CHAPTER 2
Erik awoke with a start, and for a moment he couldn't remember where he was. The room where he slept was small; both the wallpapers and the carpet stained, and smelling distinctly like cigarette smoke. Then the memories started returning, and he realised that he currently was in his room at the dingy motel where he and his fledgling brotherhood had decided to stay the night. They still hadn't found anywhere to stay, and since most of them were still wanted by national security and none of them owned any large mansions they had to stick with dingy motels and such for now.
Now that he thought about it; the walls at this place were probably quite thin, and he desperately hoped that he hadn't woken anyone else up. His nightmare that night had been brutal, and his throat was sore from screaming. What was worse was that the room next to his belonged to Emma, and the last time he'd accidentally woken her up she'd sent white hot shockwaves of pain into his mind. She kept it up until he blacked out, and woke up a few hours later with a pounding headache. After that, Erik couldn't help but be even more wary of Emma. Her powers were vastly different from Charles's, something Erik had come to realise over time. And not necessarily better; because while Emma used brute force to enter people's minds and control them, Charles convinced them and slowly nestled himself into their mind. Another bonus was that Charles didn't hurt you if you woke him up (but Erik wasn't going to think about that, wasn't going to think about Charles sitting with him and stroking his hair when a particularly horrifying nightmare had left him unable to sleep).
Two months had passed since Erik last saw Charles, since Erik had left him bleeding on the beach, and he missed him. The first few weeks had passed in a flurry of activity, and Erik simply hadn't had the time to think about Charles. They had broken Emma out of prison, had tried to find somewhere safe to hide, and had even tried to subtly create signs for other mutants in hiding who wanted to join their cause. And Erik had had been angry at Charles, still was in fact. Angry at him for trying to stop him from killing Shaw, for being unable to see why Erik had to do what he did, for trying to defend the humans when he Erik knew full well what they were capable of. No, Erik didn't regret what had happened, and what he had been about to do. Except for Charles, because the only thing he couldn't live with was allowing Charles to get hurt. He suspected that the knowledge that he'd hurt Charles would plague him for the rest of his days, and he knew that he deserved it.
Erik wished though that Charles had understood before it was too late, before it had driven them apart. But Charles's belief that humans and mutants could cooperate was not something Erik could stand behind; not when he'd seen what humans were capable of. , And he knew without a doubt that eventually it would happen, eventually the humans find a reason to hurt mutants. It had happened before, and if Charles idea was followed through it would happen again. So why should mutants conform to human laws and rules? They were the next step in evolution, and even the most harmless mutant possessed powers far surpassing those of any humans. Given the right opportunity; mutants could take over the world, and Charles still wanted them to compromise and cooperate with a species so much weaker than them, who wanted nothing else than to hurt and oppress what they were afraid of.
A gentle knock on the door started Erik from his reveries, and he wondered who could possibly want to visit his room at this time of the night. A far as he knew, the others were snoring away I their rooms, and they probably assumed he did the same. Still he decided to let whoever it was in, so he opened the door with the brass knob used as a handle. Erik couldn't help but to be eternally grateful for door handles made out of metal. They made opening doors so much easier.
Fortunately it wasn't Emma who came in through the open door, but Raven. She looked slightly nervous, and hesitated for a moment before stepping towards him.
"Mystique?" he asked quietly. Erik wasn't really sure if she preferred him to use her chosen name over her old one, but since she'd started calling him Magneto he usually stuck with Mystique. And maybe it was fitting, because to Charles they'd been Erik and Raven, and Charles wasn't here now.
For a moment she only frowned at him thoughtfully, before asking:
"Erik, are you all right?"
The question took him aback; it had been a long time (two months, his treacherous mind whispered) since anyone had asked him if he was all right. Not that he'd ever answered those questions truthfully before, not even when Charles had asked. He didn't want anyone's pity when it would only make him look weak. And weak was not something Erik could afford to be. So he very nearly opened his mouth to tell Raven that yes he was fine, could she please leave him now, when he realised that he didn't want to. He was tired and achy, but yet he hadn't had a proper night's sleep in weeks, and he didn't feel like closing himself up again. But talking, telling Raven about everything, would mean pity and weakness, and too much effort on his part. Thankfully, before he could say anything Raven beat him to it:
"It's Charles isn't it? You're missing him" It was more a statement than a question, and to Erik it only proved how good she was at reading him. It seemed as though growing up with a telepath had left some marks.
"It's fine you know; I miss him a lot too" That confused Erik a little, because when they had parted ways with Charles and the others, Raven had seemed to be almost angry with her brother.
"You do?" he asked, and she smiled sadly.
"Yeah, I do. It took me awhile to realise it, but he's my brother and I really miss him." This confused Erik even more.
"But how can you? He betrayed you, wanted you to cover yourself up, hide."
"I know" Raven said without hesitation "and I haven't forgiven him for that. But he's still my brother, and he's still your friend."
Erik didn't know what to say to that. Yes, he was still angry with Charles, but what Raven had said was true. Charles had been the first person to convince Erik that he wasn't alone, and without him he actually felt lonely for the first time since the death of his mother. When Erik didn't say anything, Raven continued:
"Maybe you should visit him?"
"Excuse me?" Erik had no idea how to respond to her suggestion, the idea of actually visiting Charles had never even entered his mind. And even if he did go and visit Charles, would Charles want to see him? No, probably not.
Raven only laughed before she said:
"Just go see him. You don't even have to talk to him, just check how he is. It clearly bothers you, and maybe if you resolve your problems the rest of us won't have to be woken up in the middle of the night."
It struck him that she might actually be right; not knowing how Charles was really did bother him. Then he realised that he didn't actually know whether Charles was even alive or not. Panic coursed through his mind at the thought, and the guilt and self-loathing reappeared at the forefront of his mind. What if he'd killed Charles, without even realising it? He might have killed the only man who'd ever cared for him, who'd ever gotten close enough to him without running away in fear and disgust.
"Just go. We can manage without you for a day or two" she must've sensed his panic, because it was said almost as an exasperated sigh. And maybe he should go it would be nice to be away for a little while. As far as he knew, the mansion was only a couple of hours drive away, and if he left today he would be back tomorrow.
His thoughts were probably visible on his face, because Raven just smiled knowingly before leaving the room.
That's why, about three hours later, Erik found himself sitting in his car, starting the long drive towards the mansion. If he was lucky, he would arrive by midday, which meant that he could return today if it was necessary. That was why he hadn't brought anything with him, other his helmet.
He knew that Charles hated the helmet, and during the past months he'd come to despise it himself. Most of the time, he'd kept it with him, he hadn't worn it. And maybe not wearing it was a way of saying that he actually wanted Charles to search for him, and find him. Yet he couldn't bring himself to leave it, and completely bare his mind to Charles. He couldn't allow himself to be that vulnerable, to trust another person that much. Even when Charles was the person in question. So Erik kept the helmet on, even though he knew it would cause Charles pain. And maybe it was better that way; if Charles ever read Erik's mind then surely he would be scared off.
During the drive, Erik tried not to think about Charles, but it was hard. The traffic wasn't too bad, and without that as a distraction Erik found his mind drifting. He wondered what Charles was doing now, and if he was alright. The last time Erik had seen him, he'd just been shot in the back, but Erik hoped he would've healed by now, because he couldn't bear to think about how he might have caused Charles any permanent harm. But he couldn't help but suspect that the damage he'd caused by leaving was beyond repair.
After a few hours, he had arrived at his destination. He parked his car by the road outside the mansion, and had only opened his gate when the panic struck. Charles couldn't possibly want him to be here, not after everything Erik had done to him. Erik was the one who'd caused Charles pain, even though he had sworn to himself to never harm his friend, and Charles must hate him for it. He let the thought sink in, and it all made sense; Charles hated him, and he deserved it. He deserved all the hate, and all the pain in the world, because he'd hurt the only person (except his parents, but they were dead, and that was his fault too) to ever really care about him. And how could he possibly go through with his visit when he knew how much his friend despised him?
In blind panic he stumbled back to the car, not noticing the man sitting by one of the windows of the mansion.
