Hey guys, thank you so much for the so very many alerts! And special thanks to those who took the time to review (:

So, this is AU, starting in 'A Deadly Affair' 3x01. The case is the same, but the happenings are a little different (:

X X X X X

She was angry at him, pissed even. But when he looked her, all the remorse and self-hatred that pooled across his face made that notion evaporate pretty quickly.

No Kate, he left you, she thought to herself, but it didn't work. The only man she'd ever seen cry was her father; now she could add Richard Castle to that list.

But all their personal baggage aside, she had an interrogation to finish. Kate was put on the back burner and Detective Beckett set out to rule the room.

"You've been informed of your rights, Mr. Castle," she began dryly, throwing her notebook on the table and sitting opposite him. She'd told herself that she wouldn't attack him throughout this investigation; she would treat him like any other citizen. Unfortunately, Kate was the sappy one who was still in love, while Beckett knew how to hold a grudge. The latter wanted to rip his balls off and serve them to the tigers at Central Park Zoo. Maybe she could remember that for later if he proved to be childish and insubordinate, but so far, that didn't look like it was going to happen.

"Something's different…"he murmured, looking her up and down, before moving his eyes around the room, squinting at it, "Did you remodel?"

"Mr. Castle," Kate continued, "you do realize you are being arrested for murder."

Drawing out the last word brought the sincerity back to the situation, as Castle's face dropped. He knew he was in the wrong, but whether it regarded the murder or not, Kate wasn't sure.

"Kate –"

"How did you know Miss Santori?" she cut in, flipping her pad open to the first blank page, uncapping her pen and waiting. She could play the blame game, she was good at it. After so many years of feeling trapped, cornered by the need to avenge her mother's untimely death, she'd learned that in most situations she could blame herself, but this time there was a different victim. And he'd brought with him a victim of his own, so it seemed.

"I, uh…I bought some sculptures from her from time to time," he explained solemnly, clearing his throat, fiddling with the buttons on his shirt. There was something 'different' about him too, but she couldn't put her finger on it. He seemed haunted, but he was still able to manage a few quips, and every time he met her eyes, he looked quickly away. In those moments though, she could see the hurt, the regret. It almost brought tears to her eyes. Almost.

Damn hormones, she thought to herself.

"And what were you doing in her apartment?" Kate asked, shocking both herself and Castle at the spontaneous softness to her voice. She hadn't meant for it, but it was too late to take it back now.

"She called me, said she was in trouble and needed my help," he told her, "she knew about my relationship with you – ah, the NYPD."

Relationship with you. Those words echoed around her head for the longest moment, as she stared at him. She felt…strange. She felt like she was floating, that after all this time he could still define 'them'. At the same time, she wanted to cry, for knowing it would not be the same after their incident. The mix-ups were making her head spin, she had a sick feeling to her stomach.

"Kate, are you alright?"

"I'm sorry, excuse me for a moment," she blurted, leaving her things on the table and barging out of the interrogation room. She made a beeline for her desk, practically throwing herself into her chair, head in her hands, taking deep breath after deep breath.

She couldn't do it, she couldn't. If it were anyone else, she would be able to muster up the courage to walk back in there and keep going. Hell, she wouldn't have walked out at all if it were anyone but Richard Castle.

"Beckett."

The sound of her name jerked her head up to find Esposito standing over her. Ever since they found out they were 'going to be uncles' as they'd put it, they'd been extremely over-protective of her, both at work and out. Lanie was fairly hell bent on keeping her safe too, showing up at her house every day to make sure she was still eating and still doing exercise, going to all her doctor's appointments. But, despite how grateful she was, she knew there was someone else who was meant to be doing all of that for her. Someone else who, now that she thought about, hadn't even noticed she was pregnant. Or maybe he did, but was being coy about it.

"Espo, what do you want?"

"Ryan's in there talking to Castle," he explained, "turns out he's not our guy."

She sighed. Was it relief? She guessed so, because she had to fight to keep the smile of her face at the thought he was innocent.

"But, uh," Esposito continued hesitantly, "he said he wants to talk to you."

That's it, she was angry now. She stood up, rampaging for the interrogation room, her strides getting her there in just a few paces. He wanted to abandon her for almost three whole months, then talk to her? Was he really that dumb?

She pushed open the door sharply, to find Ryan and Castle's eyes planted on her. Ryan looked a little afraid, if she were perfectly honest, while Castle looked a mix of both fearful and hopeful.

"You wanna talk?" she growled, "Well, you can call me."

Knowing that only he would understand the malice in her words, she turned and slammed the door behind her. Once again, she found herself at her desk, this time she put Richard Castle right out of her mind. She began to compare notes from crime scene reports, financials, background checks, anything she could use to try and find a connection between their two victims. She glanced to the murder board, allowing her brow to furrow in thought.

How are a prep school teacher and sculptor even remotely connected? she asked herself, not even acknowledging the appearance of Castle, watching him move to the elevator out of the corner of her eye. She could see her eyes on him, and, from his expression, she knew to expect a call tonight.

X X X X X

It was 6:30, and Kate was glad to be walking in the door of her apartment. Sighing, she removed her shoes, every night pledging she was going to stop wearing heels. Every day, she managed to walk out of the house in another pair. Unclipping her badge and holster, she moved quickly to her bedroom, deciding she'd shower later. Pulling off her jeans, she poured herself into her favorite sweats that she hoped would still fit her when she was huge.

Slowly, she pulled of her shirt, throwing it aside, before pausing in front of the mirror. It had become a nightly ritual for her, each evening she would stand there, staring at her growing stomach, her swollen breasts (not that many of the guys at the station were complaining about that one) and a butt she never knew she had. Sighing as she pulled on a sweatshirt, she wondered how on earth Castle hadn't noticed these things; he was usually very observant.

Still, Kate had considered her clothing choices for that day. She'd worn her tightest skinny jeans – well, the tightest she could still get on, anyway – to hold herself in. Her shirt had hung loose over her body, and given that she was still only small, it wouldn't have been hard to miss. At all.

The doorbell startled her, but she was moving toward it quickly almost straight away. Sometimes, she cursed that Lanie had a good memory; why couldn't she just forget one day, leave her in peace? But, Kate always reminded herself that she did it out of care. She was the first one Kate told about the baby, after a few weak-stomached incidents at a crime scene and the morgue.

Throwing her hair back over her shoulder, Kate strode toward the house that was their newest crime scene. CSU was already there, as was Lanie, the M.E. Ryan and Esposito had called her in on it, so they were already there too. Absent-mindedly on her way over, she'd tried to call Castle again. She told herself repeatedly, he wasn't coming back. Not now.

Walking into the bustling living room, her eyes fell on the body that was laying half sprawled between the open living and dining spaces. A few of the chairs were haphazardly thrown about the room, cushions from the couch were splayed everywhere, telling Kate there had been a struggle.

There were still CSU Techs crowded around the body, so she made a point of walking the scene, taking in every nook and cranny, observing every fallen or broken object. It took her longer than usual; it seemed the physical fight had moved throughout the kitchen, the living room, the hallway and the dining room, where the body now lay.

She slowly made her way back to the front door, checking the deadlock for signs of forced entry. There weren't any, meaning either the killer had another entry point or knew his victim.

The techs were clearing now, and Kate was able to lay first sight on the body. It was mangled and decrepit, blood soaked into every inch of their clothing. There were stab marks littering their torso, the spray from her injuries leaving droplets of blood everywhere.

Kate wasn't one to become faint at the sight, but she had to admit she was feeling more than a little queasy. She staggered to a dining chair, lowering herself slowly onto the nearest one, breathing deeply.

"Beckett, you okay?" Lanie asked, kneeling beside the body, gazing up at her friend who was attracting many a worried glance.

"Yeah, uh," she stuttered, looking away, "just not feeling so great right now."

"You're looking a little green," Esposito commented, walking over, offering her hand. She pushed it aside, standing up instantaneously to prove that she was, in fact fine. Her plan didn't go so well though, as she watched the room in front of her flash white. The last thing she remembered was feeling herself falling, as the world went black.

Later, despite being told to go home, she was making her way to the morgue. She'd thrown some crackers down her throat, sculled a coffee and demanded she was fine. She had a case to finish.

She walked into the cool room that was her best friend's office, smiling as Lanie looked up at her. However, Lanie didn't return her gesture, instead looking as though she wanted to slap her.

"Girl, why aren't you at home?" she exclaimed, hands on her hips, "You fainted at a crime scene this morning!"

"Yes, Lanie, I know," Kate complained, sighing, "can you please just tell me what you found?"

Lanie gave her a final glare before handing her a face mask, receiving a confused look in return.

"Why do I need this?" asked Kate, who was still being reprimanded by Lanie's gaze.

"Some of the tests I ran left things a little…ripe," she explained, "and in your state, that's just to be safe."

"Lanie –"

"Fine, don't use it if you don't want to," she added curtly, "but you barf in my morgue, you're cleaning it up."

"Noted."

After narrowing her eyes, Lanie opened the glass door that led into the autopsy room. Kate made a point of breathing through her mouth, and was only slightly repulsed. Lanie didn't seem to notice.

"You sure you don't want the mask?" she asked, reaching for the sheet that lay over their victim. Nodding, Kate took a deep breath, holding it in as Lanie pulled back the sheet.

"Oh, god!"

Her hand was straight to her mouth, the smell knocking her to the floor, the food she scarfed earlier churning in her stomach.

Before she could even think about holding it down, Lanie was beside her, plastic tub in hand. She couldn't even muster a thank you, as she emptied her morning snack into the bin, and then some.

Pushing the bile aside with a grimace, Lanie pulled her onto her feet, guiding a shaky Kate back into her office. She sat her down, offered her a bottle of water and a breath mint, both of which she took gratefully. As she sipped the water slowly, Lanie knelt on the ground beside her, a comforting hand laying across her knee.

"Kate, have you considered going to a doctor?" she asked gently, "There might be a, uh, reason this is happening."

"Lanie, I'm fine –"

"Kate Beckett, you are not fine!" Lanie cried, "Don't even try that bullshit with me, I have been watching you for weeks now, and you know what? There is something you –"

"Lanie, I'm pregnant."

"Ya think!"

She almost fell off her chair. Until she remembered Lanie was a medical professional; sure, she worked with dead people now, but she still had to clear Medical Science in college. When it came to hiding things from her, Kate was screwed.

"When did you figure it out?" Kate asked quietly, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Couple of weeks ago," Lanie said, "at your place. I was having wine and cheese; you had water and crackers."

Kate snickered at her tone; of course that would be the first thing she would notice.

"Plus, you've grown boobs and an ass," she continued, "not to mention you're more bipolar than normal."

"Hey!"

Lanie laughed gently, shaking her head as she sighed.

"So, uh," she began hesitantly, "who's the father?"

She remembered Lanie's excitement that she was having a little Castle. Then her too-nasty-to-repeat words against him when she found out they hadn't spoken in weeks.

Reaching the door, she was checked her appearance in the mirror. Grabbing the nearest hair elastic, she quickly pulled the limp locks that hung over her shoulders into a messy ponytail.

Hmm, slight improvement, she thought, shrugging as she reached for the door knob. It was only Lanie.

However, the person she saw standing in her hallway once the door was opened was definitely not Lanie.

"Castle?"

She stood there in shock, her jaw practically on the ground. He, on the other hand, looked tired, disheveled and conflicted. Seeing him standing in her doorway looking the way he did made her want to cry; she couldn't believe how rude she'd been to him today.

But he deserved it, and from the pain in his eyes, she knew he felt the same way. Still, that didn't stop him from butting in. Again.

"Hey, Kate," he said, his voice a failed attempt at liveliness, "can I come in?"

All she could do was stare. She wanted to let him in, tell him how much she'd missed him, have him hold her like he did in the Hamptons. She wanted to tell him she was pregnant; wanted to see that smile of his spread across his face, instead of the limp frown he had.

But she knew that was too much. They had so much to explain to one another before they could even consider getting back to how they were before. Still, Kate wondered if that were at all possible.

Only one way to find out, she thought, stepping aside and inclining her head.

"Sure," she said, reaching a hand out to guide him over the threshold, giving a tight-lipped smile to his curt nod of thanks. Kate closed the door slowly, giving her time to take a few deep breaths. When she turned, he was standing in the living room, his glistening eyes resting on her. God, he looked so haunted and pained; he looked like he wanted to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge.

"Kate –"

"Uh, can I get you something to –"

"Kate, please, listen to me –"

"I have some wine here –"

"Kate!"

She stopped. He was crying, she could see the tears reflecting off his face. The light in the room was dim, but it was bright enough for her to see the hurt, the longing.

"Kate, I'm sorry."

X X X X X

I like this one a lot, I had to keep going! Thank you so much for reading, and I hope that you enjoyed the new chapter (=

Kayla x