I have decided to make "How to Bust Up the Gotei 13" a continuing story! Enjoy! :D


Squad 1

1. Set up an appointment with Unohana-taicho to check Yamamoto's hips.

2. Have Chojiro Sasakibe give him the "Kiss Of Life" when he is napping.

3. Pay Chojiro to act like a retirement home nurse with 'attention'.

4. Replace Yamamoto's haori with something more modern (like a sparkly disco cape)

5. Let Mayuri Kurosutchi check his hips instead of Unohana.

6. Intoduce Chojiro Sasakibe to the magic invention of Alcohol.

7. Get rid of everything that remind him of tea and set him up with Matsumoto-fukutaicho.

8. The Shinigami Women's Association should take care of the rest with their cameras.

9. Published said pictures in the Seireitei Comnunication Magazine.

10. Let him freak about his up-rising, but bad popularity

Squad 2

1. Have Shuhei Hisagi play a very cool theme song that is so catchy that even she has to hum it 24/7

2. Place tape recorder around Urahara Shoten and speaker that can't be seen in the Squad 2 barracks.

3. Announce that Yoruichi Shihoin, the Princess of the Shihoin Clan is going to get married. (make sure your first stop is at midnight, in Soi Fon's room)

4. To Soi Fon herself.

5. And her bridesmaid is none other than . . . Drum Roll . . . Kisuke Urahara and Tessai Tsukabishi.

6. Use purple paint and draw/write "Barney is in the house" on Omaeda Marechiyo's back.

7. Sic Yachiru Kusajishi on the fat guy.

8. Put him in a competition for Sumo Wrestling.

9. Seeing him in a loin cloth is downright terrifying/hilarious.

10. Offer Soi Fon premium tickets to see the match . . .

Squad 3

1. When Kira Izuru is drunk, offer him some new clothes. (say out of Yumichika's wardrobe.

2. Everything he sees must be in the color PINK.

3. Sign him up for the Sumo Wrestling competition and have him face . . . Omaeda.

4. Show him Bleach Yaoi.

5. With Shuhei Hisagi and Renji Abarai.

Squad 4

1. Put Unohana in a staring contest with Yamamoto Genryuusai Shigekuni.

2. Fix her up in a blind date with Mayuri Kurosutchi.

3. Get them both drunk so they would "make the best of it".

4. During her drunken stage, maybe you could get Shunshui Kyoraku and Jushiro Ukitake to hit on her.

5. Show her picture of the previous night's events. (make sure she doesn't do anything she might regret)

6. Dare Isane Kotetsu to wear a pair of high heels.

7. Put super adhesive glue in the soles.

8. Now she has no options, but to walk in broad daylight with shoes that make her look taller than she really is.

9. Make Isane room smell like fish cakes.

10. Place a recording of a lullaby in Kotetsu's bedroom and play it repeatedly until she has no choice, but to fall asleep.

Squad 5

1. Call Momo Mom "accidentally", but keep repeating this over and over again until she goes insane.

2. Draw a chart showing how many people think that Hitsuguya and Momo should get together and leave it somewhere she would find it. (Bath house, bedroom, her office, one of her higher ranking subordinates, or all of her higher ranking subordinates . . . )

3. Show this chart to Hitsuguya also.

4. Play matchmaker with Hitsuguya and Hinamori.

5. Screw up their schedules so it makes it look like the other is purposely stalking each other

Squad 6

1. Make up some fake assignment for Kenpachi so Byakuya would have to babysit Yachiru.

2. Give Yachiru some permanent markers so she could make a nice mural for Byakuya to look at night . . .

3. Make some parodies of Byakuya's Seaweed Ambassador. (Make sure you hand out copies before Yachiru leaves.

4. Lie to him that Rukia is together with Ichigo.

5. Explain to him it was actually suppose to be Renji.

6. Get Renji drunk so he will make one too many dumbass remarks to Byakuya.

7. Announce that he would have to take Unohana's Ikebana lessons .

8. During these lessons, Unohana would probably use her sixth sense of scary on Renji.

9. Tell him that it was a hoax and that he didn't need to go the those classes.

10. Tie him up and deliver him to Byakuya's room where he will explode a whole lot angry and earn a whole lot of owies.

Squad 7

1. Let Yachiru put a leash on Komamura and walk him around the Soul Society.

2. Give him beef flavored dog kibble when you hear someone coming towards the Squad 7 office.

3. If he won't eat it willingly, then shove it up his mouth.

4. Paint "wide load" on Komamura's haori.

5. Keep petting him on the head. (note: injuries substained by climbing to his head will not be responsible by the author. If you are reading this, then you are warned.)

6. Ask Tetsuzaemon how he can get so many stomach cramps in just one day.

7. When he leave the bathroom, put a "out of order" sign and write a note of who did it.

8. Leave a fake map of all the busted restrooms in the Soul Society and send it to Nanao.

9. Shinigami Women's Association will probably publish said map in the Seireitei Communication Magazine.

10. And Iba will be the butt of the S.W.A's jokes AGAIN.

Squad 8

1. Let Yachiru draw whiskers all over Shunsui.

2. Expose Kyoraku to both Nanao and Unohana's heart attack-inducing glares.

3. Have the sentence "Is Shunsui Kyoraku a homosexual?" written on the gossip column of the Seireitei Communication Magazine.

4. Photoshop a picture of Ukitake and Kyoraku making out and put the picture as a bit of proof for the statement that came previously. (You can put anyone's head there. As long as whoever is making out with Kyoraku is a male.)

5. He can't party hardy with anyone until he does all his work.

6. Get Matsumoto to give Nanao a makeover so she does not scare anyone else out of their living daylights.

7. Help her find a boyfriend.

8. Or a cat.

9. Take away the Shinigami Women's Association's funds and give it to the Shinigami MEN'S Association.

10. Demote from her current position as Vice Chairwoman of the S.W.A.

Squad 9.

1. Tell Matsumoto what Shuhei Hisagi really thinks of her.

2. Try to set up a date with Matsumoto for him.

3. If she accepts, then make it at the kitchen of Omaeda's place.

4. If she doesn't, then he will eating alone at the kitchen of Omaeda's place.

5. Play some incredibly hard piece of guitar music and let him try to mimic you.

Squad 10

1. Let Matsumoto make a "pretty supermodel" out of Toshiro.

2. Let him see people's opinion/illustrations of who Hitsuguya should be with.

3. Persuade the S.W.A to make a poll for "The Soul Society's Most Eligible Bachelors and put Hitsuguya's name on the ballot.

4. Hopefully, he will get first place and girls will be hounding him wherever he goes.

5. If not then he is the Soul Society's second/third/fourth/etc most eligible bachelor and girls will still be hounding him.

6. Play a hoax on the entire Soul Society that Matsumoto's famous cleavage are actually implants.

7. Feed her rice flavor cider instead sake and watch her get more mad then drunk. (is it possible to get drunk on cider?)

8. Have Byakuya Kuchiki clear out every single clothing store in the Soul Society or the World of the Living so Matsumoto can not shop.

9. Say that Yumichika Ayasegawa is more beautiful then her.

10. Watch her mental breakdown at this, tape it, and put it on SoulSocietytube. (the equivalent of our Youtube)

Squad 11

1. Introduce Kenpachi to yaoi parings of himself and someone else.

2. Refer to him as "God's teddy bear that desperately need plastic surgery."

3. Ask him "How much steroids does Kurosutchi give you?"

4. Let Yachiru redecorate the Squad 11 barracks.

5. Use Mayuri's make up to make him look like a classic circus clown.

6. Give Yachiru so much candy that she would go on the biggest sugar rish she's ever gone on.

7. She will probably crash hard.

8. Prank her using one of her own practical jokes and tape it.

9. Show the tape to the rest of the S.W.A.

10. Then run like hell before she kicks all of your asses.

Squad 12

1. Introduce Mayuri to the human band known as "Kiss".

2. The Soul Society will probably scream at his new make up and garb that resembles "Star Child" of the Kiss band.

3. Make a compound that will effectively change his gender for one whole week.

4. Have the Seireitei Communication Magazine make a test for both Unohana and Mayuri to take. Then post the results in next month's issue of the Sereitei Communication Magazine.

5. Hopefully Unohana beat him.

6. Where is the "feelings" switch on Nemu Kurosutchi?

7. Also what did you do to her sense of humor?

8. Damn you, Mayuri!

Squad 13

1. Have Ukitake try some tea that were specifically concocted by Mayuri Kurosutchi.

2. Let it slip that Ukitake has a secret girlfriend/wife to his two third seats.

3. Kiyone Kotetsu and Sentaro Kotsubaki will probably be trying to flirt with their white haired captain.

4. Actually, Kiyone and ukitake are not a bad couple . . .

5. But Sentaro and Ukitake is . . .


Author's note: After Flamesandblackroses published this on FanFiction , she was brutally maimed by some of our beloved Bleach characters. But she survived due to that pack of of unfinished Sour Skittles in her pockets. So we all learn the leason that Sour Skittles can be a cure to major burns, frostbites, poisons, giant samurais, and weight that you're not suppose to gain until you're 58 years old. (note: results may vary)


Review to suggest some ideas. I'll publish them here with full credit (I'm a lot of things, but not a thief!) Bye and remember, Reviews! :)