A/N: Written in Fang's point of view, after he left Max and the Flock at the end of the book Fang. Creepily deep for Fang, but he is deep. All thought, no action. Inspired by the song Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie.

I can't believe I did that. I can't believe I left. I wake up every morning and cry internally. I feel and care for the Flock, but especially Max. I know she must be hurting beyond believe at the moment. I didn't want to hurt her, but I knew it would.

But this is personal. It's what's best for both of us. We both know it. I was just the one to say it. I was just the one who had the guts to say it. God, how I wish I could see her again. But I can't. I've gotta figure this out on my own. I've gotta find myself and protect the Flock. Yeah, I'm deep. I can't let the guilt or pain get to me. Because I know that if that happens I'll have to go back. And I want, with all my heart, to go back. But I can't. Not now. It's too late for that.

I hope Max knows that I still love her, no matter what. I hope she knows that I never intended to hurt her. I hope she still loves me in twenty years when I see her again. I hope she knows that I will still love her in twenty years. I hope she accepts me back into her Flock. I hope she loves me as much as I love her, now and forever.

I didn't want to hurt her. I have to go through with this. I have to think and fend for myself. I can't let her get to me, as much as I'm begging myself to. I love her too much for that.