Note: Thanks so much for all the reviews! They made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Well, here is chapter two of my increasingly pointless series. Enjoy!
Chapter Two: Zacharias Smith/ Helga Hufflepuff
I am the ninja. I am stealth. I am the darkness, and the shadows, undetectable, blending with the walls-
"Mr. Smith, just where do you think you are going?" came a reprimanding voice.
Bollocks.
"Uh…" Zacharias Smith stalled a bit, "Um, to the library, Professor Sprout." He gave an unconvincing grin.
"Well, we're having Happy Hufflepuff Hour soon, so hurry on back!" She said cheerfully. Then, in a hushed voice, "So, who's the lucky lady?"
"…uh." Zacharias looked at the professor and backed away. Then, as he was climbing out of the still-life painting, he mumbled, "Your mother…"
And so, little Zacharias was on his way. It was one of his goals to maintain sanity by sneaking out to avoid "Happy Hufflepuff Hour". He had attended it once, and actually felt, Merlin forbid, happy. It was just not right.
Zacharias followed the stairs, not really knowing or caring where he was going. He didn't really feel like going to the library, and had tried to stay away from broom closets after he heard about Percy Weasley and Penelope Clearwater. So, he wandered.
At some point, he realized that he didn't really recognize any of his surroundings. A little after that point, he realized he didn't really care. I don't know where I am, he told himself, that doesn't mean I'm lost.
"Are you lost, honey?" Asked one of the portraits.
"No." Zacharias said a bit too defensively.
"Uh-huh." The lady in the portrait shook her head, "Well, it always pained me to see one of my little badgers not knowing where they were." Then, she looked pointedly down at him.
"I'm not a badger, ma'am." Zacharias said slowly.
The portrait stared at him. "Metaphorically, honey."
Zacharias blinked. "Oh, yeah, I'm in Hufflepuff…" He nodded a bit. Then, "Wait, so you're…"
"Helga Hufflepuff, yes," The lady smiled.
"Oh. Hi," Zacharias said.
"Come on, boy, I'm your great Founder, I want to see some groveling," She said, suddenly fierce.
Zacharias panicked. His ego was pretty big; it might betray him. He bent down, trying not to twitch, and said, "Grovel, grovel…"
Hufflepuff nodded satisfactorily. Then, she said, "Now compliment me!"
Well, this was Helga Hufflepuff. His ego would just have to get over it. Still on his knees, Zacharias said, "Um, you're very talented and intelligent, ma'am."
"And…?"
"Uh," Zacharias fumbled around. Telling people how great they were was not of his expertise. He was used to it being the other way around. "You're very, uh, very beautiful, and kind, and generous…"
"Go on, honey." The portrait said happily.
"You're also very wise, and graceful, and, uh, young-looking," Hey, he was getting the hang of it! "And very bright and pretty and witty and ga-uh, good!" Oh, that was close. Didn't want to offend anyone.
The portrait hummed contentedly.
Zacharias continued. "You're also very powerful, and benevolent, and merciful and giving, and you are very knowledgeable, and it is a privilege to grovel at your feet!" He carried on like a bulldozer, "You're very elegant and stately and refined, and also very grand, and sophisticated, and humble, and majestic, and gentle, and all-knowing!" He paused to breathe.
"Oh, you're just too kind," Hufflepuff fanned herself.
Then, another lady crammed herself into the portrait. "Violet! You ought to be ashamed of yourself!" She t'sked and crossed her arms, "Honestly, fishing for compliments like that…"
Zacharias stood up. "Wait, so you're not Helga Hufflepuff?"
The-lady-who-was-formerly-known-as-Hufflepuff-but-is-now-Violet giggled and said, "But you still meant all those things you said, right?" Then she gave one last cackle and dived out of the portrait.
The other lady shook her head. Then she turned to Zacharias, "Sorry, sonny, Violet's had a few too many butterbeers lately."
Zacharias digested this. Then, he said, "So, where is Helga Hufflepuff?"
The lady waved her hand dismissively, "Oh, she's down in another portrait near the kitchens, trying to teach the house elves how to prepare tonight's chowder."
"Okay," Zacharias said, "Well, um, thanks. And bye."
"Bye dear," the lady said, "If you hurry, you can still catch Happy Hour!"
Zacharias turned to leave, and then realized he had no clue as to where he was. He decided the follow a line of yellow bricks, and miraculously made it back to the common rooms. When he returned, Professor Sprout was too high off happiness to scold him, so he slipped off to his rooms and set to nursing back whatever dignity he had left.
Caffeine's Corner: That wasn't the best way to end a story, but oh well. Anyway, I'm working on the next chapter, and have not gotten any slash pairings yet, surprisingly, since the ratio of guys to girls in the HP universe is like, 3 to 1. So, please review! And thanks again to all my reviewers. I love you all!
