Obligatory Disclaimer:
I am not Jim Butcher, or anyone else who owns the legal rights to the Dresden Files. If I were, I would be utterly terrified of the reaction once people found out I was writing this instead of the next book in the series.
I am also not Hideaki Anno, or anyone who owns the rights to Neon Genesis Evangelion. If I were, I would be spending my time sleeping on top of a pile of money with many beautiful women instead of writing crossover fanfiction.
After finishing up my rather awkward breakfast with my faerie godmother, I made my way back to my apartment to wait for that important phone call. As soon as I walked in the door thirty pounds of grey cat by the name of Mister rammed his shoulder into my legs by way of greeting. I used to that was a sign of affection, until one day I learned that was just how cats mark their property. Like a good slave, I put the leftovers from Burger King in Mister's food bowl, and the cat promptly deigned my offering to the master of the house sufficient, and promptly ignored me in favor of his food bowl.
Since I couldn't really do much else until I got the phone call Lea wanted me to take, I decided that I might as well clean myself up a bit; I might not have the strictest sense of professionalism in the world, but if I was going to be meeting a new client, especially one that according to Lea was fairly high up in the government, it couldn't hurt to put on a good appearance. If whatever Lea was getting me mixed up in didn't get me killed or worse, I might even manage to land a new regular client out of the deal, and even if the government paychecks usually takes a couple months to get through all the red tape, it was still good money, and the government never tried to run out on an invoice like some of clients had.
Sadly, there's only so much I can really do to actually make myself look good. After a shower, a shave, and pulling out a nice shirt and pair of slacks, I had only managed to go from looking like a tall, lanky, disreputable-looking man to a tall, lanky, scruffy-looking man.
Screw it; whoever this new client Lea wanted me to work for was, they needed a wizard, not a fashion model.
Fifteen minutes later the phone finally started ringing, the noise of it jarring in the silence of my apartment. After taking one last moment to prepare myself for whatever new flavor of life-threatening danger I was about to get myself into, I picked up the phone.
"Mister Harry Dresden?" The woman on the other end of the line had a soft, quiet voice, but instead of it making her sound timid or uncertain it gave her an air of calm assurance. Her English had an accent that was noticeable but not thick enough to be a problem.
"Speaking." There was a little static on our connection, probably thanks to the fact that my wizard-i-ness tends to mess around with most modern technology.
"Mr. Dresden, my name is Yui Ikari." I was a little surprised by her introduction; most people hesitate to give their name to a wizard, and for good reason. In the magical world Names have power, and a wizard like me can use someone's name as a channel to throw some nasty mojo their way. A moment later, I realized that it wasn't an oversight on her part; to get someone's Name exactly right is a tricky thing; each person says their own name a little differently, and conveys a slightly different sense of identity in how they present their name. That's why two people with the same name would still have different Names. Considering the soft hiss of static in the background of our conversation over the phone line, I couldn't have picked up on all the subtle details of her Name.
Bottom line, I didn't know her Name well enough to conjure by it, if I were so inclined. So, either she hadn't done her research on wizards and she'd gotten lucky, or she had done her homework very thoroughly, and was smart enough to know how to apply it. Knowing my luck, it was almost certainly the latter of the two options.
Of course, while my brain was busy pondering all this, she was still talking. "It is my understanding that you are something of an expert on paranormal matters, and that you have done consultation work in the past for the American government. You come highly recommended, and I wish to procure your services."
I couldn't help but wonder just who it was that had recommended me. After all, most of the ordinary people out there thought there was no such thing as magic and I was either a charlatan or a relatively harmless lunatic. That's not to mention that within the magical community itself I had a reputation for being a bit of a loose cannon, since I had this annoying habit of ignoring the long-established traditions of How Things Ought To Be Done in favor of actually doing what I thought was right.
Still, I suppose there were a few people out there who actually had a decent opinion of me; I'd always gotten along pretty well with the cops at Special Investigations, I'd gotten a bit of coverage in various yellow magazines that put stories next to me right next to the ones about Bigfoot being spotted in Vegas and Elvis being an alien, and I'm sure that my work with Michael and the other Knights of the Cross meant there was a file on me in the storehouse of the Ancient Catholic Conspiracy that so many trashy thriller novels insist exists. Hell's bells, you could probably even get a good recommendation from Gentleman John Marcone, head of the Chicago mafia; our paths had crossed a few times, and he'd even tried to hire me a few times despite the fact that every time we met I made it clear I thought he was a criminal scumbag and did my best to annoy him with my general smartassery.
Long story short, I might not have the best reputation to broader world, but there are a decent number of people who know me well enough to know that I'm a straight shooter who can get the job done. Obviously, this woman who wanted to hire me had been talking to the right people. Or, given Lea's involvement in this mess, maybe she was also tied up with the Faerie courts somehow.
"Mr. Dresden?" The woman on the other end of the phone line prompted, reminding me that while I was trying to figure out what was going on here, she was still waiting for an answer.
"Right. Yes, I do quite a bit of consulting work. Who exactly would I be working for, and what sort of consultation do you want?"
Yui Ikari considered my questions for a moment before answering. "You would be working for the United Nations Artificial Evolution Laboratory. I would prefer to discuss the details of the job in person."
Wow, Lea hadn't been kidding when she said I was moving up the food chain when it comes to government work. The UN had finally grown some teeth after the Second Impact; most of the places that got hit hardest didn't have much that resembled a working government left after it happened, and had effectively become UN territory. Makes sense, really; the only other option would have been to let Europe, the US, China, and Japan more-or-less turn the land back into colonies, and after the 20th century nobody wanted to go back to colonialism again. As it was, the newly-formed UN army was pretty busy fighting several nasty little brush wars against bandits and petty warlords who had taken advantage of the total collapse of government across half the planet to carve out their own little empires.
So, a UN-backed research lab was a big deal. "Never heard of the Artificial Evolution Laboratory before." I remarked casually. "What exactly are you up to that makes you think you need a wizard consultant?" I could take a few guesses; there were plenty of people with an interest in the occult after all, and the Second Impact had led to a huge increase of interest in pretty much every form of mysticism. Talk to any conspiracy theorist and you'll eventually start hearing about secret government research into psychics, ESP, and the occult. I never really gave those kind of rumors too much credence, but I wouldn't be shocked if it turned out that there actually were one or two government-backed labs that did try to figure out all the weirdness of the world.
"As I said, Mr. Dresden, I would rather not discuss the details over the phone. When do you think you might be available?"
I didn't really have anything pressing at the moment; I had a few cases I was working, but none of them were nearly important or urgent enough for me to brush off the UN, especially since my faerie godmother was involved as well. "My schedule is reasonably open. Where are your offices located?"
"Hakone."
"Hakone." I repeated dully. "That's in Japan, isn't it?" I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised; the UN was kind of a global organization after all, but for some reason I hadn't expected to get a job offer from Japan of all places. Well, at least now I could finally place the woman's accent.
"Yes, it is." I could swear I heard just a hint of amusement in Ikari's voice. "The UN will cover your travel expenses. If you wish, it would no trouble to charter a direct flight for you."
"Thanks, but I would rather make my own arrangements." Like I mentioned earlier, wizards and technology don't always get along. I had come up with a spell that let me suppress the magic within me down to a level it wouldn't mess with any tech around me, but it was a really delicate spell that was tricky to hold onto for a long time; last time I'd tried using it during an appearance on a trashy TV talk show (long story), there had still been plenty of little glitches. Needless to say, I certainly wasn't going to risk putting myself on plane crammed with all kinds of high-tech gizmos that was one malfunction away from plummeting several miles down into the Pacific Ocean.
"Very well." Yui gave me the street address for the Artificial Evolution Laboratory's main facility in Hakone. "When can I expect your arrival, Mister Dresden?"
"Couldn't say for sure, but I should be there within a day or two." I suppose the one advantage of being forced into this job by Lea was that I could actually take a shortcut through the Nevernever to get to Japan. Normally I avoided the Nevernever on her account, but she probably wouldn't cause trouble for me now that I was actually working off my debt to her. Of course, that still meant I would need to find a Way through the Nevernever from Chicago to Hakone; there were usually one or two reasonably well-known paths between any major cities, but since I'd never needed to go to Japan before I didn't know them.
"Very well, Mr. Dresden. I will await your arrival." That concluded the conversation, and after exchanging polite goodbyes with my newest client, I set my phone back in its cradle.
So, that was that. I still had no clue what I was getting myself into, but I was committed now. The journey through the Nevernever to Japan wouldn't take too long; if you knew where you were going, you could walk five feet in the Nevernever and come out a thousand miles away back in the real world. By saying I needed to day to get everything in order and make the journey, I had bought myself a few hours to do some research and try to get a handle on things.
I might not know Yui Ikari's name well enough to conjure by it, but that didn't mean I couldn't ask somebody to Google her.
After a taking few minutes to throw together something that vaguely resembled an actual plan, I picked the phone back up, and dialed a number I was very familiar with. Murphy answered on the third ring. "What mess have you gotten yourself into now, Harry?"
"Love you too, Murph." Lt. Karrin Murphy runs the Chicago PD's Special Investigations department, and over the years we've managed to develop a pretty solid working relationship, and somewhere between dealing with power-mad dark wizards, rogue FBI werewolves, and ancient demons planning to finish what the Second Impact started we actually became friends. "Besides, what makes you think I'm calling you because I'm in trouble?"
"You're not working on any cases for SI at the moment, all your current invoices have been paid, and nothing's happened recently that looks like it involved anything from the spooky side of town."
"Maybe I just wanted to hear the sound of your voice, Murph."
That got a sound halfway between a chuckle and an annoyed groan from Murphy. "Dresden, cut the bullshit, I'm having a bad day and I'm not in the mood."
That got a wince out of me. Murphy's job was stressful on a good day, and when she was having a bad day she could get downright snippy. Special Investigations had always been the black sheep of the Chicago PD, and the office politics between the different departments could get downright vicious. On top of the various oddball cases, SI got the nasty jobs nobody else wanted to deal with. Her mood also probably wasn't helped by the fact that I knew she felt guilty over the fact that with the post-impact budget cuts she couldn't afford to give me much in the way of paying work anymore.
Or maybe I was overanalyzing the whole thing, and the only reason Murphy was in such a sour mood was because it was that time of the month.
"C'mon Murph, you know you love it when I'm a wiseass. Anyway, I was hoping you could run down a bit of info for me; I've picked a big new client, and I want to know what I'm getting myself into." I gave Murphy a minute to find a pen and piece of paper to make notes on. "Client's name is Yui Ikari, and she works for the UN's Artificial Evolution Laboratory. Don't know much about what they're up to, but they were willing to charter a plane to get me over to their main lab in Japan, and Ikari never even asked what my rates were, so obviously they've got some serious financial backing."
I hesitated for a moment before adding in the next part. I was still getting used to the idea that I could actually talk to Murphy about everything that happens on the spooky side of the world. It's not like the White Council has hard and fast laws about covering up the supernatural and leaving the normal in the dark, but it was definitely frowned upon. In the end, I had decided that Murphy's needed to know what she was dealing with if she was going to be in charge of SI. "Hey Murph, remember when I told you about my faerie godmother? She showed up earlier today, and told me that if I didn't do this little consultation she'd turn me into one of her hounds, so whatever they're doing, it's big enough to make the faerie courts take notice."
"Your faerie godmother threatened to turn you into a dog?" Murphy had done a pretty good job adjusting her perceptions to just how crazy the magical world could be, but every once in a while she still got blindsided by something from outside of her comfort zone.
"Yeah, it's kind of her thing. Anyway, you think you can do a little digging, and see what you can turn up?"
"Yeah, sure thing Harry. Wouldn't want you end up being your godmother's bitch; that would be rough. I'll make a few inquiries, and see if I can save you from wasting time barking up the wrong tree."
"Oh, so I'm not allowed to be a smartass, but you are? And you even threw in bad puns!"
"It's a woman's prerogative to be inconsistent whenever she pleases."
"Well gee Murph, what happened to all the talk about how you shouldn't get special treatment just because you're a woman?"
"Bite me, Dresden." We fell into a companionable silence for a moment, and I congratulated myself on getting Murphy out of her funk. Sometimes my wiseassery does actually serve a purpose beyond giving me a few bad laughs. "I'll call you back in a couple hours and let you know what I find out, Harry."
After that, my next call was to the Carpenter household, to let Michael know I'd be out of town for a few days so he didn't need to bring Molly by for any of her lessons. Molly wasn't happy to hear that she'd be missing a couple lessons, but it wasn't the first time work got in the way of her training. It would be handy when she got to the point where she could study on her own; right now she was still in the very early stages of her apprenticeship, mostly learning basic magical theory, alongside a few practical lessons on how to not blow herself up. Needless to say, using any magic without me being there to supervise was out of the question.
I considered letting Michael know I might be getting into another one of my situations, but decided against it. If he thought I was in any sort of trouble Michael would volunteer to help me without a moment's hesitation; he was too good of a man to do anything else. Thing is, even though as a Knight of the Cross he's a literal holy warrior, smiter of demons, and all-around badass, he also has a wife and kids. I might be heading for trouble, but for the moment it looked like trouble I could handle; I wouldn't take him away from his family and drag him into my problems without a damned good reason.
After that I thought about calling up one or two of my contacts on the Council to see what they knew, but again I decided against it. Working alongside the mortal law enforcement had raised enough hackles among the members of the White Council; if it got out that I was doing more work with higher figures in the non-magical world, it could go badly for me. More to the point, it could go badly for my friends on the Council, since they were the ones who would have to cover my ass if the Merlin or any of the other conservatives decided to raise a stink.
Now that I was done working the phones, it was time to try out a few other sources of information. My wizard's laboratory was probably in the presentable state it had seen in years; with an impressionable young apprentice around, I felt the need to set a good example. Or at least, that was the excuse I used whenever anyone asked. In truth, most of the reason my lab looked so clean was I'd recently done quite a bit of renovation on the floor for reasons nobody needed to know, and I just hadn't gotten around to messing things up again yet.
Granted, having my laboratory at the cleanest and most organized it had been in years still left it a disorganized mess by any objective standard. Turning towards a skull surrounded by several trashy romance novels, I called out. "Bob, we're going on a road trip. You know any good shortcuts through the Nevernever to get to Japan?"
Orange light kindled in the skull's eyes. "Yeah, I can get you there, but I'd have to tag along to get you there. You know how it is; can't be sure the Nevernever hasn't changed itself enough to throw off any directions I'd give you, especially since I haven't been there since the big kaboom." Despite what his name would indicate, Bob the Skull is not actually a talking skull, he's a spirit of intellect who just happens to reside in a skull. Bob was basically a big magical library; the combination of perfect recall and an insatiable curiosity for all forms of knowledge made him a darn useful tool for any magus. Unfortunately, he's also as much of a wiseass as I am. I suspect I've been a bad influence on him; back when I first pulled him from the ashes of my old master's lab, he hadn't been nearly so much of a smart-aleck. "Lemme guess, this is related to Lea busting in earlier?"
"Yeah, looks like I'm finally settling my debt with her. How'd she get through the wards, anyway?"
"Oh, she hopped right past them through the Nevernever. Opened up your portal right down here in the basement, actually."
"And you didn't think that, just maybe, you should warn me that a Sidhe had broken into my home and was about to ambush me in my sleep?"
"And piss off one of the nastiest High Sidhe in all of Winter? No thank you; I've got enough enemies back in the Nevernever as it is." The orange light issuing out of the skull flared brightly as Bob chuckled and added. "Besides, as far as I knew she could have been planning a nice surprise for you instead of an ambush. I mean, ignoring your history with her and all, you've got to admit that Lea's a total SILF."
"SILF?"
"Yeah. You know: A Sidhe I'd Like to – "
"I get the idea, Bob." I still don't understand how I wound up with a spirit of intellect that's completely sex-crazed. After all, he's a spirit of intellect, so he's physically incapable of actually participating in the act itself, and as a being a pure knowledge he shouldn't have the biological drives that mere mortals like yours truly have to deal with. Then again, maybe it was the completely unintellectual nature of sex that fascinated him so much in the first place.
"So, why're we going to Japan anyway?"
"Lea wants me to do some consulting work for some government research lab out there." I gave Bob the location of the Artificial Evolution Laboratory. "So, how close can you get me to it? Considering the fact that I know maybe half a dozen words of Japanese, I'd rather wind up halfway across town. Kind of hard to ask someone for directions when all I know is 'Kamikaze,' 'Sayonara,' and 'Domo Arigato, Mister Roboto.'"
"Well, how close I can get you is really gonna depend, Harry. How long were you planning to let me out of the skull as a reward for all my years of dedicated, selfless service I finish playing tour guide?"
"After what happened the last time I let you out? No way; I'm pretty sure those sorority girls are going to be scarred for life."
"Well gee Harry, in that case, I'm not sure I can get you to Japan after all." The lights in Bob's skull dimmed. "You know how crazy and unpredictable the Nevernever can be."
As useful as Bob is to have around, sometimes I'm really tempted to grab a hammer and smash that skull into tiny little pieces. Unfortunately, trying to actually threaten Bob into cooperation was pointless; he knew he was way too useful for me to ever get rid of him, and getting my information from another source would probably require making a bargain with a Fae or some other creature of the Nevernever, and most of them had much higher prices than Bob. Luckily, I had a compromise in mind. "How about if I buy you some Japanese porn instead, Bob?"
The skull took a moment to consider this proposition. "Only if it's the good stuff. If it doesn't have schoolgirls and tentacle monsters, then no deal."
"Schoolgirls and tentacle monsters." I agreed, feeling more than a little dirty for making the suggestion in the first place.
