Project H: Eclipse

By Project H

Part 2

*Quileute Reservation. Make you phone the restaurant before 6 if you want to make a reservation of your own*

Quil: Woo! Bella's here. Maybe she can give us a break from Jake's obsessive inner monologue. "Wish Bella would call"

Paul: "Wish Bella wouldn't call"

Seth: "What's with this sudden urge to chase the mailman?"

Quil: "Is it normal to be attracted to babies?"

Paul: "This vacuum cleaner is terrifying!"

Jacob: That's enough, guys

Embry: "One day I hope to use the indoor toilet"

Quil: Embry, we've stopped making fun of Jacob

Embry: Who said anything about Jacob?

Leah: *Scowls her way over*

Jacob: Bella, this is Leah Clearwater. Her dad was killed by vampires, and you date a vampire. You guys are gonna get along great

Leah: If you're here to torture Jacob some more, feel free to leave

Bella: If you're here to be a bitch, feel free to...not be a bitch

Embry: Ooh, cat fight!

Quil: More of a dog fight, really

Embry: Still sexy

Quil: Although it's actually a wolf verses a human. It could only end with Bella getting her guts ripped out

Embry: There's not a man on earth who wouldn't be turned on by that

Quil:...we're very worried about you, Embry

*Black garage*

Bella: So what's the deal with Leah?

Jacob: Turned into a wolf when her dad died. It's a natural part of everyone's mourning process

Bella: She doesn't really seem to be fitting in

Jacob: Not really, though we've suggested she start not wearing a shirt like the rest of us. Actually we were suggesting that even before she became a wolf. It's just hard to live through the Leah-Sam-Emily pain fest. Sam was dating Leah, then imprinted on Emily

Bella: Yeah I know, I've seen the scars

Jacob: No no, imprinting is like...like when you see her, everything changes. Whenever she asks you to get popcorn in the middle of a movie, you'll always go and get it. The idea of going antique shopping doesn't seem so bad, and your knowledge of Nicolas Sparks books will greatly improve. All of a sudden, it's not gravity holding you to the planet – it's her

Bella: That's the corniest thing I've ever heard. And that's coming from the girl who immediately fell in love with a sparkly vampire. Have you imprinted on someone?

Jacob: You'd know if I had!

Bella: I...hate to think how

Jacob: And all this is because of those damn vampires forcing us to turn into wolves. I'd rather you be dead than be one of them

Bella: Well you'll be happy to hear I'll be both. I'm becoming a vampire after graduation

Jacob: But that's just 13 months!

Bella: My graduation

Jacob: But that's just 1 month!

Bella: My mind is made up. Goodbye Jacob *Leaves*

Jacob: Ugh. Sometimes I wish I could just be like Embry and imprint on myself

-
*Bella's room*

Riley: *Touches Bella's stuff, plays with her dream catcher, looks at her dad. This evil plan sucks*

*Later, downstairs*

Charlie: Once again you show no respect for my curfew. I said be back before 9, and it's now 8.45. Nerd

Bella: Sorry Dad

Edward: Bella! There's been a strange man in your room!

Charlie: Ah, that's more like it

*Cullen House*

Carlisle: Could it have been Victoria?

Alice: No. I've been watching her decisions

Carlisle: Volturi?

Alice: I've been watching Aro

Carlisle: A possum?

Alice:...it's possible

Carlisle: Then we'll catch it! 24 hour protection for Bella and her father. And we'll put out a little plate of fruit to lure it in. That should solve everything

Bella: But you guys need to keep yourselves fed

Carlisle: Did I mention the little plate of fruit?

Bella: Speaking of fruits, there is someone who can help us

*Somewhere*

Jacob: My ears are burning

-
*Swan house*

Jacob: Well he certainly left his stink behind. Lucky he didn't leave his ugly behind or I might have confused it with yours, Edward

Edward: Ooh, careful Jacob, I think you might be on heat

Bella: Stop guys! I'm tired of this. From now on I'm Switzerland, OK?

Jacob: Well I certainly wouldn't mind invading you with an army of 10,000 men

Bella:...

-
Bella narrating: Edward didn't like it, but it was all about my safety. So I just used that to guilt him into things. Same with Jacob. The rest of the wolves didn't want to help, but Jacob would force them to see his thoughts of me naked if they didn't join, so they immediately offered to defend the land. And I must admit, I don't mind all the attention

-
*Roadside*

Edward: Doesn't he own a shirt?

Jacob: Doesn't he own a...not being a jerk?

Bella: Go and hunt, Edward. I'll be fine

Edward: Alright, I'll bring home a bloodied werewolf carcass for you. Wolves are at their best when dead and bleeding

Jacob: And vampires are best when not endangering the lives of the humans they love

Edward: Touché

Jacob: And not abandoning them and breaking their heart

Edward: Yes...

Jacob: Then returning and lying to them about the danger they're in

Edward:...oh, is that the time? *Runs away*

Jacob: So Bella, what do you wanna do? Bike...hike...Mike?

Bella: Well I-

Jacob: Tribal campfire stories? If you insist

-
*Quileute Reservation*

Billy: White woman, we will trade maize for your beads

Jacob: Shut up, Dad

Billy: Sorry. Outsiders tend to be more comfortable with the stereotype. Everyone ready for a pointless story?

Everyone: Yay!

Billy: In short, we're awesome. We're magic and turn into wolves to protect our tribe, like a badass neighbourhood watch. Then one day we found a pale, sickly looking man, and promptly killed him. Apparently this pissed off his wife. Typical woman. So she started attacking our people, until the chief's wife killed herself in some sort of act of apology. The pale woman was grateful, and agreed to leave our people alone, so we promptly killed her. This incident has since been declared the tribe's 'Best Day Ever'. The End

-
*Riley's place*

Riley: Get off the pool table! Don't put that in the fishtank! Why can't you vampires just do what you're told?

Bree: I'm hungry

Riley: I told you, the pizzas are on their way. You can eat the delivery man

-
*Cullen house*

TV reporter: Seattle is in a state of terror. Police are baffled by the escalating murders and disappearances. Theories range from a vicious new gang to "all just in our imagination"

Jasper: One vampire couldn't do all that. It must be an army

Edward: It's newborns

Bella: What, like, babies?

Edward: Yes. An army of vampire babies

Bella: Dear God! They'll drool on everything

Carlisle: They've been wreaking havoc in Seattle with murder, mutilation, and putting things in their mouth that they shouldn't

Edward: So we may have to stop them?

Jasper: Yes, you can kill them just like you would a real baby. Laying them face down in a cot, shaking them, or ripping off their heads and burning them

Carlisle: Such is the beauty of new life

TO BE CONTINUED...