Sally the Mary Sue
By Fiji Mermaid
Disclaimer: Sally and Ribena belong to me as do the MSP who will show up in later chapters. Ribena is based on my friend Rachel, an MS if ever there was one, so forgive me if I write 'Rachel' instead of 'Ribena'. See if you can spot what's Mary-Sue about this chapter. Prizes for the winners!
Chapter 2: Enter Ribena
"Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred."
Ribena Lake set down her hairbrush with a satisfied smile.
"My hair is going to be so smooth and shiny, just like my beautiful car," she said to herself in the mirror.
Ribena put on her Abercrombie and Fitch pajama bottoms along with her burgundy tank top that had light blue lacing around the edges. She snuggled up under her puffy blue and yellow down comforter and shit off her light from the Pottery barn teen catalogue. She quickly switched it on again.
"Whoops, almost forgot to give Gawain a kiss goodnight," she giggled.
Ribena jumped out of bed and ran over her to her wall size picture of Gawain, tripping over her new Puma's in the process. She fell, hitting her head on the pile of nursing books that lay on the floor, rendering her self unconscious.
When she awoke, Ribena was not on her blue and green carpet from Urban Outfitter's but rather in a damp, musty dungeon cell.
"Oh holy mother of god. Where am I? Why am I still in my pajamas? Did I remember to turn off my straightening irons? Shit, did I feed the cat? Wait, this is not a normal reaction to suddenly appearing in a different world. What's wrong with me?"
Ribena picked the lock on her cell door and scampered up and out the steps leading up.
She breathed in the free air and pushed her raven hair out of herwait.
"Since when did I have hair the color of mahogany?" she asked herself out loud. Ribena looked down at the rest of her body.
"Oh god, my nails are in a perfect French manicure and my breasts would put Jessica Simpson to shame. This can't be good. I'm really not known for my voluptuous assets. As long as my eyes aren't sparkling green."
Ribena whirled around and saw a well nearby.
"Well, well, well, they are a perfect shade of sparkling emerald green," Ribena groaned.
Unfortunately, her shriek of horror at discovering she was now "the most beautiful girl in the King Arthur fandom", attracted some attention from some men who were making a ruckus near the dungeon door.
"Who are you, maiden? Speak quickly or your life shall be forfeit," a man with a horsetail in his hat demanded.
"I am Ribena. I come in peace." Ribena held out her hands in the Star Trek configuration, hoping to staunch any murderous feelings that may have been left over from the battle.
'And I am Arthur, King of the Britons. What are you doing here?" Arthur, King of the Britons asked.
"Well, I, uh, you see. Well, I forgot to kiss my Gawain poster goodnight and then, so I got up and tripped over my shoes and hit my head on some books and then I woke up in the dungeon and picked the lock on my cell and looked around and realized I don't look anything like what I used to because I have boobs and black hair but mine is really brown. And my eyes sparkle," Ribena finished.
"Yes, I believe you. Forgive my earlier rudeness. There seem to be many strange women such as yourself suddenly appearing from nowhere. They have strange names and are oddly perfect and alluring."
Arthur shifted in his saddle before continuing.
"Well my strange, beautiful lady, we must be off. There are lands to conquer and people to pull out of dungeons."
"Okay, well, do you guys have a cell phone or something so that I can call my mom and tell her where I am?" Ribena asked sweetly.
"A cell ph-phone?" Arthur asked.
"Never mind, actually, can I just get a ride to the nearest town, er, outpost?"
"You can ride with me," a man with longish dread locked hair piped up.
Ribena took one look and discovered it was none other than Gawain.
"Ooooo, yes please!"
Ribena jumped on to the horse, with her Sueish abilities to ride animals better than anyone else and wrapped her arms around Gawain's waist. The troupe set off and rode for what seemed like hours. Fortunately for Ribena, her Sue powers were getting stronger by the minute, so neither a hair was out of place nor was she in any way tired. They had stopped at a river to water the horses and eat a bit before continuing on. Ribena walked down to the river to wash her face and get a drink. She was enjoying her reflection in the water, "I look at bit like Charlize Theron actually," she mused to herself, when a hand clamped around her mouth. The hand was attached to a body, which dragged her behind a clump of trees.
"What the, what are you doing, missy? I was this close to getting it on with Gawain," Ribena hissed.
"Ribena, it's me, Sally," Sally hissed back.
"Sally! What are you doing here? Hey, we're in Camelot!" Ribena said excitedly, causing two exclamation points to become necessary.
"I don't know but something weird is going on. I was bashing writers on and then I felt something tickling my toes and then I landed on a hill and here I am. At the river."
"What are we doing here then?" Ribena asked. "We don't have any magical powers. Except, may I say your hair is looking especially Lindsey Lohanish?"
"Thanks, I think. You kind of look like Charlize. I didn't recognize you at first," Sally said.
"I know, right? Wait, that was way too Mean Girls," Ribena said disgustedly. "Okay, let's stop with the pop culture references and figure out what to do."
"Yeah. I think we have to figure out a way to save Camelot or something," Sally said. "But I don't know how to do that so…"
"I think it's best of we don't use our Sue powers. I'm already sort of slipping into a dark place," Ribena said.
"Yes, wise very are you," Sally said. "Oh god, I think there must be another force at work here. I'm starting to sound like that creepy gremlin thing, whatshisname, Yoda."
"Gross."
