Author's Notes: Thanks to PhDelicious for the once-over, and the always-helpful advice. I'm so glad that a lot of people seemed to really enjoy the first chapter! (And agreed with me about the bump thing...which, I might add, was a comment about the character, not the actress.) Hope this chapter is just as much fun for you:)
Hello, Goodbye
by Kristen Elizabeth
Now, I could never change you,
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.
- Patti Smith and Don Henley
Grissom set one paper aside and reached for the next on top of the stack. Blinking his tired eyes, he scanned the handwritten lines.
I chose to take this course because…I think you're one of the foremost minds in this field, and I've read everything you've ever written. From this course, I hope to get…a better understanding of what it takes to become a scientist of your caliber.
Yanking off his glasses, Grissom was tempted to ball the paper up and chuck it in the trashcan along with the half-dozen others just like it.
When he'd asked his Williams students to finish the two statements "I chose to take this course because…" and "From this course, I hope to get…" he'd really expected to read some honest responses about passion for the subject matter, or innate curiosity about all things exoskeletoned.
What he'd gotten was his butt kissed. A lot.
Grissom glanced at the clock. It was midnight on the east coast. In Nevada, Sara would be getting ready for work. He walked through her routine in his mind. A short shower…she would take a longer one in the morning, to wash away whatever she dealt with over the course of the shift…followed by an even shorter beauty routine.
He loved to watch her whenever she indulged in a moment of pure femininity. It was a reminder that he wasn't just sleeping with his CSI. He was in a relationship with a woman who mattered more to him than any woman before her. Sometimes she'd catch sight of his reflection in the mirror, and she'd tease him a little, spreading on her lipstick with sensual ease, or dabbing the tiniest drop of perfume between her breasts.
Clearing his throat, Grissom tried to focus on the next paper in the stack, praying that the student's response would distract him from the tightening in his groin. He felt seventeen again, horny at the drop of a hat. For ten years he'd existed just fine with a sex life that was sparse on its best day. Now he couldn't go four days without wanting to pull his hair out.
Four weeks might just kill him.
He gave up on the papers, tossing them to the other side of the bed for later review. Leaning back against the hotel pillows, he tried to relax, willing his body in a Zen-like state of calm. But all he could see when he closed his eyes was Sara in the locker room.
He admitted it. He'd anticipated an emotional scene with her. And he'd made all the wrong choices in his foolish desperation to avoid it. But he should have known better. Sara surprised him every day. The night he'd left had just been one more revelation. She cared about him enough to let him go.
She might have accepted his apology, but he was a long way from letting himself off the hook for his actions.
Grissom opened his eyes and turned his head until he could see his cell phone sitting on the night stand. He was just about to reach for it when it lit up. He grabbed it, and thanked whatever power existed above that the only name he wanted to see was the one that appeared on the screen.
"Are you tired of the snow yet?" Sara asked when he answered. He let her voice wash over him, although hearing it only made the tension below his belt worse.
"No," he relied honestly. "But I might be too old to deal with students."
After he filled her in on the brown-nosing, she laughed softly. "I shudder to think what you must have thought about me in San Francisco."
"You never sucked up."
Sara made a scoffing noise. "I asked for your email address. Not only that, but I used it."
"And I was glad you did. I still am."
Just like in the locker room, he said something he thought was deeply meaningful, and she let it go by without comment.
Grissom cleared his throat. "I take it you're about leave for work."
"Actually…I'm not on tonight."
"Catherine gave you the night off?"
Her reply was hesitant. "Yeah."
She didn't sound right when she said it, and he frowned. "Are you okay?"
"No. I'm…" He held his breath waiting for her to continue. "I'm missing you."
More than anything in the world, Grissom wished he was there to hold her. Sara was a strong woman, but there were times when her walls crumbled. This seemed to be one of those times. He heard a faint sniff, but when she spoke again, her voice was steady. "I really wanted to wait longer to call you," she said. "But my apartment's just too quiet."
"You're at your place." He had no idea why this bothered him, but it did. "I thought you'd just stay at my place."
"Yeah, well…there's even more quiet rooms there."
His chin dropped down to his chest. "I had no idea this would be so…difficult"
"Really, Gil?" Sara only used his first name when she was upset or having an orgasm, so he immediately knew he'd said the wrong thing. Again. "It seems to me like you did know, but you just…" She stopped, like her anger was a balloon and someone had just popped it. "I'm not in a great frame of mind right now."
"Sara, is something wrong?"
She sighed. "It's nothing."
"Then why are you taking a night off?"
"It's just a stomach thing, okay? I'll be fine."
Grissom was surprised he'd gotten her to admit that much. He had a feeling that pressing any further would be fruitless. If something was really wrong, she would tell him. "I'm sorry you're not feeling well."
"I'm pretty good at taking care of myself," Sara said softly. "And you're out there to take care of yourself. You can't do that if you're worrying about me."
He pulled at a loose thread on the cheap bedspread. "I think about you."
"I try not to think about you," she whispered.
There was a lump in his throat that he couldn't swallow; it was choking him. Regret never went down easily. "I will be back, Sara."
"And I'll be here. But that doesn't mean everything will be the same." She paused. "Things change."
Grissom frowned. "Are you saying…what are you saying?"
"I just think while you're soul-searching, you should ask yourself if you're ready for your life to be different."
"Now you really are worrying me, honey."
A few seconds passed. "Get some sleep," she told him. "You'll need your rest if you're going to go another round with the butt-kissers."
"Sara, you can't just say something like that and then…"
"Yes, I can."
He heard the click on the other end, followed by eerie silence. In slow motion, he closed up his phone and set it aside. His other hand reached for the abandoned papers to his right.
I chose to take this course because…my advisor told me I needed to. From this course, I hope to get...credit.
Grissom felt a migraine coming on.
To Be Continued
