Buffy closed her eyes and tried to sleep, but that wasn't easy. There were too many things floating through her head. Was that girl, River Kaylee called her, really crazy? A ghost, that's what she should be. She should have died instead of ending up here, in 2520. What was she doing here? Would her friends have figured out by now that she wasn't really dead? And, if River wasn't crazy, but psychic, did that mean that she would go back to Earth?
So many questions were going through her head, and she hadn't an answer to any of them. She tried to relax, to think happy thoughts. Immediately Kaylee's face popped up in her mind's eye. Kaylee had been so sweet to her and she was really pretty.
Again Buffy shook her head. What was happening to her? Wasn't she not only transported to 2520, but turning gay too? Then again, if she were honest with herself, having feelings for a girl wouldn't be the first time. She closed her eyes and let herself imagine Kaylee beside her, talking to her, holding her hand. Not long after she finally fell asleep.
When she woke up, there was someone in the room.
"Hi, how're you feeling?"
Kaylee was standing beside her, smiling at her. "You okay?"
Buffy smiled, almost wanting to say: "I am now," but instead she said: "I'm all right, I guess. It's all a bit much."
Kaylee pulled up a chair. "Yeah, for us too. Did you mean it when you said you came from Earth? Because Jayne ain't believing a word you're saying. He's walking 'round like a madman, saying we should just kill you, because you're obviously a threat. But I don't know, you don't seem like a threat. And River seems to think you ain't lying, and River is usually right about those things. The Captain and Zoe are still talking about you, figuring out what to do with you."
Buffy laughed. "Do you always talk this much or is this a special occasion?"
Kaylee shrugged. "I'm always glad when I have someone to talk to on here. I'm like the only girl. There's Zoë, but she's so tough that I find it hard to talk to her. Plus, she's got Wash, so she doesn't really have time for little me. River can be fun, but it's not easy talking to someone you don't quite understand, you know? And Inara is great, she really is, but she's not just imy/i friend. I'd like to have someone for myself. Does that sound stupid or selfish? Besides, I like you, you're pretty and nice."
"It's not selfish. It's nice to have someone to talk to, someone who you can really trust. And that's easier when you don't have to share him or her. Could you tell me a bit about this place? This… thing we're on?"
"A thing? Don't you dare call Serenity a thing!" Kaylee exclaimed. "She's the finest ship you'll ever meet."
"So, it is a spaceship," whispered Buffy. "That's just insane. Xander would have loved to see this."
"Who is Xander?" asked Kaylee. "That your boyfriend? 'Cause that would be a shame."
Buffy decided to store that last remark away for later to chew on. "No, he's just a friend. I… I left some friends behind, on Earth. I don't really want to talk about it."
She turned her head away, so Kaylee wouldn't see the tears that were starting to fall. For the first time since she jumped in the portal, she really missed her friends. Would they be doing well without her? Would they miss her?
She was so lost in thoughts she nearly fell out of her bed when she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Come here," Kaylee said and pulled her into a hug. "It'll be okay."
But that night Buffy wondered if everything would be okay. Thankfully Mal en Zoe had decided she could stay on the ship for a while, as long as she wasn't in the way. They didn't believe a word she had said though. Mal had said that it was okay if she wanted to hide things, as long as he didn't suffer from it. When he had said that, he had looked strangely at the priest on board, but Buffy was too relieved to think about that.
Later River had come whispering again, about the stars, and a ghost, and feet on the ground. Now she was really scared. What did it mean? Did it mean anything? Did it mean what she hoped it meant?
It had been a long time since she was this scared. Death hadn't scared her anymore. She knew that eventually she would get there anyway, even though she tried to fight it with every breath and with every step she took. It didn't scare her anymore. There was only one thing that scared her senseless and that was loneliness. Here, in outer space, 500 years away from home, she felt all alone.
All she could do was cry, while she thought that she would have been better off dead. What should she do here, in space? What was here for her? Then she remembered the feeling of Kaylee's skin on her, while they hugged and she relaxed a little. The memory of Kaylee's smile calmed her down.
She replayed the scene of that afternoon in her head. Kaylee not so subtly asking if she had a boyfriend was a bit strange. She was never courted by a girl before, even though she wasn't exactly sure that was what Kaylee was doing.
"Probably just wishful thinking," she told herself. And when she finally fell asleep, she dreamt of kissing Kaylee while River's voice was floating through the air. "Just a ghost, just a ghost, just a ghost…"
