
He still had Betty and his dad but he and Archie had fallen apart again, standing against each other over and over again. He thought back to the sandbox, their many nights at Pop's, something that may never happen again. And maybe this time there was no fixing it, but the hope in Archie's eyes sparked the hope in Jughead's. Maybe. The word seemed to hang between them. They were one big maybe. Maybe they couldn't fix this today. Maybe not even next week but maybe they'd get through it. Maybe they could fix it.
"I don't know Archie; I don't know, but we'll figure it out."
Jughead said, not sure whether he was right. "Maybe not today or tomorrow. But we will, soon." Jughead continued.
Archie nodded and disappeared into his dad's kitchen and returned a few seconds later with the car keys. He tossed them to Jughead who caught them with ease.
"Thanks a million," Jughead said and made to turn around when Archie spoke,
"You were right by the way." He said as Jughead started to walk away, he looked over his shoulder to Archie.
"About what?" He asked and Archie sighed.
"That is would only be a matter of time before we all blew up. You, me. Betty and Veronica. It all blew up."
"That's not what I said Archie, I said how amazed I was at how close we were and how that terrified me, that we were a powder keg and it would only take one match for us to blow up. The match hadn't dropped just yet. It's not over yet, we can still put us back together again."
Jughead said and walked out into the porch. Archie nodded with pursed lips and closed the door behind Jughead.
Jughead entered the garage and couldn't help stare at the car appreciatively. He'd never been much of a car fanatic but he could appreciate this one for sure. He smiled a troublemaker's smile and got in the front seat. He drove it out of the garage where it had been for the last week, along with an abandoned drum set and guitar. He parked it outside Betty's house, got out and walked up the porch just as she exited her house. She'd replaced her pajamas for a blue button-down shirt and blue jeans, her hair pulled up into its usual ponytail. But that wasn't what Jughead was looking at. He stared at her as she walked over to him, a proud smile on her face.
"So what do you think?"
She asked, showing off what he was staring it, his beanie. She'd pulled it on over her ponytail just before she'd left the house, just to see what it felt like on her head and how he'd react. It framed her face perfectly, making her even more beautiful in Jughead's opinion.
"I think it looks amazing on you," He said, kissing her forehead,
"And," he continued, pulling her close to him. "I think we should get you a crown of your own, a queen's crown." She smiled widely and nodded,
"I think I'd like that," she said and pulled him in for another kiss. After a long minute they both pulled back, but only so far that their foreheads touched when something caught Betty's eyes. Her eyes widened as she realized what it was. It was Archie's car.
"How did you…" She trailed off as Jughead chuckled.
"I can be very persuasive," he said, she looked up at him,
"Yes, you can be." She said, smiling smugly.
Jughead returned the smug smile and gave her a quick peck before pulling back to open the passenger door for her. She smiled at him as she took a seat and he closed the door for her.
It had taken her much longer to get dressed and ready than she had expected. She'd gone in thinking she would be five minutes, ten minutes' tops. She'd hated having to leave Jughead in the cold but she wasn't about to risk bringing him inside. And just as well she hadn't either, for her mother was waiting for her in the living room.
"Who was that?"
Alice Cooper had asked from where she stood in the kitchen, her hair up in a bun and was dressed, like all mornings in her dressing gown.
"Veronica," Betty had lied, her mind racing for an excuse,
"I thought you two weren't on good terms with the election and everything."
Betty had shrugged,
"It wasn't a social call, she just came to tell me there was early cheerleading practice and that she would drive me."
Alice had raised her eyebrow at Betty's excuse, not fully convinced of this very unlikely story.
Betty had nearly sighed with relief when Alice shrugged and told her to go and pack a bag and that she could go with Veronica. Betty had hardly believed she'd pulled it off, she'd always been a terrible liar about absolutely anything. She'd run up the stairs as fast as she could and rushed into her room. She'd ripped open her draws and had looked for the right clothes.
She'd decided to wear something different. She felt like pink almost didn't suit her anymore and she'd worn it less and less these past few days. And others had noticed. Recently she'd worn black and white and Jughead had commented on it, saying,
"Black suits you Betts, you even wear it better than me."
He'd then kissed her briefly. Betty had been grateful for his acceptance of her change. Even when it didn't seem so drastic.
She'd thought back to those moments as she had brushed her hair and pulled it up into a ponytail. Something she could do in her sleep. Suddenly something had occurred to her. Yesterday Jughead had come over to plan for their school presidency campaign and their speeches. They'd been so busy they'd worked on until far into the night. And in the end, he'd forgotten his crown. She'd grabbed it, along with her bag on the way out of her room and had stuffed a few blankets inside the bag as she'd descended the staircase.
"Call me when you get to school." Her mom had called after her but she'd already run out the door. Ready for her adventure with Jughead, whatever that may be.
20 minutes later the couple was driving down an empty road. The roof was down and they laughed as the wind ripped through their hair with the radio on full blast, Jughead's beanie back on his head. Betty pulled out her hairband in one swift motion and laughed as she let her hair fly freely in the wind. She turned to Jughead who looked at her lovingly.
Betty always had her hair up, not only because it was practical, easy to maintain and to get some control over her curls. It represents the perfect girl she was always supposed to be but also how through all the pain and the torture she'd survived. She'd gone through the fire and had survived, standing victoriously on the other end. She hadn't let it break her, she'd still been Betty Cooper. Just as strong and resilient, but for now, she could let all of that go. She didn't have to be strong now, she just had to be there for Jughead and not be perfect, just herself.
It had become such a huge part of her, or iconic as Kevin called it, like Jughead's beanie was his, that to remove it was to lay herself naked before him. He looked at her as her hair flew freely in the wind and, still looking at her, he removed his beanie and threw it in the backseat. Had Veronica been there she would have called him a gentleman for doing so. Jughead and Betty smiled at each other, everything they'd gone through flashing between them.
They kept driving, the sun rising before them, radio blaring, wind roaring and their hands entwined between them. Neither of them had a plan and that was okay, they were just going to be there for each other and do whatever it was together, and away from Riverdale and the real world. No more pushing each other away. Ever. They laughed and joked between them for a long time before Jughead pulled the car over into a field with long, unkempt grass that had flowers growing among and between them. They sat in the car in silence for a minute, the only sound the soft rustle of the grass and the whistling of the wind.
"Hey Jughead," Betty said softly, breaking the silence, almost hating herself for bringing it up, but knowing she had to,
"Why are we here Jughead?" She asked, speaking softly and leaning towards him, her face only inches from his.
She knew he wasn't good at sharing his feelings but she also knew he had to. Or he would implode.
"I... I heard my dad on the phone with my mom, he was pleading, almost in tears. Begging her to come home or to at least visit, to at least let Jellybean see me. He said he was doing better, working and taking care of me and that…. that he knew it was too late." Jughead refused to meet her gaze as he spoke, instead he was looking straight ahead as if the scene was playing out again in front of him, his eyes glazed and distant. He turned his tear-filled eyes to Betty,
"He's trying to fix it Betty, but it's too late."
Betty touched his arm comfortingly, squeezing his hand.
"It's never too late Jughead, you can't say that," She said, looking deep into his green eyes. "He's trying and that's what's important. It's never too late to try and fix something. It's never too late to get your family together."
Jughead shuddered, holding in a sob.
"That's just it Betty, no matter what happens, we can never go back to the way we were. It wasn't perfect but it was something." He took a deep breath and continued, "Even if dad got them back home, even if we were together as a family again, we wouldn't fit anymore. Not just because of my dad and all he did. Not because of my mother left. Not because they weren't good for each other but also because of me. I wouldn't fit anymore either. I've changed so much since I was with them. I'm no longer a loner kid living in Archie's shadow, I'm a Serpent, I've got you, the most amazing person in the whole world, I'm running for freaking school president with you," He said smiling,
"I've changed. I've been to hell and back a few times, with and without you, I've done some unspeakable things. Betty, I'm haunted by them but they are part of me, as much as I might hate that. I've changed and I like the new me. I like the me that has you to help me through the haunting parts and the good parts. The me that has you. And…You. You keep me from falling apart."
Betty's eyes started filling with tears of her own as she realized what he was saying.
"I want my family back together but not if it means giving up on who I am now and going back to who I was then."
He finished and looked at her wearily,
"Does that make any sense?"
He asked Betty, eyebrows scrunched together,
"Yes, yes!" Betty replied, kissing him, her smile too big for her face, "Of course it does. I feel it too."
Jughead sighed in relief at what she'd said,
"I don't know whether I want my family back together either," Betty admitted, wiping her hair away from before her eyes, "Ever since I've brought Chic back it's only become worse. My father's done horrible things to my mother sister and me but my mom's done bad things too. Things I can never forgive either of them for.
I sometimes dream of us all, my mom, dad, Chic, Polly, her twins and me sitting around the dining room table, happy, as a family, normal. But I know it would never work. My parents would have to drug all of us into perfection for that to work. But they're not the only ones that have done bad things, I've done bad things too. I'm haunted too Jughead but you keep me from falling apart, not my family, not that dream of us being united. You. Just you."
Jughead smiled and kissed her. She cupped his face in her hands and pulled him closer. He leant forward, out of his seat and almost on top of her. He held her just as close as she did him as their kisses came faster and faster, deeper and deeper.
"Wait," Betty said between kisses, "Backseat." She mumbled and claimed his mouth in hers.
Jughead nodded and went over onto the back seat first, moving backwards, legs first so he'd never have to stop kissing her or let her go, she turned around to follow him over. He reached back into the front seat and, putting his hands under her thighs lifted Betty over the seats back and into him, his mouth never leaving hers.
They fell back into the backseat, laughing quietly as Betty landed right into Jughead's lap. They kept kissing, tongues sliding and moving together, mouth's clashing, Jughead's hands moving to her waist as she slid off his lap and pulled him on top of her. Her back sinking further into the soft cushion of the seat. Her hands went up through his hair and down the back of his neck, pulling him closer as his hand went up and down her waist, exposing the skin beneath her shirt, the other hand placed beside her head, propping himself up. He tore his mouth away from hers and made a trail of kisses down her neck to her collarbone. She removed her hands from his hair to pull his shirt up over his head. He sat up a bit and put his arms up so she could lift it easier. She took advantage of the situation and leaned forward, kissing his chest and making a trail of her own up to his mouth as her hand trailed down to his stomach, her nail slightly scratching, and kept trailing down a little beneath his belt. He kissed her passionately, devouring her, pushing her back into the seat, his hands leaving her waist and trailing up her body, stopping at the top button of her shirt. And he started unbuttoning it.
He kissed her neck, tongue rolling over her soft skin with every button that he popped, making the task very complicated but definitely not unpleasant. He kept going, popping them on at a time until the very last one. He then gently pulled the cloth apart, revealing the red lace beneath.
"You are so beautiful, all of you," Jughead said, pulling back a little to look her in the eye.
"I love you Jaggy," Betty said smiling,
"I love you too Betts," He said back, smiling at the nickname she'd given him that no one else could ever call him by.
Back in Riverdale, Veronica paced backwards and forwards, twisting her phone in her hand.
"You don't think anything happened to her Kevin?"
She asked for the third time already and first period hadn't even started yet. Kevin sighed from where he was leaning against his locker.
"Maybe she's just late." He said. Veronica snorted at that and continued pacing,
"Betty Cooper, Late. I don't think so. And where's that boyfriend of hers?" She asked, getting frustrated.
"Also MIA," Archie said, coming up from beside her, back from his unsuccessful 'Betty hunt.' "It was really weird," he continued, "He was at my house at 5:30 and asked if he could borrow my car. Of all things. He's not answering his phone either."
"Yeah, neither is Betty. God. What are they doing? What would they need a car for? Did it sound urgent to you? Did he seem nervous?"
Veronica asked frantically, Archie just shrugged, clueless. Thinking he probably should have asked what Jughead planned to do with the car before handing him the keys.
"You think they're up to something detective-is?"
Veronica asked her friends, Kevin shook his head,
"Again, what would they need the car for?"
"I don't know!" Veronica said, getting frustrated.
"And the presidential campaign is in two days, why would Betty go now?"
Cheryl came up behind them and stood before them, hair and everything else perfect as always, but no one was surprised by her appearance at the scene, you could have heard her heels clicking from a mile away.
"You guys are obviously missing the obvious answer," She said, looking down on them, "They're obviously on some sort of couple retreat or something, I mean, with everything going on. Why wouldn't they be? Sounds pretty appealing to me too."
Kevin sighed blissfully in agreement,
"It does doesn't it?" He said to no one in particular. Veronica agreed with him but didn't voice her opinion.
"Yeah maybe," Veronica said to Cheryl.
Ever since Veronica and Toni had broken Cheryl out of that mental institution they had been so much closer but not quite friends yet.
Veronica opened her phone to try calling Betty again when her phone started vibrating, she checked it in hopes of it being Betty but it wasn't, it was Alice Cooper. She flipped her phone to her friends who all cringed at the sight of Alice's name.
"Answer it," Archie said urgently.
"And say what?" Veronica asked desperately.
"Well, say anything, but that the two of them are probably just screwing each other silly as we speak," Cheryl said not very helpfully, Veronica gave her a flat stare before returning to the issue of her ringing phone.
"I don't know, just go with it. We'll help you through it, put it on speaker."
Kevin said and Veronica nodded, feeling much more confident.
"Okay, here goes nothing." She said and accepted the call.
"Hi, Mrs. Cooper." She said cheerfully looking at Kevin in panic, he nodded encouragingly.
"Ah Veronica, finally," came the undoubtable voice of Alice Cooper, "At least someone picks up."
There was a pause where no one said anything and Veronica started to panic but Alice kept going.
"Betty's not answering her phone, have you seen her? Is she okay?" Alice asked, sounding almost genuinely worried. Almost.
"Yes," Veronica lied, holding the phone out so her friends could hear, she bent forward so she could speak into it easier. "She's on her way to first period."
"Well," came Alice's sharp voice, "When you see her, tell her to answer her damn phone, please. Anyway, how was practice?"
Shit. Veronica thought and mouthed it to her friends, was Alice making small talk with her? Kevin put his thumbs up, mouthing, "Say good."
Veronica nodded and accepted his advice.
"Yeah, very good," Veronica said confidently, "Better than I'd expected. I'm very proud of her."
She bit her lip and waited, fearing she'd said something wrong and Alice would suspect. Her friends all held their breath.
"Ok great." Mrs. Cooper replied and the group of friends all sighed in relief. Apart from Cheryl who just looked bored.
"Thanks, Veronica, bye."
"Bye Mrs. Cooper.," Veronica said and ended the call.
"Okay, we need to find Betty before her mom does or finds out the truth."
"Which is?" Asked Cheryl.
"That Betty's missing."
Veronica said and marched down the hall, clutching her purse to her chest and with no plan as to what she was going to do.
An hour or so outside Riverdale a sleepy Jughead woke up for the second time that morning. He looked around him but didn't need to look far before his eyes rested on Betty's sleeping face. He smiled at the sight of her, peaceful, sleeping in his arms. He couldn't remember having fallen asleep but he wasn't surprised. He'd had a rough couple of hours and so had she. They'd grabbed the blankets Betty had packed and wrapped themselves up in them like a cocoon. And they'd simply lain there together until their eyes had become droopy and they'd fallen into a blissful sleep, laying in the long grass. Jughead looked at Betty's sleeping face a little longer, wondering what he'd ever done to deserve her before he started waking her up. Softly and sweetly. Kissing her nose, forehead and the corner of her mouth softly.
"Good morning Betty."
He whispered softly as her eyes started fluttering open, she moaned and looked up at him, squinting a little at the sun peeking out from behind Jughead's head.
"Morning," She mumbled softly before closing her eyes again and cuddling closer into Jughead, getting more comfortable.
"What time is it?" She asked just as Jughead thought she might have fallen asleep again. Jughead sighed,
"I don't even wanna know." he said, not making a move to get up or find out what time it was. He wrapped his arm tighter around her instead.
"Let's just forget about everything for another minute."
Betty laughed softly, her eyes opening but still heavy with sleep.
"Are you suggesting, Jughead Jones, that we stay here and skip school, which we are undoubtedly late for?" Betty said teasingly.
Jughead only groaned in response and kissed her forehead again. Betty smiled blissfully and amongst all the chaos and the mess of everything the two smiled and fell back into their undisturbed sleep, the world once again almost perfect.
"I'm scared Kath, I don't know what to do…I," Jellybean said in a trembling voice.
This morning had been absolute shit.
She'd fallen asleep in her text book again for the fifth night in a row and had, once again, awoken with a sore neck and the shape of her book printed into her face. She groaned, rubbing her sore neck and got up off her comfortable desk chair, planning on crashing into her nice, welcoming, unused bed when she heard her mother from the living room.
Why was her mother up so early? Jellybean thought to herself and checked her phone.
What the fuck? She thought, it was 5 in the morning. Her mother was never awake before 9, 8 was rare, 6 out of the question. She was always too tired from working too many late nights. Jellybean left her dark room and walked down the hall of their small trailer. She was about to call for her mother when she caught a snippet of her mom's conversation on the phone.
"No, there's no way I'm letting my daughter back into that hellhole you call a home. Or anywhere near you for that matter."
There was a short silence before her mother's voice continued angrily,
"You should have thought of that before you gave up on this family. Yes, I was the one who packed my bags, grabbed Jellybean and left but it was you who abandoned us. And there's no fixing that!"
No she couldn't be, Jellybean thought, her mom couldn't possibly be talking to her father, her good for nothing, drunk, shitty father who'd send her and Jughead, this whole family, to hell. She stood by the doorway but far enough into the shadows so her mother couldn't see her.
"I don't care FP!" She heard her mother say but Jellybean had never heard her mother speak so flatly and so full of rage, not since leaving FP and that life behind her. It wasn't fair, not fair that he could reach them now, and bring out the worst in her mother even with the distance between them.
"You're right, this isn't Jughead's fault." her mother continued and Jellybean nearly choked on a sob at the sound of his name. And it all resurfaced, all the guilt she'd felt for leaving her brother in the hands of that drunk, or never calling anymore or visiting. The guilt of trying to forget him.
"But if he really wanted to see us, he could have called more. Could have asked to see us more." Gladys tried to argue, more with herself then FP, but knowing fully well Jughead wasn't to blame, "And I…I can't deal with this stuff right now. I can't see him again and be reminded of how I left him." She started to cry, "To be reminded of what a horrible mother I am for abandoning him, to leave him to live with you. I managed to save Jellybean from your corrupting heart and I'll always, always regret not getting Jughead out too. But I won't jeopardize it by letting my daughter see you again or her brother. She's got to heal and its time you did too."
Gladys had tried holding herself together as long as she could but sobs were breaking free from her body, choking out of her. Jellybean covered her mouth with her hand to keep her own sobs in, she'd suffocate before she'd let her mother see her cry.
"I'm sorry FP, I can't do it,"
Gladys said and all had gone silent.
The only sound was that of Gladys sobbing, loudly and in pain, old scars that had started to fade had been ripped open, all her sins she'd been trying to forget had been thrown before her again and with every scream, the two of them broke apart even more. Jellybean sunk to the floor and curled up in herself. She cried but didn't dare make a sound. She knew she should get up from the floor and go to her mother but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She had to take care and be there for her mom, but who was going to take care of her? Not her mother, definitely not her father or brother for that matter, who she might never see again. She had to get out, out of her skin, out of her life, just out.
The words had just kept ringing in her head as she'd cried.
Out. Out. Out.
She couldn't stand it anymore, this room was too small, this trailer was too small, the world too small. Before her sobs gave her away she got to her feet, her hands trailing the wall behind her for support. And she did the one thing she'd always been good at and hated herself for, she ran. Just like Jughead did, she ran.
Out of the trailer, out of the trailer park, just out.
She wanted to run, run anywhere, run to the only place she could, run all the way to school. School, as lame as it sounded, was her only escape from home, where she'd had her first kiss, where she'd spend hours drawing, painting and oddly enough, where she was most herself. But as she placed more and more distance between herself and the trailer park she realized she had to go back, to talk to her mom but she wasn't ready to face her yet. She sat down on a nearby bench and caught her breath, her tears finally stopping.
She had to see her brother, to try and fix things. She'd tried so long to live without him, to pretend like he was dead or didn't exist. Like she was grieving his death but he wasn't dead. He was out there, breathing, alive, maybe even happy and it was time she fixed their relationship. Time to stop pretending and wake up, before it was truly too late. And she wouldn't wait another day. All that was keeping her here was her mom and Kath. Kath. She had to call Kath. The one person who was always there for her.
Kath, Jellybean's best friend, spoke to her soothingly,
"Hey, it's okay. It's not your fault." Jellybean was about to protest but Kath didn't give her a chance as she kept talking. "And I know how guilty you feel about leaving Jughead and it's not too late. It's never too late to fix family. If you want to see him, then go. See him. Your mother can't stop you." Kath laughed, making Jellybean smile. "Hell, not even a truck could stop the invincible Jellybean when she's after what she wants. And I know there's no changing your mind or that you'll accept my help."
Jellybean's smile grew, even though she knew her friend couldn't see it. She'd called her friend and blurted out all the events of the last half hour while shivering and sitting on the one bench in the street and had been miserable and almost hysterical but hearing Kath's voice had calmed her down. Kath and Gladys were the only ones who still called her Jellybean, everyone else called her Jo, Jay Jay or JB.
"Thanks, Kath," Jellybean said, relieved that her friend understood, Kath had always been there for Jellybean but she couldn't fix this for her. Only Jellybean could. "I'm going to see him today, I can't keep putting it off, there will never be a perfect time to go so I have to go now. My mother wants me to heal? Well, I can only do that by fixing things with Jughead."
"What about your dad?" Kath asked worried, Jellybean had told her all about her drunken father and what he'd done.
"I don't have to see him," Jellybean answered, not having thought about it all. "I can just meet Jughead at his school or after and we won't tell FP I'm even there. I could stay in a motel or something and FP would never know."
Jellybean said, making it up as she went, she really didn't have much of a plan. Kath didn't seem very convinced of this nonexistent plan either.
"Okay, but what about your mom then?" Kath asked carefully, not wanting to upset Jellybean again.
Jellybean's plan fell apart at her feet, her excited smile faded. What about her mother? She couldn't just disappear and abandon her mom, it would break her. Besides, Jellybean was sick of abandoning people,
"I'll ask her." Jellybean said, "I'll ask her if I can go with Jughead and I'll tell her I'll stay away from my father." Jellybean took a deep breath. "If she says no, or maybe later like she always does. I'll go. I'll get the first bus going to Riverdale and I'll go."
"I know better than to try and change your mind," Kath said defeated but Jellybean could still hear the smile in her voice, "But I wish you the best of luck Jellybean Jones, I hope you fix this but, come back to me. Unharmed. Okay?"
Jellybean said she would, and wished she could hug her friend tightly.
"This plan of yours is absurd and rushed but I hope you find what you're looking for," Kath said, her voice a little higher than normal. Jellybean had never seen Kath emotional, Kath was the tough girl who always wore sneakers and didn't take any shit from anybody.
"No need to worry about me Kath, I'll be back soon. I could never leave you here alone. I'll always come back."
And with that, they said their goodbyes and Jellybean pocketed her phone and took a deep breath. She ran back home, her high ponytail swaying backwards and forwards as she made her way back home, no, not home, the trailer wasn't home. Riverdale was home.
She opened the trailer door slowly and peered inside. Everything was quiet, the trailer dark, it was as if the phone call never even happened. She entered the house quietly, not sure what to do.
"Mom," she called out and entered the living room, finding her mother inside, sitting on the sofa, her head in her hands but no longer crying.
"Jellybean?" Gladys asked surprised, looking up at Jellybean with tear-stained cheeks. Not believing her daughter had returned so soon. She then looked down as Jellybean began to approach her, not meeting Jellybean's eyes.
"Mom?" Jellybean said again, the tears springing into her eyes. All of this was bringing her back to a few years when they'd just left home and her mother had refused to look at her because she looked too much like her father. She'd inherited her father's strong jaw, wide forehead and had the same dark eyes, unlike her mother's blue ones. Jellybean had a pretty appearance, looking quite a bit older than she was but ever since moving, she'd hated all the features she'd inherited from her dad and how much it had hurt her mother. And that was the very thing she couldn't admit to anyone, not even Kath.
"Mom. Please let me see Jughead. I need to see him." Jellybean begged her mother but Gladys just shook her head.
"I can't go back to that place Jellybean, I can't." She said exhausted.
Jellybean wished her mother would look her in the eyes and see her. Really see her.
"Look at me mom, look at me." Her mother finally lifted her head and looked at her.
"Look at me mom," Jellybean repeated, "I'm broken, and Jughead and dad aren't keeping me from healing, you are. You need to let me see Jughead, you need to let me heal. You've given me so much but you can't replace him and I'm sick of acting like they didn't exist or like they're dead."
Her mom just kept shaking her head.
"Then drop me off!" Jellybean shouted desperately, "Drop me off an hour outside Riverdale if you want and I'll walk! Just please, let me see my brother again, let me go." She was sobbing again, sobbing because her mother didn't even react, she just looked at her with an expressionless face like she had for months before. Jellybean thought that the worst that could happen was that they would fight and that her mom would lock her in her room, this was much worse. Her mother didn't even care.
"Goodbye mom," Jellybean said, her voice breaking and went to her room, half hoping her mother would stop her. But she didn't. Jellybean entered her room and wondered when she would be back. She packed her messenger bag, filling it with clothes, all the money she owned and other necessities. Blankets in case she couldn't find a place to crash for the night. There wasn't much else left to bring. When she and her mom had left, her mom had grabbed one bag and that was it. They'd lived with her grandma for a while until her mother had saved enough for the trailer. She looked around her pink and white room, the only furniture her bed, wardrobe and desk with chair, the walls covered in her posters and picture of herself and Kath. It looked as if she hadn't had a life before moving here, as if she'd just poofed into existence.
She left her room, leaving a small note on her bed for her mother saying she was sorry and would be back. She couldn't get herself to write anything more. She swept her eyes over the trailer once more, her hand on the door knob. Granted, it hadn't been much, but it had been good enough for her for the last few years but not anymore.
She held her bag close and left the trailer, closing the door behind her and started her walk to the bus station. Wondering if her mother would even notice that she'd left, she thought back to her note, maybe she should have written to her mom that she loved her. Jellybean shook off the thought and kept walking. She'd crossed the park when another thought occurred to her. She had to say goodbye to Kath.
Veronica looked up at the clock nervously, what if something had happened to Betty? Maybe that's why Jughead was missing. She shouldn't have lied to Alice, she should have told the truth and reported Betty missing. She shook off the thought and returned her attention to the class. Mrs. Brunskin had started taking attendance.
"Quiet everyone," She said to her noisy class as people began taking their seats and conversation stopped. She waited for the room to be completely silent before going down her list.
"Adam Arrowsmith,"
"Here"
"Archie Andrews"
"Here"
"Theo Beaker"
"Present"
"Betty Cooper"
She was answered with silence as she read out Betty's name. She didn't look up from her sheet as she repeated Betty's name but there still came no answer. Betty Cooper, for the first time ever, was absent. The teacher looked up from her sheet to confirm the very unlikely event. She looked to Veronica for an explanation,
"Where is Ms. Cooper, Ms. Lodge?"
She asked, almost accusingly.
"Sick Mrs., she just left a few minutes ago, I'm sure her mother will call in to confirm."
Mrs. Brunskin nodded and marked Betty as absent. She continued down her list, halting again at Jughead's name after she was once again greeted with silence after calling his name. And she once again turned to Veronica. Why was everyone turning to her for explanations as to the whereabouts of her friends all of a sudden?
"Also sick," she said, and realizing how lame of an excuse that was added, "And went with Betty to take care of her."
A whistle came from a few students in the classroom, Veronica rolled her eyes. The teacher simply shook her head in disapproval and started her class.
"Hey, 20 bucks that they're just gonna bang all day long."
A boy in the seat behind Veronica's whispered to his neighbour.
"With Betty Cooper? No way. She probably just wants him for book club or her newspaper or something." His friend whispered back.
The other one answered him, shaking his head,
"Nah. Didn't you hear what happened to Chuck, or at least what she was wearing? She's naughty like her sister."
The other one sniggered,
"Yeah okay, but still no bet, you have no way of knowing whether they're doing it or not."
"Archie lives next door to her doesn't he? Just ask him to peek through the window or listen real carefully."
The two boys laughed, thinking they were so clever, funny and cool but Veronica had enough of it. Her hands had clenched into fists listening to those pigs talk but she knew throwing a punch or starting a fight wouldn't help anyone. It hadn't with Reggie and wouldn't know. She unclenched her fists and turned to the two assholes behind her.
"Hey douches," she said in a lowered voice, staring them down intensely, "Remember what else happened to Chuck? She almost drowned his purvey ass and got him kicked off the team. I can tell you, I was there. And unless you want the same happening to you, and Betty coming after your pig asses, I'd shut up."
The two looked between them, taken aback but obviously enjoying the attention. Veronica turned around but before she did she added half over her shoulder,
"And FWI, she probably is getting it with Jughead, unlike you douchebags who will never get laid."
Now the two boys were seriously pissed but had nothing to say to that. Veronica swore she heard someone clap and she turned away and paid attention to the class.
Jellybean sprinted her way to school, determined to get there before classes started. She finally arrived after 20 minutes of solid running and for the first time she could really appreciate how truly handy her shitty school bus had been. She took a breather at the school gate before running inside, her bag bagging into her leg uncomfortably. She sighed in relief at the sight of many others still making their way to the main building. She wasn't too late. She ran down the halls to where she knew Kath would be, where she always was at this time. Jellybean took a sharp left and raced down the left wing, dogging other students as she went and passing class room after class room. Many of the students didn't even notice her or paid her any heed. She flipped off the Prefect who told her off for running in the hallways and she ran passed.
Finally she reached the school garden and right under the olive tree, like every day, sat Kath, reading her book peacefully with no one else around. Any other time of day this place would have been crowded but no one came here this early expect for Kath and Jellybean. It was their special little place and with no one else around, they could pretend it was theirs and theirs alone.
"Kath." Jellybean called, still breathing heavily, standing a few feet away from Kath, just looking at her, at the most wonderful and happy person in the world. Kath rose and, even though they'd seen each other only yesterday and had talked over the phone not half an hour ago, ran into her arms. Jellybean gripped her tightly and the two stood there in the middle of the empty garden under the branches of the large tree. Kath rested her head on Jellybean's shoulder, reminding Jellybean how much sorter she was then her friend. Neither said anything until they eventually pulled away.
"I guess you didn't change your mind huh," Kath said half smiling, nodding towards Jellybean's bulging messenger bag.
"No, I'm going now but I had to see you first, God, I'm going to miss you," Jellybean said, smiling sadly.
"Well, I didn't think you would change your mind but that doesn't mean I'm going to miss you any less," Kath said, then after a pause added, "Idiot."
Jellybean smiled at their little habit,
"Moron," she whispered back like she always would whenever she called her idiot. But before Jellybean really realized what she was doing or even thought about it, she kissed her. She leaned forward and kissed her, there was no hesitation and no regret. They kissed long enough for her to know Kath didn't mind and had kissed her back. The two pulled away smiling but very unsure about what all of this meant. Kath took Jellybean's hand in hers and played with the ring on Jellybean's left hand.
"Since this is our second kiss." Kath said shyly, "Does that make you my girlfriend?"
Kath asked unsurely, not because she was embarrassed or ashamed, just because she'd never done this before. She just wanted to make sure she and Jellybean where on the same page and that it wasn't like their last kiss.
Jellybean smiled at her girlfriend, the one who'd been there since the day she'd arrived, who'd listened to her stories and all about her father and brother. And in return, Jellybean had listened to her. The last and first time they'd kissed they had both shrugged it off as "too weird" and had never spoken of it again. That had been Jellybean's first kiss and she wouldn't trade it for the world. Not anymore.
"Yes, yes it does," Jellybean said smiling before kissing her friend one last goodbye and letting go of her hand. She whispered goodbye and turned away, her eyes starting to fill up with tears again. She looked over her shoulder once and found Kath looking back at her with tears of her own and a small smile on her face. They were so lost in each other neither of them noticed the figure walking away, smiling smugly to herself and pocketing her phone that now held some very heated pictures of the two girls that she had no intention of deleting or not sharing with her school newspaper.
"Aren't you a little young to be getting a one-way drive to Riverdale by yourself?"
The woman behind the ticket office counter asked after Jellybean had placed the money for her ticket on the counter. She had no idea how to answer that question. It probably looked exactly like what it was, a 14-year-old running from home. So Jellybean told the truth.
"Just visiting some family, don't know when I'll be back."
The woman behind the counter nodded, handing Jellybean her ticket.
"Just be careful dear."
The woman said as Jellybean nodded her thanks.
Not much later the bus arrived and she took a deep breath and got on, sitting right in front, putting her earbuds in and getting comfortable for the two-hour drive. The music was blasting in her ears without her hearing it. What was her plan?
