AN: This will be one of the few times I put an AN here so take this as a WARNING. This chapter is NOT in my normal writing style and is merely to set up later events and the character's rather unique thought process. So please bear with me and don't write me off as talent less because of this chapter. THANK YOU.

Disclaimer: I've begged the Day,

Wheedled the Night,

Bribed the Dawn,

Yet still don't own 'Twilight'

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Reflections On Life and In Water

I was almost literally flying through the forest; my feet touched the ground so infrequently. The impossible speed should have scared me but I barely noticed. I was in shock from committing an act I had never believed myself capable of; murder. As I ran I thought about all the vampire lore I had learned as a human and wondered how much of it was true. Could I cast a reflection? Could I turn into a bat? I doubted it, that myth always seemed silly to me. Could being staked through the heart really kill me? I didn't think so, seeing as I had survived being hit by a car without even a bruise. But if that myth was incorrect, how many others were wrong? Would I have to sleep in a coffin? Burst into flames when in contact of sunlight, holy water, garlic, or crosses? I know I survived the gray light of dawn, but did that really qualify as true sunlight? And what was with me sparkling in those dim rays? Was it a warning of combustion if I prolonged my exposure? I decided not to risk it in any case. Whether I went up in flames or not, I still didn't want people — humans to see me glitter.

Then came the heavy questions, the ones about my diet. How often did I need to eat? Could I supplement with regular food? Did I have to kill a person when I drank? Or could I improve my control so I that I only took what I needed and stopped before I killed my victim? Somehow, I doubted that it was possible. I didn't even think when I killed the man in the Saturn and if I wasn't even capable of thought when I hunted, how could I remember not to kill?

Unfortunately, vampires also seemed to have perfect recall and the thought of the man I had murdered brought graphic memories of his pale face to my mind. The guilt, the reality of my completely unreal situation came crashing down on me as an almost physical weight that caused my footsteps to slow, falter, and stop. I sunk to my hands and knees at the foot of a Giant Sequoia and sobbed only to find I had no tears. This finding made my hysterics escalate until I was screeching my misery. I cried for the family I had no remembrance of but had logically lost, I cried for the life I had taken on the highway, I cried for the countless other lives that I would inevitably take to sate my thirst, I cried for what I had become, I cried out of frustration at not knowing what it really meant to be a vampire, and most of all, I cried for dreams and life I had had torn away from me and not being able to replace them due to what I was. After all, what was a vampire but a parasite designed to feed off the lives of others? Just like…like any other carnivore in this world.

This new train of thought shook me out of my wails of grief into a stunned silence as I pondered it further. Was it not the natural order of things for one creature to kill another for survival? Did not the lioness kill the zebra for sustenance? The hawk the mouse? One side of me argued that it was cannibalistic considering I had just been human, but the other side countered that I wouldn't be the only species. The dissenting side fought back by bringing to light the fact that humans weren't animals. Surprising myself, my brain whispered, 'But aren't they?' Really, what delineated man from beast? What made his life so much more worth preserving? His intelligence? His sense of superiority? The strength of his emotions? His creativity? Or was it man's supposedly endless capability to love that set him apart?

Contemplatively, I thought that it was possible, even likely that there were other animals close to an average human's IQ but that the tests they designed were made for humans. It would be like giving an American student his literary final in Arabic. And what gives humans the right to rule over all things? Because the Bible said so? What can that archaic book decide over logic? Especially in its present, watered-down, altered, barely-recognizable-from-the-original state? As for the poignancy of emotions, how can emotions be truly measured? Emotions by their very nature cannot be adequately expressed in any way and to try can cheapen emotions held most dear, like love. Hmph, love. While in some cases I agree that a human's capability to love is infinite it is easily counterbalanced by their hate, greed, and pettiness. A dog may not love its master with the same strength as said master loves its mate, but neither will the dog be ever truly angry with its master as the master will inevitably feel toward its mate. As far as creativity goes, anyone who has studied biology in any form should know that what some creatures do for mere survival is more creative than anything humans could hope to achieve.

A small corner of my mind recognized my internal monologue as rationalizing, but my sanity depended on quashing the guilt of the murder I had and the murders I would commit, so the voice was quickly pushed away.

Having dealt with my remorse, I got to my feet and decided my first order of business was to evaluate the validity of the myths I had recalled earlier. I quickly chose to test whether or not I cast a reflection, as that was one of the easiest and least dangerous for me to try. Also, I was curious to know how else my appearance had changed besides my skin. I set out to look for some water as I thought that would be the most likely way to see my reflection while remaining in the forest's protective shade.

'Not that it mattered too much anymore,' I thought distantly, as a steel gray sheet of clouds had blown in to cover the sun. The quick weather change combined with the Giant Sequoia led me to believe that I had awoken somewhere in northwestern California.

Concentrating on my desire to find water, preferably a small pond or other stagnant source, I instinctively closed my eyes and simply listened and breathed.

I smelled what I sought before I heard it, but was unable to identify the scent without the accompanying sounds. I detected a scent that reminded me of mud, algae, decay, and yet still seemed refreshing. Moments later I heard the sound of water gently hitting the shore as the wind blew.

Eyes still closed, I ran in that direction, marveling at the power of my senses and body. I had always been a very sight-dependent creature, so to wholly rely on my other senses was a new experience. I was able to dodge all obstacles in my path by feeling the air I moved bounce back and hit me, thus letting me know where and how far away the obstacle was. I could hear all the living things in at least a three-mile radius of where I was, along with their smells. The sound of so many heartbeats made my throat ache again and, chagrined, I opened my eyes to distract myself.

To my pleasant surprise, I could already see the dim shine the water gave off under the lightly but well covered sky. For a brief moment I feared that the water was too dark to reflect images, but before I could worry myself further, I was at the shoreline. My first emotion was pleasure that the conditions were almost perfect for casting a reflection of the lake's surface, proven by the detailed pictures of pines I could see on the water. But as my eye drew down directly before me, I faltered at what I saw. Or rather, at what I didn't see. For where my reflection should have been, there was nothing but the clouds above shown. Panic started to well up in me before I buried it and all other feelings far away.

Clinically, and somewhat sardonically, I thought, 'Myth one has proven to be factual. Vampires do not cast any reflection whatsoever.'

Just then I heard what would come to be my most loved and hated sound. I smelled what would become my most loved and most hated scent. A heartbeat and the scent of God.

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AN: 1,425 words not including the AN s or disclaimer for my second chapter of all time.

Please don't correct me on the reflection issue in any reviews you are so kind to give me. I know that is not a vampire characteristic in SM's world but neither is it in mine. I know what I am doing and soon you will too.

Please, please, please forgive me for all the questions in this chapter along with all the odd and probably offensive viewpoints. I must say that I do not necessarily believe the conclusions my character came to, but I have asked myself these questions before. The questions and conclusions she came to were necessary to set her up as a character and to explain her action for sequential chapters.

If you did not read the AN above I want to reassure you that I will not ever have so many questions in a chapter again. I do not normally write this way, but it was necessary to set up later events.