"Have you met this bitch yet?" Bev whispered to Richie as they grabbed drinks. They were in some fancy New York restaurant at the engagement party. The two agreed to be each other's dates, mostly so they could get drunk together. Bev said that Tom had refused to come. He hated how much time Bev spent with them. Richie hadn't seen him since he and Bev got married a few years ago.
Bev had take the news of the engagement about as well as Richie. He'd called her later that night and complained. She knew how Richie felt and constantly told him to tell Eddie, not just her.
And now it's too late, Richie thought. "No, I haven't. They should be here by now, right?" Richie and Bev were already two drinks in and haven't seen the other losers or the couple.
Just then Richie saw Bill and Audra. They made a beeline towards the two. Bill and Audra always looked so happy, so in love. It was equal parts adorable and nauseating. Audra was laughing at something Bill had whispered to her. "Fuck off lovebirds. Give me some of that sugar." Richie swooped in and hugged Audra then Bill.
"Hey guys, long time no see." Bill said. His stutter had mostly disappeared, except when he got nervous or scared. As an author he often got asked to go on book tour and declined as often as he could, he still hated public speaking. Luckily, they lived in a remote part of California so Bill played up the mysterious author profile as much as he could.
Bill gave Bev a hug and kissed her cheek. Audra had hated Bev, assuming her closeness with Bill meant that Bev still loved him. Eventually she realized the Bev was like that with all the boys and the two became close friends. They were already whispering, heads low and together.
"Have you seen the man of the hour yet?" Richie asked, looking around again.
"No, but I saw Stan and Ben a minute ago. They were getting drinks." Mike hadn't been able to make it on such short notice and on a librarian's salary. Richie offered to pay for him but he had refused, saying he'd see everyone next month in Hawaii.
"Speak of the devil" Audra said, point towards the bar. Ben and Stan were walking toward the group. Richie heard Bev's breath hitch, he knew she was in love with Ben- and Ben made no secrets about how he felt about Bev. Richie wasn't the only loser who couldn't get his love life together.
"Guys! The gang is back in business!" Richie gave them both a hug and ruffled Stan's hair, knowing how much he hated it. "Hey bird man."
Stan glared at him slightly and maneuvered his hair back in place. "Hey everyone, where's Eddie? I want to meet this woman."
"No one knows" Bev said, giving Stan a hug. She paused in front of Ben and then gave him a one armed hug. Ben flushed slightly and hugged her back.
"At least there's an open bar!" Richie said, finishing his drink. "Anyone need a refill?" Bev and Audra both asked for drinks and Richie went off to get them.
As he left the bar, drinks in hand, he saw the door open and Eddie walk through. Behind him was...Mrs. K? Richie did a double take. Mrs K was dead, she had died a few years ago. No, this woman's hair was dirty blonde, not brown. And she was a bit shorter. But shit, the resemblance was uncanny.
Everyone in the room stopped talking and clapped as the couple came in. Eddie looked embarrassed but his fiancee- Myra Richie reminded himself- seemed to love the attention. She waved at everyone like she was in a fucking parade. Eddie tried to move away from the door but people were demanding they kiss. Myra grabbed Eddie's face and pulled it towards her. Richie wrinkled his nose at the kiss, it didn't look like Eddie enjoyed it at all.
As the two separated Richie looked at Eddie. He was in a suit, a terrible one at that. Eddie was short, barely 5'6 and this suit hung off him, looking baggy. Fucking travesty Eddie was handsome. He had the most compelling eyes and a great smile. His hair was always soft and the color of chestnuts. And his hands. His hands were delicate and slender, but also strong. Richie shook his head to clear his thoughts. And none of that mattered in that terrible suit. Eddie deserved someone who knew how to fit his slender frame and accentuate his body, not hide it behind a cheap suit.
Richie went back to his friends. "Is Eddie marrying his fucking mom?" He said, handing out the drinks.
"Maybe she's nice?" Stan tried.
"She looks like a fucking attention hog. You know all this" Richie waved his hand around "isn't Eddie. He hates fancy shit. He would have picked a seedy bar with pool for his engagement party."
"Well, maybe he's trying to make her happy.' Audra tried. Even she seemed to know that this wasn't Eddie's style.
"Or maybe she's a fucking control freak, like his mom was." When Mrs K had died Richie had hoped that Eddie would finally stop trying to please her. He went to business school for her, started the limo business for her… everything seemed like he wanted to please her. And now he was marrying her fucking twin.
'Beep beep Richie, they're coming over" Ben said quietly.
Richie turned around and saw Eddie. Eddie saw him and smiled, making Richie's heart flip. Fuck, stop it! It's his fucking engagement party. He's getting married.
"Hey everyone! This is Myra!" Eddie gave everyone a hug and introduced his fiance. Her face looked like she smelled something rotten.
"Oh, I've heard so much about you" she simpered. "Edward's childhood friends." Bev extended her hand and Myra looked at it like she was handing over a wet noodle. Myra ignored Bev completely.
"So, uh, how'd you two meet?" Stan asked, trying to cover the embarrassing moment. Bev was shooting daggers at the woman.
"Myra worked for me and we started dating," Eddie said, trying to ignore the awkwardness. Richie knew that he probably pissed him off that Myra treated Bev like that.
"Yes, Edward needed someone to take care of him after his dear mother died. Poor boy wasn't taking care of himself." Myra said, looking at Eddie.
"Eds has been taking care of himself since he was 18, I'm sure he was fine." Richie couldn't help it. This woman was Mrs. K incarnate.
Bev kicked him lightly. "Well, maybe, if you could call pizza and take out 'taking care of himself." Myra glared at Richie. "I've gotten him to do 2 juice cleanses and now he's taking all the proper medicine. He even carries a crystal for his health." Myra motioned to Eddie. "Show them dear."
Eddie looked embarrassed. "No, Myra. I didn't bring it."
"Edward! You need to carry it with you all the time, you know how much it helps you allergies!"
Eddie shrugged and tried to change the conversation. "Bill, when is the next book out? Soon, right?"
Bill started to answer and Myra interrupted him "Oh, Edward! I see the Smiths, we must go say hello, I'm sure these people" she waved dismissively at the group "will wait. We've got to mingle after all." She grabbed Eddie's arm and pulled him away.
"I'll talk to you guys later! Great to see you!" Eddie said as he walked away.
Once they were out of earshot Richie and Bev both said "What the fuck". Richie was happy to see Bev was as furious as him.
"That woman is a grade-A bitch. And crystals? You've got to be fucking kidding me." Richie said, feeling his anger bubble up.
"Well, she clearly cares for Eddie." Ben tried to say.
"No, she doesn't! It's Eddie's mom all over again! Did he look happy? She has him in a fucking suit and drinking bullshit juices!" Richie said.
"It was only a short meeting, maybe she's not so bad," Stan said.
"Yea, short because she fucking pulled him away as soon as she could" Bev said, tearing a small napkin into shreds.
"Well there's a lot of people here," Audra stated. "They can't just talk to old friends."
"What do you think Bill?" Richie knew Bill would hate her. If he admitted it the others would too.
"She's..not what I expected." Richie made the 'go on' motion with his hand. "She does seem controlling."
"Yes!" Bev exclaimed. "She seems like a bitch!"
Stan and Ben nodded along, willing to admit their dislike if Bill did.
Richie looked over at Eddie, he wasn't paying attention to the conversation Myra dragged him into. He was looking at Richie. Their eyes met and he mouthed 'sorry' to his best friend. Myra was gesturing wildly, clearly telling a story. She paused and looked at Eddie, clearly expecting him to chime in. When she saw he wasn't listening she pursed her lips and looked around, trying to see what was holding her fiance's attention.
She saw Richie and her eyes narrowed. Richie gave her a small, sarcastic wave. She pursed her lips and grabbed Eddie's arm again, dragging him further away from the group. Richie watched them walk away, getting angry again.
"Earth to Richie, hello" Audra waved her hand in front of Richie's face. He was staring so hard at his friend he hadn't been listening to the conversation.
"I'm going to break them up. No fucking way is he marrying her." Richie decided, turning back to the group. "He's fucking miserable."
Bev whooped, "I'm in! It's been too fucking long since we've plotted together Tozier."
"What about the rest of you? Will you help? We can't let Eddie marry her." Richie asked them, imploringly.
Ben nodded right away, and Bill did too after a moment. Stan shook his head, "can't you wait? It was only our first impression."
"No, I can't fucking wait. She wants to marry him in less than 6 months. There's no time to wait." Richie glared at Stan, waiting for a real answer.
"You're all crazy. Ok, I'm in. But you and Bev are in charge of this, I'm just a pawn." Stan relented.
Bev whooped again and gathered all the men in her arms. "Alright, fuck yea. Listen up you assholes, it's time for Operation Break up Richie and Myra."
"T-that's a long name Bev," Bill interjected, moving back and putting an arm around Audra.
"Well you think of a fucking name then, I'm running on anger and alcohol."
"Operation Free Gazebo" Ben said. Everyone laughed, surprised he remembered that. After Eddie had found out most of his pills were bullshit he called them gazebos for months, instead of placebos. No one let him live it down.
"Fuck yea, Free Gazebo" Richie said, happy his friend were going to help.
The friends started planning how to break them up.
