A/n: New chapter folks! Enjoy! Edited and for the record TJ and Spin are dating.
Yugioh princess of darkness: I'm honestly not too sure yet….keep reading to find out
Lilvickiryan: thanks, I know, scary isn't it? Keep reading!
Dixie Darlin: it is scary….I hope you like the rest!
Xxxbluefireprincessxxx: she's not really dark, she's just, I guess her own worst enemy in a sense, as you will see---enjoy the rest
Damson rhee: Thanks, I plan on it, but I got this inspiration---but I hope you stay tuned!
Unsocial beautifly: there's more, fear not! Enjoy!
Throughout the next week, Spinelli waited for TJ to come to his senses and be the boy he once was. But unfortunately for her, things between them seemed to be getting worse. However, nobody seemed to understand how she was feeling, and because of that, she felt she had done something to push TJ away.
"We all change, Spin, it's a fact of life," Gretchen had told her. "You changed, I changed, so its inevitable TJ was going to as well. And it isn't like its not normal for teenagers to experiment. He's acting like a normal teenager. Teenagers drink and try drugs but its not like he's addicted. Nobody else is."
Spinelli tried to argue this point, but it was no use. After all, a lot of what Gretchen was saying was true. They all did change, and while they met up on weekends occasionally and still talked, they weren't the same tight gang they were in fourth grade. They all had their own lives, and with those new lives came new friends and changes nobody could control. And with those changes came behaviors that each friend may not like, but was forced to accept, thanks to society and the crap they pushed on teenagers.
But Spinelli didn't want to accept TJ changing. She didn't want to lose her relationship with him. She just didn't want to have her life change any more than it already had, since in her mind, a lot of the changes were her own fault. It was her fault people made fun of her for being different, her fault she drifted apart from people---after all, why else would she and her friend not be the same as they were back in the day when their only worry was if kissing was going to be gross? Having TJ in her life was the only good thing for her, and him changing and going down such a destructive path was killing her inside.
Spinelli was so caught up in her thoughts she barely noticed TJ sneak in through the window the way he always did at night when something was on his mind. Her mom was never really thrilled about this, but tonight Flo Spinelli was out so it didn't really matter if TJ was over.
"Hey Teej," Spinelli said, coming over to kiss him.
"Hey baby," TJ responded, eagerly kissing her back. He tightened his grip around her waist, slowly inching his hands up her shirt, fingering the back of her bra.
Spinelli pulled away nervously. Although her and TJ had been together for awhile and had gone pretty far, she wasn't really ready to lose her virginity to him just yet.
"What's the matter, baby, you don't want me?" TJ slurred. Spinelli stared at him, for the first time noticing how stoned and out of it he looked.
"Teej, what's wrong with you? We discussed this, we decided to wait," Spinelli told him, backing away.
"But I don't want to wait anymore. I want you, and I want to have sex with you," TJ argued, kissing her again. Spinelli backed away again, slowly pushing him off of her.
"TJ, you're drunk," Spinelli told him gently. "We should wait to make sure this is what we really want."
"We've been dating since last year, we both want it, unless of course, you're some kind of prude."
Spinelli stared at him, shocked. "I'm not, I just want to wait, you're drunk and high. This isn't the right time."
TJ glared at her, and before Spinelli could do anything, TJ had smacked her across the face, sending her flying across the room. Spinelli tried to get up but was shaking to hard to move.
"Get out," she threatened, her voice filled with tears and fear. Never had TJ ever gotten this angry with her, or anyone for that matter. Seeing him like this scared her to death, and she needed to be away from him.
"Stupid bitch," TJ growled. "You're garbage and a slut. Nobody is a tease to me and gets away with it. You're lucky I didn't hit you harder." And with that, he was gone, before Spinelli could do or say anything to defend herself.
Spinelli finally got up and collapsed onto her bed in tears. Why was TJ acting like this? She knew they were all changing, but this was something she never expected from someone as sweet and innocent as TJ once was. Spinelli pulled out a cigarette and lit it, inhaling deeply and letting the chemicals inside her cigarette enter her body. She knew she was killing herself, but at that point she didn't really care. She was losing everything she held so close to her, and her boyfriend was becoming a dangerous abusive person. Spinelli closed her eyes, trying to will herself not to cry again. Crying was for the weak, and she already hated herself for crying before. She reached over to her nightstand and furiously began scribbling in her notebook. Maybe writing would help her escape all the bad that was taking over her life….she needed to get away, she needed to be somewhere where things didn't change, she just needed to be 9 again…..
I want to heal
I want to feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long
Erase all the pain 'til it's gone
It's gone
I want to heal
I want to feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I Belong
And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everywhere/Only to fin that it's
Not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have but negativity
'Cause I can't justify the
Way everyone is looking at me
Nothing to lose
Nothing to gain/Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
The fault is my own
A/N: I changed it, only because I'm taking this in a new direction than I planned on…..stay tuned and send me lots of soul hugs!!
P.S. the song is Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park…the music is added to get a feel of the chapter mood.
