Beautiful Disaster
Author's Note: Pretty much nothing to say. Here's the next chapter. I hope you like it. I loved all the reviews I got on the last chapter! Keep it up, please! I really really appreciate it.
Disclaimer: Yes, I forgot to put this on the last chapter. I'm going to say this once and only once. I own nothing of One Tree Hill or it's characters.
Chapter One: No Sensitivity
"So, what really happened last week?"
Brooke finally asked him the question, after she'd had it asked to her a thousand times since school started. The truth was, she didn't know what had happened. She had overheard some of the guys talking about the drugs they had scored. She had even discreetly asked Tim how the trip was, and even he wasn't good for information.
She'd heard the rumors all week. Hell, she was the rumors. Everyone had different versions. Nathan was drunk and had sex with a waitress. Some said she was a pole dancer. Some said Nathan wasn't drunk and that it was a random girl. Then there were the naïve girls who still thought Nathan was a saint who could do no wrong.
Brooke knew the truth, she didn't have to ask. They all went down, hit the clubs. Got wasted off their asses, and Nathan had sex with someone. This wasn't the first time. He wasn't a major player, but he also wasn't the most faithful person. He'd cheated on her two or so times before, but it always hurt the same.
"We went to Mexico, that's it," he told her dismissively and focused his attention to the basketball he was holding in his hands. His security, his purpose, and his distraction from Brooke.
"Well, I've heard things," she said, insinuating his activities, and she knew that he knew this. Brooke watched as her boyfriend stayed silent for a few more moments, only looking at the basketball. They were both late to practice, but they were captains, so who cared? Besides, they needed to talk. Brooke knew that Nathan and herself were only creating problem after problem in their relationship. Eventually, problems got to be too much.
She folded her arms across her chest, and began to tap her foot slightly, her expectant glare burning holes into his skull. Finally, he looked up at her.
"Do you believe everything you hear?" he started, careful to avoid the conversation they were about to start. "Because I've heard that you're a worthless slut and that I can do better," he finished. He knew he was hurting her with the words he had said, and that was the point. Anything to get the focus off of him.
He rolled his eyes in her direction, and walked past her on his way to practice. He stopped a few feet away, nearing the gym doors. "But I don't listen," he added, throwing it into her face.
The truth was, Nathan knew he didn't deserve Brooke. She wasn't the slut that everyone thought she was. She didn't sleep with guys and cheat on Nathan. She was a grade-A girlfriend, and Nathan hurt her. He used her weaknesses against her. He had a temper, and he never thought about what he was saying before he said it to her.
Defeated and upset, Brooke watched as he walked through the doors and began shooting hoops with the rest of the guys like it was nothing. Like she was nothing. The truth was, no matter what people thought, Brooke wasn't a girl for drama. She just wanted simple things, and she didn't like conflict. She didn't want to fight with Nathan, and she didn't want him to hurt her, just as she didn't want to hurt him.
What kind of relationship could two people have when they inflicted pain on each other when things didn't go their way? She knew it wasn't healthy for either of them. However, she just wanted things to be normal, so that she could pretend that everything in her life was okay, and not have to face the truth. Ignorance is bliss.
A few minutes later, into the middle of practice, Brooke approached Nathan against her own better judgment. She wanted things to be easy. She hated when Nathan was upset with her, or when she was upset with him. The team was lined up to do free throw shots, and Nathan was standing on the side. What better time?
"What do you want, Brooke?" he asked as he took notice of the brunette standing next to him. He also noticed her hand that began to caress his arm muscles, and lips that were dangerously close to his.
"Well, I figured," she started, before looking around, and then leaning in to whisper in his ear. She knew the one thing that would cheer Nathan up, and she really wasn't in the mood for a pissy boyfriend. Peyton and Haley had always suggested that he was part girl, or that he had estrogen in his system because of his moody ways.
"Get off of me," he told her loudly and lightly pushed her body off of his. Brooke wasn't sure if she'd ever been so humiliated, because Nathan had drawn all the attention to them. There wasn't a person in the gym who wasn't watching them now. Brooke's face began to grow darker as her cheeks blushed and her eyelids grew shaky.
She wondered if he actually thought about her, and how she felt. She couldn't help but feel like he took her for granted, like most people did. She was always there for him. Whenever Nathan had a problem, Brooke was there to help him in whatever way that she could. However, when it came to her problems, she couldn't even tell him about them.
The worst part was that she felt ashamed. She felt like he wouldn't understand, or he would look down on her. She knew that his family already hated her, and she didn't want to prove them right by telling Nathan any of her family problems.
"Sorry, I just thought-" Brooke started, her eyes pleading for him not to make this worse. Now she wasn't feeling guilty for not trusting him and asking him about Mexico. Now she wasn't trying to make things better. Now she was just pissed.
Although she knew she shouldn't be. This was Nathan, this was how he operated. There was never any sort of indication as to what mood he would be in. Brooke would never know if he was going to be overly physical, extremely sweet, or annoyingly temperamental, and she couldn't change that. She was wasting her own time by being upset by him or trying to change him.
"Of course you did. That's all you ever think about, Brooke," he said, not even bothering to lower his voice. Brooke had always wondered if Nathan took pleasure in doing things like this to her. What she really wondered, though, is why she put up with it. And quite honestly, she didn't have an answer.
"You know, for once," he started before picking up a basketball and walking away from her, not a bit concerned about all the questioning eyes that were staring at him. "Why don't you just lay off," he told her rudely. "Maybe that's why everyone calls you easy," he finished.
Brooke watched as her former boyfriend stepped into the crowd of boys. She watched, her eyes turning to narrow slits, as Lucas laughed and raised his arm to high-five Nathan, his signature move. Her arm folded as her hand rested on her hip, and her jaw slowly dropped, the anger boiling inside of her.
She walked past all the guys shouting inappropriate comments at her, and the girls who were either giving Nathan a threatening look or laughing at Brooke, grabbed her duffel bag, and slammed the gym doors open. As she reached her car, she noticed that Peyton and Haley had both followed her out. The only thing in the world she was thankful for… her two best friends that always had her back. She didn't know what she would do without them, or how she would get through everything.
She threw her duffel bag into her trunk, and slammed the lid shut, before getting into her car.
"What was that about?" Haley asked as Peyton and herself also stepped into the car.
"Nathan's a jackass, that's what that was about," Peyton piped in, as Brooke started the car and sped off. "Brooke don't be upset over this, he isn't worth it," she continued on. Neither girl needed to be told how irate Brooke was. The anger and hurt was clearly evident through her facial features.
"Why do you stay with him?" Haley asked seriously, not bothered by the fact that she was 'pushing', according to Brooke.
The girls had had this conversation before. Nathan would screw up and do something to hurt Brooke, Brooke would find comfort in her best friends and their mini-sleepovers. The girls would tell Brooke how he's not worth it, and ask why she stays with him. Brooke never gave an answer. She couldn't answer with, "I love him." Even though it was the truth, that didn't cut it. What was the point in loving someone who destroyed you?
She couldn't tell them why she melted and forgave him every time he came around, because she didn't even have an answer herself. He was her constant. He'd been there for so long, whether they were together or apart. Brooke didn't know what life would be like without having Nathan as her boyfriend, and she wasn't ready to find out. She was not a girl who liked change, and she didn't embrace it happily.
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She stepped into her house about two hours later. The girls decided it was time for an outing. Well, more like Brooke decided that she was in need of a short, fun night. She was on her way to taking Peyton home, when she took a quick exit and headed for the mall. They shopped for a little bit, and then stopped for ice cream. The girls comforted Brooke a little more, before she took them home and then drove off to her own house.
To say she had had a long day was an understatement, and things were only worse when she got inside. Brooke couldn't help but know how pathetic that was. The one place where she should be able to come home and find peace, was the worse place to be right now.
The first sign that trouble was brewing was the shards of glass laying on the floor a few feet next to the coat rack. She had to wonder why the maid hadn't cleaned it up yet. Next to the broken glass, were a few petals from what looked like a red rose. A few feet in the opposite direction, lay the rest of the contents of the vase. Broken glass, spilt water, and torn up flowers laid on the tiles.
Brooke knew at this point that she should head for her room and just go to bed, but she didn't. Quietly, she placed the contents from her hand, which included her empty cup of ice cream, her cell phone, and her keys, onto the table next to the mess.
She stepped into the kitchen, noticing that her mother was sitting at a barstool by the island. She seemed fascinated with something, because she was staring directly at a blank spot on the wall. Brooke wasn't too concerned with the wall, however. No, she was more concerned with the glass in front of her mother, it's clear content, and the large bottle next to it.
Her mother's drink of choice today… vodka. She could tell the glass hadn't contained ice either. The helpless girl gave a sigh, as she neared her mother with caution and took the bottle into her own hands. It was almost empty. She pulled the trash compactor out from its spot in the counter, and threw the bottle in, hearing it break as it hit the plastic bag and metal.
Next, she took the glass from in front of Kristen, and rinsed the contents out, before placing it inside the sink. There was no hint of her father anywhere, so Brooke assumed that it had been another fight. Someone must have thrown the vase at the other, presumably Kristen at Richard. That's usually how it went.
Brooke took her mother's hand into her own, and placed her other hand on the look-alike brunette in front of her to help her off the stool. Slowly, she walked her mother to her room, step by step. When she got there, she helped her lie down onto her bed. After Brooke's petite mother was laid down onto her bed, Brooke started to softly pull her high-count sheets and comforter over her body. Brooke couldn't help but feel disappointed.
She knew that Haley's parents were standing in the kitchen, drilling Haley about why she hadn't come home straight after practice. Brooke would give anything to have that. Instead, she got fighting parents, one MIA, the other passing out from an afternoon of drinking.
"How was your day, sweetie?" Brooke heard her ask. She gave a sigh and finished pulling the covers from the bottom of Kristen's bed over her body. She looked down to her mother, and wished she could be any place but here. She wished she could be part of one big happy family, in which her mom would hold her while watching a television show or brush her hair out after she got out of the shower.
"Go to sleep, Mom," she told her. She walked to the door, and watched as Kristen slowly closed her eyes. She let out a disappointed sigh, before turning of the overhead lights. What a day.
Brooke went back to the front hallway to retrieve her things. She didn't bother to clean up the mess of flowers… she knew the maid would clean it when she returned. If she returned, that is. Instead, she went straight to her room to watch Ugly Betty, Grey's Anatomy, and go to sleep. When she did so, she noticed the blinking light on her cell phone.
Nathan Scott.
To be quite honest, Brooke wasn't sure if he was calling for another go or to apologize. Usually, it would be to apologize but she never could tell. She wasn't sure if any amount of apologizing could fix what he had said to her earlier. Brooke was pretty sure that Nathan didn't quite realize how much power he had over her, or how much he could actually hurt her. She wasn't the invincible bitch that everyone thought she was, and she just wished the guy that she cared most about would realize that.
Her hand reached for key, and she pressed the ignore button. A minute later, her phone was flashing again.
One new voicemail.
Brooke exhaled deeply, before selecting to listen to the voicemail.
"Hey babe, it's me. Look, I know I was a jackass to you earlier, and I'm sorry. There's just some stuff going on, and then the whole Mexico-"
Brooke heard part of the message, before cutting it off by clicking the key for a second time. Message deleted. She knew she needed to start taking charge. She couldn't just keep forgiving Nathan after every time he did something to hurt her. If so, then what was the point in being with him?
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Brooke's hands flew up to cover her face in exasperation. It was tiring to avoid Nathan, especially when he was being very persistent. He had approached her twice that morning, and first period hadn't even started. Brooke assumed he had been waiting in the parking lot, because he was at her car before she even opened the door of her VW Beetle.
He followed her halfway across the quad, saying he was sorry and she had to talk to him. Brooke shook her head. "Not so much," she had said. Ten minutes later, he was at her locker pitching the same story. He told her that he was just overwhelmed, he didn't mean any of it, he loved her, and she couldn't ignore him. She disagreed.
Now she was on her way to first period, and she spotted him about halfway down the hall. This time, she didn't plan on having any sort of interaction with him… good or bad. Quickly, as if on reflex, her body leaped into the nearest classroom. She swiftly closed and looked the door behind her, then turned her body to rest against it. She let out a deep breath, before hearing the chuckling coming from across the room. She looked over to the figure sitting in one of the desks. Lucas Scott.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, as she walked closer to him. Lucas… early to a class? Hell must have frozen over. Albeit the wrong classroom, since he was in her first period class, but Brooke knew it was a step in the right direction.
"I should ask you the same thing," he muttered, and looked back down to the paper sitting in front of him. "I'm making up a quiz. I skipped fifth period yesterday," he informed her, and Brooke shook her head indicating that she didn't care.
"Wait, fifth period is lunch. Why would you skip?" she asked dumbfounded. Most people would skip first, coming in late, or seventh, leaving early. Nobody ever skipped fifth period, especially since half of it was lunch.
"Went off campus with some of the guys," he said shrugging. She nodded her head, before leaning against the door and trying to focus her attention on anything in the room. She knew that talking to Lucas Scott for a considerable amount of time could make her deathly ill… he was contagious. Or as she would say if it was third grade, he had cooties.
"You should stop being a bitch and talk to him," Lucas suggested to her, in more of a demanding tone, without looking up from his quiz. Lucas always had a way of using monotone, and it drove Brooke crazy. How annoying.
"I don't think you're supposed to be talking," she told him matter-of-factly, sounding like a teacher's pet. "In fact, where's your teacher? You could be cheating or something," she said as she took a look around the classroom, even though she didn't care at all.
"Who me? Now why would I-" Lucas started, but was cut of by the brunette's snarky glare.
"I wouldn't put it past you," she said rudely.
"Really though, Brooke, I'm supposed to be concentrating here. You know, quiz and all. But I can't because you're being loud and annoying. You should just go talk to Nathan. Because, as much as I tell him he needs to throw you out on your ass, he won't. And now that you're not talking to him, he's going to be talking and complaining about you non-stop.
Oh and contrary to what you think, I don't like hearing about Brooke Davis during any part of my day. It tends to put a major restraint on my party mood. So please, stop acting like a selfish, completely overdramatic, bitch, and save us all the time and trouble of you two fighting for a week and then making up. Forgive him now," he told her. He looked up to see Brooke rolling her eyes and heading out of the classroom.
One mission accomplished.
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Brooke took another small sip from the red, paper cup she held in her hand. She wasn't quite sure what she was drinking, and she didn't really care. Nothing would liven up the party. Brooke had become accustomed to them, seeing as how someone, usually Nathan, held one every Friday after the basketball game.
This week though, she had too much on her mind to get drunk, play games, and hook up with Nathan like usual. She wasn't quite sure what was going on with her parents, but she knew something more was going on than the usual. Her dad hadn't returned home the night before, and she hadn't been home since. It wasn't unlike her father to leave the house, it was just unusual for him to not return home. Pleading for forgiveness, telling Brooke's mother it would never happen again… familiar story to Brooke.
Speak of the devil, Nathan was making his way over to Brooke. Sadly, she hadn't been able to avoid him all day. What was she thinking? Nathan was very persistent when he wanted something. Not to mention the fact that she had Algebra 2 with him and that they were having a game tonight, followed by a post-game bash at Nathan's beach house. While he had been nice to her all day, he was still pushing her. Something that Brooke hated.
She knew she was falling, that she would crumble beneath him. Who was she to think that she wouldn't? It was the same old story, over and over again. She always forgave him. He treated her like dirt, and within a week she was back in his bed.
It was something about Lucas' words that had gotten under her skin.
"Save us all the time and trouble of you two fighting for a week and then making up. Forgive him now."
She wondered how many people thought she was a pushover. If she had told anyone besides her two closest friends that she wasn't planning on getting back together with him, they would have laughed her out of town. She knew people thought she was a joke, and even Brooke knew she couldn't resist Nathan. She knew that they were aware of the fact that she let Nathan walk all over her. The real question, though, was did she need to hold out on Nathan just to prove something to everyone else?
Brooke wasn't that girl. She really couldn't give a damn about what the people at school thought of her. She'd knock into someone in the hallway, muttering a "get out of the way," and they'd fight back saying "bitch." Still, she couldn't care less. None of them knew who she was, so why should she care what they had to say?
No, if she was going to deny Nathan it was going to be at her own request. It was going to be because she was sure that Nathan wouldn't change and he didn't love her. The only problem, she knew that he did love her, he just didn't have the greatest way of showing it. He just couldn't help himself when it came to his Dan Scott genes.
She knew she shouldn't be stressing about it this much, and she shouldn't have let Lucas get so deep under her skin. He wasn't worth it. She should be over there with her two best friends, downing shots and having fun. Not contemplating what she was going to say to the dark haired boy coming her way.
"We have to talk, Brooke," he told her as he reached her, took the cup from her hand, and replaced it with his own hand. She nodded slightly, mumbling an "I guess we do."
He mumbled something incoherent, and Brooke didn't bother to ask him to repeat it to her. Her head was only halfway into the world around her anyways. She wasn't fully there. He pulled her closer to him as he wrapped his arm around her waist, and lightly pushed a few strands of hair from her face.
"This is stupid," he told her matter-of-factly, and Brooke just nodded. What else was she to do? It wasn't stupid. It was a pretty big deal. He shouldn't treat her the way that he did, but Brooke knew he would never realize that.
"I didn't have sex with anyone when we were in Mexico," he told her, finally answering her question. Brooke could feel her eyes stinging as she looked up into his own… she knew he was lying. That was the worse part. Not that he hooked up with someone, but that he could lie about it through his own teeth, and that she knew him so well she could tell he was lying.
"I'm sorry about how I talked to you yesterday, you know I don't feel that way about you. I love you, you know that. I just get upset and take it out on you," he told her as he rubbed her arm soothingly. He knew he would win her over, and he was using that to his benefit.
Brooke just wasn't sure why. He'd made it a point to show her how much he could hurt her and how little he thought of her sometimes, and he knew that he could have any girl in school, so why did he keep coming back to her?
"But Nathan, it has to stop. I can't keep doing this," she told him softly, her voice cracking as she did so. She knew how vulnerable she was becoming, how her body was weakening, her strength was dissipating. He nodded as he pulled her closer to him and her head fell comfortably onto a spot on his chest. "Things have to change," she said, breathing out into the firmness of his chest.
She wondered how she could feel so worthless and hurt by him, but so safe and comfortable at the same time? She didn't want to keep going back to him, but she couldn't help it and she couldn't explain why.
"They're going to," he promised her, and Brooke nodded, even though she knew it was an empty promise. She knew the place would clear out in a few hours, and Brooke would stay here with Nathan. She'd make her way to his bedroom, and sleep with him once again. They'd come into school on Monday, hand in hand, and nothing will have changed.
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"Yeah, of course," Brooke told Haley as she handed the purple cashmere jacket to her, pulled her into a hug and gave her a quick, friendly peck on the cheek. "If I don't stay I'll just have Nathan drive me home or something," she went on to explain, and gave Haley a smile.
"Take care of our girl," Brooke told her, receiving a nod from Haley as the girl left the party. In a surprising turn of events, Peyton was the third of the trio that had wound up drunk and passed out, instead of the usual Brooke. Of course, she had just enough time to find out that Brooke was back with Nathan, and yell at her for a good fifteen minutes, before getting drunk and passing out.
Brooke quite expected it, though. She knew it wasn't Peyton trying to be mean, she was just looking out for her and making sure she wouldn't get hurt again. Peyton had always been the hard one when it came to Nathan. Peyton had always been the one to push Brooke to stand up for herself and stand up to Nathan. Brooke respected Peyton for that, and she took comfort in knowing that her best friends would always be there for her.
She waved goodbye to her friend, and watched as they drove away, before making her way back into the party. It was passed midnight and the fun of the party was dying down, but she also wasn't ready to go home and face her sure-to-be-drunken mother and father fighting. So she was quite surprised when she entered the house, saw her cell phone voicemail alert flashing, and heard the two hour old message saying her father hadn't returned home.
Tears began to build in her eyes as she heard her mother's words. Hearing the part about how her father still hadn't returned home. The following part where her mother confessed that she deserved it when he had hit her the day before because she had made so many mistakes.
Her exact words being, "First that thing, then with Dan, and now… this. I'm such a failure. I'm a failure to you, Brooke," and then the sobs followed.
Brooke wasn't quite sure what was happening, or what her mom was even talking about on the message. Her family had always had problems. Her parents had never really been parents to her. They'd been there to give her money and wave her away. Then, in junior high, when the affair between Dan and Kristen had been revealed, Brooke's life was torn to pieces.
Her already absent mom and dad began to fight more than any couple should. Often, Brooke would be awakened at three in the morning by the screams during their fighting. Her dad began leaving frequently on "business trips" and her mom either left herself, or drank herself away in her bedroom. She'd been fired from her job, so it was just Richard making the money. Somehow, they still managed their wealthy status.
It was a little over two years ago when the suicide attempt happened. Brooke assumed that her mother had just had enough, and that's what drove her to down alcohol with a dozen Vicodin. Kristen, after being pushed into meeting with a therapist, had insisted that it was an accident. She claimed that her back was hurting, after a heavy fall she had taken, and that she was half asleep when she reached for the bottle. She claimed she didn't know how much she was taking and that it was just an accident, but Brooke knew the truth.
Yes, Brooke's family had always had problems, but she knew it was more than that. Her father had never stayed gone all night without telling either Brooke or Kristen first. She had never heard her mom sound so broken and admit that she had made those mistakes. Her only hope that her father would stop the emotional, and occasionally even physical, abuse before it drove her mother to really end her life.
Brooke knew there was more going on than she was aware of, and she was sure she wasn't ready to find out what it was.
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