The sense of relief was overwhelming. It washed through him like a storm as the small blade etched quick red lines across his olive skin. Weaving up the harsh curves of his hips and resting just above where his pant's waist band lays. He raced his hand back and forth until the tears stopped and the fit was over. The stinging burned like hell and he knew he had gone a little too far. Maybe too deep or just too many, he wouldn't be able to tell until he washed off all the blood. Before he did that though, he sat there and observed the damage he had done. His hips were less than shredded but still ruined enough to stain his vision red. Man, relapsing sucked. He was bleeding a lot, definitely more than he should. His shaking fingers gingerly touched one of the wounds only to be snapped back violently. He hated this. He hated knowing that because of this little fit he would never be able to do normal things with his friends. He couldn't go swimming because his scars would show. He couldn't go clothes shopping like how Armin would always insist. He couldn't even just sit around without worrying that his shirt, or sleeve would ride up and his ugly ass scars would show. But of course he had to do this. How else was he supposed to deal with this heavy weight in his stomach? The one that would only get heavier everyday until it felt as if the entire world was weighing on him. The one that cut out all options to be happy, that would only subside once he felt the unbearable sting of self-hatred shred him to pieces until he was nothing. The one that left only one option, the only option that Eren knew he was too scared shitless to attempt. Maybe if he grew some balls and finally just did it, he would finally be free from the weight. He would finally not have to wake up everyday and hate himself for thinking that it was a bad thing that he had a whole new day in front of him. That he had to see people and act normal and had to just fucking deal with his life!
He didn't want this. Of course he didn't! He wanted to be happy and to know every morning that he had opportunities to take and memories to make that day. But no matter how hard he tried to think positively, to not yearn for sleep so he could stop hating himself for once fucking second, he always ended up back here. Sitting on his cold bathroom floor with silver blades strewn across the dark tiles, and some part of his body leaking crimson designs all around him. Tarnishing what ever clothes were still on him, rendering them sticky and a grim reminder of what just occurred. It would always wash out though. He knew very well how to make sure no evidence was left behind. He realized as he saw his blood stain his blue jeans, that he needed to clean up now, before any marks were left too long to be washed away. Slowly, painfully, he gathered his razors and carefully returned them to their hiding place on top of his mirror. He stripped down to his boxers and hastily shoved his soiled clothes in the washer. With his clothes taken care of he returned to the bathroom with paper towels and expertly wiped away all maroon until nothing but handfuls of blood-soaked paper was left. He was used to this. He could handle this. The shame was there, it always was, but now it wasn't overwhelming. It dwindled away with each slice to the point where it was bearable. He would bandage his hips, get dressed, fight with himself on what to eat only because he knew he should and not because he wanted to, and then continue the rest of his classes for the day. His ritual. It was so repetitive, so easy to continue. Eren almost felt comfort in his routine. It was something that he could rely on. Something that could always be there no matter what else is ripped away from him. So with this, he knew he could never stop. And that only made him feel more pathetic. He relied on tearing himself apart just so he wouldn't be driven to madness by his own thoughts.
He heard laughing, small breathy chuckles, and he was confused. That was, until he realized it was him. He was so pathetic he actually laughed. The teen got up and looked at himself in the mirror. His brown hair was disheveled and dull. His face was stained with dry tears and his eyes were large aquamarine pools, clouded and lifeless. Glassy orbs stared blankly back at him, framed with pink puffy flesh. This face was one he knew well. This was what he really looked like. The funny thing is, this face was actually quite pretty. He couldn't remember the last time he thought that his normal appearance was "pretty" or handsome or what ever you call good-looking boys these days. Maybe he never had. It's not like it mattered. He had other things to do than try to think of when he didn't think he was shit. The boy quickly washed his face and left the bathroom to do exactly what he always did. He had a class in thirty minutes, and was not going to be late.
Why was he still thinking about that dumb ass kid? He was just some teenage punk who just so happened to be unbelievably attractive. He knew nothing about him. Only his first name and is fucking stunning face. Levi couldn't possibly understand why he was so damn drawn to Eren but he was and he learned a long time ago to not fight these kinds of things. So he started visiting that coffee shop almost every morning. He felt like a creep or stalker and was disgusted that some juvenile made him this way. But he had to do something to get rid of this pathetic puppy crush. Whether that was to just see him, or talk to him, or fuck him, it didn't matter he was just sick and tired of having that stupidly tall kid interrupting his thoughts all damn day. So far, just seeing him was not working.
It started a few days after their first encounter. Those beautiful turquoise were still clouding his mind even after he'd decided that the kid was too young and clueless to catch on to his advances. So, he regrettably visited that little cafe again. Just to get a glance and remember exactly how vibrant the brunet's eyes were. There Eren was, sitting in the same corner booth with papers and notebooks strewn across the table. What a messy brat. This time, instead of going and sitting at that awfully dirty table, Levi opted for sitting across the small room, just to watch him and finally get him out of his head. But of course that didn't work, and Levi found himself in that same seat everyday for the rest of the week. He didn't know why, but he'd become completely infatuated with this shitty brat. It wasn't even just his face anymore, it was his voice when he would read papers aloud, his cute mannerisms, his everything really. This was crazy, he didn't know Eren! It was unreasonable and just plain creepy. He was some older man stalking a adorable teenage boy! He was disgusted, and even ashamed, but he still didn't stop seeing Eren every morning.
It was getting quit ridiculous. He knew Eren had noticed him observing him, but the kid was either too scared or just didn't care enough to confront him about it. He had to do something about this. Talk to him. That was the next step. But he couldn't just go up and finally speak to him after two weeks of just staring. But what else was he to do? This had to happen, he had to talk to him. Levi didn't want to spend this much time just thinking about communicating with the dumb kid, but, to his luck, the clumsy brat gave him the perfect opportunity.
The dumbass overloaded his table with what-the-fuck-ever papers in mountains of what looked like his procrastination and of course he just so happened to have an open, full, cup of coffee at the very edge. With the immensely shitty luck this kid seemed to have, he elbowed the hot cup and its contents flew, spraying everything within ten feet of the accident. Including Eren. He jumped up and tugged at his boiling clothes is a rather entertaining show and Levi couldn't help but laugh behind his hand at the commotion the idiot was causing. Eren didn't even notice all the people watching as he unbuttoned his shirt, revealing a conspicuously see through white v-neck. Oh no, Levi could not have a bunch of filthy creeps looking at Eren's body. Even the very thought of anyone but him seeing Eren that way made him furious. Just like me to get protective over this dumbshit when I don't even know him. What ever. With that thought, Levi found himself in front of Eren, handing him his jacket, and proceeding to clean up the crappy cleaning job on the floor.
"Uh... I... Thank you, Levi." The elder looked up to two large emerald eyes, confused and smiling. "Tch. Get your ass down here and clean up your mess." He looked back down to the soiled napkins in his hands. He heard Eren laugh, a beautiful laugh, one that he couldn't compare to anything that would give it justice. He heard shuffling as the boy crouched down next to him.
"Yes sir."
I'm so sorry for the late update my teachers all decided to assign 50 pounds of homework all on the same week -_- I know Levi is a little OCC but I have a plan for his character, and I'm really trying to show the vast difference in how Eren perceives himself and how everyone else does, like the stranger, Levi. And thank you all who reviewed and followed/favorited! Thank you MeowKasa! (I couldn't reply to your review so here you go ^^) Until next time, I hope you all like this chapter :)
