Chapter Two: Goodbyes
Edward and I cuddled most of the morning until neither of us could ignore the sound my stomach rumbling. After literally dragging me out of bed, Edward brought me downstairs and sat me down at the kitchen table.
"So what would you like for breakfast, wife?" he asked in a teasing tone.
"Um…is there even food here?" I asked in questioning voice. Edward walked over to the large stainless steel fridge (something I don't think they've ever used before) and opened it up to show me it was completely full with food. "Oh, well in that case…um….how about some pancakes."
When I started to move to the stove to start cooking Edward pushed me back into my seat and I landed with an "oomph". I glared at me and crossed my arms. I can't wait till I could toss him around. See if he likes it.
"I'll cook today, you just relax, love." He said with a huge smile on his face. I just shook my head and watched him, enjoying seeing him so happy.
"So why are you in such a good mood?" I asked him as he handed me a big cup of orange juice.
"I've finally got the most beautiful girl in the world to marry me, (I rolled my eyes at this) why shouldn't I be happy?"
"I'm hardly the most beautiful girl in the world, Edward."
Before I could say another word I was picked up my chair, nearly knocking my orange juice over, and felt his cold lips pressed against mine. I moaned into the kiss, begging for more. Then, again, I was standing one minute to sitting on the cool marble counter top. Edward pulled back to look at me. I just realized then that I didn't brush or wash my hair yet and I probably had morning breath. Gross.
"Bella, yesterday you were the pure essence of beauty. In all my years on this Earth, I've never once seen anything even remotely close to being as beautiful as you." He said in a serious tone.
"Oh so you're saying I was only beautiful yesterday, thanks Edward." I teased. Edward tried to open his mouth to say something, clearly taken back by what I said. I laughed and pressed my lips against his. "I'm only joking, oh husband of mine, relax."
I felt his lips form in a smile and I wrapped my arms around his neck. "You're going to be the death of me, Bella." He moaned into my lips as I pressed my body against his.
The sound of the front door slamming made me jump and Edward sighed heavily and muttered under his breath.
"Oh love birds we're home! Put you're clothes back on and come and say hi to us!" screamed Emmett.
And just like that the spell was broken.
Edward quickly ran into the washroom, by the kitchen, and threw me a pair of gym shorts. I looked down and felt my face go red. I completely forgot I was only wearing his t-shirt. Quickly I put them on and then walked with him to the front of he house to greet his – our – family.
"So how was you're wedding night, you two crazy love birds?" asked Emmett.
"Oh leave them alone you big oaf!" scolded Alice as she walked past me and gave me a wink. Again I felt the blood rush to my cheeks.
Rosalie glared at her husband with disapproval. Emmett looked around at everyone and threw his hands up in the air with a very dramatic sigh.
"What? God can't anyone take a joke around here?" he moaned and started walking up to his room, followed by Jasper.
Esme and Carslie were the only ones left in the entry way now, as perfect as ever. "So Bella," said Esme, with a smile. "Are you ready for our trip?"
Packing up my room was probably the one of the hardest things to do. Correction, it was the second hardest thing to do. Saying goodbye to Charlie was nearly going to kill me. I asked Edward and Alice not to come, that I just needed a moment to put everything together and collect my thoughts.
As much as I wanted Edward to be there with me to pack away the memories, some better than others, I felt like I just needed one more moment to be Bella, human Bella. A part of me was still terrified that I wouldn't be the same after I was changed, no matter how much the others told me otherwise. I just couldn't shake the feeling that I would never be the same again.
Well I mean obviously I wouldn't be. I was going to be a vampire, can't get much different than that.
I just couldn't get the thought out of my head that maybe; just maybe, Victoria and James (I shuddered at their names) weren't always bloodthirsty killers. What if the changed at had changed them, changed who they were. If becoming a vampire could change someone that drastically, what's to say that it wouldn't change me, even a little bit?
After a couple hours of packing (a majority of my stuff was going to be shipped with the Cullen's. I still don't know what story they are going to tell my dad, but I knew that right after I was changed they were going to have to sell their house.
Charlie helped me load everything into the back of my pick up truck. I was going to miss it. Surprisingly Charlie was rather cheerful while we were packing up; though I had the growing suspicion it was just to make me feel better. After securing everything into the bed of the truck I reluctantly turned around. Saying goodbye to Charlie was something I've been dreading from the start of all of this. I opened my mouth to start but Charlie beat me to it, or so I thought.
"Are you going to say goodbye to Jake, Bells? I noticed he wasn't at the wedding." He asked. So this was why he was being so nice.
I looked down at the ground, trying to keep my voice and tears under control. "I'm not sure Jacob wants to see me anymore dad." I said in a small voice.
"I know he's hurt Bells, but I think Jacob would really like for you to say goodbye, even if doesn't act like it. You're gonna regret it Bella. You're not gonna see him for a while. You're gonna be in college and what if you and Edward make plans for Christmas or something? You might not see him for a year."
Oh God, dad if you only knew.
"Do you really think he wants to see me?"
Charlie smiled at me. "Yea I know he does. Billy said he's been miserable for the past few weeks since heard of the wedding. He was debating if he wanted to go but thought it was best if he didn't. I think he would really appreciate it if you stopped by, even for five minutes. Just to show you care, you know."
If I was going to do this I was gonna have to do this fast. God only knows if Alice would say something Edward the moment my future vanished.
"Okay, dad, I will. Can I borrow you're cruiser? All my stuff will slow me down and we're leaving soon."
Charlie took the keys out of his pocket and tossed them to me (which I actually caught) and I was on my way. After I turned the corner and knew I was out of my dad's sight, I took a deep breath and slammed on the gas. I could tell Edward that I another human experience: speeding. He might actually be so proud that I went over 50 he might forget to be angry with me for visiting Jake.
Sooner than I wished, I was at the border of the werewolf territory. I stopped the car and got out. For some strange reason, I thought it would be rude of me to just barge over the line. I did, after all, marry their sworn enemy and was about to become one within the next 72 hours. I started walking closer to the line, knowing that someone should sense me by now. I probably reeked of vampire. Suddenly I heard bushes rustling to the right of me. I stopped dead in my tracks, my heart beating violently in my chest, not quite sure what to expect to come out of the woods.
"What are you doing here?" asked an angry voice, that I quickly recognized.
"I…I-" I stuttered in a small voice. I held my breath as he walked out of the forest. He looked horrible. Leaves and little twigs stuck out of his hair at odd angles, mud was caked onto his bare chest and his cut off jeans shorts were covered in mud and clay and practically hanging in rags off of him. The worst was his face. It looked worn and tired, like he hadn't slept in years.
"What Bella?" he asked again in a harsh voice.
I couldn't hold back the tears any more and they cascaded down my cheeks and into my hair. Somewhere thunder rumbled loudly and a large droplet of water landed on forehead and ran down my face, mingling with my tears.
"I…I…just wanted to say goodbye to you Jake." I mumbled, not able to fully collect my thoughts. Another drop of rain fell, followed by another.
He stood rigid, looking as if he was debating to return to the woods or come closer to me. I took a tentative step forward. More drops fell. He didn't move. I took another and again he stood perfectly still. It started to rain lightly and a crack of thunder echoed through the quiet woods. Next thing I knew I was running towards him and crashing into his hard, warm chest. It was pouring now and I was so wet I couldn't tell what was rain and what were tears. I wrapped my arms around his large torso and just cried into his chest. Jacob's arms slowly moved around my shaking form and I felt his head nuzzle into my hair. Lighting let up the area around us for spilt second and then left us in darkness.
"Oh Bella," he croaked.
We just stood there together, in the violent thunderstorm, holding each other. I knew I was being selfish for coming here. This had to hurt him ten times, no a hundred times more than it was hurting me. But I just had to say goodbye. I just had too. Charlie was right. I would have regretted it for the rest of my eternal life if I didn't say goodbye.
"Bella," he began in a weak voice. "You still have choice, its not too late."
"I love him, Jake. You know I do. I can't leave him."
"But you love me too."
I buried my face into his chest. "Jacob, you know I do, but…but…"
He sighed heavily; suddenly Jacob didn't feel so young anymore. He seemed aged and tired. "I know…I know, Bells. It just needed to be said."
I felt his grip on me loosened and I gripped him tighter, refusing to let him go. "Jake, please." I begged. I'm not even sure I was begging him for. I looked at him; the pain in his eyes ripped my heart open even more.
"Bella what do you want me to do? Tell you I accept your decision to end your life and become something I'm sworn to kill? That I'll still be your best friend when you're heart stops beating and you have to live off of blood to survive? You know I can't and won't do that." His hand reached up to push away the hair that was plastered to my face by the rain and my tears. His hand lingered there and his eyes poured into mine. "How could I agree to let you end something so beautiful Bella? You have so much life in you, why are you so willing to end all of that? You could live a normal life Bella. You could have a family and grow old, even if it wasn't with me. I would be happy even if you found someone else. I could still at least have you with me. You'd still be my Bella."
"I'll still be here Jake. I-" started but he pulled away from me. His eye angry and filled with hurt.
"No Bella. You won't be the same. Don't even try to pull that with me. I don't know what those bloodsuckers have told you, but you won't be the same. You'll be just like those newborns. Driven by your bloodlust. You won't be the same Bella. The Bella that I know, the Bella that I love, will die the moment your heart stops beating and you know it."
I didn't know how to react, because I knew that he was right. I knew that I was never going to be the same Bella again. Maybe I would be someone very close to her, but would never be the same exact Bella Swan that I was at this moment.
Jacob put his hands on my shoulders gently and leaned down. At first I thought he was going to kiss me but instead placed his warm lips on my forehead. His hands were trembling so badly that they were shaking my body. After a few moments he pulled away and started waking backwards, his eyes never leaving mine. I didn't realize it right away, but he was going back over his side of the line. His body was trembling so badly that he started to look blurry.
"Goodbye Bella." And within a flash and sound of tearing cloth, he was gone.
"Jake?" I called. Silence. I called his name again but was met with nothing. Flashes of being left in woods invaded my vision. I tried to push the memories away but the same feeling of abandonment invaded my chest and started to reopen the hole that was closed so long ago.
"Jacob?" I cried, and was only answered by sound of my desperate echo. I cried his name again, not stopping the sob that broke through.
I barely felt my knees hit the muddy Earth beneath me. I didn't hear the thunder or the lighting crashing around me or feeling of the cold rain pelt my skin. I could hear nothing but Jacob's voice saying 'Goodbye Bella.' In those two words he broke every promise he ever made me. He promised that he would never leave me and here I am, left in the rain, just like Sam found me so long ago.
I knew it was selfish to think this way. I was the one that was forcing him to do this. I knew he would never accept me as a vampire and that once I was turned we would, could, never be friends again. I just couldn't believe it happened so easily, so quickly.
"Bella?" someone called my name. For a second I thought it was Jacob but after hearing it the second time I knew who it was. And I wasn't sure if I even deserved to see this person right now. I had promised myself that I would never cry in front of him because of Jacob Black.
I stood up and turned around. Edward stood there perfect as ever, even drenched in rain and his hair blown around by the wind. His eyes were filled with concern, concern and worry I didn't deserve. I walked up to him but he met me half way and wrapped his cold arms around me.
"I'm so sorry Bella. I'm so sorry." He murmured to me and held me as the rest of my tears ran their course.
I finally pulled away and took his hand. "Let's go back home." I muttered as we walked towards the car.
"Okay, Bella. Let's go home." He said and went in the driver's seat and I sat obediently in the passenger seat.
As we drove away, I kept my eyes on the review mirror, watching La Push and Jacob fade into the distance.
