A/N
ALUCARD: "Good Evening, my tasty little treats. Tonight our host, Texas Krow, cannot be here due to, well, let's just say he's in a tight spot right now hahaha…. HaHaHa… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH- Wait a minute how the hell did you get out."
TEXAS KROW: "dude, it was easy"
ALUCARD: "I PUT A 2 TON ROCK ON YOUR HEAD!"
TEXAS KROW: "Duh, I'm the author, I can do anything I want."
ALUCARD: "OH REALLY well let's see how you handle this. Releasing Control Art Restriction Systems Three…Tw-"
TEXAS KROW: "Engage Control Art Restriction Systems zero….one…two…three…four…five…six, complete control of servant has been established, and he has been made silent. See, don't mess with me, Alucard, or do I have to bring in Schrödinger?"
Alucard falls to his knees and silently begs him not to
TEXAS KROW: "Well too bad for you, I'm bring him out anyway because I promised to let him do the disclaimer. SCHRODINGER! GET OUT HERE, YOU NAZI FUCKHOLE."
SCHRODINGER: "Guten Tag, T.K. How you been?"
TEXAS KROW: "Alright, before you start pissing me off, let's get something straight: First, you will do the disclaimer exactly like I told you. Second, you will NOT GET SIDETRACKED. Third, if you can do all that without fucking it up, I'll turn Big Al here into a cute kitten to be your new pet."
ALUCARD: O_O
SCHRODINGER: "Ok, boss, here we go."
DISCLAIMER: Texas Krow does not own anything Hellsing all praise goes to Kouta Hirano
POOF! In the place of Alucard now sits a black cat with red eyes *meow*(translated: I will kill you all, so help me god)
TEXAS KROW: "Now, get the fuck out of my face, Schrödinger." POP! "Well, now that their gone, let get on with the story. Enjoy."
Chapter 2: To Sleep Per Chance to SCREAM
3 Weeks prior
"Dad, can we please take a break. I'm sweating buckets over here" the young girl complained. Which fell on deaf ears. Her father couldn't stop, even if he wanted to. He was so close, he could taste it and if the voice was telling the truth, immortality was his. But he too felt tired and the sun was setting. After moving one more boulder, he gave into the screaming muscles.
"Yeah, sure, we can come back tomorrow."
"I know I asked you before, but why are we out here again?"
"My daughter, we are out here to uncover one of the most valuable gems the world has ever seen: The Staff of the Ottoman Empire, said to be buried with Radu III The Fair, The brother of Vlad III Tepes known to the modern world as Count Dracula." He explained.
"Wow, are you saying that we are looking for Dracula's broth- wait a minute, wasn't Radu a Wallachia prince? Why would an Islamic staff be in his possession?"
Her father just shook his head. "My dear, you are right, Radu was a prince of Wallachia but he converted to Islam."
"Oh, right, I knew that." She said, looking very tired
"Alright, I think the heat has gotten to you, let's come back tomorrow. But right now let's go get something to eat, your choice, how does that sound?"
"Awesome, let's go to that pizza place that we passed by this morning!"
"Sounds great." He said.
'Sad', he thought, 'I thought she would choose something better for her last meal.'
Later that night
'WAKE UP!'
"Huh wa- w-who's there?"
'It's the fucking Tooth Fairy, who the fuck do you think it is. Why didn't you dig me up today?'
"Well, you see, I wanted my daughter to be… uhh… fresh for you tomorrow"
'Well, how fucking thoughtful of you, while I'm stuck in this fucking hole, your letting your daughter get fat on, what was it called again, ohhhhhhh that's right, pizza and other fatty foods, that way when I wake up tomorrow and feed, it'll be like sucking down a tub of lard, thank you sooooo much for thinking of me. Asshole.'
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, I'll make sure she eats some steak tomorrow morning."
'I want her to have a breakfast of steak, eggs, bacon, toast, and orange juice. Did you get that, or am I going to have to write it down for you?'
"No, I got it but that's kinda a big breakfast."
'You're going to wake up late tomorrow, so do not set the alarm, when you wake up, you will get dressed, go to your daughter, tell her we need to get going, but we do still have time to get something to eat, you will take her to a place that serves that breakfast, order for her, tell here it's faster this way, eat something too, to keep up your strength, and to keep her unknowing, travel out here and WAKE ME THE FUCK UP! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!'
"Yes, I understand, tomorrow you shall rise." 'Good, now get some sleep, I want you and your daughter prepared, for tomorrow, I shall walk the Earth once more!'
2:38P 4/29/12
"Hey, honey, it's time to wake up." He said as he woke her up tenderly.
"Uhhhhh, five more minutes, I don't wanna go to school"
"Seriously, wake up, we need to get going or we won't make there to get the Staff." That woke the sleepy girl up real quick.
"Shit, what time is it?"
"2:40P.M. but we still have time to get some food, but only if you hurry." She got out of bed and headed for the shower.
Jessica Crowley was every teenage Goth boys dream. Long legs, long raven black hair that came down to the small of her back, an ass that would make Aphrodite jealous, and tits that could make a saint think twice. Only one small thing that was odd about her. Her eyes. She had been told once that her eyes could be compared to the sadness of a thousand oceans mixed with the rage of a thousand suns. Which wasn't too far off. She had red and blue eyes, not one red, and one blue, but two red and blue eyes, colors perfectly mixed to create a pentacle shape surrounding her pupil.
As she turned the faucet on and started her shower, she got undressed but stopped. She felt someone- no someTHING watching her.
Then, she shook her head. "It must be nerves, I'll feel better after a shower." As she was showering, her father was pacing.
'Having second thoughts, are we?'
" What, no, of course not , I want the gift and I'll do anything to get it, even if it means giving my daughter to you"
'Good, because if you back out, I have another who will free me, and I'll come and eat you instead'
"What do you mean 'another'?"
'What, you thought that I didn't have a backup plan in case you tried to chicken shit your way out of our deal, come on, never put all of your eggs into one basket'
" You don't trust me?"
'Trust you, HELL NO I DON'T TRUST YOU, you're human after all, with all the faults of a human, but don't take it personally, I don't trust anybody really. It's my nature . But don't worry, if you hold up your end of the bargain, I'll hold up mine.'
"Well, that's all that matters to me.
23 minutes later
"So I thought we could get a big lunch/dinner over at that place by the inn. How's that sound, sweetheart? Sweetheart? You OK over there?"
"Yeah, Dad, I'm just thinking, that's all. And sure, sounds great. Eggs."
"Eggs?" he asked.
"Yeah, eggs, with some toast, glass of OJ, some bacon, and a little steak. YUMMY! Doesn't that sound great, Dad?"
"Yeah, that does sound awesome." Wow, it's like she was reading his mind.
1 hour 10 min later 4:11P.M.
"So, Dad, after we find him and the Staff, what happens next?"
"Well, Jessie, I don't know, probably sell it to the highest bidder." He said flatly.
"WHAT, so we're grave robbers now!"
"No, that's not what I meant, I mean we're going to go from museum to museum and whoever gives us the best price gets it."
"Oh OK, well how much mor-"
CRACK! Sssssssssssssssssssssss
"Finally, I'll go in first, wait about five minutes or until I give the sign, OK?"
"OK, Dad , just be careful, please."
As he entered, he felt a cold gust of air, as if it was say "Turn back now or abandon all hope." But he was so close, he couldn't turn back.
'Took you long enough, I'm in the corner to your right.' And so he was, in all his glory, Radu III The Lycan.
'take a picture, it'll last longer.'
"Sorry, I'm just in awe right now."
' Well, while you bask in my fucking glory, why don't you grab my sword, cut your hand, and feed me a little so I can be ready to take your daughter.'
"Right, OK, let me grab it."
And as he cut his hand, immediately, as the blood pooled, the body began to shake with what seemed like anticipation. So he lowered his hand to the mouth of the body and began to feed it his blood. Not a drop was wasted.
Slowly, the body began to rise. 4 foot then five and finally to its full height of 6'10". As the body was finally filling out with muscles and replacing bone, skin started to rejuvenate and reappear in places that it was lost. Just as soon it had start, it was finished. And there he stood, like a God of War*.
"God, I needed that."
"Shall I call her in?"
"Sure, go ahead. After you give me my sword back." He said in a bored tone.
"Oh, right, here you go. JESSIE, I FOUND IT COME ON IN!"
As Jessica entered, she saw her father in the middle of the cave, blood dripping onto the ground. "OH MY GOD, Dad, are you okay!"
In a tone she had never heard before, he said, "Oh, I'm better than okay, I'm about to become immor-"
Shhhhhickkkkkk!
As his entire body was racing with pain, all he could hear was the beating of his own heart and a distant blood curling scream. And as he looked down, all he could see was the three feet of bloody metal sticking out of his chest. His last words were, "Damn, I knew it was too good to be true." Then, he closed his eyes and he was gone.
To be continued….
A/N DUN DUN DUNNNNNN
Ha ha sorry to leave you hanging folks but I've got to have you come back for more so stay tuned in for the next update
*this reference comes from one of my favorite video games as a kid and no it was nothing to do with Kratos or however you spell his name. If you can guess it right, I won't give you anything but you will have my respect
Also, I'm not sure whether or not this Jessica Crowley character will be anything but if you would like her to be, please review and tell me. And about the phrase from the first chapter it says "Vlady, come out and play". Sorry for making anyone confused.
Yours truly,
Texas Krow
