The Deepest Scar
"True love burns the brightest,
But the brightest flame leaves the deepest scar;
I felt the cool wind blow through my hair as I leaned on the balcony, cup of coffee in one hand, and my other hand playing with my heart-shaped locket that was dangled around my neck. My cow print iPhone was resting on the balcony. I glanced at the time on my phone, I had to get going for work soon and I knew it; I was just delaying it.
I hated my job. Being a receptionist at a dentist surgery was definitely not how I pictured my life. I had always imagined that if I was to do anything other than perform, I would be a kindergarten teacher but I could barely look at a child without tears forming, after what happened between Chad and I.
Chad.
I hadn't thought of him in so long…
I wish. He was the only thought that crossed my mind, everyday. He and what could have been. We could've been a family; just the three of us.
I shook myself out of my thoughts and went back inside.
I had moved to Miami, Florida just after I had turned twenty. I decided I needed to break away from my parents and become independent; so I came here. That was five years ago. Five long years. I went back home on the holidays, but other than that, I never saw my mother and father a lot.
I did have an okay life here, though. I had a good home, good friends, not-so-good job, but nonetheless, an okay life.
I picked up my blue tote bag and left my house. As I drove to work, I listened to the radio playing one of my favourite songs. Soon the song finished and the announcer came on.
"That was a nice, summery song by Colbie Caillat there and now we have an interview with movie sensation Chad Dylan Cooper who is currently-"
I quickly switched it off, I didn't want to hear his voice; it would hurt too much. Remind me of his cries pleading for me to come back.
I walked into work and ran over to Melissa, the other receptionist and my best friend. She walked towards me and gave me a quick hello hug. "Alison Monroe. You are late again." She said in a jokey voice, imitating our boss.
I laughed and replied, "I know, I'm sorry but you know that if you call me Alison again, I will have to kill you."
"Well, maybe you shouldn't be late, Alison." She said, drawing out my name just to mock me.
"I said 'I'm sorry', what more do you want, Lyss?"
"Oh, Ali, you know I'm just messing with you."
"Thank you, that's much better." I hated being called Alison by her, it just seemed unnatural. My close friends all called me Ali, anyone else called me Alison. Nobody ever called me Sonny, not anymore. That name just didn't fit me now; I guess I grew out of it. "Now, does Anna know that I'm late?"
"No, she doesn't." Lyss replied, "When she got here and asked where you were I told her you went to the toilet, she bought it and went into her office; so you're safe."
I let out a sigh of relief and sat behind the counter.
"So," Lyss started, "I have some news."
"Good or bad?" I asked, as I filed some paperwork.
"Oh, most definitely good." She said as she held her left hand in front of my face. I noticed a gorgeous diamond ring on her hand.
"Oh, my god! Mark proposed!" I squealed. "Congratulations, Lyss! I knew he would, I could just feel it."
"Yeah, right," She laughed, "You don't know anything."
"Hey," I whined, mock offended, "I know how to file this paperwork."
"Clearly not, seeing as you put it in the wrong place." She said, taking one of the files from where I put it and moving it to a different place.
"Oh…" We both burst out laughing. After about a minute, we realised there was a client standing in front of the desk. I cleared my throat, "How can I help?"
"To you!" I said, holding up my glass of champagne.
"To me!" Lyss clinked her glass with mine.
After we had finished work, we both decide to celebrate Lyss' engagement. Lyss came round to my beach house and we had an evening in together.
We were watching the television when an advert came on for some TV show that Chad Dylan Cooper was guest starring in. I quickly reached for the remote and flipped the channel.
"Seriously, Ali, you have to tell me what's wrong. You do this every time Chad Dylan Cooper is mentioned." I hadn't told anyone about my past, not even Lyss. It was too painful to relive.
"Nothing, I- I just- I really don't like him." I lied.
"Ali. Don't lie to me. I know something's up." She said, "Please, tell me. I won't judge you or anything if that's why you won't tell me."
I shook my head, "I can't."
"Please." She said simply.
"Fine, but it's a long story. A very, very long story." She nodded and I stood up. I walked to my bedroom and grabbed a box. I placed the DVD inside the DVD player and pressed play.
"Are you ready to get 'So Random!'?" The announcers' voice rang through the room. "With special guest star, Chad Dylan Cooper!"
I watched as he casually strolled along in his paramedics' uniform. He looked so gorgeous and I couldn't help but think back to that time when he was so insistent that I would fall deeply in love with him. Back then, I would've never thought that it would really happen.
Then the shot widened to reveal me stood at the side of the stage, primping for Chad. Lyss gasped, snapping me out of my thoughts, "Ali, is that you?" I nodded, "I can't believe that you were on TV."
She settled back into the couch and watched the rest of the sketch, laughing hysterically. After it finished, I turned off the TV.
"How come you never told me this?"
"It brings back painful memories." I said.
"What happened?"
"Well, when I started 'So Random!' I was fifteen years old. That was when I met Chad Dylan Cooper." I began. "At first, I was star struck and then…"
I began to explain all the times Chad and I had spent together.
"…and then he asked me out."
"You dated the Chad Dylan Cooper?" Lyss yelled.
I nodded, "For over a year and five months."
"What happened?" She asked, "Why did you break up?"
"Well, one night we were round his house and we- we- you know." Lyss' eyes widened as she realised what I was hinting. "Anyway, a few weeks after, I found out that I was pregnant." I said, biting back the tears. "Unfortunately, before I got to tell Chad, I- I miscarried."
I could barely contain my sobs, just saying it out loud made it seem so much more real than it was before.
"Oh, my god. Ali, I had no idea!" She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight. "You were only sixteen?"
"Just turned seventeen," I sobbed, "Anyway, I never told him, I just left. I couldn't handle it and I freaked out." Then I broke down.
"Shhh, it's okay, Ali, I'm here." She said as she hugged me comfortingly.
I had never told anyone about this, not my parents, not even Lucy. I didn't want to tell my parents because I thought they would be upset that I was so 'irresponsible' and I didn't tell Lucy because… well, I have no idea why I didn't tell Lucy, but I didn't.
"It's all going to be okay." She whispered.
"No, it isn't. I loved him and I just let him go." I cried, "Why did I do that? I'm such an idiot!"
"No, you aren't. You were just young. You made a mistake, we all do."
"Not leaving the love of your life."
"Ali, maybe you should just try and get some sleep. Do you want me to stay with you tonight?"
I nodded, "That would be nice."
That night I dreamt of the most physically painful moment of my entire life, the moment that changed everything, and not for the better.
"Check it out! Mr. Policeman's buying a stick of gum!" Tawni said to me, enthusiastically.
"Check it out! He totally is!" I said, matching her enthusiasm level.
Tawni turned to Grady/the Policeman. "Check it out! If you chew this while you're chasing someone, you could choke!"
"Check it out! She's totally right!" I said to Grady as he pursed his lips impatiently.
"Check it out! I know!" Tawni turned towards me, flipping her hair as she spoke.
"Check it out! You're so smar-" I suddenly keeled over in pain and clutched my stomach. I began to breath heavily and screamed the words 'ow, ow, ow!' over and over as everybody rushed to my side.
"Sonny, what's wrong?"
"Are you alright?"
"Are you okay, Sonny?"
People yelled questions at me from all sides. My head began to throb along with my stomach. I tried to breath through the pain but with every breath I took it just grew stronger.
"I-I need to lie down." Marshall nodded and everyone else gave me concerned looks. I started for the door, grasping my pounding stomach. Tawni started to follow me to our dressing room. "Alone."
I ran quickly inside and slammed the door behind me. I sat on my chair in front of my vanity and began to take deep breaths.
I knew that I would feel some cramps as a sign that my stomach was growing but I never realised they would hurt so much. It was like somebody had taken a sledgehammer and hit me in the stomach with it, repeatedly.
I stood up and started to pace, thinking maybe movement would make me ignore the feeling that shot through me like a bullet.
As I walked back to my side of the room, I noticed there was blood on the chair that I had been sat on. I ran into the bathroom and checked my underwear.
The blood was beginning to pool and I looked down in horror. This wasn't like my normal periods, and I wasn't even supposed to have a period anymore!
This wasn't a good sign at all.
I hope you liked it :)
Review? Yes? Good :)
Lucy x
