Chapter 2

He knows all about her … everything.

Regina Mills has always been a very private person. In her adult life she has never been the one to tell others about her fears, desires, love interests, about the things that made her feel uneasy, but she can tell there had been two special persons that helped her in the process of opening up.

The first one is her best friend, Emma Swan. They both have been friends since college and had been roommates during their time there. Emma and Regina had built a really intense friendship and it was almost as if they were sisters. Being Regina an only child, and Emma an orphan that spent many years in the foster system, both have developed an instant and special friendship that grew over the years.

Then, it had been Daniel, a caring man that had been in love with Regina secretly for years and that one day suddenly surprised her when he shared his feelings towards her. They began dating in college, started a more serious relationship, and finally Daniel proposed to Regina just after finishing college and having both gotten their firsts well paid jobs.

But, in both cases, it hadn't been easy for Regina, and it took years to finally open up to them. She could say with no doubt that Daniel and Emma have been the only two people who knew her and her life as an open book.

So, after three years of attending regular therapy sessions, she is amazed at how easily she has been able to share the most private details of her life with a complete stranger: her psychiatrist and therapist.

Regina began attending Dr. Robin Locksley's consultation a month after tragically losing her husband in an accident. She became a widow in a blink of an eye at thirty two years old, with no time to prepare herself to face life alone and with an eight year old boy that demanded answers, and was struggling with the loss of a father. It was just too much to bear alone.

She remembers how Emma had insisted on seeking professional help "Regina, look at yourself! You haven't left that bed in days, you're not eating, you sleep all day … If it weren't for Belle, Henry wouldn't have even been fed or attended school!" She also recalls how Emma's words resonated in her ears, just as a background sound … she couldn't even concentrate in the words Emma was saying. It was like hearing to the sound of the ocean … just a noise … pleasant, but a noise, at all.

But at Emma's insistence or at her lack of desire to argue with her, she still doesn't know which of them had done the job, she had finally accepted to attend Dr. Locksley's consultation, along with Emma, to seek help.

She can't recall that vividly her first session with him, because it all had happened like if she had been in a haze. It had been as if she were under the influence of some sort of drug, but now she knows she had been under the effect of pain… deep and terrible pain.

It took six entire months for her to see the light again. Six long months of regular therapy sessions, where at first she even had no strength left to cry, but then she began opening herself up with her therapist and with the right counselling and some medication, she began to feel again will to live.

Step by step she started to regain control of her life again: she returned to work and had energy enough to accept new challenges there; she began driving her son to school in the mornings and attending school meetings that she'd missed the last six months; she began taking time for a little shopping for herself, maybe a change of wardrobe; she activated her gym membership and started regular training cycles (that had been her therapist's recommendation, that had considered healthy that she engaged in a hobby or activity she enjoyed that would help her mind busy in moments where she could be at risk of having negative thoughts).

Therapy sessions became part of her routine and soon she began to look forward to Wednesday's afternoons with Dr. Locksley. At his insistence, after some time he asked her to just call him "Robin" and avoid the formal "Dr. Locksley", he said it would help build a more horizontal relationship doctor/patient and had laughed saying "after all we are stuck for some time on Wednesday's afternoons".

Those sessions were her safe space, one where she showed herself as she was: no secrets, no half trues, not pretending to be someone who she wasn't just to please someone else, no judgement, no reprimands, no obligations of any kind.

Regina bonded with her therapist immediately, and the success on her healing had been mostly due to Robin's skills, but also how she connected with him, how they empathized with each other and how much she trusted him.

But the truth is that despite the excellent professional her therapist is, she began to enjoy her therapy sessions a little more during the last months. And, now, three years later, and while she drives to her last session with him, she tries to be honest with herself and to recall when was the first sign she had that she was seeing her therapist not as a professional, but as a man and that, actually, she liked him ….to be honest it was more than liking, she was in love with him.

...

As soon as Regina got over depression, some months after beginning her therapy sessions, and she began to see the world again, she realized that her therapist was a very good looking man, with blue eyes to die for. She remembers saying to Emma "If I have to spend one hour a week talking and looking to a complete stranger, it's good that it gets to be Dr. Locksley". But, she knows it had been a simple appreciation of a handsome man and not a further interest. That much she had clear. By that time she was still mourning the loss of her husband, and although she had overcome the severe depression of the first months, she missed her husband deeply and didn't have any intention to move on with anyone.

She had appreciated his physical attributes, his manners towards her (always the gentleman, waiting for her by the door, helping her to take her coat off, walking her to the door at the end of each session, opening the door for her), she was aware she enjoyed hearing him talk in that sexy accent, but that had been all.

Regina thinks she began seeing Robin differently around a year ago, during their last Christmas Session, when she found really awkward one of Robin's reaction to something she said.

She steps into his office and finds him standing by the door and waiting for her. She notices, from the minute she steps in, that he's staring at her and that he's having a hard time trying to take his eyes away from her. It's not the first time she catches him looking at her ….she wouldn't say inappropriately, but definitely it's not the look of a professional, it's more … personal. But, the way he looks at her doesn´t make her feel uncomfortable at all. On the contrary, she likes that she gets to feel like she has some control over him. It's nice to feel that way when she knows that during therapy sessions it's him the one who mostly defines where the session goes.

She has gained self-confidence during therapy over the last two years and has begun to acknowledge that she is an attractive woman, and that she has that effect on other people… and, well, there are looks that might make her uncomfortable in fact, but not Robin's.

Regina knows that he is staring at her ass when she turns around to hang her coat, and has her back facing him. She can't be sure because she isn't looking at him, but she just can feel his eyes on her; however, when she turns around to take a seat, he is looking innocently to his notebook.

And, it's not that she is dressed inappropriately, because she came directly to their appointment from work, and didn't have time to change. So, her outfit is a formal working attire, one that fits her well and reveals her curves in a very discrete way. She finds her self-confidence twice rewarded when she thinks on the effect she has on him just from that simple, discrete dress.

After he explains how the session works, she begins "You know, Robin, I do like these sessions … I do, really, but I think you have leverage here because you know all about me, my life, my son, my parents, my friends, my relationship with Graham … and hmmm …. I know very little about you and your life, so I think it'd be fair if I get to know something about you, don't you think? So, tell me three things about you … something I already don't know".

She looks at him smiling, because she is still aware that he is having trouble focusing, and she finds him really cute trying to be subtle, but failing terribly.

He looks at her and says "Okay, Regina. You will begin, but then it's my turn. I'm divorced, I have a son and I'm an outdoor guy. Was any of those a surprise for you?"

Listening to his answers she smiles thinking that he really underestimates her and answers "Well, I already knew you have a son and I assumed you were divorced … so from your three answers, only one was a surprise for me. Outdoor guy, huh?"

She's amused at his face of surprise, because well it had been so obvious for her that he had a son and that he was divorced, so she is even more surprised when he asks how did she guess and from her answer she can tell he really wasn't expecting her observation skills.

And now, it's Robin's turn and she is really caught off guard when he asks her to tell him three things she did the day before, things he didn't know. And it seems a simple question, but when she begins thinking she realizes the man in front of her knows everything about her life, and there is little left that would be, in fact, a surprise for him. So, she thinks and thinks and recalls all that she did that Tuesday and smiles when she remembers there's something he doesn't know and begins with "I went to a basketball game to watch Henry play".

She looks at him while he nods in approval and has this look on his face, one that she had already seen in him when he hears what she's telling, one look just in the middle of full attention and admiration…. Maybe she's wrong and it's only that he doesn't want to miss any details …. Yes, that's it, definitely is …. And she continues saying "… and … hmmm… I had a really uncomfortable lunch meeting with my boss and almost had to take his hands off me the whole meeting…"

At her second answer, she notices that his expression changes, maybe to one of concern or angriness, and she knows it is because they have talked about her boss and how uncomfortable she feels around him and he had recommended her to report the bastard's misconduct to human resources but she has told him that maybe it's her perception, because the man hasn't touched her ever on purpose … and from the information she just disclosed, well it seems this time he has… or at least has tried.

But she doesn't want this session to be about that topic in particular and her incapacity to deal with a shit of a boss, so she makes an effort and tries to think in the third thing she'd done yesterday that he might not know. Hundreds of thoughts blast her mind: the gym, no, he knows she goes daily; work, not an option obviously, driving Henry to school in the morning, she does it every day and he knows; …oh, God she's running out of options…..and she keeps thinking … dinner with Graham, he knows she dines with him Tuesdays and Thursdays already … oh, but there's something… well, something personal but they have talked about it before, and he's a professional and technically that is something he doesn't know for sure she did the day before, so she shoots "I had sex with Graham".

And she watches stupefied how his face changes and morphs to one of complete indignation and anger, but the worst is what he says next "Are you always so open about your sex life? Are you like this with everyone? Are you going to tell me how many times you did it? Was he the one on top? Or it was you? Do you want to share that with me also?"

Regina hears his words openmouthed and only gets to answer "Robin, what was that? We have talked about this before, specifically about intimacy between me and Graham. You helped me overcome a lot of issues about this. You are aware of it. I don't understand why this bothers you now? The rules of this session are clear for the both of us and I haven't broken any of them, but I apologize if I did and made you feel uncomfortable for any reason".

But then he apologizes and makes an effort to move to another topic. However, Regina won't let him think that she goes around talking to complete strangers about her sex life so she needs to clarify just in case he hadn't noticed "Okay, Robin let's continue …. And, just for the record you do know I'm not that open with anyone else. It's with you that I feel comfortable enough to talk freely and share almost anything. As my therapist you should be aware of this and I still don't understand why having a satisfactory sex life with my boyfriend bothers you? You should be happy that I get to accomplish that with your support".

She just hears him mumble "Good to know" and they continue trying to leave behind the awkwardness of the moment.

When she leaves his office with just a "Good bye, Robin. Have a nice Christmas and a Happy New Year" and they kiss good bye as always, a short kiss on the cheek, she hears him say "Same for you Regina. And, I'm really sorry for reacting that bad earlier….hmmm… I'm having some personal issues and just … well, I really feel bad. I … I don't want your therapy to get in the middle of my poor behavior and I would understand if you want me to derive you to another colleague".

"Robin, you're just human. I understand. I want to continue therapy with you."

"Okay, Regina, see you after New Year, then!"

And with that she leaves, but there's something off with all of this… something that doesn't fit properly … Why did Robin react like that?

And for the next two weeks Regina hides this feeling of uneasiness somewhere in her mind, focuses in the proximity of Christmas and tries to make the holidays really enjoyable for her son, and when New Year is over, she realizes she must return to her regular therapy sessions the next week and the thought of the last session comes to her mind.

It is Emma the one that takes away the blindfold from Regina's eyes, just the afternoon before returning to her regular therapy sessions. Both women are together, just chilling, and Emma asks "So, how are your therapy sessions with the British hottie?"

That question reminds Regina of the strange feeling she has been experimenting these past two weeks, since the incident in the last Christmas Session and answers "Everything's fine, but now that you bring this up… you know, last session was kind of awkward… he reacted very badly when I told him I had sex with Graham…. During these two years of therapy we have discussed this kind of things many times, so I just don't get it".

And Emma's answer hits her like a bucket of cold water "Oh, my God, Regina! Don't you get it? He's jealous…. That guy is nuts for you! I knew it!" But Regina, is used to Emma's comments sometimes totally out of line and just replies "And… you know this because…? Oh, please Emma you are not part of our sessions even. It's not that… but I don't know what it is, either."

"It's obvious, Regina. You just don't see it because you're too close and can't see the whole picture. Don't answer me but, is he married? Have you caught him staring at you? Does he compliment your dress choices or any change you make in your appearance? Have you sometimes made him feel nervous? Does his expression change when you talk about Graham? Does he behave oddly when he's around Graham, let's say when Graham picks you up?" Regina is about to answer, but Emma talks first "Don't … don't answer me … just think about it."

And with that they drop the topic, and continue talking about other things, but Emma's words doesn't fade away, on the contrary Regina keeps hearing those words for weeks and begins to see things very differently from that moment on.

...

Regina continues driving to her last session with him.

It's a December Wednesday afternoon and, with Christmas just around the corner, traffic is insane. She is grateful that she had the good judgement to leave a little earlier from work, because she is now stuck in a really long line of cars waiting for a traffic light to change.

But the truth is that the decision of leaving a little earlier was not only her intention to be cautious. It had also been that she needed fresh air, because she was beginning to feel a little anxious, and really couldn't focus on work anymore.

Regina has been nervous all day long, with a lump that begun to form in her throat since early that morning. She needed to be away from the prying eyes of her colleague Mal, that already had asked her three times at least what was wrong with her; or the ones of Mary Margaret, her boss' daughter who also happened to work there as his assistant, who insinuated that it was definitely a man the one that had been keeping her mind away from work.

Stuck in traffic and waiting for the traffic light to change, Regina remembers how she began to see her time in therapy in a very different way just since she retook her sessions with Robin after Emma's "he's nuts for you!" and she did notice that there was something different in the way Robin looked at her. When she first noticed that look in his eyes, she thought it was interest and concentration, but later she realized this look was different. She had seen that some look in Mary Margaret's eyes every time her colleague David was around her…. It was the look of someone in love. And it was so obvious…. How did she miss this with Robin for so long?

For months she observed him, since she stepped into his office, and she noticed that he liked to look at her, and not only with the I'm in love look, but it was also the you are so hot look.

She noted how Robin's behavior was really odd and almost like if he was a complete different person, the few times Graham had been in Robin's office to pick Regina up and had waited for her in Robin's waiting room. As soon as Graham kissed her and circled her shoulders with his arm, to leave, she had caught Robin's gaze and it had been not the one of the warm man that listened to her every Wednesday afternoon, but the look of a jealous, angry man, one about to explode, and that only could show a half smile and nod with his head as a way of greeting her boyfriend. Not even a hand shake, not a "hello" or "hi".

And, lately, Regina has started to notice how when she began talking he seemed to be listening, but when she asked him something or finished what she was saying, and it was his time to say something, he just continued looking at her, unaware of the awkward silence.

At some point, all this observation changed her perception on Robin, and she realized that he became part of her life … an important part and that she needed him. And, for a while she hasn't been sure if it was the need to have him near because for years he made her feel safe and maybe she had developed the famous patient/doctor dependency; or, if it was the need of being near the man, the man that makes her blush when he compliments her, the man that makes her feel goosebumps when accidentally he touches her when he leads her to the door, the man that she has caught daydreaming in front of her, more frequently as time went by, and the man that has made her realize that the one year relationship she had with another man was not what she wanted.

"Robin …. I'm … I'm conflicted" begins Regina just as soon as she takes a seat in Robin's office. This time there's no coat to take off, because it's a summer afternoon, in the middle of July, and she misses him helping her and feeling his subtle touch.

She has realized, for some time now that she misses the little physical contact they share.

He looks at her and asks "What's bothering you, Regina?"

"Hmmm … Graham and I have been together for a year now, but lately I've realized that our relationship is not as it used to be at the beginning".

She looks at him and waits for his answer that doesn't take long "Regina, we have talked about relationships, about how each relationship is unique and different from previous ones and that relationships are dynamic, they evolve in time. It doesn't mean you have less commitment or don't love your partner if it's being different from what it used to be. It's just the way the couple interacts that might change, but still it can be a healthy relationship".

Regina knows it's not what Robin is saying so she just intervenes before he continues elaborating about something she knows it's not about "It's not that. It's that I'm not happy anymore… I … I think I might be interested in someone else".

If she had any doubts before about Robin's feelings for her, well ….let's say the expression on his face clears all her doubts: shock, surprise, disconcert, uneasiness and he only gets to say "Oh", because it's evident he's out of words.

"Robin, I know I'm not here for you to give advice about my love life, but …" Robin doesn't let her finish and after evidently pulling himself together he says "Regina, my work is to be a guide and help you understand and explore your feelings and the basis of your problems so that you can make choices that will bring you peace, be happy and live a fulfilling life. But, the choices are yours, always".

"I understand … and I've already made a choice regarding my relationship with Graham, but still I need help to cope with the guilt that I feel right now because I will end things with him".

"Okay … Hmmm, but have you decided to break up with him to move on with this other person?"

"No. That's not the reason. I … I don't know if I have a chance with this person, but still it's not fair for Graham. He doesn't deserve to be with someone that doesn't reciprocate him. He is a good person, I know he loves me, he supports me, he is great with my son, sex is awesome with him …. But I … I don't love him … and that makes me feel that I'm living a lie … and that's not what I want for me. It's not who I am".

As the session goes on and they continue discussing the implications of Regina's decision, Regina can't help but notice that Robin is having trouble focusing on the session, it's like there's something in his mind bothering him.

She notices how he stares at her while she leaves, how he kisses her good bye as always, but something's not as always. He's distant with her… polite, but distant. She can feel it. And as she walks away, she realizes that he must be thinking that she is interested in another man, when the truth is that the "other man" is him and that she's crazy about him… and she is determined to find a way to let him know that.

...

Regina arrives to her last session with Dr. Robin Locksley fifteen minutes in advance despite the traffic, and decides to wait inside the car, at least, for ten more minutes, while she tries to calm down and apply some lipstick.

She is nervous and she needs something to soothe her anxiety and maybe give her the little courage she needs for this, so she takes from her purse the little bottle Emma gave her that morning saying "just in case you need a little push with Dr. Dimples" and takes three generous sips of liquor.

Regina isn't worried that she has to drive home at the end of the afternoon, because it had been three … well four sips, to be honest, and there's plenty of time for the liquor to get out of her system.

So, she just steps out of the car and begins walking towards the clinic.

Her outfit choice that morning had been really a tough one. She needed something suited for work, but also something that would make her look good enough that Robin couldn't take his eyes away from her.

After hours of struggle that morning, trying clothes on just to take them off minutes later with a look of displeasure on her face, she finally found the perfect outfit, one that she didn't use for the office anymore, since she had found Sidney Glass, the creepy stalker, staring at her ass and cleavage much longer than necessary some time ago.

But that morning she didn't care, besides she knew that Sidney Glass would stare at her in whatever she chose to wear, so she decided for the two piece skirt and jacket that hugged all her curves and showed some cleavage, nothing vulgar but maybe a little more than would be appropriate for work.

She walks confidently towards the clinic, encouraged with the help the liquor has given her. She has her coat on, but still looks gorgeous with it. It's a December afternoon, so it's really cold.

The distance from the parking lot to the entrance of the clinic is not that long, and she manages to arrive to Dr. Locksley's office in time and stunning as always, but there's more about how she looks today. It's not only that she looks beautiful and sexy, it's the expression on her face and the way her eyes lighten.

And, as soon as she takes a seat in the waiting room, she notices Tink staring at her and talking very quietly on the phone and after a few minutes Tink tells Regina that she can come into Dr. Locksley's office.

Regina stands up and begins walking to Robin's office for the last session with him.


TBC ...