ºIt Was Because of That Chocolate º

Remus awoke in his bed in the sixth year dormitories, he blinked a couple of times until the sight of his canopy stopped being blurry. It was the second day after the full moon and he remembered the Madame Pomfrey had let him go to his dormitory; he tried moving when he discovered that he was not as sore as he thought he would be. He stood up and groaned as his body grew accustomed to moving again, he turned his head towards the large windows and he noticed it was snowing; he smiled to himself and he walked towards the bathroom. He grabbed a white fluffy towel, undressed and stepped into one of the stalls.

The warm shower was like heaven for him, it soothed his aching muscles, and he could see the water running down his body and across all his scars. He stayed in the stall for about half an hour and when he came out he stared at his reflection in the mirror, his wet hair, golden eyes, scarred torso and the rest covered by the towel. For some reason he could not take his eyes off of his scars, suddenly he realized how ugly they made him but he only sighed, smiled sadly and continued to gaze at his reflection.

"I suppose a monster is not meant to be beautiful," he whispered to the empty room.

He turned away and walked towards his trunk, he drew out a white shirt, a pair of jeans, a brown hooded jumper and his Gryffindor scarf. He dressed carefully and when he was done he turned towards the window once more and saw that it was still snowing. He loved snow. He took one of his novels and went to sit by the window of the dorm, before he continued his reading he turned to look out the window and saw several students outside engaged in snowball fight; he suspected Sirius and James were down there. He then remembered the dream he had had, about Sirius and himself, lying on the dorm floor and a bar of chocolate not too far away from them.

He smiled to himself, it had been a rather long time since he had thought about that incident. He remembered it clearly but just like Sirius he pretended the butterbeer they drank that night made any recollection of it drift away. That afternoon stirred something in Remus, he suddenly grew more aware of Sirius and of his feelings for him, eventually after years of confusing sensations and desires he came to the conclusion that he had fallen for Sirius. When he realized this he could not help but laugh bitterly at himself for being the freak he was but later on he just accepted it and lived with it.

He never considered confessing to Sirius, he saw no point in it. The boy had grown to be quite the 'ladies man' and Remus had learnt to accept that, he had his friendhip, his company, he thought that was more than enough. It is all I deserve, I suppose, He used to think. At first Remus thought Sirius could have feelings for him after what happened that afternoon but after that day Sirius shrugged it off and went on with his life, never again was that afternoon mentioned. Remus sighed as he rested his head against the cold window, he had almost lost Sirius' friendship with the Willow incident and he was not sure he wanted to risk it again by blurting out his feelings. He had kept trying to convince himself that he could be happy with the way things were, that he did not need anything else and after many years, he had managed to believe it.

Loud steps could be heard coming up the stairs of the dorm, the door was slammed open and in came a snow covered Sirius. He smiled charmingly at Remus, who smiled back gently, Sirius shook his head in a rather dog-like manner and all the snow came off his rather long black locks. He walked towards Remus with a huge grin on his face.

"Hullo Rem, glad to see you are awake, how are you?"

"I'll live Pads," he continued to smile at his friend, "truth be told I'm feeling better than the previous full moons, not as sore,"

"Brilliant," Sirius sat across from him, "Guess what, we just kicked the Slytherins' arses in a snowball war," he looked incredibly triumphant, "You should've seen their faces…specially Malfoy's and Snivellus',"

"I can image," was all Remus said as he turned back to look out the window, "and where's James?"

"I think we both know the answer to that question," Sirius said as he rolled his eyes.

"Of course," Remus agreed with a small chuckle, "and what are you planning on doing now, Sirius?"

"Well…" Sirius' smile returned to his face and it reached his eyes, "I was thinking I could give you your Christmas present, you did miss Christmas you know,"

"I do, but there was no need for you to…" Remus stated but Sirius interrupted him.

"Ahhhh! I won't be hearing it, just take it," He handed Remus a rather large, neatly wrapped present.

"You did not wrap this," Remus stated as he eyed the box.

"Ok. That's just plain hurtful, Lupin," Sirius said with a small frown, Remus kept looking at him with one eyebrow raised and after a few minutes Sirius cracked, "Fine! Evans wrapped it for me! It's not my fault I can't seem to be able to grasp the…technique of gift wrapping,"

"Of course not," said Remus the sarcastic.

"Oh, shut up and open it, will you?" Sirius said as he threw him a small red pillow.

Remus proceeded to open it; he took his time just to annoy Sirius.

"Bloody hell! It can't be that hard to unwrap a gift!"

"Well, it is certainly easier than wrapping it," Remus said with a laugh.

"Touché" Sirius said with a small scowl, "Would you mind unwrapping that THIS year?"

Remus laughed and tore off the rest of the wrapping paper which fell to the floor. He looked at the gigantic box of chocolate had given him, Remus' eyes glowed at the sight of chocolate; Sirius laughed as he saw this, confirming his theory of Remus' chronic addiction to chocolate. The light haired boy passed his hand over the box as he grabbed an end to open it, he gently took one of the chocolates and brought it to his mouth; he savoured it slowly with a cat-like smile on his face which made Sirius burst out laughing. Remus glared at him.

"Yes well, you are certainly not getting any chocolate," he said. Sirius stopped laughing.

"WHAT?" he asked truly amazed, "I gave the stuff to you!"

"I don't see your point…" Remus said with some amusement in his voice yet keeping his face serious.

"You are obliged to give me some of that!" Sirius exclaimed as he pointed at the box in Remus' arms.

"I am nothing of the sort," Remus smirked, "I am not giving you any of my chocolate, that's final,"

"Am I going to have to chase you all around the room to get the stuff?" Sirius asked with an annoyed look, which changed almost as quickly as Remus' did. Both of their minds flew to that October afternoon, to the chase, the fall, the touch and the kiss. Remus felt a blush reach his face and he avoided looking at Sirius. A horrendously awkward silence fell between them and neither knew what to say to break it. Remus sighed and decided to ignore the entire situation.

"No, I'm not in the running mood," he extended the box towards Sirius, "have as many as you like," he stood up and walked towards his bed but suddenly Sirius grabbed his arm and spun him around, Remus winced at the pain this sudden movement caused him.

"Oh, sorry Rem," he supported his friend and led him to his bed, "are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Remus was trying to avoid looking at Sirius but the dark-haired boy seemed to notice this.

"Did I do something to upset you?" Sirius soundly truly worried and so Remus risked a glance at him, he sat up next to him and shook his head.

"It's fine…don't worry," Remus whispered, suddenly his heart started throbbing and he gasped with surprise.

"What is it?" Sirius asked worriedly as he crouched in front of his friend, "does it hurt anywhere?"

Remus looked up at Sirius' face with an unreadable expression, he opened his mouth to say he was fine but then something in his mind clicked, he felt that he could not longer suppress his feelings for Sirius and the pain those feelings caused him…Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it… (1) Remus sighed, took a deep breath and said:

"Yes, it does," his face was serious but his eyes held such intensity that Sirius was somewhat caught off guard with that gaze, he shook his head and looked at Remus, expecting to be told where it was that he was hurting, "it hurts here," Remus said as he placed his pale hand over his thumping heart, "and it has been hurting…ever since that Halloween, three years ago,"

Sirius was completely speechless, he had no idea of what to say to that, he looked into Remus' eyes and he saw that he was truly hurting. The black-haired boy's heart was thumping in his chest, he continued to stare at Remus and then, suddenly his extended his hand towards the one Remus' hand on his heart. He placed his own warm hand over Remus' one and he could feel the boy's throbbing heartbeat, he looked up and saw that his friend had closed his eyes.

"Can you feel it, Sirius?" he opened his eyes which looked tired and hurt, "I don't want to hurt anymore,"

"I'm so sorry," was all Sirius whispered as his fingers lightly caressed Remus', "you never said anything! I could never know…"

"We apparently agreed silently to forget that afternoon," Remus laughed softly, sadly, "I, however, could not keep my side of the agreement,"

"Maybe you simply do not want to forget," Sirius said as he looked away.

"Oh, but I do," Remus said as he looked at Sirius' figure, "the memory of it makes it hurt too much," he kneeled in front of Sirius, "don't you think…I already have enough pain to bear?"

Sirius gaze shot up hastily as soon as Remus finished that sentence, Sirius felt his heart constrict as he heard the broken words his friend had just uttered. The stayed there, kneeling and looking at each other with broken gazes; Sirius' hand found Remus' bandaged one and held it lightly.

"Believe me, never in my life have I meant to hurt you," Sirius held Remus' hand a little tighter, "I'm supposed to be here to drive the pain away Rem, not to bring more,"

"I know," Remus whispered as he laid his forehead on Sirius shoulder, "I don't blame you, I blame myself,"

"Rem…" Sirius voice had an edge.

"I blame myself for being so foolish to believe things would change between us," Remus laughed bitterly. Sirius took in a deep breath and led Remus' hand towards his own chest and placed in on his thumping heart.

"Things changed," Sirius leaned to whisper softly in Remus' ear, "Can you feel it, Remus?" the boy nodded, "I don't want you to hurt anymore," Remus shivered slightly but his head remain in place and suddenly he felt Sirius' hand on his cheek caressing it slowly, gently…

"Does it hurt," he asked with a husky voice, "When I do this?" Remus shook his head and leaned slowly into the touch, suddenly while Sirius caressed Remus' face he felt small tears collide with his fingers.

Remus wanted nothing but to go back to that afternoon, to be able to kiss Sirius with all the passion he had been holding up inside of him, to be able to embrace and not to feel as broken as he did right there, with his head on Sirius' shoulder and the pieces of his heart scattered through the floor. Sirius slowly and gently drew his face upwards with his light fingers, they were staring at each other once again, Remus with traces of tears on his face and Sirius with his intense gaze, staring right into Remus' soul. The dark-haired boy leaned in and whispered in Remus' ear:

"You're beautiful, Rem," his breath caressed Remus' skin softly, "you take my breath away…you do now, just like you did that afternoon,"

"I am a monster," Remus whispered, "monsters don't deserve to be beautiful," Sirius drew back a little so that his nose touched his friend's; both of their eyes were closed. Sirius touched one of the scars that could be seen on Remus' neck.

"This is beautiful…you are beautiful," Sirius opened his eyes as he heard Remus' breath hitch, and the memory of the afternoon flashed once more before him, "you are too beautiful to be a monster, Remus,"

"I…" Remus was left speechless; he could only stare at Sirius.

"You are too beautiful to keep on hurting,"

And Sirius leaned in and brushed his lips tentatively against Remus', the latter gasped slightly but did not draw back, he stayed there in place. Sirius hands came back to his face and his lips kissed Remus' more insistently, he returned the kiss slowly as if afraid he was dreaming again and would wake up alone, only with his scars to accompany him. However, this was no dream, Sirius intensified his kiss as he darted his tongue slowly and caressed Remus' lips like he had done before, this time, however, Remus allowed it entrance and met it with his own. They both moaned into the kiss and finally after what seemed like an eternity, they let go of each other.

Sirius leant his forehead against Remus' and he raised his hand to caress the pale, scarred neck. The were both out of breath and with their eyes closed, Remus wanted to know what this meant but he did not dare ask for he feared he would only end up worse.

"Sirius…I," he said softly, hesitantly.

"I love you," Sirius whispered, "I love you, Remus,"

"But…" Remus felt utterly confused, "after that day…"

"I kept on hurting you until now," Sirius opened his eyes which glowed with pure passion, "as we never said anything I thought it was better left alone, but you see, after I kissed you and I saw you, your eyes were glowing; you looked beautiful…and I fell for you,"

"But…" Remus couldn't grasp what was happening.

"But I chose to ignore it," Sirius continued, his voice full of regret and sadness.

"Oh," was all Remus could say as he started feeling his heart again, "Sirius…"

"Yes?" Sirius asked as caressed his cheek again.

"I've always loved you," Remus whispered as he leant his head against the black-haired's shoulder.

"Come, let's lie down," Sirius said with a small smile, he helped Remus stand and they laid on his bed. Remus rested his head where Sirius' neck and shoulder met and he sighed deeply as he felt Sirius take his hand and kiss his palm softly, a feather-like touch.

"I'm sorry," Sirius whispered as he brushed his lips against Remus'.

"I don't blame you," Remus whispered back as he nuzzled the other boy's neck. They started drifting off together, their fingers where entwined and in the silence of the room Sirius heard Remus whisper:

"It was because of that chocolate,"

Teh.End


A/N: So yeh. Teh.End! Did you likey? Please Review! Pretteh please with teh cherry on top! comments are highly appreciated!! danke!!