CHAPTER 2
Ikutachi watched in muted horror as all the love and light in Barbatos' eyes faded to black. He expected the Phantom to start yelling; demand a better reason than, "I can't." Instead Barbatos just stood there staring at him. Seconds ticked by in agonizing silence. Ikutachi wanted to say something, but he couldn't think of anything that would make turning down his lover's proposal any better.
"I-I can explain." Ikutachi said, scrambling to get his thoughts in order.
"No," Barbatos said quickly, "I shouldn't have…" He stopped; his thoughts appearing to continue, but his words trailing off. "Why don't we go back inside? It's starting to get cold."
"But…"
"Its fine, Iku," Barbatos said, taking Ikutachi's hand in his. Come on, let's get inside."
Ikutachi let Barbatos walk him back to the mansion; the Phantom's large warm hand wrapped around his small cold one. Despite his lover's reassurance that everything was fine, Ikutachi could feel the sudden rift between them growing by the second. He desperately wanted to close the gap, but he didn't know where to begin.
The idea of marriage terrified Ikutachi. It was so permanent. So… forever. There were expectations that came with being a husband. Expectations that Ikutachi was nowhere near ready to fulfill. He was having a hard enough time dealing with this whole boyfriend thing, which, by the way, he sucked at. And if he couldn't figure out how to be a good boyfriend, then how in the world could he ever be a good husband?
The terrible truth was that Ikutachi was vain and arrogant. He had a pension for throwing things when he was angry, and always said the first thought that came to mind no matter how hurtful it was. More often than not, every argument he and Barbatos had was a result of something Ikutachi had either done or said. Whenever they made up, the Phantom would say that their constant fighting was a natural side-effect of having such a passionate relationship. Ikutachi, however, knew the truth. It was a sign that their love would not withstand the test of time.
It was one thing to say you'll be together forever, but to actually do it is an entirely different story. It was only a matter of time before Barbatos realized the depth of Ikutachi's shallowness. And when he did, Ikutachi would be replaced by someone who could return the Phantom's love properly. In all honesty, it was a wonder Barbatos hadn't done so already.
No, they could never get married. The day that Barbatos finally decided to leave for good, Ikutachi needed to make sure the Phantom could do so without anything holding him back or tying him down. Until then, Ikutachi would sustain himself on these borrowed moments; cherishing every second of this false forever with the Phantom.
Ikutachi clutched Barbatos' arm, clinging to him tightly. He searched for a way to put all that he was thinking into words. He wanted the Phantom to understand why he said no, but his selfishness wouldn't allow him. If there was a chance that they could have a bit more time together; if they could just delay the inevitable for a few more precious days, then perhaps losing the Phantom wouldn't hurt so much.
"Why are we going to my room?" Ikutachi asked softly.
They usually stayed the night in Barbatos' room since the Phantom's bed was larger. At that particular moment, Ikutachi was contemplating seduction as a way to buy himself some more time, but considering the amount of damage already done, he wasn't entirely sure it would work. If the Phantom insisted on sleeping separately, then all hope was lost.
"I'm, uh…tired." Barbatos replied. "I have a morning spar with Saizo, so I need get some rest."
"We can just sleep if you want." Ikutachi suggested, desperately trying to hide the hurt in his voice.
Barbatos laughed, but it didn't quite have the enthusiasm it normally did. "We never just sleep," he replied.
"We can tonight." Ikutachi promised quietly.
Several seconds passed before Barbatos answered. "Best to avoid temptation, don't you think?"
"I-if you say so."
Barbatos dropped Ikutachi off at his door, releasing his hand almost immediately. "I'll see you tomorrow." He said.
"Should we meet for lunch?" Ikutachi asked hopefully.
"I, uh… don't really know what my schedule is tomorrow. Why don't we play it by ear?"
Ikutachi nearly flinched at the veiled rejection. It was in that moment, he realized he wouldn't be seeing Barbatos tomorrow. As a matter of fact, it might be several days before he saw the Phantom again. Fear blossomed in his chest as reality settled on his shoulders.
"Alright," Ikutachi replied.
Barbatos leaned in for a kiss. Ikutachi tilted his head up, hoping to at least have some measure of the Phantom's passion to carry with him in the lonely days to come. Sadly, the fire never came; not even a flicker. Barbatos placed a light kiss on Ikutachi's forehead, bringing with it the frigid air of his cold shoulder. "Good night," he whispered.
"Good night," Ikutachi whispered back.
