Author's Note at the end.


Ichigo really hated Wednesdays. And he hated that whenever he said that to someone, he'd get the same responses.

Such as "Ah yeah I know what you mean. They're awful. Least they're not as bad as Mondays right?
Or "On the upside its not Monday!"
Or "I envy you, you must love Mondays."
Or his favorite of all "Why would you hate Wednesdays? The week is half over!"

What nobody bothered to learn was that it was precisely because the week was half over that he hated Wednesdays. What was it they called it in America? Hump Day? When he first heard that, it sounded like a porn term. And according to Chizuru, there was some truth in that. If there was a God, or a Soul King up there, and he was merciful, Ichigo would never figure out the answer to that mystery.

But Mondays weren't bad. Sure waking up with work looming on the horizon wasn't exactly cheery, but it also brought the promise of a new week where anything could happen. Mondays were ripe with possibility, potential for the new!

Wednesdays were a placeholder. They did nothing but elongate the forty-hour work week that so many found themselves trapped in. Thursdays at least brought hope that tomorrow would end the week, and Fridays finally brought that end. Wednesdays brought no such joy, only another twenty-four hour stretch with nothing notable. And they brought pain. It was fast becoming some kind of cosmic joke that Wednesdays would drop some kind of world-ending disaster on Karakura Town. One Wednesday brought Ulquiorra and that nimrod Yammy, another had brought Grimmjow and his cronies, and yet another had brought Ririn.

So for Ichigo Wednesdays were not the best.

"Hey. Hey! Ichigo! Do you need some coffee?"

Ichigo felt two gentle hands rest on his shoulders. He felt hair strands touching his neck and head. He leaned back, and those hands wrapped around his head so that he rested on the chest of his wife. He sighed, feeling a smile forming. Whenever he felt stressed, or dying from blood loss as the case may be, being near her was like lying on a giant lawn in a summer afternoon. The warmth of it made the trials of the day just fade away.

"So this is how Kon feels." he said.

"Feels like what?" she asked.

"When he's eaten really good food. Of course. That was delicious."

"Thank you Ichigo." she placed a little kiss on his cheek. "But I know you meant something else you perv."

"Crap." he sighed. "What gave it away?"

"Well, two things. One is that Kon ha always been in love with. . .Ampleness in general. I don't think I've ever seen him near an ample woman and not gone crazy. Remember how he reacted when we got him back from Soul Society and he saw Karin?"

"I threatened to string him up by his wool innards." The memories came back to Ichigo. "Good times."

"And second," Orihime continued. "you just grinned like Kon does."

"I did?" Oh boy.

"You don't need to feel bad." As if to emphasize her point she hugged him closer and almost buried him in her assets. "We're not in highschool anymore!" she giggled. It was a sound that never failed to make Ichigo feel like a million bucks. She seemed to notice that, and planted another kiss, now on his lips.

"You're enjoying this aren't you?" he said.

"Of course I am." she grinned, deceptively innocent. "and judging by it, you are too."

"Maybe a little bit." he lied. "This is heaven."

"My assets are heaven?"

". . .I. . . Uh. . ." This was like picking out dresses. "Well, yes, but not just that. I mean you are quite beautiful and everything, but it's a lot more than that. You're the breast. . .Best person. Just the best."

"I think I heard that as 'I love being in your company Orihime. You're the best.' Sound right?"

"Yes. That." Ichigo shook his head. "You know I would've thought that after fifteen years of this I wouldn't be falling for all your tricks. Am I still a teenager or are you pulling new stuff on me?"

"Yes in some areas, and just maybe I am. You'll never know. It is the mystery of women."

Ichigo rolled his eyes.

"You're so cute when you pout." She rested her head on top of his. "So what's up? You look tired."

Ichigo waved to the papers arranged on the kitchen table. "Just the usual stream of paperwork on a Wednesday. This fellow right here came in with a bruised shin from trying to grind down a spiral staircase. That one came in with one of the worst colds that I've ever seen. Parents here brought their child in because he said he was too sick for school and it turned out he had swallowed some play-doh. Oh, and these two thought it would be a great idea to try something they called a "double decker handstand."

Orihime looked at the last file. "What exactly is a double decker handstand?"

"I didn't know then, and I don't know now."

"Doesn't look like it ended well for them."

"No it did not. Kids today are trying the weirdest things."

Ichigo felt those chestnut eyes staring at him.

"What?" he asked. She said nothing. "Ugh. Yes I am aware that I used to kill hollows and raided two realms of the afterlife when we were in high school. That doesn't change that these two were idiots."

"True, true. Though wouldn't it be three? There was the time you raided hell."

"Oh yeah. Kind of forgot about that. Three realms."

Orihime pouted. "I didn't even get to see hell."

Figures that Orihime would be jealous over not being able to see Hell, of all things. She placed the paper back on the table, next to the other absurd accidents.

"Have you been having any trouble with treating these injuries?"

"No not really. It's all pretty simple. Most of the stuff I deal with takes a prescription and a quick look." Ichigo started putting the files back in the folders. He had done about as much as he could for tonight, and it'd take maybe half an hour tomorrow morning to wrap it up. He could afford some break time for tonight.

He reluctantly rose from his wife's embrace to pick up the folders. While Orihime returned to washing the dishes, he went to his filing cabinet. He pulled out the bottom drawer and opened the folder marked "Ridiculous A-G" and slid the double decker handstand file inside, along with the grinding spiral stair case fool. He slipped the play-doh case into the middle drawer to the "I" folder. He felt his shoulder's lighten with those files placed away, nice and organized. That left him the rest of the evening, free.

What could he get up to? Movie? Books? Jog? No, he didn't need to go for a jog, and besides going outside for a jog was just asking for something with gnashing teeth or a Zanpakuto to come crashing down on him. Sometimes it was both in the case of Grimmjow and Kenpachi. He didn't need the jog anyway. His "leg day" was not needed tonight.

He sincerely hoped that Chizuru was lying when she said leg day was also a porn thing. Crazy Americans.

He heard a yawn from the kitchen. Orihime was almost done with the dishes and had placed most of them on the drying rack. That was something he could do for now.

"Oh, oh Orihime let me take care of the rest." he came to her side and grabbed a small towel. But before he could pick up a mug, it was snatched from beneath his fingers by a hand-shaped blur. He realized, several seconds later, that the mug was already dried and in the rack. He hadn't even seen it.

"You're messing with me aren't you."

"Maybe." Orihime giggled.

"Can I help out?" he asked. "It doesn't seem fair to leave this stuff to you."

"I appreciate that you want to help," she said with a pat on his head. "but I'm good. I like doing it."

"You sure? I could put them away for you."

"It's alright, really. Besides it helps me unwind."

"Ah, long day at school?"

"Very long. You'd be amazed at how long it takes for some to trace a circle around a roll of tape, or figure out the difference between water and oil based paints. It takes forever." she groaned.

Ichigo nodded. "You'd think fifteen-year-olds could figure that out."

"You would think." she said. "It took almost the whole period for them." she chuckled. "You would not believe how Ms. Ochi reacted when I told her that. I thought she was going to cave in their heads with her textbooks!"

Ichigo paused as an image popped into his head. The image of Ms Ochi running around with a textbook raised overhead like a katana, chasing students around the building with bloodshot eyes while her victims screamed in terror.

He stifled a laugh in his throat. It made him sound like a snorting pig.
Then it grew into a silent chuckle. He pursed his lips, his head shook with the laugh.
Then he felt the pressure burst his lips apart and he bellowed the laughter forth.

When he finally regained his breath, and got up off the floor, Orihime was still laughing.

"You got the image too?"

"What image?" she managed through it. "You were being adorable!"

The rest of the cleaning passed uneventfully. Orihime cleaned and placed the remaining dishes, and Ichigo tried thrice before she convinced him to completely give it up and go watch the news, reality TV, cartoons, anything. He finally relented, and settled to watching something called "Spirit Hunters."

A few people would go into abandoned and decrepit buildings with cameras that nobody could hold steady and look for ghosts. Of course, whether there were any ghosts was part of the mystery.

"I can hear her. She's in this room!" The lady shrieked. The supposed psychic.

"We're here to talk!" The leader of the bunch, Kieth or something, was holding up a flashlight and waving it around the room for all he was worth.

Ichigo seriously doubted that there actually were any ghosts in those places. Well, that was being a bit unfair. There might in fact be some ghosts, or Hollows perhaps, in those buildings for all he knew. But from his experience, the spirits weren't exactly inclined to hang around a rotted building waiting for some idiot with camera and hairspray to come find them and relay their messages.

And if there were actually ghosts in those buildings, they'd be bound spirits – or more properly, Jibakurei – and at that point they'd be making themselves more than known to any humans that came inside. Any actual ghost would send these guys running to the hills. Ichigo almost hoped there was a Hollow to make them seek out new pants.

"Is it a good episode tonight dad?"

Ichigo flinched when he heard a voice to his right. Kazui was sitting in the arm chair next to the couch. He looked bored.

"Depends." he paused to regain composure. "Is your homework done?"

"Finished my history report, and I know what I'll be doing for an art project."

"What did you pick? That's a year-long project right?"

Ichigo felt his wife's hands on his shoulders again.

"Well, we decided on going to the park and taking photos of five different trees, once a week until the week before the project was due. Then we put them together into a collage and take a photo here and there of other plants. The idea is to show the passage of time between seasons."

Kazui nodded. "Oh, and we decided to have the photos get more and more gray as it got closer to winter, then when it starts getting closer to spring they'd regain the color slowly."

Ichigo was impressed. That did sound like a good idea, and Kazui's enthusiasm made him smile.

"That sounds great, will you be needing a ride to the park?"

"We can work something out. We picked Sundays to do them to avoid the crowds."

"Makes sense." Ichigo looked to Kazui. "What about your math homework?"

To this Kazui paused. "I got most of it, but there were a few problems I couldn't get."

"Mhm."

"But," he quickly added. "I called Ryuji, Yamato, and Miki. Nobody else could figure it out, so me and Miki decided to meet up during lunch and work on the problems together. Oh, we have math after lunch so that's why it works."

Ichigo looked to Orihime. He felt satisfied. She gave a slight nod, small enough so that Kazui couldn't figure out what they were deciding. Ichigo returned the nod, and then looked back at Kazui.

"Alright, sounds like you got everything in order. I'll just get some popcorn going."

"Ehhh." Orihime sounded concerned. "We're out of popcorn boys."

"What!?"

"When!? How!?"

Orihime coughed, and Ichigo noticed her eyes darting.

"Kon ate it."

Ichigo would've jumped through the roof if he didn't have to pay for damages. But that wouldn't solve the problem. Oh well, he could watch without some popcorn. It was nice to have but he would be alright without it. No big deal.

"Aww." Kazui slumped into his chair. "Crap."

"Language Kazui, please." Orihime said.

Kazui hardly seemed to register his mother's words, he looked so miserable.

Not on Ichigo's watch. No son of his would be miserable watching his favorite show!

"I'll be right back."He bolted up out of his seat before Orihime or Kazui could say anything. He flew up across the stairs, through the door into the master bedroom, and opened his nightstand drawer.

He felt around the contents of the drawer. Then his hands gripped around a familiar wooden object. He snatched it out. There it was, his old Substitute Shinigami badge, looking none the worse for wear. Perfect. With it in hand he zipped back down, where he saw Kazui and Orihime waiting for him.

"One sec." he skidded along the smooth kitchen floor until he came behind the couch. He vaulted over it to land snugly in the seats. He held out the badge. The eyes on the tiny skull glowed bright yellow, and he suddenly felt like he was being pulled through a giant mass of jello. He regained his orientation standing in front of the couch, where his now soulless body rested.

"Ichigo, what are you doing?" Orihime asked.

"The nearest grocery store closes at nine. It's now," he checked his watch. "eight forty five. Tonight's a back-to-back feature of Spirit Hunters. If I carry Kazui there while he's in his body, he can run inside, grab the popcorn, zip out, and then we can be back just before the next episode starts!"

"You're joking." she said with a roll of her eyes.

Several seconds passed.

"You're not joking." Orihime glared at him.

"No. Sound good Kazui?"

"Yep!" Kazui already took a bit of money from the wallet in Ichigo's left pocket. That raised the question of how the little Oni knew where he kept his wallet, but that could wait. They had popcorn to secure!

"Wait, what about this episode?" he asked.

"It was a rerun, but the next one is new."

"Sweet! Let's do this!" Kazui ran to get his shoes on.

While Kazui zipped upstairs, Orihime tapped Ichigo's shoulder.

"Ichigo?"

"Yes?"

"A quick word."

Ichigo suddenly felt like he was being watched, by a hawk overhead. His wife looked somehow different. Ichigo wasn't sure if he was dehydrated, but it looked like Orihime had grown a bit. Well, maybe a few dozen feet to be exact.
In addition her contacts seemed to be a bit foggy, because he couldn't see her pupils or irises, just sclera that were contorted into gigantic, angry eyes.
Her makeup didn't seem to be on point either. There was some kind of dark shadow from her forehead that wrapped around her eyes, and there seemed to be bulging veins on her forehead as well.
Her teeth on the other hand were as white as a hollow mask, and in fact looked just as sharp as Kenpachi's nightmarish shikai.
And to top it all off, the heater must have been broken again. What other explanation could there be for the sudden sensation of heat, as if he was standing in the middle of a raging inferno?

His legs didn't move. That was odd. He felt glued to the floor. Orihime didn't know any Kido, did she? She did have her Shun Shun Rikka magic, but she couldn't create a restriction field. How very odd. And there was the curious matter of why he felt like someone had slapped him on the forehead repeatedly with a soaking wet mop. He didn't remember that happening. His throat felt dry too.

While he was contemplating this, Orihime had at some point gripped him by the collar of his shihakusho and pulled him in. All he could see was those pure white disks staring at him like searchlights into his soul. There was nothing else in the world or his mind, only the eyes.

"Yes?" Ichigo's voice came out more like a squeak.

"I'm going to let you do this because I assume you're doing this for our son. But," she pulled on him more so that their noses were practically touching now. "if I find one scratch, one bruise, one scuffed joint on my little baby, you are going to be in trouble."

"H-how. . .How deep trouble, sweetie?"

"Bring him home hurt, and you'll find out." Ichigo heard a rumble in the Earth. "Got it?"

"Y-y-yes dear. Can we. . .Can we bring something back for you?"

". . ." Ichigo noticed an eyebrow twitching.

"Five boxes of strawberry pocky. Five boxes of green tea pocky. And an Its-It ice cream sandwich."

"What flavor honey?"

"Strawberry."

"Consider it run. I mean done."

"Uhh mom? Dad? Is something wrong?"

Suddenly color and light returned to Ichigo's vision. The world snapped back into place so that the dark void was no more, and he remembered where he was; in the living room in his Shinigami form with his body unconscious on the couch. What was he doing again?

"Mom stop," Kazui whined. "I can zip up my jacket myself. Dad, come on we've got to get going!"

Oh right! Pocky. Spirit Hunters. Popcorn. Pain. Scuffed Knees. Pocky.

"I'm coming ya little Oni." Ichigo said. Orihime opened the door for them, giving a little kiss to her son's head as he passed.

Just as Ichigo stepped out into the cold air he felt a planting of lips on his cheek. Orihime was there, smiling up at him with her hand on his shoulder.

"Remember Ichigo. Not a scratch." she said.

"Yes ma'am." He spun around and zipped at Kazui. He dropped to his knees so that Kazui could climb on his back, wrapping his legs around just above Ichigo's waste and his arms around his collar. Ichigo took his sons comparatively tiny hands into his own and stood to his full height.

He rotated his neck a few times and felt the satisfying cracks of his vertebrae, loosening the tension. Sadly that did nothing to lessen the tension in the air, which he could feel like reishi originating from his wife.

"Have fun you too. I'll have some soda ready for you guys."

"Thanks mom!"

"Be back soon honey!"

Ichigo bent his knees, and exhaled. He breathed in, and lept. He pushed off the ground. He briefly felt the air pressing down on him as he ascended higher and higher. When he exhaled he and his son were high above Karakura town, floating in place even though a stiff breeze rushed through the town.

"You good son?"

"Y-yeah," he stuttered. "I'm good. Totally good dad. You good? I'm good."

"Good. Let's get moving."

Ichigo rotated so that he was floating at a horizontal angle with his chest facing down towards the town. He bent his knees and put on a burst of speed, leaving no evidence that him and his son had ever been there aside from an insignificant puff of air.


Ichigo held his smaller Zanpakuto in one hand, and the Quincy Cross that Uryu had given him in the other. He glanced between the two. One the tool of a Shinigami that cleansed a hollow of its sins – as a hollow anyway, good riddance to Shrieker – and maintained the balance of the worlds. It cleansed souls by hacking the enemy into bits.
The other was a tool of the Quincy that obliterated not just the Hollow but the soul as well, preventing reincarnation and creating an imbalance of souls. It destroyed souls by a comparatively humane method. Two polar opposites that still achieved the same end: killing Hollows.

On the surface the two were similar, Quincy and Shinigami. They both sought to kill hollows. But while Shinigami did so out of duty and protection, the Quincy of the past did so out of self-preservation. Both were understandable. Both weapons were elegant instruments of combat yet wielded for different goals. Which raised a question in his mind.

"Can't you two just cooperate already?"

He brought the sword and the Cross closer together. Nothing.
He bumped the two together. Nothing.
He tried pushing the gift into the rough guard area on the shorter sword. Jack all.

The Zanpakuto's silence said all that it needed to Ichigo. The sword wasn't interested in his obviously awesome plan, and the Cross wasn't going to be sharing its opinions anytime soon either. Stupid sentient sword and non-sentient bangle.

"You guys are so stubborn." he grumbled.

"You're one to talk, King." Zangetsu's surly voice echoed in Ichigo's mind. "Which one of us tried hacking at a Menos, and I quote "like a tree until I could eventually whack him on the head?' Oh wait, its the one who somehow lived long enough to procreate!"

"You're really mouthy for a sword." Ichigo said.

"And I could be a lot more stabby if you keep bumping that. . .Thing against me!"

"Fine fine." Ichigo slid the smaller blade back into its sheath. The Cross hang loose from his right wrist, as shiny as the day he was given it. It looked even shinier in this alley that smelled strongly of. . . Ichigo really, really did not want to know. But this was the price to pay for culinary espionage.

He spun the Cross around his wrist, wrapping the chain around and around until the Cross slapped into the palm of his hand. It felt weird to be holding it, but also in a way, comforting. He had only seen one of these up close a few times before Uryu gave it to him, but for the past few years he had carried this thing with him at all times, even when he didn't use it. It was like there was something in his subconscious that wanted it with him. He clenched the Cross tight and brought it closer to his face.

If he drowned out all other distractions and just focused on the Cross, he could feel deep into the object. Feel its history and make. Every single nick on its surface. If he kept it up long enough and focused hard enough he could even feel the reishi of its original owner.

Kazui.

Wait, Kazui? What?

Ichigo blinked. The reishi wasn't from the Cross. But it was close. Kazui had completed the errand faster than he thought. Ichigo pulled the chain and Cross off of his wrist, and just as he heard footsteps coming around the corner, he stuffed the Cross deep into his pocket.

"Hey dad! I got the popcorn, pocky, and the Its It!"

"Excellent work son!" Ichigo took the obviously heavy bag from his tiny little arms.

"Why did we get those anyway?"

"Eh, your mom wanted some."

"Why?"

"Because she wanted some chocolate and ice cream."

Kazui paused. "Why? Was she hungry?"

"Because when a woman says she wants chocolate and/or ice cream, it's your solemn duty as a friend, boyfriend, husband, son, father, or cousin, to fetch it."

". . .Why?"

"One day there will come a day when you realize that, and on that day you will be grateful that I told you this."

Kazui looked thoroughly confused. "What if I forget?"

"Then the woman will remind you."

"Oh, well couldn't I just let them tell me in the first place?"

Ichigo sighed. "Well, it's your eardrums son. Come on-"

"You're in trouble with mom aren't you."

"No I'm not."

"You called mom 'honey.' You only call her that when you're in trouble."

Damn the little Oni, being so perceptive. Why couldn't he have inherited Dad's brain!?

"Another discussion for another time son. Come on, we've got five minutes till the episode starts."

With a hop, crouch, and a leap they were off in the night sky, soaring like eagles back home to warmth, soda, and bad TV. Ichigo felt a sigh of relief escape his lips when he pictured returning Kazui home safe and sound. Or, at least he thought he was.

"Son."

"Yeah dad?" Kazui shouted over the wind.

"This may sound odd, but did you trip on anything in the store?"


Author's Note: Wow, I did not expect so much reception for this. I was planning it as a one shot. But I've decided to turn this into a series of sorts. I'm not sure how often this will be updated what with classes coming up, but these are fun to write, so we'll see. Thanks to everyone who followed and favorited, and especially to those who left reviews!