Liara woke up to the smell of food wafting under her nostrils. She opened her eyes and straightened up, realising she wasn't alone. James sat on the corner of her bed, holding out what looked to be a plate of scrambled eggs and toast. A smile appeared on Liara's face before she could help it.
"Hell, if I'd have known all it took to make you smile again would be eggs and toast, I'd have made you it sooner!" James joked.
Liara let out a small laugh, touching her face as her cheek muscles contracted. She didn't think it would be possible to smile again so soon, especially not for something as simple as eggs.
"Shepard made me this for breakfast one morning back on the Citadel, and I had no idea what it was," she said, embarrassed.
James chuckled. "Seriously? Don't Asari's eat eggs?"
"We grow all of our food. Everything is natural. I almost died when Shepard told me the eggs came from those little furry birds you have on earth."
James' laugh barked again as he sat the plate down on Liara's bed. "Did you eat them?"
"After a time. I am embarrassed to admit, but Shepard told me a tale that ancient humans ate raw bird eggs to make them fly. I think it was her way of trying to convince me."
James laughed even harder, flopping down onto the bed beside Liara, folding his arms behind his head. "And you believed her?"
When Liara nodded ashamedly, he laughed even more.
"Typical Shepard," he said, shaking his head. "I miss her little stories. She was so full of mierda."
They both giggled. Liara reached out and lifted the fork, tucking in to the freshly made food. She hadn't eaten in days. It felt nice to have some company too. James might not have been there at the start, but he was there at the end. He and Liara were the last ones to see Shepard alive, and Liara found she enjoyed his company more than the others right now. They were all grieving in their own way, but James' way just appealed to her more. He was a positive influence, never letting her mope, never letting the memories of the Commander incapacitate her.
"How are they?" James asked, eyeing Liara as she ate.
"Great," Liara replied. "Much better than Shepard's. She blamed it on the birds."
"Ha! She burnt them, didn't she?"
"Shepard said they came out that way."
James laughed. "I'll give it to her, the Commander was a hell of a shooter, but she could never cook as well as me."
"Your story telling could use some work though. That was Shepard's specialty."
"Remember the time she tried to talk that Batarian out of shooting that kid he had at gunpoint on the Citadel?" James asked. "She created this whole elaborate story about C-Sec, the Alliance and Sha'ira the Consort before getting pissed off and just blasting the fool."
It had been a while since Liara had laughed this much. When they had first met, Shepard used to be the person responsible for her happiness, but after her death and rebirth at the hands of Cerberus, their relationship had become strained.
Lying beside the Lieutenant, Liara and he stared up at the ceiling, recalling fond memories of the Commander. She'd saved all their lives countless times, but that wasn't the Shepard that Liara missed. There was another side to the legendary woman, a side only Liara saw, even before they fell in love. Ever since she'd known her, Shepard had been hurting. Whether it was the military tearing her apart, the Council, Cerberus, the Collectors or the Reapers, Shepard always had something on her mind, weighing her down.
Although it had become more visible to the others towards the end, Liara had already seen the Commander work through years of stress as she tried to save an ungrateful Galaxy from extinction. She hid it well under the bravado of a leader and heroine, but Liara remembered the first time she was subjected to it, as though it was only yesterday.
"My name's Shepard. What's yours?"
Liara watched in fear with Garrus, as the Commander tried to calm a distressed young girl. Apparently she had been abducted by the Baterian slavers which attacked Shepard's home colony of Mindoir thirteen years ago. The poor child had been in slavery since then and had only recently escaped her captors.
Liara rarely saw Shepard look so anxious. They had important business on the Citadel to attend to, but she had dropped everything to return to the docking area and help the C-Sec officer try to calm the girl down. At the mention of Mindoir, the Commander had turned on her heel and took the elevator up to the docking bay, Liara and Garrus in tow.
"She doesn't have a name!" the girl replied, as though such a thing was unheard of. "The Masters didn't give the animals names!"
Liara's every nerve was on end as she watched Shepard stare down the barrel of the unstable girl's gun. She wanted to protect her somehow, fearing for her life. A biotic shield was at the ready, should Shepard need it, but the Commander looked as calm as ever, unfazed by the potential danger she was in. Liara greatly admired and envied Shepard's fearlessness.
"What did your parents call you?" Shepard asked in a soothing voice. The girls aim faltered at her delicate tone.
"T-they called her...Talitha," she said, seeming to break from her trance momentarily.
"I know what you're going through, Talitha," Shepard continued, taking a step towards her.
At this, the girl raised her gun again, pointing it directly at the Commander's face. Liara's heart jumped into her mouth. She exchanged a nervous glance with Garrus. The turian looked just as concerned as she did.
"I lived on Mindoir," Shepard informed the girl. "I was there when the slavers attacked. My parents were killed...my friends...everyone."
"Y-you were there?" the girl asked. Her finger tightened around the trigger. "Why weren't you captured!? Why didn't the Masters take you? She lost everything that day."
"As did I," Shepard empathized. "But I can help you. Tell me what happened, Talitha."
Talitha sighed and eventually lowered the gun completely, as her tortured memories overcame her. She started to recall the torments she went through under her captors. Liara listened in horror as the young girl spilled her guts. She could see Shepard's sorrow as she listened, reliving the girl's pain as her own. Liara had only ever heard her mention Mindoir once before, just after she had killed Benezia. She could tell even then that it was still difficult for Shepard to think about.
"I'm going to take a step towards you now," Shepard said gently, when the girl had finished. She reached out a hand to her. Slowly, so as not to scare her, she moved forwards. Liara watched the unstable girl's gun closely, ready to throw a biotic barrier between her and Shepard if anything went wrong. The young girl submitted and the Commander drew her into a gentle embrace, disarming the dangerous situation at once. The girl's gun dropped to the ground at their feet and Talitha melted into the strong arms that held her.
"It's ok," Shepard soothed, stroking her head. "You're safe." She pulled back and held out the small sedative to the girl. "Take this. It'll make the pain go away, I promise, and when you wake up you'll be in a warm place with kind people there to help you get better."
Talitha took the sedative and swallowed it. After several seconds she passed out in Shepard's arms. The Commander lowered her to the ground as the C-Sec officers rushed in to bring the girl to a rehab facility. Liara was stunned. As was Garrus. They had never seen Shepard so involved before. It was clear that this whole thing had been a little too close to home.
The officers put Talitha on a soft bed and wheel her onto a nearby ship. The Commander was leaning on a nearby crate, dejected. Her face was white.
"Are you alright, Commander?" Liara asked, taking a step towards her.
Garrus touched Liara's arm, discouraging her from approaching. They both looked back at the Commander. Shepard straightened up, trying to compose herself. She ran her hand through her short red hair and shook her head, unable to find her words.
Shepard turned away from them both and began to lead them back towards the Citadel entrance. It was unlike Shepard to seem so vulnerable. She very rarely showed her true feelings. It worried them both how unhinged Talitha's plight had made her.
A few hours later, back on the Normandy, Liara walked to the Commander's quarters. After their business on the Citadel was through, Shepard had given Joker coordinates for their next destination and entered her room on the crew deck without speaking to anyone else. It made Liara worry. She felt it best to check on her, despite the rest of the crews warnings to leave her be.
Garrus was adamant that Shepard should be left on her own. It was clear she didn't want to see anyone. He, like the others had read the reports of Mindoir all those years ago. Kaidan promised Liara he would check on the Commander later after she had voiced her concerns to the others during dinner, but Liara was too worried to sit by and do nothing. Shepard comforted her when her mother was killed. She felt obliged to do the same.
Liara took a deep breath before knocking lightly on the Commander's door. There was no answer. Feeling a little bolder than usual, she pressed the button by the wall and the door whooshed open. She poked her head in.
"Commander?"
There was no reply. Her eyes found Shepard, sitting at her desk. She was hunched over, leaning on the table, holding her head in her hands.
Liara hesitated for a few seconds then took a few steps inside. "Commander, are you alright?" she pressed.
Shepard seemed to hear her this time. She straightened up and looked towards the door, seeing the Asari hovering beside it, unsure of whether or not to proceed. Liara noticed her face was whiter than usual. There were red rings under her eyes. She looked completely exhausted.
"Liara?" Shepard said, surprised to find she was no longer alone. "I'm...fine. Come on in."
Liara felt nervous. She had never been inside the Commander's private quarters before. Shepard had always been the one to seek her out. Liara had never mustered the courage to call upon the intimidating, attractive woman who everyone looked up to and respected, no matter how nice Shepard had been to her since she came aboard the Normandy.
Liara entered with caution, hearing the door whoosh closed behind her, blocking out the noise from the rest of the ship. The only sound now was the very faint hum of the ship's engines.
"I...I just wanted to talk, Commander," she stammered.
Shepard exhaled loudly. She reached out and lifted a glass of brown liquid off the desk and took a generous sip. As Liara neared, her eyes spotted a bottle of what looked like human-made whiskey beside the numerous data-pads on the table. It was half gone. Her concerns about the Commander were right. Something was weighing on her mind.
"What can I do for you, Dr T'Soni?" Shepard asked quietly, staring into the depths of her glass.
Liara leaned against the desk. She wasn't sure how to do this exactly. She didn't have much experience with people, even less so with humans. She wanted to comfort her in some way, but wasn't sure how.
"I wanted to see if you were alright, Commander," she said, feeling completely inadequate. "After...well, you just seemed a little distracted earlier."
Shepard looked up at her. Liara could see the torment in her green eyes. Goddess, she just wanted to make her feel better, but she just didn't know how. Shepard looked terrible!
"That girl," Shepard whispered. "She was so broken. I...I thought I'd put what happened on Mindoir behind me. I wasn't expecting it to creep up on me like that after all these years."
Liara was stumped. She had never seen Shepard fall apart like this. She wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold her, but she was too much of a coward to do it. What if the Commander realised she was attracted to her?
"You went through a terrible ordeal on Mindoir," Liara said instead. "It could not have been easy to relive those memories again."
The Commander's eyes filled with tears. Liara panicked. She hadn't meant to make her cry.
"I can still see them burn, Liara," Shepard said bitterly, looking deranged, "I can still smell the fires from that day...the melting flesh as it was stripped from their bones..."
Liara shivered in fear. Her heart broke. The Commander was holding the glass of whiskey tightly in her hands like a lifeline. Liara bent down beside her and gently pried the glass away, setting it on the table. Surely, she'd had enough.
"Ssshh," she soothed, taking Shepard's hands in hers. She squeezed them tightly, staring up into the Commander's face.
Shepard's eyes found hers. Liara could see her fight back the building tears, unwilling to cry in front of one of her crew. She had worked so long on hiding her feelings away that it was too hard for her to open up, but after today, those feelings had found a way to escape.
"Why am I always the one to survive?" Shepard asked, her eyes darting back and forth from Liara's blue ones, "It happened on Mindoir, then again on Akuze. Why am I always the one who escapes?"
"Because you are a fighter, Shepard," Liara said reassuringly, squeezing her hands comfortingly. "You are a survivor. What you did on Akuze was incredible!"
Shepard shook her head, her eyes dropping to the floor. "My entire unit was wiped out, Liara. Every time someone mentions it to me, they talk as though I should wear it as a badge of honour. But each time it's brought up, the faces of the men and women I fought alongside appear in my mind and I remember everything that I lost back then. There's nothing incredible about watching your friends being killed in front of your eyes and being alive to tell the tale. And here I am responsible for more lives..."
Liara could feel her own eyes fill with tears. She got to her feet and pulled the Shepard to hers.
"Come Commander, let's get you to bed," she said, draping Shepard's heavy arm over her shoulder and wrapping her own arm around her waist to steady her. She led the inebriated woman over to her bed and lay her down on her side, sitting herself on the corner beside her.
Shepard's eyes closed as soon as her head hit the pillow. Liara traced her finger along the Commander's cheek, scooping up the warm tear which had escaped. Somehow Shepard's apparent vulnerability had given Liara the courage to enact some form of intimacy, something that had always seemed so terrifying to her before. She then ran her hand through Shepard's red hair softly, brushing it behind her ear.
Although they had only known each other a short while, Liara couldn't help but be intrigued by her. This was the only time she had ever seen Shepard let her guard down, though she wasn't sure how much of that had to do with the alcohol. Goddess, she had only joined her crew a few months ago but she couldn't help but feel attracted to the Commander. Not that she would ever act on it of course. She wouldn't know where to begin.
Liara had never felt this way about anyone. She was only a hundred and six, little more than a child in Asari eyes. She never thought she would feel ready to enter matron-hood so soon. However, after meeting the Commander, she couldn't help but wonder what it would be like with her. But there was no way someone like the famous Commander Shepard would be interested in her. Liara didn't consider herself to be very interesting, and she always managed to make a fool out of herself in the company of others, a feat she seemed to repeat constantly in front of Shepard.
Sighing, Liara retracted her hand from Shepard's velvet red hair and got to her feet, seeing that she was now consoled. As she went to get up, a hand reached out and grabbed hers. She looked down. Shepard was staring up at her, her eyes still half closed.
"Don't go," she pled, her voice heavy with sleep "Not yet. I don't want..."
Shocked, Liara realised Shepard didn't want to be alone, She smiled down at her kindly and re-seated herself on the edge of the bed, holding Shepard's hand in hers once more.
"I can stay if you wish," she whispered, wanting nothing more.
Shepard exhaled with relief and her hand relaxed in Liara's blue one. Liara watched her for over an hour as she finally succumbed to her exhaustion. Her eyes flickered beneath their lids as she no doubt relieved her horrible memories from back on Mindoir and Akuze. Only once Liara knew she was truly peaceful did she release the Commander's hand and get to her feet. She fought the urge to plant a light kiss on Shepard's head before leaving, afraid that the Commander would wake up and she would have to explain herself.
Liara sighed, steeling one last look at Shepard as she slept, before extinguishing the light in Shepard's quarters and taking her leave.
