If Misery Loves Company

Chapter 2

Regret

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

So, after that dinner with Shera, I went home and thought about things some more. Yes, I was, admittedly, attracted to the woman, and she surely was kind to me, but we were still coworkers. Basically, in a nutshell, I supposed that I needed to keep our work relationship strictly work, just as I did with everyone else. Our time off the clock would be when any developments, if there were to be any, could happen.

This meant that when she showed up at my desk the next day, I didn't curb my tone or words at all, even though I wanted to. Goddamn, I wanted to.

"Sir?" Shera asked.

Knowing that it was going to be hard to not smile back and act all retarded, I didn't look up from what I was reading. "What, Goddamnit?"

Without flinching, she carried right on. "I have something I would like to discuss with you."

I still couldn't look at her. It was just miserable. "What?"

I found some plans set on the desk next to me. "These schematics for the oxygen—"

Christ on a stick! She was still looking and worrying about shit that had been completed for ages. I moved the plans out of my line of sight and spoke over her. "The oxygen system, Shera, is done. It's build already. It's a moot point. I can't implement any new fuckin' ideas now."

Once more, Cid, you're an ass.

"I know, but…" she tried again, not giving up.

"But what? I've got shit to do right now. I don't have time for this constant crap from you and the other engineers. Do your damn job." Try as I might, I still couldn't talk myself into looking up at her. I knew I was being hard on her but, liked I'd just figured the night before, I couldn't go showing her any special treatment.

Bless her fucking heart if she didn't try a third time! "I think there's something wrong though, Sir."

Shera or not, I couldn't take it. Now, I was legitimately annoyed. I had dealt with the oxygen tanks a long time ago and I figured she was just beating some dead horse. "What specifically?"

She pushed her glasses up a little higher on her nose. "Well… that's the problem. I don't know but there's just something that I—"

Hold up! Now I was being bugged for shit that was over and done with just because she had some 'feeling'? Hell no. I had enough on my plate with the things that weren't done yet. I did not need this kind of bullshit in my life. I stood up and stepped closer to her. "You think there's somethin', but you don't know what? Those fuckin' tanks, again, are built! I can't change shit with them, not when you can't tell me if there really is a specific problem! Those systems have been reviewed, again and again. I myself looked at 'em long and hard. There ain't SHIT wrong with the oxygen system. You don't come to me unless you've got a problem that you already have a solution for, you got me?"

Her eyes darted away from me, and she nodded slightly, looking down at the ground. Shera reached over to my desk and grabbed the plans, rolling them back up. "I'm sorry to have bothered you, Sir."

I was still upset, and I let it show. Falling back into my chair, I waved toward the door. "Go back and do somethin' productive."

"Yes, Sir."

I closed my eyes and listened to her walk back down the hall.

That was completely fuckin' out of line. I need to apologize…

"Damn it, Shera…" I got up instantly, for once not able to tune out that inner voice and I went to the door of my office, looking down the hall where I'd heard her go. I couldn't see her, though. I went down to her office and looked, but she wasn't in there, either. Not feeling up to searching the entire building for her, I gave up and went back to what I was doing.

For the rest of the day, I felt bad about not going and finding her.

When Monday rolled around, I hid, more or less, in the rocket itself. I was honestly working, but I couldn't quite bring myself to go into that office. Having had the entire weekend to stew in my own juices over the torture that was becoming my thoughts of Shera, I just… I was ashamed. I was honestly ashamed to face her.

It got to be around noon and I slipped out of the rocket and into my house. From my living room window, I could see Shera as she walked from the office and then sat on my lawn, having her lunch. I remained a prisoner inside that house until she went back to her office about a half an hour later.

This started happening everyday.

It would get to be noon, I'd go inside, watch Shera from my couch, but stayed too afraid to go and just talk to her.

I think almost two full weeks went by. Then, one day as I was watching her, I realized that technically, lunchtime wasn't on the clock and… and…

Fuck it, I had no excuse to not try and go be… nice.

Opening the front door, I figured I would just stroll right on out to her and talk but, my resolve failed me and I sat on my front steps. Her back was to me and I had a cigarette, hoping that it would give me a chance to think of what to say.

You're just delaying getting over there to her, is what you're doing, Cid.

Before I mustered up the courage to get up, she happened to turn around and she looked right at me.

Caught!

I put out my smoke and got up, knowing that it was time to pay the piper. With my eyes on the ground and my hands in my pockets, I went over to her. I wanted to somehow will myself invisible, still feeling horrible from our last encounter.

Even though I wasn't looking at her, I knew she was smiling at me anyway. Smiling, forever smiling.

I took up a place close to her, but faced toward the rocket. I searched my mind for something to say to her and the best I could come up with was, "ETA on lift off is just three months."

Good job there, Captain Obvious.

She didn't call me on the stupidity of my own words, just playing along. "It is shaping up to look that way, Captain."

There it was… a chance, sort of, to talk to her about other things. I took it. "Shera… what will you do?"

She turned to me. "What will I do, Sir?"

"Yeah, ya know? Will you stay in Rocket? Will you ask for Shin Ra to transfer you elsewhere?" I couldn't look at her, even though I wanted to. I'd asked that just for my own selfish reasons. I was hoping beyond hope that she was going to stay in town, as unlikely as it probably was.

Shera took a moment before she answered. "I don't know. I do like it here, Sir."

There was a ray of hope. I decided to pry a little further. "Ain't you got a family somewhere that y'all want to get back to?"

"My only relative still living is my mother, Sir. She never stays in one place anymore. Since she retired, she's just traveled. So really, I don't have any other attachments," she said, her voice completely serious.

I finally broke and looked at her, the next question one that I'd wanted to ask for a while. "Not even a boyfriend or somethin' somewhere?"

Looking right back at me, she broke into a smile and laughed. "None, Sir. I've… as ridiculous as it sounds, I've never had a boyfriend at all."

Great, she's a lesbian. No! No, she ain't… crap… is she? Naw… she's just a 'good girl'. Probably the kind that was just too serious in school to land a guy.

Inwardly, I was actually really glad to hear that. Assuming she was straight, that meant she was fair game! "Ain't that somethin'? I woulda thought y'all woulda had someone somewhere along the line. You're just… a real damn nice girl. Can't imagine why you ain't taken."

She turned red. I don't mean like some cutesy little giggly blush. No, Shera was fire engine red at that point and she had to look away. "That's very kind of you to say, but I assure you, I'm quite single and have always been."

I couldn't help myself and I decided to toy with her since I'd actually found a way to get through that bulletproof skin she had. Reaching over, I poked her in the shoulder. "Nothin' at all ever? Not even a good one nighter?"

Oh, and who are you, Cid, to talk? Coward.

She seemed shocked, but smiled at the same time, telling me that really, she knew I was just playing. "Captain! I've done no such thing!"

I laughed. I laughed because of her reaction, and in the relief I felt in knowing that despite how I'd treated her thus far, we could still be friends and have a little fun. Besides, the thought that she might actually be as pure as the new driven snow sounded real nice. I couldn't think of one woman in town other than her over the age of seventeen that might even be a virgin. None of them acted like it, anyway. It was refreshing, I'll tell you that much. "So, I finally found the way to get a reaction outta ya, eh? The ol' sex life route."

Right then and there, that blush of hers came back with a vengeance, and she looked away. "You honestly perplex me, Sir."

Well, that's a two way street right there, Shera.

I figured that it was about time for me to get back to work and leave before I did anything to ruin the moment we'd just had. I got up, patted the top of her head and went back toward the rocket. "Well, don't hurt yourself thinkin' about it too much, Shera. I need that brain of yours workin' on my damn ship."

Hey, at least you finally admitted that you think she has a brain! That's… something.

Shera Sakamoto. Possible virgin, hopeful prospect? I was feeling a lot better after that lunch than I had in weeks. Good times, right there.