Disclaimer: I do not own any characters. Story line is based on a prompt from glee_angst_meme
The stench of antiseptic was nauseating. It was much too clean, and the walls were too white. Dressed in a hospital gown, Kurt tugged at the sleeve with distaste.
"Hey Kiddo."
Burt stepped into the room and lowered himself into the plastic chair. He reached out a hand, attempting to take Kurt's hand in his, but withdrew it and settled on rubbing his neck instead.
"How's Blaine?"
"He's alright. None of you were too badly injured."
Burt was still rubbing his neck frantically, making it turn alarmingly red.
"Dad, I'm fine."
The nervous rubbing stopped, and Burt's shoulders tensed.
"Dad?"
Without a word, Burt reached into the pocket of his faded jeans and pulled out a neatly-folded letter. Kurt's breath hitched. There, written in black ink, was the letter he left for his dad; the letter he left to be read after he swallowed those three bottles of pills, after he'd curled up beneath the covers, pretending to be asleep, until someone finally realises that Kurt Hummel ceased to exist.
"You can't tell Blaine."
"Kurt, what –"
"Just promise me that you won't tell him."
Burt just sat there, staring at Kurt with an odd expression of anguish and frustration.
"I don't…I don't get it. Is that it? Is that how you wanted to leave me, Kurt? You, Carole, Finn, Blaine and I make up a family. You were really going to just leave us like that?"
Had the situation been brighter, Kurt would have been elated to hear that his father had included Blaine as part of the family but for now, the guilt gnawed at his heart.
He wasn't feeling guilty because he wanted to end things; the guilt was killing him because despite the tears and disbelief in Burt's eyes, his mind still lingered on those three bottles that could have taken his life. Was he really prepared to die?
Yes.
But did he regret calling for help?
No. Blaine deserves to live.
A sob pulled Kurt out of his daze and he turned to see Burt staring at the ground, the letter clasped in his hand so tightly that his fist shook.
There was only one thing he could say, even though he was lying through his teeth.
"Dad, I'm sorry. I…I can never leave you. I…I didn't know what I was thinking."
Burt nodded and wiped his tears away with his sleeve before pulling Kurt into a gentle hug, afraid that he would inflict more pain on his son. Kurt pressed his cheek against his father's broad shoulder and felt the tears well up as Burt whispered in his ear, "I love you, Kid."
When he stepped into Blaine's room the next day (he wasn't allowed to leave the bed until then), he froze at the door.
Blaine's face was black and blue, and the bandage covering his arms and forehead did nothing to reassure Kurt.
"Kurt! I swear that this looks worse than it really is."
Blaine was practically jumping on the bed when he caught sight of his boyfriend standing at the door. He had been sulking on bed earlier, irritated with the nurses for not allowing him to leave the room.
"I just want to see Kurt."
Kurt's shoulders relaxed a little as he gave a nervous chuckle. Despite everything, his goofball still managed to carry on smiling. Blaine carried himself like a preppy schoolboy in front of the others but in front of Kurt, it seemed like someone had smashed all his walls down.
"Blaine, I'm really sorry. If I hadn't been so careless you-"
"Hey, stop with the 'ifs'. Life's too short for regrets. I'll always come to you when you need help, you know that. You're gorgeous, Kurt, and I can't stand seeing you hurt."
The dam broke. All the tears he held back were now spilling over. His mind was a mess, and everything seemed wrong.
He was loved by such amazing people, and yet he still longs for the silence that would come with death, still longs for the time when those slurs of "fag", "lady" and "princess" would just shut up and stop hurting.
He didn't know what he was doing, but his feet led him over to Blaine, and his arms instinctively found their way around Blaine's neck.
A pair of strong, loving arms wrapped themselves around him, and Blaine began humming under his breath. There was no particular tune; it was just a song of comfort as he rocked Kurt back and forth gently.
The next few days were absolutely draining. If having to see Blaine hurt wasn't enough, Kurt had to spend hours recounting the tale of their assault. The night terrors had begun, and he would wake up bathed in cold sweat, cursing at the stupid walls that were separating Blaine's room from his.
Eventually, it seemed like the police had finally gotten their heads together and managed to produce a clear image of the assailants that was caught on camera.
"They'll be put on trial, we're sure of it."
Everyone just gave a solemn nod. Well, everyone except Kurt. He sat at the edge of Blaine's bed, rubbing his wrist nervously.
He couldn't just kill himself now. After the entire ordeal, his dad's heart was too weak for another shock, and Blaine needed someone to be there for him.
Looking at the wrist which had been rubbed raw, Kurt brushed a finger over it. It burned, just a little, but enough for him to feel it. Everything clicked. He couldn't die just yet, but there were still things he could do to make up for all the trouble he was making his family go through, to make up for how useless he was.
Everything might have spun out of control, but he could still punish himself, couldn't he?
"Kurt, do you…"
Kurt looked up from the latest issue of Vogue that he was reading while sitting crossed-legged on the floor (He was wearing some old, last-season jeans, so it didn't matter if they got a little dirty) and gazed up at Blaine who was looking down at him from the bed.
"Do I what?"
"Do you get scared sometimes?"
Kurt didn't know if it was the tremor in his voice, or the look of defeat in his eyes, but he was suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to wrap Blaine up in his comforter and get rid of all the demons that scared him in any way.
Closing the magazine and leaving it on the floor, Kurt turned to look at Blaine in the eye.
"Of course I do."
"How do you deal with it?"
Everything froze. Absentmindedly, Kurt's hand travelled to his chest. There was no way he could tell Blaine what he was really doing. How could he say that in order to prevent those ugly scars from being seen, Kurt had decided to draw those razors across his chest instead?
Suddenly aware that Blaine was still looking at him, Kurt let out a breath he did not know he was holding.
"I don't know. Maybe…maybe talking will help. We can help each other out."
Blaine gave him a meaningful look, eyebrows furrowing in concentration before he relaxed.
"I'd like that."
Kurt stretched his legs out and reached for Blaine's extended arms. With a gentle tug, Kurt was pulled onto the bed which sank a little to accommodate his weight.
Trying to make himself comfortable, Kurt leaned back against the pillows. As much as he wanted to curl himself up and lie against Blaine's chest, he was still worried about the injuries Blaine had suffered. The pillow that sunk around his head could never beat his lover's warmth, but nevertheless, they were cosy enough.
Blaine turned to look at him and slowly lowered himself to lie at Kurt's side. Only their knees were touching, nothing else, but it still felt so intimate.
"I'm scared, Kurt. I'm scared that one day I'll lose you to those…haters. I'm scared that I'll be too weak to protect you."
Kurt ran a hand through Blaine's curls. He hadn't bothered gelling it down for a while now, and Kurt loved to touch them.
"You're not weak, Blaine Anderson. You're so strong; don't you ever think otherwise."
"But what if I lose you?"
Kurt's hand stilled as he let out a shaky breath.
"Kurt?"
Letting their eyes meet, Kurt reached out to brush Blaine's healing cheek.
"Then don't ever blame yourself, because nothing could have been done."
Blaine pushed himself up and leaned over Kurt, his voice so soft and tender that Kurt could barely make out what he was saying.
"I don't want to lose you, ever."
Blaine's warm breath ghosted over Kurt's lips, and Kurt gently tugged at the collar of Blaine's shirt to pull him closer.
Brushing their lips together, Blaine rolled his tongue over Kurt's lower lip, and then nibbled on it gently. With a breathy moan, Kurt opened his mouth slightly, granting Blaine's tongue access. He could taste him. The gentle fragrance of chamomile and honey lingered on Kurt's tongue as Blaine brushed over it with his own, his cheeks suddenly a thousand times more sensitive as Blaine reached out to touch them.
The kiss was slow, but no less passionate.
When they broke apart, Blaine simply reached out and traced a finger over Kurt's chin.
"I love you."
Kurt must've heard those three words a hundred times, but each felt the same as the first.
"I love you too."
A/N: Thank you for taking the time to read this. And also a big thank you to colfermentalhead for leaving a really nice review =D I'll definitely finish this story with updates either daily or every 2 days. It should be 4 chapters long. This is my first fanfic, so if you have any advice for improvement, do feel free to leave a review, PM, or drop me a message via Tumblr or Livejournal under the same name, tkijyahh.
